Ohh...yess...I'm comingggg.....

Woooo..... I'm going to meet my DARLING tonight... I'm going to see someone I've been waiting for years..... Wow... very excited... I can't really concentrate on work but keep thinking that I'm going to see him tonight... Kakakakakakaakkaa.....

Harry... I'm coming......I'm cominggg.....

Crazyyy.......

It's 777.... When I open the newspaper this morning, the first thing I saw is.... Many many many many couples get marry or register on this day.... Many group photos... with tonssss of brides and grooms.... Scaryyyyyy..... I said..."AIYO!!! CRAZY!!! SO MANY PPL.... SO CROWDED...". My cute mom said...."AIYA!! LIKE THAT ONLY HAPPENING & HAPPY MAH!!! MAYBE YOU CAN THINK OF TO REGISTER on 888....". I will die if I really go to register my marriage with my future hubby on 888..... I can foresee the crowd as in the paper today... I bet it will be tonssssssssssss......

I'm not really a party animal, I don't really like to be in crowd, I don't like to join the HAPPENING event, I don't like to be stare by people... I want to be the LIME LIGHT..... Forgive me, I just wanna be low [high] profile.

Ya, no doubt that everyone want their SPECIAL DAY to be SPECIAL.... eg. 666, 777, 888, 999.... Of course I do hope my SPECIAL DAY will be SPECIAL too... but, when come to think on the people around, kill me better.

I like something more quiet, simple and relax. So, please do not marry me on 08082008, 18082008, 20082008, 28082008.... Because I'm sure I will fainted in the crowd.... :P

Unfairrr..............

GOD IS VERY UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!

Why I don't have such body???? Why I don't have such slim and sexy body??? Why I have to work so hard in order to have a slim and sexy body like this???

UNFAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....................................

OK, Fine. I shouldn't sit here and complain but work on something. I am doing it!!!! But still I never dare to dream that I will ever have a body like this. I already eating half of my normal meal, skipped my fav MILO [Chocolate hot drinks], try to avoid snacks, I even blocked my mind to think about my fav MARBLE CHEESECAKE. OK!! I know you wanted to tell me..."How to be slim by having such eating habit?". Don't nag me. Don't criticize. Just let me speak myself out. :P

Sighh.... this world is damn damn damn damn damn damn damn unfair!!!!!

I don't care!!! I want to slim down!!!

Give me some time yaaa... :P

COOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just love it so much!!!!!!

I love to see when they are transforming!!! WOW!!!!! Amazingly exciting!!!! Never expect it's so good!!! Breath taking movie.... This is all my point of view... because SOMEONE doesn't like it so much, I have no idea why it is.

What I know is, I LOVE IT!!!!

The coming MUST WATCH show..... HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhh... can't wait!!!!

I've been waiting for decades... just to see you again, Potter.

Please do not force yourself.......

Please do not do something that is not your wish and hurt others.

Please do something willingly and happily after you have made your decision.

Please do not show the RELUCTANT face after you hace made your decision.

Please tell if you regret on what you said/ promised.

Please do not made people looks like a fool if you do not want to do something you promised.

Please do not simply promise anything for the sake of entertain someone.

Please do not fool on others feelings.

Please ........ tell that you are not WILLINGLY to do this if you are.

*************

I'm fragile..... my heart too......

Again.......

The battle of lose weight has started....ya, again.... kakakakaka

OK lah...I try not to be so greedy and want a body as above.... but at least... let me have the confidence to wear bikini, singlet, sexy dress.... let me have the chance to buy clothes without even bother to try on it.... Hahahahahah......

Sighhh...really have to lose weight for the reward that SOMEONE promised me... Kakakkaakkaka... DIAMOND RING eh!!! WOW!!!! I can't wait to lose more and more weight............. Anyway, it's for my own good also lahh... for the HEALTH sake... and also the SEXINESS sake... :P

I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT!!! I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT!!! I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!

I got TWINS.......

My SIM Lady got twins.... a boy and a girl!!! Very cute!!! They are one year old now... very notti, very active and cute.... Looks like Mommy & Daddy.. Hahahahaha... it's so cute!!!! I feel so excited to see them growing up... learn how to walk... playing their toys... very very cute!!!

Their name are Kevin & Janice.... :) Ha!! next time I blog on their photo... very cute!!!

Sorry, I can't help but feel over excited on it.

I feel lame......

I feel lame, very lame.

I have to do all these, just to make someone realised something and make decision. It's not what I suppose to do. I forced to pressured someone. It's not what I want.

I do not want to waste time and go no where.

I feel so lonely recently... desperately lonely. Been neglected. My friends all into their family life and I've been neglected. They have their own happy moments, they have their new life, they have their own topics. I found no way to fit in anymore. But this is not the reason I asked for something. That's always what I looking for in my life.

I wonder, why no one treated me seriously, why no one ever think for me. Why I have to fight so hard to get something I wanted in my life? Why I can't just sit there and enjoy the on-coming luck. Maybe my karma is really bad.

I do not have my luck in love as anyone around me. I do not have the happy relationship as anyone around me. I always have to fight badly for what I really want. I have to go through many obstracles to see a better scenery. Some people may say, "that a good thing, you are a tough and better person now." Ya... but do you know how many tears I dropped to be in this stage??

Why I have to asked instead of someone take the initiative to do something? Why? I'm not saying that my life is bad... I got a good mama, good sister, few good girl friends, few good guy friends, got a socalled good job, good superior.... what else I asked for?

If you do know me well, you should know that I'm such a sensitive and sentimental person. I can cry for a simple dialogue on the movie... you can touched my heart by just give me a small card... you can make me melt by just knowing what I like actually... I'm easy to be in love, and easy to be hurt.

I do feel lame by doing all these..... but I know I have to do it.

猜心。。。。。。

猜心的游戏， 我玩不起。

我脆弱的心， 很容易受伤害。

我看不见你的思想， 我看不见你的意愿。。。。

别再与我玩猜心游戏。。。 我快受不了。。。 我也不想浪费大家的时间了。。

没有结果的游戏 ，我不喜欢玩。。。

Sweet like Chocolate......

SOMEONE gave me a box of chocolate on Wednesday... I was kinda shocked when he hand me the chocolate. As a curious person I am, sure I did ask him why he give me chocolate... He said, because I'm sweet like chocolate. :P I know you have goose bumps all over your body now... But, It's sweet.

One day, SOMEONE and I were having our dinner in mamak and we were sharing a pack of Nasi Lemak. He was mixing the rice with the sambal, suddenly I asked... "You also like to eat Nasi Lemak by mixing the Sambal eh??" "Actually, I prefer not to mix it. But I love to eat with a lot of Sambal. I know that you like to eat it by mixing the sambal and I'm afraid that I will eat all the Sambal then you have not much sambal to mix to the rice. So, This is the best way for us to share a pack of Nasi Lemak.".

Never thought that SOMEONE is so sweet and caring.

*************************************************************

My FC always tell us to appreciate, to cherish, to feel how others feel, think on ourself before we talk about others.... I think, by her influence... my thinking did change abit. I don't know why... it's weird. My FC is a TAURUS... which very compatible with VIRGO...My best friend, Nicholas is a TAURUS too.. The chemistry between TAURUS & VIRGO is amazing... We think alike... :)

However, by having my FC sitting next to me everyday is not a sweet thing to have. Hahahahaha.... I'm so pressure!! Crazy soon.

Anyway, I'm currently working on my SIM2.... I got a happy family with a pregnant lady & hubby, lots of money, not working, just enjoy your life... OK lahhh.... I play cheatsss... :P But it's so much fun by having unlimited monies and no need to work but just enjoy life and do whatever you feel like doing. Even pregnancy will not be a hard job anymore.... Hahahahahaha.... Never know that SIM2 can get pregnant!!! It's amazing by seeing her stomach growing.... My lady is due soon... Wonder will it be a baby girl or boy.

INTERESTING!!!

Jealous......

Looks at the little baby in the photo... he/she is only 3 months old and yet knows it's gentle. This is my best friend's little baby in her womb and also my future god daughter/ son. It's so cute. Doctor said that he/she is only 3cm... super tiny and vulnerable. I can't wait to see him/ her soon.

I do feel jealous on my girlfriends. They found the man in their life, they no longer wondering around like me. At least they got someone or something around. They are so well settled with their own family... got hubby that love and care of them, got baby that coming into their life... a complete family coming in future. The more I sensed their joy and happiness, the more I feel sad about myself. Of course, I blessed them with my truely heart. They are my best friends. I do feel happy for them. My upset is all about myself.....

Look at myself, friends getting marry one by one. Hearing news spreading around... "A going to marry next year." "B is getting marry by the end of this year." "C is pregnant!" "D got a baby boy!!!"

What news I have to tell others?? I can only tell my friends.... "I'm fine. Not yet die. Still wondering around. Not yet got man wanna marry me."

