Curiosity kills the cat.......

Ya, and my curiosity killed me. Just a few questions from my curiosity on a man's desire, made me realised what am I in his mind. Now only I know I'm that worse in his thought. I'm having heavy headache, because I did not sleep well last night. I still having this killing headache even I slept for the whole afternoon. Hate it.

What I hate most is that I'm such a person in his though. Am I really that worse? Am I really that terrible? I don't even have the intention when I'm asking those questions. I'm just curious. So, that's what he think of me. So, that's what I am in his mind. Fine, if that's what he think on me. Just assume that I'm what he think. Why do I need to explain while I know he will still think that I'm trying to change him into someone he is not regardless how much I explain.

I feel so disappointed, I feel so upset. The biggest disappointment. This remind me of the movie of '40 years old virgin', when the lady bring out the idea of selling off the toys collection of the man having for so many years and the money he got can be use to set up his own business. The guy feel that's a great idea at first. Then one day, they argue because of something else, and brought out this issue, the guy said the lady trying to change him into someone she wanted instead of himself. The lady denied that she has such thinking on him, she just wanted to help him grow up, to be more mature and bla bla bla. I can strongly feel how the lady feel when I'm watching that movie. Guys, always fear of changes. They do not want to change, but they want a relationship. When you have a relationship, your life will change. We change to suit each other. But, guys are too afraid that we, ladies, stepped into their life, change their life. If, you are so reluctant to change, relationship is not meant for you.

I meant nothing when I asked those questions, that's all from my curiosity. And my curiosity made you think that I'm trying to change you. What else can I say? I choose not to explain anything because, I know what I am in your mind. I'm such a bitch that trying to change every bf of mine into my ideal prince of charms.

I tell myself 'DO NOT CRY'. I do not cry because of someone I care misunderstanding me and never really look into the real me. I do not cry because of someone I care taking me as a bitch. I do not cry because I'm not what he thought I am. I always tell myself have to be tough, we, ladies, do not need a man to have good life. Ya, maybe we will be lonely sometimes.. and I always feel lonely.

My family, my mom, my sister and myself. 3 ladies in a family. We have better life than when my dad is around. He is a good daddy, just that his habit brought us hard life. We are moving into our new house.... handling everything by ourself. I'm proud of my family.. I'm very proud. My mom is so independent, my sister is so tough. I'm the worse compare to them. Not that we are born to be so tough to face the reality life, we forced to be like this. Who do not wish to be pampered, taking care of? But when there has no good men for us to rely on, we have to be independent and tough enough to bear everything by ourselves.

What I did wrongly for you to think that way on me? Am I not doing a good job as a gf? Am I really trying to change you? Am I really that worse to be a gf? Maybe we are not compatible... maybe.... coz I always feel that you do think that I'm not good enough for you. Yes, maybe I'm not good enough for you, not suitable to be someone stand beside you, not the one who share everything with you.

If, I'm such a worse person for you, dismiss me.


#Do not cry, baby. Do not cry.


**********************

That night, I cried on his shoulder without his knowledge. I do not know why my tears dropped from my eyes. They dripping off when I was looking at his face when he is lying beside me with his eyes closing.

I feel so glad to have him in my life, that's the tears of joy, I think.

*********************

But I think I made his life miserable instead of cheerful.

I'm the worse gf in the world.

I'm lucky.......

News from newspapere- A beautiful girl been killed by snatch thief. The thief stabbed at her heart and took away her handbag. The girl died on the way her bf send her to hospital. Such a heart breaking news. I'm lucky, I'm very lucky...... The bastard did not stab me, parang me, drag me along the road.. he only hurt my arm.

I only lost my mobile phone, my lovely purse, my cash, my coffee bean's redeemable cards, my credit cards, my atm cards, my comestic, my new handbag.

Just take what you want lah, bastard! Why want to stab her, hurt her? Does this make you feel great? Why we are getting less and less appreciate on human life? Why human never cherish life? Especially other's life. This is such a pain and shame.

Men are getting more and more selfish. They only care on what they will get instead of others. They only have ME in their mind. They only know ME but not US. Such a hopeless world.. our world is no longer a beautiful place for our children. It's cruel, selfish, materialistic, pressure, polluted. Aaawwww...my poor children... should I bring you to this hopeless world?? Should I bring you to this world and have a torturing life?

Maybe I should re-considerate on whether to bring my children to this world or not. This is too hopeless for them.. I do not wish that they will live in a world I'm experiencing now.

Should I?? my children. I wish, I can hear your answer.... I wish I know your will.

Missing You

After the huge argument, after we re-think on the relationship and decided to give us another chance, I think we are more into this relationship and we are more holding on each other. Faith, I need to give more faith in him. I need to trust him deeply that he will do it because of this relationship.

First time he type out, LOVE YOU. Ya, still not from his mouth.. but his fingers. At least, I saw "LOVE YOU" from him through my mobile phone. Last night, I was listening to the radio programme, the DJ is reading out a short article.. the title is - "Love letter". As we all know, men seldom write love letter to the women they love. So, love letter from the man we love became a very very rare thing that we will receive on any special occasion. Therefore, this made us, the women, dying for a love letter from the man we are so in love with.

However, men do not express themselves with love letter like women do, but they express their love with, insurance, house, car or other high tech items. Men are always more materialistic than women in a way... by looking at the way they show us how much they love us with buying us some USEFUL items. Emm..this made me think of, my honey never buy me high tech items at all. :P Does this means that he doesn't love me?

So here the story started... A lady and a man.. they are a couple for years. Among these years the spend together, the lady never receive a single love letter from the man. The lady always wanted a love letter from him as in her thought, love letter is the best to show her how much he love her, and also bring her into his feelings. However, the man never write her a love letter. But, he giving her assurance by putting her name is the Property, Assets, Stocks, Insurance... bla bla bla. For the lady, this means nothing to her, she still want the love letter deeply in her heart even that she did not voice it out to the man. One day, they argued, finally the lady voiced out what she hiding for such long time. The man very angry, he went into his room, took out a metal box from his drawer, opened it, take out a stack of letters and throw it on the lady. He said " I wrote you love letters, but I though it's not meaningful enough if just give you one love letter. I though of collecting more love letters from myself, then only will give them to you as the most meaningful gift from my heart."

The man hurt, so does the lady.

Sometimes, we can't blame on either party. Woman need assurance but man love to do things secretly. How would you expect a woman to understand you when she doesn't know what you are doing or see what you are doing? For ladies, maybe we should try to accept what our man is. Man is always a big kid, they love to play game, they love suprise us [no matter good or bad thing].

Ya, maybe I should sit down, have my fav mocha coffee and see what he will do for this relationship since there has nothing that I can do.

My honey fly away again. And I'm already missing him so much.

MIRACLE!!!!!!

Old folks said..."XIANG MA BU HAO KOU" which means, there has no good words come out from us whenever one another are arguing. Can't deny the truth is as described in the statement above.

We argued, and there has many unbearable words came out from us... Hurt or not? Is there any bad words that is not hurting? Ha! I doubted on it.

What we argued about? Too many to argue... too many issues. After this huge arguement, only I realised, how many issues I'm trying to take and hide. They became a BOOM in me, and there come the arguement. I always thought I can take it and accept it, but when it come to my limits.. the BOOM exploded. I over estimated my patience. I over estimated our relationship.

Maybe, we should talk more... we should understand each other more... we should think for each other more, we should understand each other's feelings, we should care of each other more, we should know each other better......

Maybe, I should be more tolerate, I should be more patience, I should be more understanding, I should be more ignorance, I should be take it more easier, I should be more "WHO CARES" attitude......

But, will this work? Will this help?? I wonder.

By counting on the months of me working in my current company, only I realised that we know each other for almost a year. The memories still fresh in my mind. I still remember how we met, the 1st meeting. Our 1st face to face conversation. Our 1st dirty joke. Our 1st movie. Our 1st time of holding hand. Our 1st time kissing. Hardly to wipe them off from my memories. It's not easy.

I always thought that we only know each other for a short period, coz I didn't really count on it. My busy job made me so occupied and never notice how time flies pass me. It might be a good thing that you are too busy to realised that time flies so speedy, so you forgot how old you are as well. Hahahahaha... Ya, do not ask me how old am I. I'm too old to tell you my age, Darling. Age is always the secret for ladies. But, I'm lucky... I still looks good at my age [Not so bad lah, at least I'm still a young lady, not yet an AUNTY]. LOLZ Seriously, I'm worry on how I looks like when I'm an AUNTY... HORRIBLE!!!! But, I can be a HOT AUNTY... hahahahaha.... Many HOT AUNTIES nowadays. Of course, I wanna be the HIGH CLASS HOT AUNTY! :P

Ops, out of topic.

Time & Understanding. These are what he requested from me. I already did my best on them. I wonder how far can I take it. I do love him.. or else, I already excuse myself when I know his mommy. I try to be understanding, try to give him time to deal with it. I know that he has his hard time too. But, I unable to see a clue to change someone who already been stubborn for her 60 years. Unless, MIRACLE happened on me. GOD!! send me a MIRACLE then!! Would you??? But I think, there are billions of people in this world need HIS help than me. I'm too good life to have the MIRACLE. I rather give the MIRACLE to those who are starving in the world. Ignore this MIRACLE I requested then.

How long time I have to bear with this? Do I really deserve it? Maybe my face is too ugly for her to accept. Maybe my face is too fuck off for her son. I do not know her that well, but I'm not that bad in senses. I can sense whether a people like or dislike me... I think this is absolutely normal for a person to know whether someone like her or hate her. I'm not taking her son away from her. I'm not going to murder her son or rape him. I wonder, what I did wrongly and made her dislike me so much. He always told me that, this is not personal. Awww... I wish I can take this well.

I'm lost, I lost my confidence, I lost my patience... I lost my LC attitude. I lose. I lose to an old lady.. that able to test me well. Not even my mom tested me like this. I can't handle it well.. I lost my good temper, my good manners, my smile. GOD might think that I have been having such a good life since I'm born, HE think HE should give me some tests, some challenges. All HIS tests tested me on relationship. That made me almost giving up on being in love... But I always have to courage to be in love again and again.. hahahaha... that's the worse.

Nevermind lah... let's see how's thing goes. You requested time? I give it to you. You requested Understading? I try. I wish there will be something that able to show me the difference. I wish I won't be so disappointed again and again. Not that I'm unable to see what you did.. I saw. Or else, I won't standing beside you for months.

Miracle... Do I need it to make this relationship last forever. I'm thinking of forever with you. I'm not thinking of MONTHS.

