知足

当你遇到一个可以容忍你的小姐脾气/ 会剥虾给你吃/ 会陪你出席宴会，载你去吹头，化妆/ 还担心你化妆时会口渴，饥饿/ 尽量不和你吵架/ 常听你发唠叨又不太插嘴/ 会在半梦中因你发脾气而打电话给你/ 记得你常用的卫生用品的品牌，还会帮你买的男人[虽然买错了香味]。我想，应该觉得幸福吧。

除了那么一点点的太好人，及太容忍和迁就家人，自我，有点骄傲以外。。我想他也是个非常可爱的男人。

福气

眼看着朋友们一个个的嫁娶。。看着那挂在脸上的幸福笑容，真心的替他们高兴。但是，我的心情是复杂的。虽然我总告诉朋友们慢慢的等待我那杯喜酒，但是，我内心深处真的是有点羡慕朋友们都找与他们一同走过这个人生的男人。我也想遇到一个愿意与我一起慢慢变老的男人，一个真心对待我的男人，一个疼爱我的男人。然而，我的情路总是比他人来的万分坎坷。

看着自己依然找不到依靠的心，真的有点伤感。开始感到有点寂寞。我真的开始想安定下来了。我开始想像自己的婚礼是如何，我会与何人共度一生？我会如何的度过我的人生呢？我感觉不到我已接近这阶段。我感觉不到有人会想与我分享我的下半生。我感觉不到，我看不到。。。那愿意娶我的人。

我开始可怜自己。我是那么的难以被爱吗？？还是我太固执，太执着了？我不着急，但是我开始感到可悲了。一路走来，我以为我会与他长久的，全是一场春梦。受伤害的只是我自己，因为我爱的很深, 非常深。

我向往结婚，但是我也恐惧被背叛。我也想与我爱的人结婚啊。。但是谁想与我结婚呢？？

朋友们，我真的非常羡慕你们的幸福。不是所有人都有你们的福气，至少，我至今都还没有这种福气。

Wedding Dinner #4

Shanice's Wedding Dinner @ Concord Hotel, 25.11.2006

Another busy wedding dinner as I need to help at the reception again. This time is a very messy and terrible one. Jeannie [best friend] and myself are so in mess as the person in charge is soooo.... MESS in his own plan. Not that I want to say bad about the name listing plan, but it's really not organised well.

Due to the respect to Shanice and due to the importancy of us, Jeannie [best friend] and myself went to do our hair and make up. My SOMEONE is so sweet and send me for all this faking process...[hair doing and make up]. SOMEONE even brought me my fav EXTREME MOCHA when I'm doing my make up at the BENEFIT counter [BENEFIT is a brand new comestic that from San Francisco, very wonderful and easy-to-use comestic; I LOVE IT]. Please refer to the above photos attached. I like this make up than the previous one as this is more natural and make me looks like.... ANGEL.. a sexy one. LOLZ!!!!!!

We only able to close the reception around 830pm as some of the guests are late... however, by the time we leave the reception, there are still "not yet arrive" guests. Malaysian... very well known by this usual habits. Overall, the food is not bad.. The bride is beautiful of course.

Due to the gathering, wedding dinners and my laming period... My battle [slimming plan] has no progress... No result. Still the same. Sigh.... sad case. I wanna lose 5kg more!!!! Damn it!!! should not eat liaooooooooooooo

More and more wedding dinners to come on December!!!!

Eeeee...??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

I was browsing on my friendster’s list. I’m looking through all my friends’ friends’ list… Ya, I’m too free and nothing better to do. Suddenly, I saw a very familiar face!!! My EX!!

I feel like a hit on my heart. It has been like ages that I have no news from anyone about him or I never bump into him at all. Maybe he did saw me from very far away but choose to avoid me. I always know that he is trying his fucking best not to see me due to his guiltiness. But, as a blur girl as me, I never saw him pass by or what-so-ever.

No, it’s not that I still have some kind of feelings towards him. It’s more like a long lost friend that suddenly appear in front of you and you will feel CURIOUS on how he is doing now [after all, I’m a damn busy body girl]. From the photos I see, he is slightly gay than last time, maybe for ‘OTHERS’, it is what they call it STYLISH. But for me, it is so GAY.

Why I said so?? I always think that I’m a kinda open minded person in no matter relationship or fashion. But, for a guy who wear RED PANTS… it’s freaking me out. This is never the person I know 7 years ago. No doubt that he is a VERY OBEY BF as he will wear whatever his GF bought him. But I do think it’s over-do by asking my own BF to wear a RED PANTS… I can’t accept it. Or maybe I’m getting old and outdated, but he is getting more and more FASHIONABLE.