I never have the luck to have any man that willing to spend his life with me and have baby together. Maybe he is somewhere around but I do not know where he is, as so far, no one told me that he wants to marry me and be responsible for my future happiness till I die. No one tell me that he wants to eat the tasteless dinner I cook till the day I can't cook for him anymore. No one tell me that he will loves me till I do not love him anymore. No one asked me to.... MARRY HIM.

I really feel jealous [with no bad intention] on my friends' happy life and upset on myself.

Stress.......

Stress.... very stress.....

Can you imagine how stress it is when you are actually sitting side to side with your BOSS everyday??? Not for an hour for meeting... but the whole working day.... *&^#!*#^$&

It's killing me. She able to ACCESS me so easily... She can monitor what I doing everyday... She can know whether I'm a hardworking person or lazy fella... She can hear I'm chatting online... F**K!!

Boringgggg.... working is getting more and more sian with my BOSS sitting next to me... She is a nice lady, talkative, friendly, sharing.... But still, she is my BOSS!!!

I want my freedom backkkkkkkkkkkk.................................

Never say never......

I met up with Ms. R, who been married for 4 years. Her hubby is a Mr. Good Man... quiet, looks mature, looks shy, looks responsible... and etc. She told me that he got another woman. SHOCK!! Ms. R looks difference than before, looks old and sad... Her face no longer has the SHINE & JOY. I can feel her pain. Nothing much I can do for her but only listen to her and try to comfort her and give her some positive input.

Both of them are the sample of GOOD COUPLE for us all the while.... Maybe we did not see the truth in their relationship. But, I know that she loves him very much... so much till she willing to be the WOMAN that she thought he wanted her to be [HouseWife]. She used to be a very career minded lady... who really fight for what she wanted to be. But, because of LOVE... she give it up and just wanna be his only one. However, her sacrify doesn't bring her his LOVE, ATTENTION & CARE. I can see her pain in her eyes.

I really feel sad for her after heard what she has went through and what she has did to save this relationship... I think, I couldn't bear it if it happend on me. Never say that "I will never xxx or He/ She will never xxx". We never know when a person change... when will he/ she no longer love us.. when will he/ she just walk away because of a tiny stupid reason... I don't even know when will I die. Never say never. You never know what will happen next. Maybe, a mad dog bite on me tomorrow, and I die because of some virus infection or what-so-ever.

Mr. Good Man turned to be a liar.... Sigh... It's hard to have trust in men... so do women. Who else can we put our trust on? Can we even trust ourself? Can we tell that WE WILL NEVER BETRAY YOU?? I doubt. I really doubt on it.

I do not trust you, I do not trust him, I do not trust her.... I don't even trust myself.

Better me......

I heard about KARMA alot recently..... I wonder, do I have any good KARMA?? I'm not a bad person I think... But I hardly do charity... emmm... I will curse when I'm driving... I will angry when I encounter something unfair... I will angry when I didn't get what I want... I'm not bad but I did something that some people said might bring bad KARMA. Good KARMA bring you good life while bad KARMA bring you a bad and suffer one.

My life never been good and easy... My friend has calculated my life with my birth date and time... It tells that my life will be better from this year onwards. Being frank, I never be very happy in work, relationship and etc. I'm kinda satisfy with what I'm having now, I have no idea why, but I'm just feel I'm happy with what I'm having now.

I used to have no motivation to work... No matter what job I'm having... I will try to lazy off by taking MC or whatever. But, I feel that my attitude towards working life has changed since this year... I didn't find excuses not going to work anymore, I wake up happily every morning and get myself ready for work... It's such a big change on me. Amazing.

Then I also found that I'm not so "HOLD ON" some principles of mine.... at least, I won't scold people when I saw something is messy in my room. Amazing.

Life is always hard for me...... No matter in my career, my family, my relationship and etc... Maybe it's myself that brought me into such a hard life.

I do hope, my life will be easier and better for myself and also the people around me.

Before asking for better life, I shall start from a better me... It's not easy for me... I will try.

Must watch!!

New Heroes are here to save the world.

I have finished Season One... very interesting and you will never get enough for an episode a day.... Must watch it if you do have time. It can be downloaded online.. but I have no idea as I'm only responsible for watching.... :P

Very nice series beside THE L WORD. It's very seldom that I watch series... but these 2 attracted my attention. Give a try.. it worth for your time.

Liars.......

I think, I’m really a stupid person that is so easy to be fool and bluff on. Let’s look at the below cases :-

Case 1
Mr.T – Staying near my area, same age with me, a business man on Furniture business. He called me every night, told me that he likes me very much, asked me to be his gf and bla bla bla. He used to call me out for TEA/ COFFEE almost every night but I hardly go out with him because I do not feel comfortable with him. I do not know why I feel so but he gave me such feelings that he got some MOTIVE or BAD INTENTION in him. I’m not sure. As usual, this type of guys won’t waste their time on the fishes that obviously not hooked. After few months, he message me on MSN MESSENGER and told me that he is married. FEW MONTHS!!?!?!?!?!? It’s so obvious that I’m da stupid one.

Case 2
Mr. S – Another one who been going after me for.. almost a year till I got a new relationship. Why I didn’t choose him? Because he always try to TOUCH me!! YUCKSSS!!! Lost contact for less than 6 months till today…. Again, he MSN me and asked me…."HOW ARE YOU?". As a polite girl as me, sure I replied…"FINE! WHAT ABOUT YOU? MARRIED?". Then here come the reply…"YES". Fainted!!!!!! I said…"REALLY?? CONGRAT WOR!!! NOWADAYS THE PEOPLE REALLY HIGH SPEED YA!!". Then got no reply from his side already…

Case 3
Mr. Y – He was just break up with his gf when I know him. He seeks for my companion always when he feel lonely. I where got so free to company him as I got my own life mah!!! I didn’t contact him after awhile as I’m afraid that he will take me as rebound, this is terrible. After a month, he sms-ed me and asked… HEY! REMEMBER ME? HOW ARE YOU?. Again, I said…." FINE AH! WHAT ABOUT YOU?" he said…. "I GOT GF LIAO!!". I replied…"O!!! CONGRAT THEN. IT’S REALLY FAST." "YA!! BUT WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE/" "O???? SETTLE IT THEN." "IT’S VERY DIFFICULT TO SETTLE. SHE IS A CHRISTIAN AND SHE DON’T LET ME TO FUCK HER." …… -____-" [What the hell to do with me then??] "O….OK." "YOU WANNA BE MY MISTRESS??"… my reply…"FUCK OFF!"

And more little tiny incidence that really made me think whether I’m so stupid or not.

I should train my brain to be more alert on these LIARS!!!!

Datin Face......

Emmm.......

Got few people told me that the ME in this photo looks like Rich Man's Wife or Datin. Be frank.... I DO WISH I AM!!!! :P

Too bad lah.... I'm not at all....

Wowwwww... Imagine, what a life I will have if I'm a richie's wife??? First thing I will do is.... RESIGN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHA..... Then I will take a break like... 6 months, travel anywhere I wanted to.... do as much yoga as I want.... shopping as much as I want.... go for Facial at anytime... lazy to do your hair??? go saloon lah!!! go spa... go massage... O!!! maybe I should go for cooking class... Kakakakakaka....

And I no need to droll at the Sony Ericsson K800i like now.... RM1000.00 only eh!!!! what to worry??? Eyed on the diamond pendant??? Buy lah!!!! Need a new pair of Prada shoe??? just take whichever you like lahhh.... need a new LV coin purse??? aiyooo... so cheap!!!! :P Ha???? Go MNG Sales??? aiyyoo... not my style... LOLZ!

YOH!!!!! I want to be a richie's wife lahhhh....

I do love you.......

There is this day that both of my Financial Controller and myself were kinda free and bored... So, we chit chat and busybody about each other. She told me about one of her ex-colleague that is very fierce and bad temper.

The girl is much more fierce and bad temper than me, at least, I won't scold my bf on the phone in front of everyone. She told me that she actually guide this girl slowly to control her temper.. and now she is so much better and well control on her temper. I'm not sure it's real or not as I do not know this girl. But one thing she said to me and it does wake me up immediately....

" The one we love most is always the one we hurt most... much more than anyone around us.."

I always hurt someone that loves me. Because I always let my temper goes to someone who close to me, care of me and love me. I always take everything for granted. I always expect something from those who care of me. But, please believe that... I DO REALLY LOVE YOU.

I promised myself that I will control my bad temper... and I do believed that I'm better on controlling my temper. My stubborness may hurt you and make your life difficult... but please believe me that... I DO LOVE YOU MUCH.

I know that I'm not good enough to be a GOOD GIRL.... but please believe me that I always wanted to make your life happier and easier. Maybe my way is wrong.. maybe my tone is sucks.. maybe my face is not pretty enough.. but please believe me that.... I DO LOVE YOU.

If not.... I won't cry after I realised that I did hurt you badly.

Arghhhh...... kill me pleaseeee......