Ikea......

I went to Ikea. So crowded, they buy like no need to pay. Hahahha... Bought whatever I should buy from Ikea. Went with my best girl friend. Ya, she helped me on moving the wall shelf of 180cm and 4 curtain rods and many many tiny but kinda heavy items. She is skinny. She can not to help me on picking me up from my home, go to Ikea with me, help me on taking the wall shelf, giving me some opinions on house decoration, moving the wall shelf into her big car, sending me home, moving the shelf and others into my car. Ya, she doesn't need to help me on that. But, she is just too kind to help me on this when I told her that I'm going to Ikea alone with my small KENARI car.

I appreciate her friendship very much. Thank you very much.

After she send me home, after she help me to put everything in my car. I back home. I was too tired and went for a nap. But, I'm too pity that have to sleep in the living room as my cousin already occupied my bed and my mom was having her nap too. Torturing. Back pain.

Then, I move those things to my new house, with my mom. Have to carry those heavy things.. I still can handle it well. Of course I can.

Released, almost done. Still need to shop for a side table for my sofa. A standing lamp for the living room maybe, or a salt lamp. Then.. a study table for myself. What else? Ikea gave me a very good idea on how to get a small but nice study table... as the above.... Not bad, kinda like it.

The BBQ Night......

What should I tell about the BBQ Night?

The gathering was OK, as it has been a while that we gather together and chit chat and laugh around, play around. Work has been every tough for everyone. Some of them resigned from the company and enjoy their life, some of us still suffering in the company. But still, we do keep in touch and try to gather together even it’s not an easy thing to make it as our workloads are like shit!

I had my good time with my colleagues.

My honey went to the gathering with me. How to describe on what I saw? I do love my honey of course. I do not expect him to be that socialize to mix around so fast and jokes with everyone. Helping around do not need to know everyone in the gathering. However, he is too passive, just sitting beside me or walking here and there and do nothing. When I asked him to help my colleagues, he will walk over and watch. This is not helping, Honey.

I expected you will help around but you didn’t. You do really enjoy your food and forgot to “take care” of your gf. You are too busy with your food and do not have time to help those who been cooking the food for so long time. I understand that you do not know them well, but we do not need to know that person well to give a helping hand. I understand that you do not feel easy because we do speak Cantonese sometimes, but we do speak English most of the time too.

Didn’t you notice that I keep asking you to help them when they are trying to start the fire? But, looks like my words are not going into your mind but your ears only.

I think, the principle we having in ourselves are very different. The “terms” for RELATIONSHIP that we are having are totally different too.

Maybe I’m selfish. Ya, maybe.

For me, I do not expect my bf to do much for me. At least, being…..

Gentleman
Caring [not to everyone]
Generous on me [not for buying me big diamond of course]
Helpful
Kind
Sense of humour
Love me
Take care of me
Socialize

I did not see, Gentleman, Helpful, Take care of me, Generous on me, in the BBQ Night. I’m not complaining, I just wondering is this is because that you feel uneasy or this is the real you? You can even leave me alone to Ikea while I wanted to buy a shelf and curtain rod. Yes, I can take the items by myself, but does it fit the terms of Helpful and Take care of me? If, I still have to handle this alone, what is a bf for? I still have to taking care of this by myself.. Why do I need a bf?

I do wonder, how well will you help when I’m moving my house? Only help me to move my book? My soft toys? Or, my study table? Or, you will be too tired and need some rest after moving for some of my CDs?

Maybe it’s true that this is a COMPANIONSHIP than RELATIONSHIP for you. That’s why I did not see the TERMS that you able to be fit in. Yes, of course you are a very kind person, you do have sense of humour if you know that person, maybe you do love me too but I’m not sure about it.

Companionship is not what I’m looking for. I’m expecting a Relationship. A real committed relationship. Maybe I’m too selfish to expect too much from you. But, this is what I saw from the night, and I do feel disappointed along the night.

The night was great, but I do not feel happy.

I do not share.......

I do not share my bf with any other girls.

Have this phobia since something happened between my ex and myself. There is a SHE who is so flirty, everyone know it. SHE is a mutual friend of my ex and me. I never think that there will be something between her and my ex because she has a bf, and my ex was with me. They can chat well, laugh at each other jokes... we went for coffee always too. This is a socalled friendship for me.. I though so. How precious it is to have a good friend that both of us can mix with, can hang around with.

Until I found out there has too many PATATO in the sms mailbox. I wondering who is that and immediately I know who it is from the sms. Yes, SHE is the one. Their sms is so imtimate... calling each other the nickname that I never heard when I'm around... telling each other their thinking, their feelings... joking around with sms flying to each other's mobile phone. PATATO... TOMATO.... so fucking matching nickname. My anger came to me immediately... without any advice, I confront my ex on who is this PATATO. He didn't answer my question as he knew that I already know who is it. He didn't admit that there is something happened between them. He didn't tell me why they calling each other PATATO & TOMATO.

He never tell me a single thing but keep his mouth shut. I trying to take it easily since he is behaving infront of me.... They still keep in touch as far as I know. I feel so fucked up. Why he flirt with my gf?

Ever since, whenever I feel that my bf is kinda close with any of my gf, no matter she is prettier or uglier... my alarm will alert me immediately, instantly. I can't help, but this is how I behaving now. I maybe over reacted... But, seeing they chat happily and jokes around made me feel uneasy, insecure.

This uneasiness.. affected my emotion. Yes, GOD always said, love is share, generous, no jealous.. is this that easy to do so? Selfishness is born in everyone, just the matter they show it or not. Some might be selfish on money, some maybe on knowledge, some people on love... bla bla bla. For me, I'm very selfish on relationship. I'm very protective. I'm very jealous. I do not want anyone to be close to him beside me. I do not want he treating any girl nice than me. I do not hope that he laugh out loud on others' jokes than mine. I do not wish that his attention is on others than me.

Ya. I'm very selfish on having my bf all by myself. I only want him all by myself.

Blame me for my selfishness on love. I won't argue on this.

Yes, I'm god damn selfish!!!!!! because I love him.

GoodBye.......

Today, gathered with my college friends. 5 of us, all girls. One is married, just married. And the other 4... not yet married. In the 4 beautiful ladies, 1 got bf, 3 are single and available. Among the 3 single ladies, one is going back to australia for her PR, one is leaving to Hong Kong for the sake of her career and another one is going to have her own company soon. Wow... all my friends are wonder women, beside me.

We had our good time on chatting, and enjoying our food. Compare to our young time, yes.. we did change alots in term of outlooks, thinking and behavious.. But I feel glad that our friendship never change. We still care for each other and we still can jokes around like our old time.

But, knowing that we are going to seperate again made me feel sad. Last time, our gang seperated because we went to different universities. Now, again we seperating... because of our career and life. Everyone having their own life now, we do not meet up always but we do keep in touch always. We always busy with our career, our relationship, our family, our friends and etc. We have our own life to be busy with after college. It's not easy for those city monsters like us to maintain a friendship for so many years... I appreciate them very much.

I do feel a little bit down when think of that both of them are leaving Malaysia for good. Since they are leaving for good, I should feel happy for them of course. So, my feelings is in mixture... don't know feeling how.

Goodbye my good friends... wish you the best future at the far far countries... I will miss you girls very much!!!!

I surely will miss the time we spend together!!!

I do feel sad

Heartache......

It has been a while.. but my heart still ache whenever I think on it.

Yes, the bastard snatched my handbag at Puchong Jaya by 1055pm. I lost not only some valuable in my handbag, but also some sentimental items. For eg. a purse that I love most and been follow me for so many years...... then, my mobile phone that been taking so many beautiful photos of myself and my friends... my magical comestic... my sentimental pen... my coffee bean redeem cards... CARDS!!!! I got many in my purse!!!! arghh!!! now all gone!!! Then, most troublesome is.. I need to re-do my Identity card and License... HATE IT!!!

And I still haven't got my license yet.. but I'm still driving here and there like no body business... hahhaha... No choice mah.. Have to drive no matter how. I'm too busy to take public transport... Mentioned about transportation... 30sens made me frustrated. Salary never increase even 10%... but petrol increasing like hell!!!! Mind my language... I need to speak it out.. if not, I will be crazy due to all this pressure.

Then, I have to take out a big sum of money to get a new phone, rush to Maxis to get my new sim card... go to bank... and need to re-apply for all da Credit Cards, ATM Cards.. bla bla bla... i hate it!

Kinda bz on work and house renovation.. The renovation is almost done... Feel excited eh. Money gone...........

I'm a very poor lady now. No money.................
Have to save on everything... :(

I'm sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucker!

A fucker snatched my handbag in Puchong Jaya! Fuck!!

My new handbag, my lovely purse, my mobile phone, my cash, my ATM card, my Credit Cards... all gone! And I even fell on the floor because he pull me off.. my arm got blue black because he really pulling me hard. I'm glad that he pulled on my handbag instead of my mom's. She is too old to take this.

FUCKER!!!! Again!! I have to curse another bastard!!

** details then.

Happy Anniversary... to my blog!!!!

:) Time flies.... It has been a year since I started this blog site. Never expect that I will keep this for such a long time. I started to blog because of fun, and boredom of my life. Nothing much to do that time, and online always. So, blogging is the best way for me to kill my time.

This blog site recorded my life... my boring and lonely life. But now, it represent the happy life I'm having. I can see the total change of my emotional in this year. Especially, after I met my honey. Love really can change a person.... hahaha...no doubt. Maybe I'm more relax because I have not much free time for my mind to think on nonsense. My workloads is killing me... hardly. The relationship I'm having is killing me softly.... hahahahaha...

Happy Anniversary!!!

I might have no readers... But, expressing myself here made me feel more released and good.
:)

Relationship......

How do we classified what we are having is whether a relationship, flirtyship or companionship?

Maybe you can classify me as a player after I broke off with my ex because I never really wanted to be in a steady relationship, I never wanted to see anyone permanently. I might put this blame on the hurt he gave me and made me not trusted any man at all.

Now, I wanted to see someone so eagerly even though I only see him and spend some good time with him just about few hours ago. And I always can't wait to see him again and again and again. I won't even feel bored even though we just met and we chat online right after we are home.

Sometimes I do feel it's abit too much on wanted to see someone so much and so often. I've been used to be alone, used to see different ppl at different day, used to meet alots of different people. And, I used to be handle my loneliness quite well. Now, I can't handle it anymore. I wish that he will be my site every seconds... I wish to see him whenever I'm alone... I wish to have him around me whenever I miss him...