Just blogged about the Mr.A-2.... here come the Mr.A sms-ed me and told me that he going to break up with his lovely sweety gf and ANNOUNCE to me that he now has the right to go after me as he is single and available.

F**K!!!!!!!!!!! Pleaseeee.... kill me!!!!!

I didn't reply his sms... he keep calling my mobile and I didn't answer.

Why can't he just leave me alone and let me just live peacefully?

Maybe only I will not hear from him after I die.

A finger......

A doctor who serving at the Africa told this story through an article.

He is an UN doctor who serving in Africa. One day, he is actually examining a patient but heard a baby cried very loud and for long time. The nurses trying hard to comfort the baby, but still he cry non-stop... kicking hard.. and doesn't want to drink his milk. So, this doctor went over and have a look at the baby... the baby is actually kicking his legs hard... hands grapping in the air.. trying to catch something. He let the baby hold on his finger... immediately, the baby calmed down and didn't cry. Then only everyone realised that the baby actually need some security... just a finger, that calm him down and made him feel secure.

A finger, is nothing much for us... letting the baby hold on our finger.. bring him so much happiness and sense of secure. If everyone of us willing to let others hold on our fingers for a minute... how much happiness can we bring to others? If everyone also willing to help those who need help... how many people will feel that actually the world does care about them??

Yes, we may not helping much... but at least, we are trying to help. I should do more charity... not only to improve my own karma, but also make this world feel the CARE. I feel so sad when I actually watch the NEWS on tv tonight... murder, rape, baby been buried alive, father killed son... what else can we have??

Sighh... the world is very sick... our society is terribly sick.... our people no longer have what we call....HUMANITY.

Very stupid me......

I wonder why most of the BAD MEN I ever encountered always come back to me and trying to be NICE and FRIENDLY to me. Am I a BAD WOMAN?

Beside Mr. A, I knew this Mr. A–2.. Oh ya…Another Mr. A… suckssss…. Mr. A-2 is another terrible person I encountered few years back. At first, normally these guys will being very sweet, very lovely and very caring… then everything will turn around when you thought everything is going smoothly.

This Mr. A-2, not only wanted me to drive to his place almost every day after work but also included meal delivery. His place is not near, OK? It’s at the SHAH ALAM… gosh!!! Fucking stupid me did it for him because I’m stupid.

One night, I was driving to his place and he is damn hungry, he called and asked where I am. When I reached his place, he asked me why take so long time to DELIVER his dinner. I was so angry and told him that.."Hey, please be considerate a little bit. I reach home by 7pm, cleaned myself and get ready by 730pm, go buy dinner and wait for the food to be ready by 7:45pm, start my journey to your fucking far house by 8pm… mostly I can reach there is around 9pm which included the traffic jam in the Federal Highway. What you want me to do? Fly?" He is so unhappy because I actually argued with him. He took his dinner unhappily and I don’t bother because I’m angry too.

What is he taking me as? MAID? DELIVERY SERVICE COMPANY? He was supposed to go my place that night, and I was waiting for him to get ready and move. When it’s around 11pm, he still playing his stupid computer game. So, I asked " Are you going to my place?" He looked at me and said "No." Fine… I stood up and walk to the door and wanted to leave.. he yelled "Go lah! Go lah! I don’t even care of you! I don’t like you! I don’t love you!" I don’t give a fuck on what he said to me as I already got enough of him. I just walked away and ignore him. I drive home alone by 12 midnight… which is quite a scary experience.

I do not contact him or miss him since that night because I do think that I deserved better and I’m not a maid. He did try to contact me many times after that incidence, he even use a different number to call my mobile as he knows that I won’t answer his call. After years, he messaged me in YAHOO MESSENGER and asked… HOW ARE YOU? YOU STILL HATE ME?? ARE YOU MARRIED? DO YOU HAVE A BF NOW? I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU AND KNOW HOW YOU DOING.

Ridiculous!!!!! Die far far lahhh.. I don’t believe such thing as"I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHETHER YOU ARE DOING GOOD OR NOT" from those whoever HURT me.

Of course I don’t give a damn on such person. I can be damn stupid for a person at the first time … but not the second time to the same person. I think I might have some craziness or sickness in me… because all these crazy people always come to me.

I need a doctor, I think.

Sweet memory......

I read an article in the newspaper, it described the relationship between a girl and a guy, they not yet a couple. One day, the girl wanted to go to ATM and he accompanied her there. He was standing behind her when she is pressing on the machine. While she was waiting for the machine to respond, she saw his reflection on the ATM Machine and he was actually lifted up his hand and wanted to caress her long beautiful hair. The guy thought that she doesn't know about this.

This made me think of SOMEONE… I still remember how he smell on my hair by being so near behind me. Of course, I have no eyes at the back of my head, but I can feel his breath and his nose touching on my hair. It’s a very sweet thing to know if you are actually attracted to that person too. I still remember how fast my heartbeat was when I found that he is actually being so close to me with his arm almost touched on my waist…. :P

It brought the sweet memory back in me. It’s been a while that I do not have such sweet feelings… it’s time to search for the "soooooo sweet moments" again.

Happiness??????

How do you define... "HAPPINESS"???

I think women are pretty predictable in the old time as they want a stable and happy family with a caring husband and kids. That's what they called "HAPPINESS" in the old time. Not a single woman in the old time ever think that they do not want to have any kid as they do think this is their responsibility to bring the new lifes into this world and expanding the family tree. I can see that men are predictable as well as their purpose to have a girlfriend is to set up his own family. That's what the men in old time called..."HAPPINESS"

However, everything, everyone is getting more and more complicated in this new world. Family is no longer what people wanted in their life. There are so many new things for us to go after.... Marriage no longer is the goal for having a relationship. I'm still an old fashioned girl... I will want to go into marriage if I'm in a relationship. For me, that' s the HAPPINESS I would find in a relationship... If I do not love a person, I will not tolerate with anything... because I won't feel any pain if I just walk away.

People might stay together for the reason of...... try and see whether we can live well together or not. If we can get well, then we MARRY loh.... if cannot, just forget it and break up lohhh.... It's 100% an unfair thing in my thought... this is very irresponsible. Live together means SHE has to act like a WIFE... cleaning, ironing, cooking, fucking and etc. If HE is happy on you, then HE might marry you. If HE is not happy with you, or he found someone who he thought is better than you, then HE will dump you and go for another woman. Of course, this is the HAPPINESS which HE looking for as he bear no responsibility. By spending HER years on trying hard to be a good girlfriend, being a TRIAL WIFE... and SHE still didn't get the HAPPINESS that SHE wants in her life. Is this fair enough?

Of course, we do not rely on men so much nowadays. But deeply inside of our heart, a caring/lovely and durable on bed husband is still what we wish in our life. According to a research that I found in newspaper, the marriage rate in Malaysia dropped half for Year 2006 compare with Year2005. From 50,000 couples to half of it... Image...

Men, rather spend money to buy wife from Vietnam, Philipine, Indonesia... but do not want to marry the local ladies. Are we really that worse to be accepted?? Both men and women have different view on this issue. Men said..."women nowadays very demanding and controlling." Women said..."men nowadays no longer trustable and reliable." Both parties are pointing fingers at each others. Sighhh... is this our fault for being independent and demanding? If everything is good enough, who will want to battle in the field with men??

Found that not only me feel upset on the men nowadays... but some of my friends too... of course, they are not men.. LOLZ.... The world has no hope if men do feel disappointed on their ownself.

I do not understand men that well.... No matter in what aspect... Bet that I can predict men on bed... but not in their mind, their thinking, their behaviour...

I don't know......

I may looks MATURE....... But there are many things that I do not know or I do not know how to handle well... I might looks like a good teacher with patience... But I'm not... I do not lead good, I do not have good temper, I do not have patience and I'm not wise......

I don't know how to be a good daughter

I don't know how to be a good girl friend

I don't know how not to be demanding

I don't know how not to be controlling

I don't know how not to be speak loud

I don't know how not to be stubborn

I don't know how not to be fussy

I don't know how to be a soft speaker

I don't know how to speak in english as well as someone who been educated in english since young.

I don't know how to communicate

I don't know how to leave someone if I do love him/ her

What I only wish is someone tell me my future... What about a fortune teller?? What about a poker card reader?? What about a tarot card reader?? I think of everything that might able to give me a hint on what should I do to gather back myself. I lost my ownself. I don't know where I am.

If anyone ever see the girl in the photo above. Please do leave me a message here. Rewards will be given to those who found her in one piece. Please do not fool on this. Thank You

Have a Good Day.

I'm fragile......

Woman : Will you love me because I let you to fuck me??

Man : YES!

Woman : Will you marry me because I let you to fuck me??

Man : NO!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Man : Will you love me because I fuck you?

Woman : YES!

Man : Will you marry me because I fuck you?

Woman : YES!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Do not fuck me if you do not love me... Because I want to protect my fragile heart.

Thank You

Hate it......