Can we classify this as a relationship when we wanted to see someone so badly? when we missing someone so dreadfully? When we wanted to spend so much time with someone?

Relationship... come with, commitment.
We responsible on what we did to the person.
We responsible on what we said to the person.
We will think on tomorrow.
We will think on the person's feelings.
We will think on how to make the person feeling good or happy.
We care... on everything, anything that related to the person.

It's not easy to be into a relationship again. But, I'm glad that I am in a relationship now. It's great to have someone that you care, that you love and in return, that person care and love you too. I have no idea how much that person love me, how much he cares of me.. he is just too reserve to tell me that. But I know that he does care, he does love me.. coz, I saw it in his eyes. Yes, you may say that maybe I'm too sensitive and this is what I created in my own mind... Maybe it is.

I don't care. I do not care about anything when I'm in love.

I only know that I love you.

That's what I need to know.

Dying......

I have been very busy on sorting out where can get cheap and good furnitures. I think I have done most of the furnitures purchases.

Bed room set, matress, wall shelf, TV cabinet, sofa, book shelf, my sister's bed, my mom's bed, dining table, shoes shelf, lights, Toiletries, choose paints' color... bla bla bla... Everything looks simple but troublesome. Never thought that it is so troublesome and mind distracting. When come to this, my mind will full of imagination of how my new house will looks like... Harmony, a friend told me his opinion. Ya, we are doin everything in matching and harmony. One lead to another... everything also related. Once the color doesn't match with others, ignore! :P

Even my own room also I trying hard to match everything. Looks like my new bedroom will be a simple style. Just keep everything in the cupboard and no mess.

It's troublesome yet heartache. Use money like water... this means, I'm using money like nobody business now. Like I can get money without any hard work, just spend whatever I want, and I need. Wah... the feelings is great, but it's painful when you sit down and calculate on how much you have to pay when the furnitures delivered to your new house.

Scary figures...

It's not fun to have a new house, when you have to renovate it, when you have to buy most of your furnitures... and when you are moving in.

Moving into another house is not an easy job too... think of it, you have to pack your clothes [the amount of my clothes are... uncountable and unbelieveable], you have to pack your books [the books I have... lost count], you have to pack all your shoes [again, i can't imagine that], then... there come your VCD & ACD!!!! argh... Darling, I have not take into account of some of my... SOFT TOYS!!!! and also.. some tiny tiny rubbish that I feel hard to throw away.... :P

And I also have to pack on behalf on my lovely sister because she is not around. I'm dying... I can't imagine that... I can't imagine how many days I need to pack all these. I can't imagine how many days I need to move everything into the new house. Dying...... Not yet counted on my mom's belongings and... some general things.

I wonder, is there any muscular gentlemen willing to help me on this? Hahahahhaaha...
Not muscula also OK lah, as long as can help me move all my "rubbish" to my new hse and then tidy up for me. :P

I also applied for the new phoneline. Have to terminate the current line once we moved. Another troublesome issue. I hate to deal with government department. I wish TELEKOM's services is better instead of their outlet's design only.

Horrible...

Flowers & Chocolates

Tadahhhhh.... my Valentine's Day's Gifts.

The heart shape chocolates are from Mr.L. I still have the chocolates with me, unable to finished them by myself.

The flowers and bear is from my Honey. It send to my office. When my colleague told me that there is a bunch of flower for me at the reception. I do not believe it and asked them not to fool me. Still, I went to the reception and saw a bunch of flower, with a cutey bear on it. I walked over with my unbelieveable eyes.... Hahhahaa... I saw my name on the DELIVERY NOTE. Of course, the first person I thought is my Honey. Then, I took the flower, my heart beat so fast because of excitement. The first time I got a bunch of flower from my bf. All my ex-bfz are too stingy to send me flower on Valentine's Day even though I always wish them to send to me on this special day. Now, I got it.

It was a real suprise. I called him once I back to my seat and I'm too nervous to talk actually. Don't know why being so, but I was really excited and nervous. Kakakakakakak... After this, there come lots of INTERVIEWERzzzz to interview me... As you know, my department is full with ladies and there come the INTERVIEWERzzzz.

And the gang knows about the flowers... they all making noises.. another interview session came during lunch time. Not all of them know about my Honey beside Ms. E.

OK..it sound good that I got both chocolates and flowers on this Valentine's Day. Is there any difference after we got chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day? Aiyaaa... no difference lah. Life still go on, life still sux sometimes. And somemore, still need to work like a dog! But, I leave ealier that day, don't give a shit on the pending works lah. Valentine's Day more important. Hahahhaa....

But too bad that my Valentine's Night ended up like shit. But nevermind lah... it's over. I only pass my Honey his Valentine's Day gift yesterday night. I'm not that terrible and wanna keep the gift for next year... :P It's a wallet, leather of course. Price... heartache pricing. Hhahahahaha..... nm lah..once a year only.

My Honey love it so much. I'm glad that he loves it so much. I was so worry because got once, I bought him a shirt, I think he doesn't like it lah. So, it's kinda pressure when choosing him a gift this time. Was thinking so hard on what to buy him. It's always the most torturing moment when come to this gift searching for a guy.

Normally, girls hardly affort on what a guy wants for their Birthday, Valentine's Day, Anniversary Day, Christmas Day, New Year... This is always because what they want are something expensive, for example- gadgets, Hi-Fi, Cars, god damn expensive watches... bla bla bla. Tie? no way lah, my Honey do not need it. Working shirt is too... dull. Actually, a wallet is kinda boring too... but this is what I have in my mind as I noticed that his wallet is kinda old.

Hak!!! Luckily I bought the wallet.

Patience & Tolerance

Yes, tonight is the best test we ever had. Patience & tolerance.


Patience
- Behaving quite well since the moment stucked in the traffic jam from 6pm till 8pm. Still can sing song while driving slow.. in fact, very slow on the road.
- Waiting for him to reach home plus sms him and trying my best to calm him down.
- Call him once a while just to make sure he is on his way back home and not wondering around as the bloody traffic policemen blocked most of the main road to my place. Worrying that he might lost at somewhere else instead of on his way going back home.


Tolerance
- Agreed to cancelled the dinner because I understand how tired he can be after stucked in the traffic jam for such a long hour.
- Did not feel angry because I have to eat MAGGI MEE at home on Valentine's Day.
- Tried my best to make him feel better when he is still stucked in the traffic.
- Thinking of the best way to spend some time with him on this Valentine's Day that only left few hours.
- Offering him a lift for a cup of coffee after the bloody traffic jam.
- Plan my own night after he rejected my offer.


These are what I did on tonight's sudden change on our plan. Am I not patience and tolerate enough? I believe that I have done what I should.

If this is a test for our new relationship, I think this is more than enough for us. And things have to be settle not only on patience or tolerance but some other issue too. We did have a long talk after I'm back home from a cup of coffee with a friend. This friend of mine is a SHE. He send me a sms when I'm still having my coffee outside. By asking me wanted to go online or not, he knows that I'm not at home. Feels hurt because I can't go online with him coz I'm having my coffee with my friend.

So, after my patience and tolerance... I got this hurt thing from him. How do we judge on PATIENCE & TOLERANCE??

I have no idea. This is really a good test for every couples. I wonder how many couples end up like us. Dinner cancelled, eat maggi mee at home, argue. Ridiculous.

Relationship is always the most vulnerable thing in da world. Everyone can break it up easily if there has no trust, no faith, no strong believe in what both of you having. It's not easy to hold it strongly, human is just too easy to be attacked by anything. Maybe, only some words or some sour faces will break it off.

A Valentine's Day which ended like this... is sux!
A test that tested on our relationship... is wonderful!
A night that we bring up every issues... is great!
2 vulnerable hearts, wondering what can we do to make things better.
2 insecure person, do not understand why things turned out like this.
2 unrested mind, do not know can sleep well or not.......

Ya, my Valentine's Day still sux.

I will make it for you if you hold strong on your fight.
I will continue tomorrow as yesterday with you.

Suxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!

Never been in such a terrible traffic jam before. Valentine's Day, end up eat instant noodles at home! Somemore I don't know what he angry at, this is what we unable to control. I'm offering to drive to his house and just to company him or let him company me plus pass him the gift. NO! is his answer.. Yes! No again.

Fine. Then I can save the gift and keep it till next year Valentine's Day.

I'm not angry on the traffic, I'm not angry that we have to cancelled our dinner, I'm not angry that you do not want to go out again after stucked in the jam for more than 2 hours, I'm not angry that I have to drive to your place just to see you for an hour or two, I'm not angry that I have to calm you down from your unknown anger... but I'm very angry that you don't even consider my offer and turn me down in this day.

Ya, you do think that maybe I won't feel tired from the traffic jam. Maybe I won't feel so hungry as you. Maybe I'm not stucked in the jam for so long time as you. So, I have no reason to feel angry on anything but you do? Please do bear in mind that I do stucked in the jam as long time as you do, please do remember that I'm a human and I do feel hungry so much as you do. And if I do not mind to drive to your place just for the sake of seeing you.. do not turn me down just because you are angry for something that you cannot control.

Suppose to be a beautiful night but end up so sux!

Anyway, thanks for your flowers. I do like it very much. And it's a real suprise for me.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Hey!!! Happy Valentines Day to me!!!

Got an early Valentine's Day gift from Mr. L. Very sweet of him. Lovely gift. Thanks, Mr. L

Moody......

Feeling bored... really bored... damn bored.....

No body accompany me to go "mamak". No mood to talk to anyone after back home. It has been long time that I feel so moody..... I need a breath after such a hard work day. But there has no one to accompany me for a cup of coffee, milo or even a piece of ROTI CANAI!

Kenneth only call me back after an hour... I already filled up my hungry stomach with rubbish. I told him I do not want to go anywhere now.

Whenever I asked him to come out from his house after work, he sure say NO to me. Then, many reasons given to me. I thought I will get used to it.. but the disappointment still there. Yes, I'm abit angry on you turning me down everytime.

Then, told me that he is too lazy to wake up in da morning and send me to work. Fine, I drive to work by myself. Again, play solitaire always when chatting with me on MSN. Made me more angry.

I try to be understanding. But I'm too moody to take it tonight.

I'm not happy, never feel happy after that incidence. I feel insecure, I feeling hurt, I feeling lost, I feeling not good, I feeling upset, I feeling like shit!!!

I think, if SHE told you that she doesn't like me at all... You will choose to leave instead of stand beside me. You didn't assure me on anything.. but told me that if that's the case, we might have to slow down everything. This is depressing enough. How am I going to feel happy on this answer that been told by you.

Maybe I think too much.. Maybe I'm sux. Ya, I'm sux!

I don't know what am I saying now. When I feel unhappy, then he feel unhappy too. And end up, he got more angry than me. I'm the one who suppose to feel angry, OK?

I'm only a simple girl, I also need my bf to PUJUK me, accompany me, make me laugh, pampered me, make me feel special...... of course, I will do the same to him too. If I'm not willing to do so, I won't take him as my bf.

Depressed. Ya, depressed. There has no one that I can't get along with..... this is so bothering. Ya, I'm talking nonsense again.

Maybe I will feel better if he said YES to me. Maybe I will feel better if Kenneth bring me to mamak ealier. Maybe I will feel better if he keep his promise to send me to work tomorrow. Maybe I will feel better if he did not play SOLITAIRE while chatting with me. Maybe I will feel better if there has anyone just spend some of their precious time to company me. Maybe I will feel better if I'm not so stress from work again. Maybe I will feel better if I bought the blouse I saw today. Maybe I shouldn't keep thinking on what to buy him on V day. Maybe I should buy myself some good food for dinner. Maybe I should get myself a cup of Ice Blended Mocha. Maybe I should play Bejewelled2 too. Maybe....... Maybe......

Ya, maybe I should go sleep after so many nonsense...

Wonder can I sleep well......


Ya...Maybe.... Maybe.....

Hard Case......

If it will be the reason that I lose you, I rather you never exist in my life…ever.

I’m used to have you around
I’m used to complain about my work to you
I’m used to email to you everyday during working hours
I’m used to share everything with you
I’m used to laugh together with you
I’m used to chat online with you
I’m used to go movie with you
I’m used to warm myself with you body heat when it’s too cold in the cinema
I’m used to have dinner with you
I’m used to shopping with you
I’m used to share a cup of coffee and a piece of cheesecake with you
I’m used to hold you hand
I’m used to hug you
I’m used to kiss you
I’m used to miss you
I’m used to love you with all my heart

If there is a day, you left me….. I wonder what will happen to me and my heart.

What am I if I never met you? Will there be anyone that made me fall in love as you do? I wonder….

Maybe, I think too much.. I worry too much. But, I can’t help myself. I start feeling very insecure. I’m afraid that you will leave me just because that she doesn’t like me. I understand how important she is to you, which I unable to compete, and that’s why I feel so helpless and vulnerable.

Why is it so? I do not understand. I thought parents will be happy to know when their children found their gf/ bf. Of course, they must be above 21 which is the legal age to be independent. Then only their parents might feel happy that their children found someone they like and feel happy to be with. I have no idea on it now.

I do not know about others. For my family, I always know that my mom and my sis will feel happy for me if I found someone. They will be very busybody asking me everything about him… asking me how’s everything goes… chat with me about our happy moments… talk with me if I’m having some problems with him… They will try to communicate with him, get along with him well. I never come to any hard case as this.

Sigh…… Maybe I’m not loveable enough. Maybe I’m not pretty enough. Maybe I’m too terrible to be with him.

Ya…… Maybe I’m that terrible.

Sigh ..........

I'm not a loveable lady maybe. I do not know how to handle this. I never face this problem before.

Every time I pray.. I pray that everything will goes well for this relationship. But, seems that it doesn't work that well. I feel so upset because I made her angry on my Honey and myself. I do not know what can I do anymore.

Maybe, she doesn't like me at all.
Maybe, she think that I not suit for her son.
Maybe, she think that I'm not good enough for her son.
Maybe, she think that I'm worse to be a good gf.
Maybe, she think that I'm a slut.

Sighh...... I have no idea on how to handle this at all. I've been brought up by a mama who giving us the maximum freedom. We are more like close friends as we always talk about anything... my career, my love life, my friends, my problems. Maybe this made me being too casual when coming to this bf's mother thing.

I do not know how to deal with an old fashioned mama. This is really a challenge for me. I do feel upset... really upset that she mad at me.

Sighh....

Leave me alone please......

Although I have requested Mr. A not to contact me anymore, but seems like it's not working. Mr. A, sms me last night when I'm watching "FEARLESS" starring by Jet Li. Asking me alots of nonsenses about my relationship with my Honey. I did not answer him but his sms keep bomb-ing my mobile phone.

Finally, I can't take it and asked him what he really want from me?? He told me that he still have feelings on me. I told him to treat his gf with loyalty as I got a bf now and he got a gf too. I told him that he shouldn't has such thinking anymore. But he is too stubborn to listen on what I'm telling him. He keep telling me that he did try but he unable to take me out of his mind. This is very annoying.

He sms me again on 2am, asking whether I'm asleep or what. Gosh!!!! If I'm asleep also be awaken by your sms lah!!!!! Terrible! Again, I asked him what he wants, he told me that he unable to sleep, asked me whether he can come over and look for me. I told him that I wanted to sleep, not convenient for a guy to look for a girl at this midnight hour. He did not listen and he came to my place without my permission. Entertained him outside my hse, chatted with him for 5 minutes then he said he is going home and back to sleep. Fine with me, of course. He left after driving from Kepong for 5 minutes chat.

Within the 5 minutes chat, he did try to hold my hand but I did not allowed. I can see his disappointment in his eyes. But this is not under my care, what I care most is my Honey now. I really feel pity for Mr. A's gf... I do not know why he treating her like that. I do not understand what's his problem now. This is what he choosed from the beginning. Now, he come back to me and tell me that he unable to let go of me? This is damn damn damn ridiculous.

Been bothering by those annoying guys recently. I really don't know what's happened to all this guys. How come they are so stubborn to understand this statement --> I'M NOT AVAILABLE, I GOT A BF NOW. I do not mind to have more friends around, but they are so clearly indicating that they do not want me as a friend. They want something more than friends.

I'm not that pretty, I'm not that attractive and I'm not sexy too. Why they never really leave me alone with my Honey? I got enough of this... Please leave me alone... pleaseeeeee.....

Annoying.......

Mr. D... please take note that you are very annoying. How many times that I need to tell you that I wouldn't going out with you then only you will stop bugging me???

Again, I do not understand men... How many times I need to turn them down only they will understand what I told them? "I already got a bf......" Isn't it very loud & clear???

Arghhh... so frustrated!

Nothing more......

"When I looked into your eyes with a smile on my face...... my heart says I LOVE YOU......"

Although this is not from his mouth, it's only from his fingers through MSN. But the feelings of touching covered me 100%.... Instantly, my mind filled with his smile... Only I realised how many times he been saying I LOVE YOU to me. When he looking into my eyes with a smile on his face, I always wonder what is in his mind. His eyes filled with happiness and love... but I never know it's the words that I always wanted to hear from him.

My tears are terrible.... they dripping off from my eyes once my eyes read through the sentence. My heart almost cannot bear the feelings of being so touched. It has been a very long time that I feel so.

I always seeking for assurance from him.. trying to get him tell me something that I think is meaningful to me. Always asked him those silly questions... just to assure myself that he is not fooling around in this relationship. I know that I'm stupid and silly... but this is me. I always need someone important to assure me as I'm a person who need many many assurance to feel secure.

With this sentence... I do not need anything. I only need your love... nothing more than that.

I Love You......

Just finished a novel. Very touching, made me feel like crying.

I feel like crying.

Love is not easy but simple. Ya, very simple as ABC. I love you because I love you, because I'm happy to be with you, because I feel comfortable to be with you, because I wanted to be with you. I love you is not because you are handsome, not because you are rich, not because you treating me good, not because you give me everything I want. It's all because...... I LOVE YOU.

Everyone will met their love once in their life time. They may not end up together forever, they maybe get married, they maybe divorced after married, they maybe seperated by death.. there has too many possibilities to be happened on a pair of lovely couple.

We do not know how to appreciate when we were young. We might be better when we grow older as we know who is treating us with their true heart. However, it's always a little bit too late when we realised who is the one we love most.

Love always come to us when we are stupid and blur.
Love always leave us alone when we need it da most.
Love...... is da most beautiful but painful thing in da world.

Such a B*sta*d.......

I do not understand this man. Why he able to tell you that how much how much they care for you but his action is totally the opposite way? He said all the nonsense because to make himself feel better or to make me feel good?

Mr. A, the most confusing man I ever met in my life, still as confusing as ever. He is very concern on my relationship. I wonder why. He told that he cares of me. “Oh???? Really??” He claimed that he care of me very much, and always wanted to be with me. Just that the timing is not right and he is not ready that time. So, now I’m with my honey, he came and told me that he is ready and found a potential girl.. should I say that she is already his gf as I know what they did. I didn’t spy on them of course but he told me everything. But still, he keep telling that he feels pain when he knows that I’m going well with this new relationship. Ok, Since that’s so pain, how come you able to have a new gf? Is she a substitute or only a lust releaser?

Please be kind to your gf, Mr. A. She putting her heart on you, expecting you to treat her heart sincerely and love her loyalty. But, I did not see your loyalty on her love. In fact, you keep telling me that you care of me, but too bad that I already have my honey. From what you said, I already can see how flirtly you are. You already got a new gf, but still do not want to let go of me even though you know that I already have a bf now. Don’t you think that you are god damn selfish? and god damn greedy!

I feel so sorry for you, Mr. A’s gf. Your bf is hugging you, kissing you but his mind still got another girl, maybe I'm not the only one. But please do not worry, I’m not interested in him at all, I told him to get lost and do not call me, sms me, msn me or email me anymore. Since I’m the one who caused the pain in his heart, now I want to release him from his pain by asking him to leave me all by myself. I wish that he will treat you nicely and love you sincerely.. I wish that his love to you is because he love you but not because that he is lonely and horny.

Mr. A, you are sux and irritating!

Nonsense...... again......

Been very busy on work. My working life still as sux as usual. My senior still as unhelpful as normal. My gang still happy as ever. Hardly go for shopping, go for coffee or even.. go to the night market. Stress... stress... and stress... that what I got from this job. Maybe.. I'm not suit to this job, or maybe I'm really too stupid for this job. Headache whenever I'm over stressed. And the headache can kill me easily, really torturing.

Finally, the renovation for my new apartment started. And I will be very busy for this. Ya, it's kinda excited on thinking that we are moving into this new apartment soon. But, all the tiny tiny things are bothering me so much. Still...... have to handle everything, impossible to let my mama handle it all by herself, right? I'm not that useless anyway :P

I have to shop for living room's furnitures, my room's furnitures, bathrooms' items... and bla bla bla...... Last night, went to buy some lights and wall fans, costs us RM2600. Horrible.... really horrible.