Yeaaahhh...another "miang" photo of myself..... :P

What I hate most in my working life is.... office politics.... and holding high post. First of all, I'm not an ambition person... I do not wish to climb high to the ladder... Of course, I do not mind if you wanna give me high pay and little work... :P But this will not happend, what's happened here is, little pay with tons of work... LOLZ... I'm happy with what I'm doing now, but because my HOD is leaving the company soon... and the FC is expecting me to handle the department............ -__-" [ pengsan...]

FC & HOD are in war... the war in office. I'm in da middle and being the bridge of communication. Both of them do not want to talk to each other and everything have to go through me to either party. Suddenly I feel very pressure as I need to be very careful on every single word I use when I'm to pass the message.

I just hate OFFICE POLITICS!!!!!! Is there anywhere that has no OFFICE POLITICS???

"Miang"......

Just wanted to "miang" abit today...... I know lahhh... I'm "miang".... :P

Very tired, spend the 2 days holidays in PD, did nothing but eat and eat and eat... :P gotto back to normal life, go yoga, skip rope... diet... Ate lots of seafood these days, must control on my diet... worry that Mr.Gout will pay me a visit again... I don't like to see him as he made me suffer... Hate Mr. Gout.... However, I'm too terrible to control tightly on my diet... I will die if I got no egg, no seafood, no meat, no coffee, no chocolate... What a life without them!!!!

I miss da MARBLE CHEESECAKE... [even though I just had it on Monday... :P ]

折翼的天使

"女人是天使，当她爱上一个人时，就会折断翅膀来到人间，所以男人不要伤害身边的女人，因为她已经没有翅膀再飞回天堂。”

好感动。女人愿意为心爱得男人做任何事情，任何事！当我第一次的被他严重伤害的那一刻，真的感觉身在地狱。心，被撕裂。痛不欲生。以为自己不会再有能力的再爱一次。因为我妈妈，我要自己站起来。我告诉自己，不能倒下去，不能为一个伤害你的人而伤害自己的家人。我是站起来了。。我学会独立了。。我学会保护自己。。我学会硬心肠。。我学会伤害男人。。但是，我飞不回天堂。我的翅膀，早已为他那份曾经的爱而折断了。

我恨他，当他背叛我的爱。但是，恨。。。带不了我回天堂。我唯有学会自己生存于地狱。我开始要自己学会原谅，虽然不容易。。但是，我还是学会了。。用了两年的时间，我走出来了。

折翼的天使，需要很大的勇气用自己的力气再次站起来。请别伤害那全心全意爱你的天使。。。因为，她真的没有能力再飞回天堂了。。。

问心无愧。。。

“岂能尽如人意，但求无愧于心！”

并无人能完全的令身边的人万分满意。我，不会去满足全部人对我的期望。我只能做我所能。就算你能满足所有人对你的期望又如何？难道他们会颁一个“非常好人” 奖给你吗？？得到后又如何？我会变成亿万富翁吗？我会成为天使吗？我会更开心吗？我会得到我所要吗？你可以满足几多个人的期望。这会不会带给你快乐？他们的意愿是不是你所要的？你能确保他们不会再次要求吗？你能满足他们几多次？

你完全满足他人期望， 并不代表你是好人。不满足他人意愿，也不代表我是 坏人。我没有遗弃父母，我没有杀人放火，我没有作奸犯科，我没有出卖至亲。。。我，只是依我自己的心做人。

世上忆万人口，谁能尽如人意？只求问心无愧，安枕无忧。。。

我，只求家人平安，健康，快乐。。。
我，只求自己平安，健康，快乐。。。
我，只求问心无愧。。。

No arguement......

Most of the people around us think that a relationship without arguement is always the best, because they think that it indicated that both of the couple are perfectly match and therefore they are happy with each other, so they do not argue with each other. As a ordinary lady around this world, I did think so. However, a chat with my married friend has changed my mind on this perception.

A relationship without arguement is dead. There have no perfectly match couple in this world, we are human, everyone is different from each other. The only way to avoid arguement within 2 couple is... do not communicate. If there has no flow of communication between couple, there relationship is dead. So, if "A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT ARGUEMENT" is what you want in your life, please do not communicate with the one you love.

We were talking about the topic of "ALWAYS ARGUE IN A RELATIONSHIP"... I told her that this is very confusing action as not that you do not love that person, but arguement always there. She paused for awhile after listened on what I said and told..."I rather have arguement with him, at least, we are COMMUNICATING." It give me a knock on my heart, my mind. I feel pain in my heart because I can feel her pain in her words. I feel a knock on my mind because it made me realised a relationship will never be so peaceful with no arguement as we are 2 different people.

I'm fussy...
I might say something against what you want to listen from me...
I might be stubborn on my own thought...
I might argue like hell with you on something I do not like...
I might always ask for something I want but not what you wanted...
I might be mad on something you have done...
I might be demanding...
I might be crazy fella...
I might just say anything that hurt your feelings...

But..........

At least, my heart is open for communicate..... with the one I care, I love.

If, A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT ARGUEMENT is what you ever want, please do not communicate with me and let my heart die off slowly... I will let my love rest in peace.

Perfectionist......

I'm a VIRGO... and I am very VIRGO....

I'm a perfectionist, sarcastic, terribly high self esteem, think negatively, details, always plan ahead, an analyst, systematic, quiet, tidy, clean, got sense of humour [if I know you well], shy, no sense of secure, sentimental, sensitive, fast temper, attention seeker, caring, symphaty and lovely.

I'm terrible when I'm in a relationship. It's all because I always want attention, I always want to feel love as I got no sense of secure in no matter what, I always think negatively.. therefore, I need someone who able to assure me with his LOVE... alotsssssss of LOVE.

I'm so perfectionist till I want it to be perfect in a relationship too. When you are not giving it, I will ask for it... I want to see my future with the one I love... I want to know where am I going with this person, this relationship.. I'm not demanding, I'm not hard to pleased... Just assure me with your LOVE... Just let me know that you will not walk away and leave me alone... Just show me that you will go anywhere with me... I need you to calm my unrest heart...What I want is only your LOVE...

If one day, I'm quiet, I do not ask anything, I do not bother to know anything about you... It's the day I'm walking away. I will not spend more than 3 months with someone who I think is worthless... I will just walk away if I found that you do not appreciate me, loves me or care of me. I'm terribly STICKY yet cold hearted. Stay or go??? Decide and tell....

All I lack of is only my sense of secure.

Appreciate me......

歌曲：我怀念的
歌手：孙燕姿 专辑：逆光

我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你
已不想挽回什么

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是
争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手最暖的胸口
谁记得 谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅
抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥

谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的
我还有想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手最暖的胸口

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得

太爱了
所以我
没有哭
没有说

My new fav song from Stephanie Sun... Such a wonderful song. If, you lost the passion to love him after arguement, it indicated that you no longer love him as much as you were and you are tired of these. Maybe it only happened at this moment, maybe it's been a long time.... love is fading off. When he has forgot what you have done... it's always the best to walk away before you get hurt badly.

My mom told me... "The one you love most will be the one who hurt you the most.. Because you care on everything, anything about him/ her.." I think it's true. My mom told me that my dad loves me the most... but I never sense that he loves me... I always argue with him, hardly talk to him, I don't even ever try to understand him.. I think I did hurt him much... I still miss him always... I only know that I do love him much after he left us. The only thing I ever feel regret in my life is that I never appreciate my dad.. I'm sorry.

Show me that you do appreciate me much, show me that you will protect my heart with yours, show me the future, tell me that you do appreciate me, tell me that you see what I've done, tell me that everything will be OK..... What I miss is when we can talk about anything, what I miss is when we dream together, what I miss is I still have to urge to love you even you've hurt me badly.... I remember the night, I remember the song, I remember the breeze caress my face, I remember the moment when you hand hold mine, I remember your heartbeat when I placed my head on your chest.... I remember everything...

I do remember.......

If......

If I have the power of Self-Recovering, I will heal my heart everytimes it been hurt.

If I have the power of Foresee Future, I will want to know where in my life I will be in the
coming 5 years.

If I have the power of Memory Erasing, I will erase all the unhappiness I have in my life.

If I have the power of Convincing, I will make you tell me everything in your mind.

However, I do not have all these powers... I don't know what to do with my insecurity, with my feelings of lost...

Very lost......

Tired......

I'm very tired.... not only on physically but also mentally... Didn't sleep well these few days. But this is not the main cause that made me feel tired... Too many to think, too many to handle, too many to listen, too many to do.... SIGHHHH......

Beside feeling tired, I also feel bored... again, no passion for anything, everything. I need something to re-install PASSION into my life... My life is hopeless... I can't have hope on anything, anyone... Because, I always get disappointment. Why we have HOPE on something, on someone? I have no idea.. but I know that I always HOPE HOPE HOPE... and always end up with... NO NO NO. After so many disappointment and hurtful facts, I started to feel tired... and I no longer want to put any HOPE on anything, anyone.