My lovely sister is coming back for this coming Chinese New Year... YEAHH!!!! Chinese New Year is coming. I'm so busy on doing the new year shopping with my mama and for myself. Planning to get myself a pair of jeans... Unable to spot at any... Poor thing, think that I have to wear my old jeans for this Chinese New Year.

Someone asked me about my HONEY. Of course that I'm in love with him, if not I won't be wanted to be with him so much. If not, I won't call him honey. If not, I won't bring him home to meet my mama. If not, I won't miss him so much.

He maybe ordinary for others, but for me... he is the most special and precious one. At least, there has no doubt on my love for him. Ya, finally... after so many guys passing through.... my lonely period.. I finally got him who is so kind, so considerate, so caring, so lovely, so intelligent, so fun to be with, so polite, so horny...... hahahahaha... No lah, I still have to find out whether he is so horny type or not.

Never though that we might go into any relationship as he used to push me away indirectly. Not that he rejected me or what, just that he is not so keen and I feel disappointed on it. About to give up when he finally show me some hints. Hahahha... kinda drama.

I love you, Honey. I do.
If you allowed me, I would want to love you for the coming years till we grow old.
Feelings may change... I wish I will always have the urge to love you..... till the day I die.
At least.... I love you with 100% now. I do hope, you feel da same too.

Life is beautiful...... especially when you are beside me.

Miss You.......

I'm already missing you badly.

No worry, I will take good care of myself when you are not around. And I will miss you every single minutes too.

The night was great. You are great too. I love everything we do together. When we jokes around, when we laugh out loud, when we looking into each other's eyes, when we walking hand in hand, when we watching movie together, when we hugging, when we......

Yes, I am your baby. I'm always your baby.

I can't help but keep falling in love with you. I love you, Honey.

My Life......

My working life is sux.....

My love life is great......

My social life is wonderful......

My family life is happy......

Due to my working life, my unhappy mood lead myself to be so negative thinking. But, I'm lucky because I have my honey beside me. If not, I think I already cannot take the pressure till today. Appreciate my honey's patience to listen to me, talk to me, comfort me. His effort on spending time with me made me feel much happier than anything. I'm glad that I have him around me when I'm being soooooo unhappy.

Chinese New Year is around the corner...... Again, need to rush on the work as we will have so many holidays. Another dying period coming to me. Been sick for don't know how many times after joined this company. The company and my colleagues are nice [my gang I means], but my workload and my senior are not user friendly at all. I hardly take them easily. I did my best, but seems that everyone can do it, but I'm the only one who can't handle it.

I feel so useless. I started to think negatively.

I do not know how to handle it...... I'm lost

Happy New Year... 2006

新年快乐！！并没有如何庆祝这么一个有情人的新年。我们反而想留在家中，窝在一起。安静的陪伴着对方。多么的温馨。以前，我也许会说。。为什么那么闷的啊？？现在，我反而喜欢这种方式。

他在我家过了一夜。他亲吻了我。好甜的吻。有他在身旁，我睡得好暖。我们情不自禁的吻了无数次。他睡得不好，因为他习惯了睡在冷气房。我家只有风扇。但是，他说他想习惯睡在没有冷气的房间。多贴心。

他的吻，好软，好温柔，好甜。。。在一起了两个月，我们的初吻。令我好紧张，好心动。感觉与他亲近了许多。当他轻轻的拨弄我的头发，抚摸我的脸，温柔的亲吻我的鼻子，我的嘴唇。。我好感动。好久没有任何人令我如此感动，令我如此感觉被爱。好久。。。好久。。。我不曾感觉如此温馨。

除了以前的他，我从未如此感动过。虽然我有许多的男朋友，但是我不会因为他们的吻而感动。因为他们不曾如此疼惜我。爱是感觉，爱是尊重。他给予我全部。我非常感谢他对我的尊重。他的温柔，是我从未遇过的。

原来，上天对我还是不错的。我流失了许多的感情，眼泪。。但是它赐予我一个如此完美的男人来爱我，疼我。这一次，我的泪是因为我太高兴了。我真的非常感动。

有了你，我的生命才完整。我的失败是因为要迎接你的到来。我的眼泪是因为要洗去我心中的悲伤，用我这新的心来面对你。

谢谢你的爱。我好爱你！！

My Xmas Gift......

:) I got few xmas gifts from my friends and my honey.

Honey- He got me da FLIP FLAP!!! Which I have been looking up n down for it. Been eyed on it when I first saw it in the Jaya Jusco. That time, was hoping my ex get it for me, but he claimed that's too expensive for a toy! Disappointed... I walked away with sad mood. My honey knew that I like this very much and been looking up and down for it. I never expect that I will got this from him. I was planning to get it when I got my bonus. :) Tadahhhhh...my honey is so sweet and he got me this toy that I fancy always!! Muakss... Thanks Honey!! I really like it and it means alot.

Nic- This best friend of mine... send me a xmas gift from Australia. Such a suprise when I saw a big box lying on my table with few Australia stamps on it. I knew it's from Nic. But I do not know what's that. Photomosaics Puzzle. Such a challenging puzzle. :P I like it, it's cute!! :) Thanks.. Nic!!!

Ms. E- I bought her a small mobile phone accessories. Told her not to get me anything as I do not need anything. But, there is a gift on my office table this morning. It's a gift from her. A very cute and funny glass. There has 2 cows, cow A said "Yours is mine, OK??? Mine is always mine!!!" cow B said.."oOOoooHhHHhH....." hahahahaha... then the other site of the glass... written... GOOD FRIEND, NEVER BE CALCULATIVE. Very cute. Lovely.

I also got myself few xmas gifts... hahahaa...ya.. FEW!

1. Mobile phone accessory... which is almost the same with what I gave to Ms. E
2. Shirt from MNG... Sales is ON!!! irresistable. My honey already warned me not to shopping
too much. :P

Actually, wanted to get myself the STARY watch from SWATCH... But it cost around Rm200.00. Better save some money for my coming Bangkok Trip and my new house. Ya, I'm going to Bangkok again, with my honey :) This trip will be his and my birthday trip. Good idea eh!! :) Can't wait!!

Deeply in holiday mood... everyone being so. But still, have to work like a dog. Anyway, hope everything will be better after this Year End Closing shit!!! Hate it... but still have to take it!! Life... always sux but beautiful.

Spend a very good night with my honey last night. We did not do anything gila.. we did not go to anywhere that is very beautiful.. we did not have any wonderful food.. but everything is just so beautiful with him around. Having him around is already the best thing for me, even though just sitting at home and watching some boring series.

Life is always beautiful... stresss... challenging... unpredictable... Still, we are here to love and to be love.... :)

I love everyone around me. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my colleagues, I love my honey!!

King Kong.......

King Kong..... heart touching movie. At first, I thought it was boring... then come to funny... as King Kong suddenly turned into Jurassic Park... then, it became so romantic, so touching. It is a very good movie that last for 3 hours. Amazing, breath taking and funny. Hahahaha... King Kong is so MAN!!!! He has all the man's ego. Hahahahaha.... He even knows KUNG FU!! He can fight so beautiful. He is muscular, tall, dark, brave, protective, romantic, and kiddy... These are what we wished our man has. Always fight for us, stand by us, understand our feelings, nothing is important but us, have fun with us, bring us some romantic moments.... Aaawww... this King Kong is so humanized. I bet that every lady in da cinema will wish that the man beside her has all the characteristics.

Very touching movie.. I almost cry. :P

Worth for it.... really a very nice movie. I remember I watched King Kong once when I was very young. I still remember King Kong holding the girl in his palm and climbing up to the tower.. I wondering why the King Kong always want the girl. I think I know the reason after tonight.

Now, the movie came to us again, with more interesting storyline. Support King Kong!! :)
He is so..... MAN!!!

Dinner......

22 Dec'05- Da first time my honey stepped into my house. Having dinner at my house on this meaningful festival for Chinese.

Nothing much about this dinner, but I'm very glad that he feel comfortable with my family. I'm glad that he came over for the dinner. We spend our homely moments on watching TV together and played with the kids. It's great to have him hugging me while watching TV. It's great to rest at home with him around. I hope he did enjoy himself.

I gave him da christmas gift. He gave me a kiss. But when he wanna kiss on my cheek, he hit my glasses. And I was trying to adjust back my glasses while his lips pressed on my cheek and lips. Was shocked. But feel sweet. :)

One thing that I can't deny is.... I'm falling very deeply. I started to miss him just right after he drove away from my house. Terrible!!!!

Christmas is coming!!!! :) I bought Ms. E a small gift, just as an appreciation for her caring heart. CH is very sweet, he bought every girl in da gang a flower. Put on our table while we are not around. Such a lovely guy.

I'm deeply in holiday mood!!!! But so many things to rush on work. Die laahhh....

Little Man...... 2

Tonight, went out with my honey for late dinner and coffee @ Plaza Mont Kiara. We had our good time after few days that we didn't see each other. I love his companion alots. When we were walking towards his car and heading home, my little man dropped off from my mobile phone. I felt something dropped off but I was too careless to noticed that the Little Man is missing that time. I thought I'm over sensitive or what. So, I ignored it and walked to da car and....go home!!!

I realised that my little man lost once I put my mobile phone on the table. Immediately I sms him about it and he told me that it's not in his car. I called him and he offered to come back and we go back to the place and search for it. I feel so touched because I never expect him to do so. I though to call him and tell him that I'm going back there to search. I feel very touched. He made a big U turn back... just to take me to search for this small little mobile phone accessory.

When we reached the walking path we walked along, he was searching along the drain and I was searching along the walking path. Ha!! I found it lying on the site of the drain but not in the drain. I'm lucky!! I'm lucky that it is still in one good piece and no one took it away from me. I'm lucky that I have him who willing to turn back just for such a small issue! I appreciated it very much.

I'm so worry on the little man is not because it is a gift from Nic, OK, partly it is because it's a gift from Nic. But it's mainly because I like it very much. And now, the Little Man means more than anything to me. More than anything....

Thanks, Honey. I appreciated it very much. It's only a small item and you willing to make it for me. Muakssss..... I feel so happy not because that I found the Little Man [partly of course], but because of what you did to me.

P.S I LOVE YOU.

Annual Dinner

16th Dec 2005- My company's Annual Dinner. Located @ Holiday Inn, Glenmarie. The interior design for this hotel is unique. It's more towards Thai's style than our local style.

We left office by 5pm, to one of our colleague's house for cleaning up ourselves. There are 3 of us going to the mentioned colleague's house at Subang. We went to bath one by one and dressep up. Then, we started to make up abit, put some colors on our faces. After one and a half an hour, TADAHHH!!! we are done. When we walked down to the living hall, CH was sitting there waiting for us [He has been waiting for one and a half hour actually... Hahahhahaa..] He claimed..."It's amazing what girls can do in the one and a half hour...." Ok, time to make the move... we heading to the hotel... CH dropped us down at the lobby and he went to park his car. Such a caring guy. So, we waited for him at the lobby.

We are on time and there has few table are already filled by our colleagues. We choosed the best view table and settle down. We started to take photos like mad people. But, we are lucky that we are not the only mad people around the ballroom. Hahahahaha.... So, due to the lack of MALE SPECIES in our company. CH is da only guy at our table. James unable to attend this dinner as he flew for his HONEYMOON!!!! But, even he is da only GUY for our table... He still wanted me to serve him food.. but he did serve me too... And he has to represented our table whenever there need our participation. Hahahaha..poor thing. CH keep complaining to me that he looks like a pimp as got a table of girls surrounding him. Hahahaha... actually, he looks gay as James said. :P But definately he is not a GAY. We all start bullying him and said that we should declare him as our SISTER!! Ya, sister!! he is able to fulfil this role. Hahahahahha.....

The food is not so good beside the Fried Rice. The whole dinner time is kinda boring beside the time when there is a lady to teach us... LATINO! We all went out for the LATINO LESSON, standing infront of the stage, following the LATINO steps with the crowd. Kinda funny, but embrassing when you unable to follow at all. Somemore, we have to shake our bumm bumm... hahahhaha.. I can't stop laughing.

After that, CH said that he wanted to introduce a GOOD LOOKING GUY to all of us. So, we all went to Sunway Pyramid. At first, we planned to go for clubbing, but there they change their mind for a drink at the Magician Restaurant located @ Sunway Pyramid. Very interesting restaurant, the Magician will come to your table and show you magic. Very very amazing!!! The magician keep coming to our table and show us magic. What to do, we got too many pretty girls here. I love this restaurant! Ms. E ordered a drinks named- FIRST LOVE and myself ordered - P.S I LOVE YOU. So lovely... so romantic!!! Kakakakakaka.....

Ha!! there come the VERY GOOD LOOKING GUY. Ya, I can't deny that he is good looking and tall. But, not my style. Too good looking as CH. We all pushing him to Ms. C as she is deperately to have a bf. But she said that HE is too good looking for her... Hahahaha...poor thing.. no one want to take the GOOD LOOKING GUY.

We left the restaurant around 130am. And I'm home around 2++am. Exhausted. Went to bath and sleep directly. Anyway, beside the boring programme.. the night was great!!! :) It's great because I got bunch of funny and nice colleagues.

I'm very glad to know you all! :)

A Lonely Christmas......

I already foresee that I will have a lonely Christmas this year. Don't know why I feel so, but my 6th sense told me that. And it's proven that my 6th sense is kinda accurate. Hahahahaha... I will have a lonely Christmas without him around me.

I did not plan anything for myself and never think on it. Since it's confirmed that I will be alone for this coming Christmas, I better get some plans for myself. If not, I will feel lonely and sad at home then.

Jeannie & David planning to go to Penang and Hadyai within the 3 days. I'm not interested as I do feel that is kinda rush for such trip. Moreover, they are going with another couple. Arghhh... Don't want lah. If not mistaken, Kenneth is going to Penang too. He will be there to look for his best guy friend. Sighh.... It's impossible for me to tag along. Then, Ms. E is going to PD and stay overnight with her friends. I do not know them... so, again... not so fun to go there even Ms. E did invited me. Then, my other friends got their own plan, all left me out.. Mr. CH is a christian, sure won't be free lah.... Ms. C, Ms. N all got plans, Ms. OY going to Seremban to meet up her bf... Ms. HH already got her bf to accompany her... I feel so.. sighhhh...

All thought that I will have someone to spend this lovely occation with me. But no one know that I will be alone for this Christmas. Sound sad..... Maybe I should blame on my activeness on meeting up with friends. So, everyone thought that I will never be alone on this lovely occation.
Think that, I can't escape from being alone in this White Christmas- 2005.

I used to spend my Christmas with someone, either go for a small party, friends gathering or a romantic dinner. After we broke off, I spend my Christmas with my friends, Jeannie and David or my sister. But, my sister is not in KL and Jeannie and David already got plan... I think, I will be alone for this Christmas. Arghh...already feel down when think on it.

I'm a person who can feel loneliness easily..... especially on special occations. I can be a very cheerful person always, but not when I'm lonely on special occations. Eeeemmmmm.... I better ask around then.. if not, I will be left out... Poor thing. Maybe I should plan for me New Year eve as well.

I have to handle my loneliness well since I love him.

I still have to be alone even I got him.

But.... nevermind lahhhh...

White Christmas.......

"White Christmas" is the Christmas song that I love most... and now, Mid Valley is having their White Christmas there... So beautiful.... I love it so much.... I can't take my eyes off from it...

我好想他.........

我觉得非常失落。是他太保守于表达自己还是我要求太多？总是感觉不到他对我的热情，他对我的思念。他也不太热衷于和我见面，与我在一起。

是我要求太高吗？一个星期只见一两次面，对于一对刚开始拍拖的恋人来说，合理吗？我总是非常想念他，好想见他，好想亲近他，好想天天与他在一起。但是，对他而言，这好像是不太合逻辑。不是说我没有给他私人时间，或没有给他时间陪伴家人。我只不过想他在周末陪伴我，很过分吗？

对于我的失落，他感受的到，但是他依旧自我。我告诉他我想见他，他告诉我他要与他妈去他姐家过夜。好啊！！我会自己找节目。我有一堆朋友。我不会闷死在家。他说今晚我们出去，我说我没有空。他说，下个星期去‘依家’，我说我会很忙于工作。月头了，我真的会非常忙碌。我不是故意说来激怒他。星期一忙到星期三，星期四有宴会。星期五，好像有什么东西做，但是又不记得。周末？他又会告诉我说他想休息于家中，然后又不知会去那里。

一肚子的闷气，不知道要向谁申诉。

我好想他，但是他不想见我。

我。。。

我。。。

非常敏感的女人。
胡思乱想的女人。
不知所谓的女人。
一塌糊涂的女人。
心乱如麻的女人。
不自由主的女人。
感情丰富的女人。
年纪不小的女人。
无企图心的女人。
异常专一的女人。
喜爱逛街的女人。
讨厌沉闷的女人。
不甘寂寞的女人。
喜欢咖啡的女人。
享受生活的女人。
讨人喜欢的女人。
开朗可爱的女人。
笑容满脸的女人。
不爱工作的女人。
朋友一堆的女人。
珍惜朋友的女人。
非常依赖的女人。
容易伤感的女人。
泪线发达的女人。

总之来说，我还是一个可爱的女人。无论他对我的爱有没有像我般的浓厚。我依旧是我。我管不着。他说他想我。如果想我，为何不打电话给我？为何不见面？为何可以任由我自由的飞？

如果有一天，我能展翅高飞
那是因为你的爱
如果有一天，我不想再飞翔于高空
那是因为我想在你怀中栖息
如果有一天，我不能飞翔如以往
那是因为你的爱已不再伴我傲翔了


如果有一天，我不再在乎你给我的讯息。。。那是因为你对我来说已不重要了。

无题

今天的我，实在太寂寞。与同事们去喝咖啡。两个寂寞的女人，一个无聊的男人。天南地北的谈天说地。我们聊自由恋爱，内在美，男人心，女人心，外在的吸引力。。。。还有寂寞的心。两性的话题永远不过时。我们陪伴着对方，消磨着多余的精力与时间。话题和笑声不间断。一个不错的咖啡时光。

是我想太多了吗？还是他独行惯了？当我非常想他陪伴我，他却告诉我说他想在家休息。我说，好啊，那么你在家休息吧。我也想阔达一些，我尝试去习惯他的独行。但是，我总是觉得是我在演独角戏。如果，有一段日子，我不约会他，他会开口约我吗？？我想不会吧。。。他应该乐得清静。怎么说，我也是个女的，我也想享受一下被宠爱的感觉。一种被重视的虚荣。

两个刚开始谈恋爱的人，不是应该朝思暮想的吗？？为什么我的他却是不见也无所谓？他的独行，令我不自由主的沮丧。是我想太多了吗？快要十一点了，没有电话，没有短讯。。。什么也没有。他一点也不想我吗？一点也不想知道我去了那里吗？一点也不在乎吗？是我想太多了吗？是我想太多了吗？

我没有安全感，我没有方向感。他爱我吗？？我不知道。。。我只知道我爱他。。我好在乎他。我在乎他的喜怒哀乐。。我在乎他的感受，我在乎他对我的看法。。我在乎他对我的态度。。。我全都在乎。但是，他在乎我吗？？我常常告诉自己不要问太多，因为他会感觉我在压逼他。于是，我什么都不问，尤其是他对我的感情。他从未告诉我他爱我与否。他从未告诉我他对我的感觉。行动，真的能代表一切吗？？如果行动真的能代表一切，那么，他那不热切的想念是否代表他不太爱我呢？？那么，为什么开始呢？？

是我想太多了吗？是我想太多了吗？是我想太多了吗？

还是没有短讯，没有电话。。。。什么也没有。我。。。好伤感。我应该给多一点时间大家吗？？是他还未适应吗？？还是我的要求太高？？我想，我不会要求太高吧。适当的关心，关怀，见面。。。没有什么不妥吧。

我好想你，但是你想我吗？？？？？为什么我感觉不到你对我的想念？

Do I really care?????

No, I do not care about that.

Man... Complicated human being.

This Kuantan Man. Know him years ago. Whenever he came to KL for business trip, his calls will come to me too. Sometimes, I will meet up with him and sometimes I won't. But, it has been a long long time that we lost touch. He always expected me to meet up with him regardless what time he call me... It's just because.. he is in love with me.

Never been care on his admire. He is so confidence that I will in love with him. So, after a long time of lost touch, he contacted me and told me that he will be transfer to KL by his company. And he told me, "So, there has no obtracle between us anymore." I was like.... HA???? PARDON ME???? He asked "so, will you give me a chance to get you back again?" I was like... HA??!?!!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?!!? I told him, "No, I got bf already." He said, "I know that if I'm really go after you with 100% effort, you will leave him for me." I said, "No, I won't. I only care of him now but no others included you." Then he still gila gila over there.... GOSH!!!!!

So, I just told him to get lost lah!!!! Such a crazy man!!!!