Sometimes, I really wish that there is someone to tell me what to do so that I won't feel disappointed and hurt anymore or maybe tell me how to have a HAPPY LIFE, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP, HAPPY FAMILY, HAPPY CAREER.... I know it is impossible. We have to work for everything we wanted in our life. However, passion will be faded off by disappointment. Time always tell the truth... but how long it takes to tell? We'll never know. I used to believe that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU DO HAVE THE HEART... Maybe I'm too naive.

I know that I'm not the only one in this world, I can't have anything just because I WANT IT. I'm very tired.... Can I just leave my head in a box and bury it under a big tree? I don't want to think, I don't want to bother anything around me, I don't want to HOPE, I don't want to know anything... just don't give a damn. I'm exhausted.

I'm still exhausted even though I'm just back from Redang not long ago. This is a mentally issue. Sooner later I will go crazy. I think I need alcohol.. give me 2 cans of beer, please. It's short term but at lease I feel better on that moments. I hope I will feel better after 2 cans of beer. Then, I can have a better sleep.. with beer in my cells.

I'm very tiredd..... extremely tired.... even a break couldn't help me.... HELP ME!!!

I want to get drunk!!!!

I want to get drunk!!!!!! deadly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very lost

Yeahhhhhh......

Happy Happy floating on da sea... this is not swimming pool... it is the clear and warm sea of Redang Island... Beautiful ehhhh!!!

Redang Trip....

Just for your information that the bikini girl in the photo is NOT me..... I yet have so sexy body... :P Give me more time to make it, then I will take more photo with BIKINI... Hahahahhaha... Let's pray hard for it then.

Wonderful island, beautiful beach, unforgetable sea., lovely moments..... This is my second time to Redang Island... Still very excited... Life is so wonderful there, everything is slower down, mind is relaxed... body is lazy... only thing that goes with high speed is...TIME.

More photos to show.... But lazy now... :P

Lovely island... but I looks like a burned bread... LOLZ.... Dark & Round... :P

MmmMMmMmmMMmmmm... miss the days in Redang Island.

让我哭吧。。。。

发现我们电话里 常常沉默了
想看的电影 也不不再相同了
你的眼神 虽然是温柔的
却像另一个人 在面前那样陌生
如果我能穿着你最不喜欢的颜色
嘴里哼着你最不爱听的情歌
你能不能对我在冷漠一点呢
至少让我以为你不在爱我了
亲爱的 为什么你还不敢承认呢
亲爱的 我们都是脆弱的人
亲爱的 听时间的话放开手
别感伤应该感动 我最亲爱的
如果我能穿着你最不喜欢的颜色
嘴里哼着你最不爱听的情歌
你能不能对我在冷漠一点呢
至少让我以为你不在爱我了
亲爱的 为什么你还不敢承认呢
亲爱的 我们都是脆弱的人
亲爱的 别牵着没感觉的手
真的不怪你 我太爱你才说不出口
亲爱的 我也不相信心会疲倦的
亲爱的 我们别再骗自己了
亲爱的 听时间的话放开手
别感伤应该感动
我们都记得
相爱最诚实这一刻
对我说你不爱我
谁的泪都别留
如果能重来一次
请别再这样宠爱我
我太幸福 就会忘了
爱终有慢慢变化时候
亲爱的 为什么你还不敢承认呢
亲爱的 我们都是脆弱的人
亲爱的 别牵着没感觉的手
不怪你太爱你才说不出口
亲爱的 我也不相信心会疲倦的
亲爱的 我们别再骗自己了
亲爱的 听时间的话放开手
别感伤应感动
我最亲爱的


从不相信，心是会疲倦的。我一直以为，只要心中有爱，为什么不可以爱下去。原来，心。。。真的是会疲倦的。当一个人看清楚某样事情，不再抱有什么期待，不再期望什么奇迹的时候。。。心已是淡了。是因为爱你，所以会有期待，期望。如果取代的是失望，再来失望。。还有什么继续的理由？

如果，彼此都不珍惜对方，为什么还要走下去？是因为寂寞吗？是因为懒得再寻找另一个吗？还是因为习惯？好累。。我好想哭。。好想大哭一场。常听别人说，情到深处，寂寞更深。。。现在我明白了。懒于沟通，过于习惯。。。反而，大家都没有什么想对对方讲了。

让我哭吧。。。或许我会舒服一点。。。

Yaa.... it's all HER fault.....

Imagine, how would you feel when you actually told SOMEONE that you do not want to pick him up by late hour he suggested as it’s actually quite dangerous for a girl to drive alone through such dark and quiet road but someone insisted? Does he really think on your safety?

Again, SOMEONE told that he got SOMETHING to do and insisted to be picked up later in the night instead of earlier. So, the driver got nothing to do?

Here comes, the DRIVER actually told SOMEONE that she actually need to meet up friends to pass them something that been owing for long time and need to go to bank with a sum of monies as the payment will be due on the day she will be away. Then, SOMEONE doesn’t really care and insisted the DRIVER to go pick him up after that. Does he really care that she is actually going to bank alone with monies?

Then, SOMEONE can sleep soundly and does not give a damn on what time actually the DRIVER got home and she actually went to bank alone. How you want her to feel good and happy after she found out that actually SOMEONE does not give a fucking care on her safety??

SOMEONE claimed that the DRIVER hurt his feelings as she can go meet up with her friends till late but not going to pick him up through that dark and quiet road. So, the DRIVER does not feel hurt when she knows actually SOMEONE doesn’t care that she going to bank alone and drive back alone.

After all the above, how we expect the DRIVER can actually feel happy after she knew that SOMEONE does not care at all on her safety or whatever that will happened on her? SOMEONE can claim that DRIVER hurt his feelings and who going to give a fuck about the DRIVER’s feelings?

For me, if the guy does not really think on the girl’s safety and not considerate enough to protect her from anything that might happened on her, how would the girl have the feelings of secure in this relationship? Since both parties seeing each other as not appreciating each other's effort, what’s the point to go on? Since each other being so selfish to give in, what’s the point of going through all this? Since each other can’t see each other, what’s the point of doing all this and keep saying that "you do not appreciate me" to each other?

Kindly think on how you have treated people before you claimed that someone has hurted your feelings. Not only that you have feelings, others has it too.

**********************************

Girls, tends to know SOMEONE’s feelings clearly, in solidity. So, is that a girl’s fault when she said that she wanted to know a guy’s feeling on certain things clearly? What’s the problem of expressing them either in words, writing or whatever senses?? Is that damn difficult to express? If it’s so difficult and unwilling to share, then better stay with your ownself.

It will only be damn difficult to express if you do not care of something but wanted to pretend that you do are.

Wish you were here.......

Attended another wedding dinner. An ex colleague of mine. Not really very close with him... Met many of my ex colleagues on the dinner... like old time. We used to hang out together a lots... Concerts, clubbings, gatherings, trip, makan makan... very happy hang out gang.

However, I attended this dinner by myself... I feel OK all the while till.... the prawns is served. Arghhhh... no one peel me the prawnnnnn.... :( Suddenly I miss SOMEONE so much... coz he will peel me prawns.... :P No choice lah, have to peel it by myself...

I'm kinda emotional today, I feel so touched when I watched a Hong Kong series this afternoon.. Feel wanna cry... then I feel like having SOMEONE beside me... I need someone to hug... I need to feel love. Then, I went for nap, with my lonely feelings... so sad.

I wish.... you were here with me......

Sex before Marriage......

I read an interview days before. A lady, who is a relationship advisor, professional and therapist. She talked about SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.... is very important!!!!!!

She brought up a question, "Why we can't have sex before marriage?" As long as we know clearly on what we are doing and we are protecting ourself well, it is not a problem to have sex before marriage. She also mentioned that only LOVE is not strong enough to hold 2 different person together, but by adding in SEX, the relationship will be so strong to destroy. This is due to the intimate feelings bond us together.

When you able to have sex with someone, means you feel comfortable with that person. If not, you won't be able to be naked in front of that person. Imagine that you are actually showing your spare tyre to someone, how could you do it if you do not feel comfortable or trust that person who going to have sex with you? A person's hidden personalities always expose easily when he/ she is on bed, therefore, faster go have sex with someone you think he/ she is the POTENTIAL one. Hahahahaahah....

Having sex before marriage also able to tells how well both of you can get along. If either party feel not comfortable with the other party when having sex, the problem can always be fix more faster and easier. If really can't work out, at least we won't have the problem of STUCKING IN THE MARRIAGE. It sound ridiculous that we telling the Judge the reason of divorce is..."I don't like the way he/ she fuck me." :P Of course, communication between 2 person will also help lots on improving sex life. But, I do wonder how many do really tells their bf/ gf on how they feel on sex. For myself, I will tell if I really do not like what he is doing to me... But I will still find it's not easy to say out as it might hurt the man's ego. You know lah....men... always ego ego one...

One night stand is called "ONE NIGHT LOVE" among chinese, this lady did talked about ONE NIGHT LOVE. One Night Love is not love... Feelings is not included. It's purely on physical sactisfaction but everyone putting it in a ROMANTIC way just to hide their lusty desire. We all know clearly that what is ONE NIGHT STAND, just to release our lust and that's all... no feelings involved.. If really got feelings, it won't last for ONE NIGHT only, it will be MANY NIGHTS STAND. So there you can understand why I never really want to mentioned about my ONE NIGHT STAND as it is all because of my lust. It can't deny that I do have NEEDS too.. anyway, I'm a human [this statement is what I've learn from those men that flirt around].

I do agreed with her that sex before marriage is very important, not only to know a person well, but to see whether we are compatible on sex, behaviours and point of view as well. I do believe that men do show their REAL COLORS after they ATE you. Firstly, I saw few of them. Secondly, they thought you are already labeled by them and you won't go away. Sex is not what so important but the personalities of the man you going to spend your time with. What's the big deal that he has a big cock with good oral skills but he is an abuser who always beat you up? Will you die because of that big cock and tongue? I won't lohhh...

Yes, to find someone that compatible on sex and personalities with yourself is very difficult .. But still, there's always a HOPE.. There are many fishes in the pond mah.... still got many trees in the forest... Relationship, it's the mixture of TRUST, TOLERATION, SEX, LOVE, SACRIFACTION & SATISFACTION. I'm demanding, I can't live with a relationship that lack of either one as above.

Yes, I'm always greedy on LOVE & SEX.

An Inconvenient Truth

An Inconvenient Truth, an documentary about global warming, Al Gore has revealed the most uneasy fact to the public by giving speech around the world. It's now showing in KL PAC, FOC I think. Get your free ticket, bring your HEART along and watch it with your HEART.

If the scientists are telling the truth, we are now sitting on a bomb that will explode by anytime. The changes in climate had brought us so many disasters that give us no sign. It’s caused by us, the human. The increase number of population put more burden on the earth as it lead to more energy usage and release more CO2 which will worsen the effect of global warming. So, I think my thought is good for the earth as I’m not planning to have any kid.

Are you ready to change your lifestyle? Ya, we may not powerful enough to eliminate the problem, but if every one of us start being more concern on this issue and start using lesser energy, eg. Electricity, petrol and etc… I think the world will be much beautiful. I know it’s very difficult to change our lifestyle that we are so used to be… it’s difficult for me too. Imagine one day, we no longer have land as the water covered our home, our building, our beautiful mountains. I wonder how’s life will be. Maybe I have no chance to wait till the day to come, but I’m afraid it won’t be too long to be the day.

This documentary does hit my heart and my thinking seriously. Sadly to tell that how many people will really change their lifestyle after they know the truth of how serious of the problem we are facing now. We keep developing our country, keep digging the treasure of nature, keep putting GOLD into our mind…. Who going to care how our earth feel?? I can 100% guarantee that you will really feel sad for the earth and feel guilty on what we have done to the nature.

Let me take my steps slowly…. First, eat less :P.... less demand less supply, less supply less production. Argh.. I know I can’t help much on this. Recycle, use less papers, separate tins and papers. When mentioned about RECYCLE, I remember my SISTER does asked me to join them for a charity activity on RECYCLE. Maybe, I can join them. Gotto check with her then.

We’ve been taking the earth for granted for sooooooo many years.. it’s now angry and asking for pay back. Who should we pity at??

I have no idea....

I love you.... but......

There are more and more people around reluctant to go into marriage as they are so afraid of... RESPONSIBILIES.

"Yes! I do love you... but...." Break-up happened after the incident... because he/ she feel that the gf/ bf is actually wanna tight him/ her up. Why would you view a marriange as TIGHTED YOU UP? It's because you do not want to bear any responsibilities but fool around even though you do think that you are SERIOUS in this relationship.

According to my mom, the MEN of her time always put MARRIAGE as GOAL for having a relationship. But from what I see, MEN are no longer having that as their GOAL but a steady partner who able to provide them sex and companion. RESPONSIBILITIES???? Who give a damn?? Of course, there have some GOOD MEN in this world too.. not all wanna get rid of the RESPONSIBILITIES. Always trying hard to let my mom know about THE MEN of this century... but, it's just a mission impossible as she is too used to THE MEN of her time. I really wish I know how to tell her about the MEN of my time.

Is a marriage cert that important? For me, it is less impostant if not planning to have any kids. But!!! it is important if the guy you going to marry is RICH... Hahahahahhaa... However, most of the WOMEN IN LOVE ever think of have some kids with the one she loves. Even though that no one really care about the cert nowadays, but it's still a dream for all the GIRLS. An aunty like me no longer dream on it if not planning to have kids. The dream been killed due to too much disappointment. LOLZ. But, who will feel unhappy if a man you love knee infront of you, asking you to marry him with bunch of flower and a DIAMOND RING? :P ARGH!!! WOMAN!! day dream always!



Forgive me on my feeling of insecure and have no trust on MEN.

You choosed....

Arghhh... already the last day of CNY...so fasttttt..... it's too short to be enjoy... :P

Been bz on working, yoga and some other activitiesss... and also..very lazy... :P and also got nothing special to blog... out of idea... need some INSPIRATION...

Actually, got something happened lah.. a distant friend of mine, having an affair with a guy [my mom's friend's son] who is married but lied to this girl that he is single at first. Then the girl found out but still continue the relationship with the guy because the guy LOVES her very much... [ Judgement based on the ROLEX costs RM10K that he bought for her, and also a CONDO that he said will buy for her as their LOVE NEST and also based on he paid for almost every expenses of her...] She doesn't want to listen even my friends advising her and warn her that this guy is only fooling her because we knew that she is not the only girl that he FALLS IN LOVE with... got few girls before this stupid girl friend of us. However, we all know that she is kinda materialistic since we know her.. and this bastard is just the tea for her --> willing to spend on a mistress [for sex]... So, I would say... each fulfill each other's requirements. That's a good one. But, we will not pay a single pitiness to the girl if the bastard dump her due to her irritating attitude. Ya, we are terribly bad.

I can't take when someone called me MISTRESS... I 100% can't take it and that's why I will take it as a fling even I've been with married men. Because, I know that I'm just too lonely that time, what I want is only someone to comfort my lonely heart. My friends told me that they do not pity on her as this is what she choosed... even they told her tat's is not right after she knows that he is actually married. I told my mom about her friend's son being so bastard... :P She said... men are all da same!! same untrustable, bastard. As chinese said... THE PIG WILL CLIMB UP TO THE TREE IF MEN CAN BE TRUSTED... Kakakakaka.. AGREE!!!

Will a relationship last long if it's build on money and sex??? I wonder.


Time to sleep...

Piggie.....

I'm back from being a pig for more than a week. CNY is always the most horrible holidays for me as I will eat like nobody business, sleep always and spend lots of money.... So after a horrible but enjoyable holidays, I have to force myself back to the real world... it's so cruel... :(

Anyway, kinda bz with my sister, family and friends... and also my nap and food/ snacks... Kakakakaka.... After being a crazy pig, I also have to force myself not to eat so much again.... I gained some weight back in a week!!!!!! Arghhhh... my effort wasteddddd... Sad! I have to start the COMBAT again... Sad!!! New year resolution already failed... LOLZ.

Time to sleep lohh... got some interesting story to share... update soon.

Night, my love.

Gong Xi Fa Cai !!!!!!!

GONG XI... GONG XI....

May all the luck comes to me...... May all the monies come into my bank accounts...... May my health always in good condition...... May my dayssss always happy happy...... and may all the one I love have what they wanted.... :)

And... HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!! MUAKSSSSSSSSSSSS

Anniversary......

It's da 2nd year Anniversary of my blog!

Time flies.... been two years since I start talking nonsense here, a place for me to release my feelings, speak out my opinion... with no one against me... :P

Chinese New Year is just around the corner... my little sister is coming home... my best friend is coming back... Happy Happy.... :) Wish that my year will be as good as those MASTERS said... Been through so many bad years.. bad experience.. bad things.. I do need a new change, new luck and new life.

My best friend- Lisa is pregnant. I'm so happy for her! The first thing I told her after she told me the new is... I WAN TO BE UR BABY'S GOD MOTHER!!! :P I'm so excited when I heard that... Can't wait to see her BABY... or my GOD DAUGHTER/ SON... Anyway, I prefer Daughter lahhh... can dress her up pretty pretty... can do her hair nice nice.. can dress her like an angel, princess... AAwwwww...so LOVELY... YEAHHHH...the baby will due on September..same month as me... :) A piggy. I'm so excited for her. She is happy and taking good care of herself for her first baby... :) I can see happiness in her eyes.. Such a joyful little woman...

I got 2 more bombs to go... 10th March and 18th March... total bombs as per today, 10. Scary... everyone getting married... and my mom being more and more worry... and my pressure will be more heavier. Sucksss.