HomeDec Expo 2005

Held on 23-27 Nov 2005 @ Mid Valley.

Found the ideal kitchen cabinet and built in wardrobe there. Paid deposit and committed. Quite a completed home decoration expo. They even have the POOL TABLE which my honey dying for it :P Not expensive, it only costs around RM4000. The POOL TABLE can converted into dining table, but the material of the "dining table" is kinda disappointed. Someone said, "Aiya... the table can change one mah..." Ya.. it can be change because his main concern is not the dining table anyway. :P You can also found... home type sauna, jaguzzi, mini swimming pool... fancy fancy things over there expo.

Actually, never thought of a build in wardrobe as it is always much expensive than a normal wardrobe. But, my lovely mama insisted me to get a built in wardrobe as it will looks more neat and tidy for my future room. As for her knowledge, my clothes and all my soft toys are able to fill up such a big wardrobe. :P

I admitted that only my clothes can filled it up already.... Kakakakkakaa... Like what my honey said, the number of my shoes collection is increasing.. Hahahahaha.... I'm thinking on where to keep my shoes actually. Headache.

Mentioned about headache, I'm having a it frequently. Sighh.... Doctor said it might due to my stress from work. Arghh...this it torturing and I don't like it.

Christmas.....

Christmas is just around the corner.... Can't wait for it to come.

How should I celebrate christmas this year????

- Celebrate with bunch of friends by having a small pork luck party
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by having a BBQ
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by having dinner at some restaurant
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by going for any good movie that on screen
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by going to my fav cafe
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by......
- Celebrate with my love one by going for a good dinner
- Celebrate with my love one by going for a good movie
- Celebrate with my love one by only spending some quiet time at home together
- Celebrate with my love one by going for holiday somewhere in Malaysia
- Celebrate with y love one by going for coffee
- Celebrate with my love one by......

No idea.

Such a wonderful day......

Finally, he is back to KL for a short period. It was so excited to know that we will spend some time together today. We went for HOMEDEC EXPO @ Mid Valley around 330pm. Been looking for parking for almost 30minutes, he never give up on it. So, we able to make it for the HOMEDEC EXPO. Not so crowded, but still alots of people. It's very sweet to walking around hand in hand with him :P

After the expo, we need to rush to 1U for Harry Potter. We are lucky that we didn't spend another half an hour just on looking for parking again. I made a big mistake... I got the wrong reservation number and we end up on EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE. It's a great movie anyway. No regret on going for this movie. I promised that I will treat him for Harry Potter due to the mistake I have made.

We went for our dinner @ Good Evening Bangkok. Glad that he love the food over there. Anyway, it's a very good place to enjoy Thai Food. I heard that their chef is origin from Thailand, and most of their staffs too. I always think of Bangkok when I'm there. He is so lovely that he served me the rice before himself. Considering on my diet of seafood.. he only ordered chicken even I do not mind that he took all the seafood and I only take something that I can have. :) So caring eh.

He is so tired because he didn't has enough sleep last night, yawning all da while. But, he still spending his time with me ... I'm so touched. I though he will suggest to go home after our final try on Harry Potter's movie tickets. He didn't. I appreciate it very much. :) And of course, I had a very very great time with him. By just walking around hand in hand with him is already such a wonderful time for me :) Everything looks so beautiful even it's actually something ugly... Hahahaha... abit over describe.....

There has something funny but scary happened in da cinema while we are half way of the movie. Here it is.... when I'm drowning myself into the real story of Emily Rose being possessed by the demons, suddenly, there came a GUY with proper business attire... standing beside me... doing all kinds of weird and odd movements beside me.. Everyone are so into the movie and I noticed that no one look at the direction that I'm staring at, included him. I started to feel... eerie.... I'm very scared that time... Thinking hard with my mind on WHAT IS THIS GUY??? He acted so weird... standing so long time beside me... I'm deeply in horror, but I couldn't scream out or what, because I might scared those who watching the movie in the cineme. And I do not want to scared him too. I keep staring at him ... till he finally make his way to slip into the seating roll... and move over to his seat. GOSH!!!! I was so released.... I hide my face on his shoulder and whispered to him that I'm so scared!!!! Then only he realised that I was scared by the guy with his weird actions. I almost cry because of it. Hahahahahhahaa.... This is so funny... both of us laughed out loud for about 2 minutes in da cinema while everyone are in such a horror mood. I think they think that we are crazy, laughing at that time is really ODD! LOLZ!!!!

Both of us still laughing on the incident when we walking out of the cinema. So funny!!! Be frank, I never be so scared in my life before. Hahahahahaha.... I thought that I'm so lucky to met SOMETHING at that moment. Luckily, I got him beside me... telling me that "It's OK.." Simple words, but the effect is instantly... calmed me down. My almost dripping off tears turned into laughters.... silly!!! I'm really silly!!! It's great to have you around me.

It's almost 12midnight when we stepped out of the cinema. Home is da only destination now. And I know that he must be god damn tired... Hhahahahaha... Goodbye kiss, goodnight kiss... Do not have any... I'm too hesitate to give any even I'm so near to him that time... Hahahahahaha.... I'm shy... I'm so shy on it....

Thanks for the night. It was a great one. I did enjoy much. I'm very happy. I love your companion. I love to be hand in hand with you. I love everything we did together.

I........

MyKad......

MyKad... Malaysia's new Identity Card System that come with Chip!! Ya... sound high tech ya. :P

This system actually implemented long time ago, but no one willing to go and apply for it even though it's free as we all understand the frustration by waiting in the government departments. Kekekekek... Ya, normally we have to wait for long time in the government department even it's just for something simple. So, in order to force all the Malaysian to change the ID, our lovely government set us a deadline... 31st Dec 2005 plus a fee charged on the application after the due date.

So, you can imagine how many people will rush for the application since it's so close to year end now. Due to my impatience and laziness and my common attitude as Malaysian, I never think of go for the new ID application till yesterday. So, I went there by 9am... took my number... 3302. I have to wait for about 250 people then only my turn. Gosh... almost fainted when I saw my number.

But, I have no choice but to wait over there. I been counting on the number everytime the bell rang. I watched the people over there, walking here and there, some reading newspaper, some reading books, some playing sms, some chatting, some wondering around [just like me]. I'm stupid enough that I didn't bring any drinks, any book nor newspaper. I'm god damn bored!!!! After 2 hours of waiting, I'm sleepy. But I can't sleep over there, I'm a girl lah!!!! How can I do that in public? So, I try not to feel sleepy... I look here and there... I watch the kids running here and there...

Actually, the procedure is very fast.. It's impressive actually. We do not need much documents for it but only our current ID will do. And they also have the priviledge for elder people, this is a good one. I saw many elder people who on wheelchair came and apply for their new ID.

After 4 hours waiting, I'm done with it. I'm so exhausted and tired. I went home by around 130pm, took my lunch and sleep! So tired... the most tired thing is... WAIT & DO NOTHING. Wasted my precious time on it. But, no matter how, I still have to waste my time on the waiting as our government would like to improve the system. As a citizen, we have to support the government even though they did alots of mistakes always. Kakakakakakaka....

I'm a good citizen, I have done it before the deadline. :P

Shoe......

TAAADDAAAHHHHHH.... here it is!!! so cute eh!!! got net one ehhhh... Hahahahaha....

Busy days......

Been very busy lately. On work of course. Work like a dog just for a peanut earning for me to survive my life. Sometimes, I do wonder, why we all work so hard? We work for living? or our work working on our life? Work ---> stress ---> lifeless ---> boring life ---> ME! It's so depressed. Unsettled shits.... all given to me... Shits from centuries ago, now are all bear on my shoulder... If I'm unable to settle it, I'm useless!!! If I'm able to do so, I'm brilliant!!!! But the problem is, I unable to settle it and I do not want to be classed as an useless item in da department!

I heard that I'm confirmed as a permanent staff from the management, however, I haven't received any letter from my department head. I heard that the letter is already hand over to my department head, why she still hasn't pass it to me? What does this means? She wanted to prolong my probation period or she forgot to pass it to me? Depressing, right?

Ms. N left us finally. She feel so sad on this. She doesn't like to work in her team, but she love to hang around with us. We got her a farewell dinner and a gift. We took many silly photos. Too silly to show anyone... Hahahahahhaa... For internal viewing purpose only :P We did have our good time, we laughed alots, we did many silly things and we also ate alots and drink alots. Even though we feel sad that Ms. N is leaving us, but she is leaving for her good. The party will still come to the end no matter how great it is. So, Ms. N... ALL DA BEST!!

Very busy lately, but still able to squeezed out a little bit free time to go for coffee. I will die if I do not do so. Being so stressed... I looks tired. I do not have much spare time to spend with my friends, I'm so lost touch with my friends. When comes to weekend, normally, I will have something to do or already promised to meet up with friends. When some other friends call, I can only say SORRY to them. I feel sad and feel bad on it. I need more personal time, I want my life to be enjoyable... not being like this.

Went for HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE... Interesting, but many changes on every characters. Not a bad movie anyhow. But, Dumbledore shouted too much, he used to be a calm and cool character. In this movie, he became a fierce and angry headmaster. Maybe he is same as me.. too much stress. Hahahahahaha.... Many interesting creatures. Harry Potter's life is getting more and more complicated and dangerous yet exciting too. Voldemort is back, with such an ugly face. I almost laugh out loud when I saw his real face. :P So ugly!!!!!

Before the movie, brought the boys for shopping. I bought a shoe for myself, yes, again. :P cute and lovely shoe for only RM19. Recently, I have this thought when I think of shoe. Normally, we all will feel the heat when we wearing a covered shoe, and the shoe will became smelly like a dead fish due to the sweat from our toes. And that's why I seldom wanted to wear a covered shoe. Ah!! here come the thought of mine..... to avoid this problem, we should either have shoes either come with good AIR CIRCULATION TECHNOLOGY or MADE WITH NET [with beautiful or sweet design of course]!!! So, I make up my mind to look for a shoe tat MADE BY NET [partially]... guess what? I found it today and I bought it!! Will show later. Da shoe designer can read my mind. :P It's cute. In white. Very comfortable.

I went to apply MYKAD this morning. 300 persons! Gosh... [update tomorrow. :) ]

Awww...It's late. I have to sleep. So tired after a busy day.

I'm an adult......

Normally, we are very excited when we got something new. Eg. new car, new job, new friends, new toys, new clothes, new accessories, new hair style, new looks, new house and new relationship.

Who doesn't feel excited on having something new, right?