Wish me Happy Valentine's Day... Wish me Happy Chinese New Year!! Wish me luck for the coming YEARSSSSSS.... I need good luck!!!!

Arguement.....

Sorry, mom. I don't mean to have a fight with you. But I'm really frustrated whenever you urge me to marry. I really don't mean it. I'm sorry.

I understand that every mama also will feel worry on their kids if they are still not yet marry when they reached the "age of marry". It's not that I do not want to marry, have someone share my life, have someone who loves me, have someone who really care of me. But, we need 2 person to get marry. Nothing can be done if only one party wanted to marry or if the person is single.

I know that you are worrying on me, worrying that I will be too old to carry a baby... worrying that I will waste my time wondering around... worrying that I do not know what I'm doing. Mom, it takes two hands to clap. What can I do if no one wanted to marry me??? It's not that I do not want to marry. Men have changed.. Having a "serious" relationship with you doesn't means they have to marry you. Fucking you doesn't means he has to spend his life with you.

This is not what I think, but it's what I see. We will vision beautiful marriage when we are so in love, but do THE MAN really want to go into marriage with you?? My ex and I used to talk about our wedding... looks what I got then? Betrayal. That's what I got. Then, I thought I saw my future with SOMEONE, then came the words.. "NOT READY". No one really appreciate what you did. No one really care nowadays.

I'm not as lucky as my girl friends.. they found their love, who wanted to spend his life with her. I'm bad luck in love.. in relationship. Mom, you should know well what I have went through. That's not what I want... You thought I do not want a happy ending?? Or you think I enjoy the days of crying whenever a relationship ended??

Mom, not that I wanted to waste my time, not that I do not want to get marry... But, it's not in my control.

I know that I'm getting older... I know that you do worry on me. Sorry... I don't mean to argue with you.

Guys' memories......

According to a research that I read from a Magazine.. It stated that the male's brain is occupied with sexual thinking the most.

From my observation, if you really want to stay in a guy's memory for long time, at lease for a year or two.... the first thing you have to know is, how to have good sex. This is the most effective way to keep you in the guy's memory after both of your broke up. Most of them can't remember what you ever tell him, what you ever did for him, what have both of you went through... but they can remember god damn well on how you respond on bed. They can remember well how you used to suck him, how you used to ride him, how you moan... bla bla bla... They can even tell you the tiny actions you had on bed...but not how much you love him.

Amazing! right??? Proven again that men do think with their penis. Anyway, this is what I observed from friends and also few of the men. This is irritating that a man that you ever like only remember how he fuck you and how you response to him. Fucking irritating. It's like you are nothing but only a bitch that go on bed with him. HEY!! WE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!!!!

Women will not remember how fucking long or thick her ex's penis is. But we remember how our man treat us, how caring he was, how lovely he used to be... penis & sex always come to the last.. Unless, the lady is only taking the guy as a fuck buddy or one night stand partner, else penis/ lasting period/ fucking skills will not be what we concern at.

It's very sad that we are only a sex object in the man's memory after the relationship end. I think most of our [women's] can't even remember our face but only the sex we ever had with them.

Terrible, but that's the facts.

Wedding #8

20.01.2007 @ Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club. One of my best friend's wedding again. Seems like most of my best friends already married and left me alone, wondering around. Lisa, who I know for around 10 years. We know each other from MIRC... met each other in a channel's gathering. Both of us were ugly that time but we are a beauty now... Hahahahaha.... We are very good friend ever since. We always share our love stories, we always go for our food trips, we always bring our bf for each other to approve, we always go for coffee.... we shared many many things. It's amazing that we able to be good friends for more than 10 years and we know each other from MIRC.

Seldom got girls developed such a long term friendship from MIRC. I do appreciate her friendship very much. Beside Jeannie, Lisa is the one I always go to whenever I'm sad or unhappy or wanna cry. Lisa know many of my secrets... LOLZ... I'm very happy for her... Her hubby is a good man and he really care of her...

She is pretty on that day for sure. I do not feel lonely even though I'm kinda individual item in her wedding as I'm not really close with her friends or family. Why do I said so, because I can always sense that she looks at me and search for my opinion on how's everything goes, how she looks in her gown... :) So sweet....

We used to take each other as lover when both of us were single. However, we met less when she started relationship with her hubby, and I always tell her that..."Chia took away my Lisa from me!!!!!!!" I always acted jealous on Chia [her hubby] and do not want to meet Chia... LOLZ.... But, she knows that I actually feel happy for her... :)

Yes, I'm happy for you, Lisa. Happy Marriage.

**most of my best friends are married... who going to "wondering" around with me then?? I feel so empty, so lonely.

Ugly Duck......

I was very ugly when I was 6-18 years old. I used to heard many people praised me that I'm beautiful, cute and sweet when I was a small kid. My mom loves to dress me up nicely with lacey dress, do my hair with beautiful hair clips... whenever we stepping out of our home. I'm still having this habit.. dress up nicely whenever I stepping out of my home. I can't tolerate that I go out from my home wear shorts and t-shirt.

I no longer heard people praise me beautiful but fat. My self esteem is always low due to this. I'm very sensitive to the word of "FAT" ever since. Due to my low self esteem, I did not like to buy any nice clothes, I did not like to put any make up, I did not like to make myself outstanding and be the lime light. I always worry that people might found something wrong on me... on me dressing, on my face. I just do not like myself. I don't even dare to have eye to eye contact with anyone, not even my family. I was so shy... shy to face myself as everyone told me that I'm fat... very fat.

However, my first work changed me. I become more brave to face the public, to talk to people. At lease, I dare to talk to strangers. I become more open and talkative but I still have no confidence on my outlook. Then, I knew my ex, he brought the biggest changes in me. He made me feel confidence on myself, he made me know that I'm actually looks good, he made me believe that I'm actually a sweet and lovely lady, he showed me that love actually does exist in my life and he loves me. But still I don't really dress up or make myself looks pretty and sexy or lovely.

I devoted all my love on him. He was my world, he was my sun.. I'm the little globe that surrounded him, and I'd do whatever he wants.. beside leave all my friends behind. Still, men are untrustable... he betrayed my love. I'd been hurt badly.. bleeded for 2 years.

Due to what he has done to me, I'd learn how to love myself more. At the early stage of our break off, I spend almost rm1000 to buy a Swatch, shoes, handbags, clothes and others... I was a shopping freak ever since because it does make me feel good. I'm sick, I know.

Now, everyone told me that I did changed a lot.. they told me that I looks great and much better than before when I was with my ex. Some of them even happy that we broke off actually. Even my mom feel glad on what I'm now.. she keep criticising the OLD ME... damn bad!!

I'm happy on my own changes... Not because I'm much beautiful and confidence now but it's that I know that I do love myself now. Live beautifully, happily, confidencely... is the best way to revenge your ex.

I'm sick. I know

Timing......

Timing is very important for 2 person to be couple or further on in a relationship. Right time, wrong person... Wrong time, right person..both only bring us sadness, disappoinment...

Let's say...

A- Lady, been through many bad experience in relationships. Reach the age to get marry.
B- Man, still fresh in relationship stuff. Reached the age to be settle down. Everything seems new and still want to explore more about GIRLS in this world.

When these 2 person get together... do you think they will end up married and spend the rest of their life together??? My answer is ---> No. Because the man does not want to marry as relationship is still a new thing for him. A is only something like new toy... bring him excitement, made him to be more understand on lady... let him experiencing how's a real relationship does goes...

When A wanted to settle down, wanted to rest and has her own family... B might not the one for her as he is still happy happy exploring the world of Relationship. Or maybe B does not really into the relationship as much as A thought. Of course A will feel disappointed but B feel nothing at all. For B, why want to marry so early?? I not yet have enough fun of this!!! For A, I'm tired to wondering around... I love him and my biological clock is ticking... Why don't we get marry?

2 difference thinking, because 2 difference timing. The ending will be A very disappointed on B and thought that B actually does not love her. And they break off.

Women, very easy species. Once they confirmed that this is the man that she love, there has no others thinking in their mind but to settle down with them. But men, they will never concern on how his lady feel, but what he wanted. They will only marry when he feel that he wanted to settle down.

From most of the cases I heard, I realised that most of the marriage happened because the girl wanted to get marry or the girl's family give pressure or the guy is overage for marriage. Some guys might still single when they are 40.. please refer to the movie "40 Years Old Virgin"... The actor is indirectly wanted to marry anyway. Who does not want to have someone special in their life??

It's sad when you know that the Timing is actually not matched. Timing.... always the reason for those lovely couple to ended their story. If you are a guy, and you do love or appreciate someone who is loving you so much...and both of you are at the age to be settle down... do not only think on yourself. Disappointment may kills the relationship... timing too.

How would you feel when there come a day that you propose to her... she told you..."you are actually missed the right time..". Nothing will come back to you once you have missed it... especially FEELINGS.

Couples that been together for too long time always break-up... Why??? because they missed the right time for the right words from either party.

Up & down.....

Happy happy.... Because I fulfilled one of the so called wish in Year 2007... have an overseas trip in Year 2007... It's not Taiwan that I planned.. but BALI... :) Feeling excited... Should thanks to that "Red Plane" being so kind and generous, always offer us the FREE AIR TICKETS to overseas and local places... if not because of them, I don't think I will have the chance to go overseas so often.... YOU ARE THE BEST!!! :P [must sapu abit, if not, no more free tickets for us.. the kiasu people... :P]

Been in the new job for more than a month... It's OK so far, but the lady boss is kinda fussy and I think she wants me to be 100% obey on her. Too bad that I am a dragon, arrogant dragon. This is what I hate to be. Means, a little bit of conflicts happened btw us. Work, always full with shits. Leave it or deal with it!!

My sister is back for 3 days just to attend her best friend's wedding. Feel good to see her again.. Always love to chit chat with her as we been depends to each other since we were born.

I know that I've been missing for awhile... been busy abit on working, been busy on yoga classes, been busy with celebrating holidays, been busy with SOMEONE... :)

I got a sad news from a friend lately, our friend's wife passed away due to some accident while she delivering the baby... the baby still in the ICU, in dangerous.. He is 100% collapsed... Hope the baby will be strong enough to survive for his poor daddy...

Delivering baby, is same as stepping your leg into the door of HELL... Not only that we have to suffer the days when the baby in our womb, we also have to be so careful on everything to make sure the baby is ok and we are fine... we also have to take the risk when delivering baby, eg. some ACCIDENTS that doctor can do nothing to save the mom or the baby. Due to the love we have to our husband, family... we risks our life on bringing a new life into our life.

I used to have this decision that I do not want a baby even I'm married. I do not know why I have that in my mind, but for me, I do think that I do not have that patience to carry a baby, educate a kid... of course I do love kids but I do not have the patience on them. Like, I do love my cousins much, I always bought them snackss... but I can't stand when they making noise around me, asking me many questions or doing something that I do not like. And I think it's also because that I do not have a healthy body as the normal ladies around... I'm slightly weak.

But, because that I know SOMEONE likes kids very much, I started to tell myself "Maybe can give it a try. Look at the babies, they are damn cute and lovely!" But, not everyone know/ appreciate what you have actually done. It's always the best to be who you wanted yourself to be than anything. After I heard about this incident happened on my friend's wife, there come a thought in my mind..."do we really have to risk our life for this thing?" I don't know, I have no answer for this. But, one side on my brain telling me..."ya, not worth it to risk your life. No point as no one will appreciate but take it as granted." The other side of my brain said..."Of course it is worth more than billions dollars... he/she is from you and your love one." Let's fight!!!

Women, will do anything because of love. Because of love, they will earn money with their body, involved in illegal activities, risk their own life... all because, they are in love with the man!!! Sighhh... What should we say about women in love???

Blind & Deaf, is what I am. I will only awake if the person I love diappointed me badly. Yes, I do feel very disappointed.. and I decided to be firm on what I wanted as last time.

Life is not what you can expect.... Enjoy your everyday to the max.... as we will never know what will happend on us the next second...

一厢情愿

一厢情愿是很鄙微的。当你发现你自以为是的事情并不如你所想的，那种伤感是非常难以形容的。而在你伤痛的同时，另外的那一个人却在沾沾自喜。因为，他知道他在你心中的位置是多么的重要。现在的你，已经站在一个很低，很鄙微的位置了。那种感觉就像是。。站在云端上享受那种飘飘然的感觉，突然感到脚下一空。。。重重的跌了一交，痛的不知如何再站起来。

一厢情愿的以为会天长地久，那知道那只是我的错觉。我曾经以为我会与我的前男友会永远，谁知道他早已打算离开了。自己的过于自信蒙蔽了我的感觉，让我感觉不到他的不开心，感觉不到他的离意。笑我笨吧，我无所谓。反正，在感情路上我并不是一位智者。

一厢情愿的爱，得到的只是痛。没有人叫你爱的如此深啊。你为何自讨苦吃？活该！！以为经过了那么多的跌碰，我会聪明一点。。但是，我依然如此白痴。


我以为看到的幸福，原来只是我的一厢情愿。

Heartbroken dream......

Have you ever cry in your dream till so heartbroken and woke up? And can’t stop crying in the middle of the night?

I did it last night.

I was having this heartbroken dream. I dreamed that SOMEONE used a knife stabbed into my chest, opened up my chest and let my heart drop out from my chest. I’m bleeding badly, SOMEONE just walked away like nobody business. I take back my heart from the floor, put it back into my bloody chest.. I walked towards SOMEONE and asked "Why you do this to me?? Why??". My heart is pain, not because it’s out of my chest.. it’s because SOMEONE did this to me. Of course SOMEONE did not answer me… SOMEONE just walked away… I’m still holding on my chest, try not to let me heart fall off again, walking weakly with very hurt and extremely sad feelings. I was crying in my dream but I can feel my tears are actually falling from my eyes in real life.

I’m feeling extremely sad and hurt till I woke up from my dream and cry out loud. The feelings are just too strong for me to handle. I can’t stop crying and crying in the middle of the night. It was 3am.

Maybe I should learn to be selfish whenever in a relationship. I should only care on what I really want instead of what SOMEONE wanted. My "giving too much love" behavior always caused me get hurt easily. Maybe being a god damn selfish person will bring me a better life.
Ya, I should not give a damn on what SOMEONE wanted actually but be very firm on what myself wanted. No one will appreciate what you have given up. No one will give a fuck to care how much courage you took to change the decision you’ve made long time ago.

Maybe I should not blame anyone that being selfish. Myself should be smart enough to know how’s this world is. I’m always optimistic and take it easy on whatever that comes to me. I even always advice people to be a little bit selfish when comes to the reality world. But in a relationship, I’m always the dumm dumm. Because once I’m in love, I’m in love.

I can give anything that I have, I will give up whatever SOMEONE doesn’t like, I will just give myself into a relationship. Yes, I’m very stupid. A friend always reminded me not to be so stupid but I can’t help. I do not know how to control my love.

Teach me a way to be selfish. Teach me a way to not give a damn on anybody. Teach me to be cold hearted. Teach me to protect my heart. Teach me not to cry because of SOMEONE again. Teach me not to be so innocent in love.

I think, I need to attend a PLAY GIRL COURSE.

***********

1110am - This dream is affecting me badly. I'm 100% moodless. I need someone to talk but there has no one.

What I hate most......

-Unreachable/ Not respond to his/her mobile phone. Eg. Not replying sms, not answering phone calls. I wondering what’s the purpose of having mobile phone if you are not bringing your mobile phone with you always.

- Dirty and untidy. I’m very freak on cleanliness and tidiness. Do not messed my things, or put back on where it is originally after used. I do not love to go anywhere that I can’t have my clean and comfortable body. I feel 100% uncomfortable on all the outdoor activities. I always call myself as a “CITY MONSTER” because I know that I can’t left the city. My only hobby is drink coffee, shopping, watch movie, sleep and listening to songs and maybe yoga?? I got no hobbies on outdoor activities… Ya, I’m a freak. The sun is poisoned… stay away from the sun..

- Being push to doing something that I wanted to do. I will not do the things that you wanted me to do but I will do it by myself if there has no one to push me or nag/ asked me. The more you push or asked, the more I won’t do it, no matter how much I want it actually. Yes, I’m a fucking irritating bitch. If I knew that you actually wanted me to do something so much, the more I won’t give it to you. But, I’m demanding.. I want anything that I want. Double standard eh? I’m barbaric!!!!

- I hate when you are not listening or paying attention when I’m talking. Who doesn’t hate this?? Right? I wonder is there anyone that can tolerate with someone that not paying attention whenever you are talking to him/ her. This is rude!!

- Always failed on his/ her promises or failed to show up on an arrangement that been set much earlier. I always get mad when people called off a meeting on last minute, unless you do have a very god damn good reason to convince me. I strongly believe that, we all know our own plan in further instead of knowing it on the minute you suppose to meet with your friends. And, by planning your own schedule properly will not lead you to cancel your meeting on last minute. I’m a person who holds on my own promises very very strongly. When I said, YES, you can take my words.

- Late for appointment. Always. Give me the most convinceable reasons. Please inform me that you will be late for the appointment/ meeting before the time of meeting up. I can understand if the traffic is bad but do not use this as an excuse always. Know why I always leave my house much earlier?? Because I always spare time for the bad traffic.

- Betray. How do we judge on betray?? Very personal judgments it is. I got no money, not pretty, not famous.. I wonder what I have for my friends to betray on. In a relationship, I gave all my love and my heart to only one… a betrayer will drown me to the deep sea.

Too much to tell….. That’s all for today… I’m tired on reminding myself on whoever made me disappointed. Life, is hard to predict. But still, life goes on. Have a wonderful Yr 2007!!