My house is done, and we can move in anytime we wanted. But, we wanted it to be a nice and comfortable home to be live in. So, we are now planning for renovation. It's not easy. My mom fell sick after rushing here and there for the renovation quotations and ideas. And myself need to go and do research for the new furnitures for our home sweet home. I think, I do need to go for FURNITURES RESEARCH for the coming weekends. I need to do the measurements, need to check for pricing, need to do matching. I also need to be the interior designer for our home. I need more ideas.... I need more inspiration.

I have a very brief idea on how the living room to be, how the bathrooms to be and how my lovely bedroom would be. But I have no idea on where to start. Last time, when we moved into this current home of us, I do not have to worry on anything as my dad was the one who handle everything. Now, I started to understand how difficult it is to be a decision maker for a family.

Maybe, we all used to be pampered well by my dad. Beside money, nothing we need to worry when he is around. He will settled all the mess and tiny problems for our family. Arghhh... It's so wonderful that you do not have any responsibilities. But, this is what we have to go through. We can't escape from our responsibilities, we have to deal with it, handle it well. It's all because, we are adult now.

It's not fun to be an adult. We have to bear so many responsibilities, have to go through so many things that we do not like, have to be mature even we are not..... I miss my childhood, I was so silly, so innocent, so cute, so free, so lovely..... with so many adults pampered me. I love to be pampered, loved, cared.... I'm the eldest in the family, I used to have all the attention from my parents, my relatives...However, the attention I used to have faded away as I'm growing up. I need to stand by myself, take care of myself, settle problems by myself.... All by myself.

I'm an adult now, I need to do everything all by myself. You have to be independent!

Umbrella.......

This lovely and cute CHICKEN LITTLE's UMBRELLA is bought by you to me. It's not expensive. It's cute and big enough for 2 person. For chinese, it's not good to give an umbrella to someone you care of. The hidden meaning behind it due to the pronounciation of the umbrella in mandarin. "SAN" which sound same as 'seperate' in mandarin, chinese believed that by giving your love an umbrella, will lead to seperation. I never have an umbrella as a gift from anyone. But I have it this time, from you.

I put it in the car. That night, I was heading home after work. The rain was a very heavy one, I'm not feeling so well that night. All symptoms of falling sick comes to me... Feeling abit down due to the pressure from work. When I reached home, the rain still as heavy as before. I took the umbrella, opened it.. and get myself under it... walk to the staircase with it protecting me from the rain drops.

Suddenly, I feel so sweet.. because I thought of you and this umbrella. The umbrella protecting me from the heavy rain even you are so far away from me. Umbrella will not lead to seperation, but indicating that --> NO MATTER WHAT'S HAPPENED, I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM EVERYTHING. OoOOoOO.... how sweet it is. I still can walk carefully and slow in the rain, because...... the umbrella is above me, and you are in my heart.

I love this idea... protecting me from rain, sun and whatever that comes to me. Do you mind to have me in your arms? You mind to be my umbrella? Let me rest in you, let me hide in you.... let me share everything with you.

I will be your pillow... let you rest you body on me...let you rest your mind on me... share your dreams... share your thought... share your every moments... sweet or tough... I will share everything with you.

I'm your pillow.... till the day you throw me off.

The Night......

That is a wonderful night for me. For me, romantic is just spending some quiet, peaceful and happy moments with someone you love. You gave it to me. It has been 2 years that I never feel so romantic by just sitting there.

Feeling the cool breeze…watching the beautiful fountain, watching the crowd… creating our own drama’s conversation… feeling your breaths near my hair… hearing every word from you just right beside my ear… feeling your body being so near to me… I’m just like in my sweet dream, which I will choose to stay forever. It is so sweet, so wonderful.

My tears never drop from my eyes whenever I feel extremely happy. But, today….. my tears dripping off when I read on your blog. I don’t know why… My tears just dripping off without giving me any chance to say NO. I’m not sure… I have no idea…. “A GIRL” referring to who. But, by knowing that you willing to stay and plant your root in Malaysia, is already a very great news to me.

Thanks for allowing me to get closer to your heart. I appreciate it… I know it’s hard for you to do so. Thanks…. Thank you very much!!!!

Thank You......

Thank you for spending so much time with me.
Thank you for made me laugh so much.
Thank you for brighten up my days.
Thank you for the best holidays I ever have within these 2 years.

It's da most intelligent decision I have made --> Not going for horror movie. Hahahahahhaa... Spending time with you will be much more better than watching horror movie with no one to lean on. I rather buy a DVD, watch it with you when you return from overseas again.

Thanks for the romantic night. Maybe you might found it nothing, but for me, it's already very good.

I'm so nervous when you sitting so near to me...
I'm so stoned when you talking to me near my ear...
It's my biggest guts that I decided to make the move to hold on you hand.....

Muaks.... another memorable nights for me. I got so many memorable nights eh.... :P Hope there has more comes to me. More and more... Kakakaakaka.....

I will miss you.

天啊。。。。。。

我从来没有想过他会亲我。天啊。。。。。 他今天亲了我的脸。 虽然只是脸， 但是对我来说， 可是一份惊喜。 我很开心， 也很吃惊。

我不知道该如何形容我的心情。 太难形容了。

Tarot Cards......

I always wanted to go for tarot cards reading, but I do not know what should I ask, therefore, I never go for any of it. My cousin bought a set of tarot cards. It has been quite some time that he left it on my table. I never have the intention to touch on it. Last night, I unable to sleep after back from supper. I saw the tarot cards laying there, I picked it up and start reading on the booklet. And, decided to do my own tarot cards reading.

From the cards explaination, I found that the reading regarding my past and current is really really as what I was and what I am. But when come to future, I have no idea on it. Future mah..... Who knows???? Right???

From the tarot reading, it indicating that the current one is someone who match with me in terms of mentally, creative, and a stable relationship. The only obstracle between us is --> Lost, sad and seperation, might let the chance slipped away due to he is still living in his previous hurt and sadness and never step forward. The future is not what I wanted it to be. My future will be miserable, lost and don't know which to choose.

I can tell that's kinda accurate. I can confirmed on my past and my current, but not the future. I hope my future on relationship wouldn't end up as what it told me. I hope I'm able to help him to step forward, not because of myself but for his own good.

Past is past, over is over. We can never go back and we can't live in the past. No matter how hurt, how pain, how wonderful, how sweet it was, we still have to live our live. We live in current, not in our past.

Maybe not everyone as adventurous in love as me. I took 2 years to handle my hurt. I can't say that I'm doing it well, but I did my best to deal with it. If you took too long time to let go, you are too stubborn to hold on your past. Learn to let go and look forward. It is not easy. But we all have to learn it.

Let's don't look back on what has hurt you badly, look forward... Maybe there is someone waiting for you... waiting for you to reopen your heart. You will never know. I will never know who is waiting for me at the gate too. I'm looking forward to meet him... on the one sweet day.

Mini party.......

Finally, our party held on 2nd Nov 2005. This is a mini one, only 8 of us. We made sandwiches [2 different types], , fried nuggets [2 different types], fried sausages [2 different types], fruits salad, drinks and we also bought KFC [2 buckets- total 18 pcs]. Abit too many food for only 8 of us with 2 guys included. We unable to finished all the food. CH and James bring all the food home for their supper. :P

The guys sitting at the sofa, and the girls preparing the food. Sound familiar eh. But, CH did trying to help, he made the drinks and he helped me to cut the fruits. James helped on preparing sandwiches, but the sandwiches he made is too dull to eat... hahahhahaha... coz he didn't put enough butter on the bread and it's too dry to bite. We all do not want to eat the Ham sandwich he made, CH ate the most because he doesn't like to eat tuna.

It was fun, real fun. We chatted alots, took many photos. We surrounding the table while eating and we chatted and laughted alots. CH was sitting beside me while we having our dinner, he can't stop kacau me. He is very playful and fun. We were laughing too much and unable to take more food, too much air in our stomach. CH still eating while we all stop eating and James trying his best to take more food. Hahahahahaa...pity them.

We play games after dinner. The name of the game is.. HEART ATTACK. Hahahahaa... Due to my slow response.... I'm always da loser, as I not really sure how the game goes actually. The winner is allowed to ask the loser 1 question. Since I'm always the loser, I have to answer many questions. Hahahahahhaa... CH asked me what type of guys I like, Ms. N asked me about my bra size, more & more & more..... When I told them my bra zise, non of them believe!!!! What eh????? That's the real size mah!!!! They said "IMPOSSIBLE!" discussing that I should be C or D instead of B!!!! I wish so... hahahahhaahha......

Everyone also injurded abit on their hand while playing this game. It's like the card game named "SNAP" but different way of playing it. Kinda fun, but I'm too slow to respond always. :P Got once, CH lose and I'm da winner. Then I asked him back on the same question he asked me ---> What type of girl you like. He hesitate to answer eh!!!! But we all forced him to answer. Kakakakkaaka.... Ms. N asked James whether he is still a virgin or not. LOLZ!!!! James was so shy to answer and complaining that we shouldn't ask this type of question.

After this, we suggest to play some games that is more gentle, and not so violence as this. So, we played 007 and Hero. They are kiddy's games actually, but we had so much fun from the games. CH sitting beside me again, we still playing non stop. After the games, we all start feeling tired after a day of hard work and too much laughter. I feel sleepy too.

Ms. OY, CH and me sitting on the sofa and chatted abit, then some of them suggested to go into Ms. C's room and enjoy the air-con. So, we went to da room in a bunch. And the ghost stories session started. I was sitting near the empty space which facing to the door. Kinda scary as I'm alone there. I start feeling eerie.... I started to think on something else, I started to worry on whether is there anything near the empty space or not.... CH looked at me with his
"VERY SLEEPY" looks.... He is more sleepy than I was. Finally, James called the session off as we are all tired.

We left the place by 1030pm. I'm home around 11pm+. It was a great mini party.

Tired, but fun.

Looking forwards to the BBQ Gathering. I bet that will be fun too. :)

I love it......

Happy Deepavali.

I had a great day. I didn't go to any interesting places. I went to Ikea, with You.

Thanks for your company. I'm very happy even though we did not have any interesting plan. But, I love to be like this, with you. The time we spend together is not exciting but lovely. I love the peaceful feelings you gave me. Thanks for walking around with me for 6 hours.

We are so close when we are sharing a drink, reading the catalogue together. I can reach you by only turn my head to my right. What will you do if I kiss you? Give me a slap? hahahhahaha... who knows.

I can't stop my feelings. I almost can't control it..... Please do not be suprise if there comes a day, I did something that I shouldn't do.

I love the moments we spend together. Love it very much.