In my eyes, he looks more like a pimp than anything now. Maybe it’s a good thing that he does changed to a more stylish man than last time, that only JEANS are his good buddy. Think that he is having his HAPPY life by looking at his photo as he smile so HAPPILY with his RED PANTS.

Awww… I shouldn’t criticize…... after all, he is my ex… even though he is a bastard that betrayed me. But, I really can’t help when I look at the photo…. GOSH!! IT IS SO GAY!!!!!!!

Useless......

Aiya...now I'm a useless people... lame & sitting at home, online.. not really do anything... Sighhh...VERY SAD!!!!!!!

I'm desperate for a job... desperatelyyyyy.... Went for few interviews..but still haven't get any reply or call back... Myself is interested in only one company that is doing RECYCLE MANAGEMENT.

Useless people still have to squeeze out monies to attend wedding dinnersssss... I'm thinking whether should I find some excuses and not to attend plus no need to give ang pao... :P Hahahaha..damn kiasu!! But I'm so pity!!!!! How??? How????

However, this useless people still walking here & there.... window shopping.... :P but, it's so torture to walk around in the mall when your wallet has nothing to fulfill your DESIRE... Sighhh.. somemore eh, christmas is coming mahh... nice clothes everywhere... so tempting!!! I saw a shoe kinda nice and comfortable, cost RM39.90... I did not buy it because I have to "CONTROL"!!!!!

I'm very upset!!! I'm very down!!!!! I want a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


** above is the useless people's photo taken on the laming period.

如果。。。。。。

有时，我真的希望自己可以不在乎一切。可以什么都没有感觉，那么我或许可以没有脾气。当你他妈的不在乎某人，那么他的所作所谓便不是那么大件事。

就如别人所讲的，如果我不再在乎你的一切，那便代表你对我已不再重要了。

如果我真的可以如此不在乎，我想我早已离开了。

如果我可以忍受别人玩电玩而不回我的短训，我一定是痴线了。

如果我真的痴线了，别忘了送我去精神病院。

如果我真的在精神病院，要记得常来探望我。

Little Black Dress......

Due to so many dinners coming to me... I forced to buy so many dresses and skirts... these are 2 dresses I bought yesterday @ Sg Wang.. very cheap and nice.. :P Sexy as well... My mom shocked when I wear it and show her.. Hahahhahaha... It's too sexy in her eyes as the deep V is too deep and can see my small "longkang" [ I do not have any longkang lah...] Should wear PUSHUP BRA to make it bigger.

The first dress is nice and just need to sew abit on the DEEP V...coz it actually open too widely.. and will expose my lovely breast if did not sew it abit. My mom keep saying..."so sexy!! Can see whole thing liaoo..." "aiya...where got?!?!" "ha?? like that also didn't show everything?" "aiya...no lah...OK mah..." [look look in the mirror...] "aiya..looks like my breast really kinda big horrr??" "ha!!! Now only you know ha??" -__- "

The second dress looks abit conservative and not so sexy and not so nice...but when you wear it on, you looks amazingly slim!!!!! Hahahaha...and the deep V is kinda deep also..... but not so deep as the 1st one... Anyway, I like both of them... :)

Aiya...I'm broke!!! due to all wedding dinnersssss

Battle again.....

Battle going to start soon.... battle with my body fatsssssssssssssss

Ya, after lose 5KG... I'm still very greedy to lose more...and more and more...

The battle will start by today.....

Let's see how much I can lose this time...

Period : 17th Nov 2006 - 31st Dec 2006.

The new me on Year 2007!!!!!!!!!

*************
My new year resolution always the same... LOSE WEIGHT!
Hope that I really able to make it!!!
GANBADEH!!!!!!

Final Day......

Final day....
Feel nothing on this.. numb... forced to accept it and desperately for a new job. Sigh... my life is sux!

**************

Latest update on WEDDING DINNERS..

Sept06 - 1
Oct06 - 2
Nov06 - 1
Dec06 - 3
Jan06 - 1
Feb06 - 0
Mar06 - 1

Total - 9 WEDDING DINNERS

Beside these wedding dinners that will add so much fats in my body.. This week also got 2 so called dinner... Tuesday and Thursday. I must control!!! to lose 5kg is not easy!! I wanted to lose 5kg more... so I can dress to kill. Looks like it's getting more and more difficult for me to reach my target. Emmm... No worry!! I will try my best!! worse case, do not eat at all!! :P Aiyaa... I won't lah... I love to eat like hell.. won't stop eating just because want to slim down...

God, let me lose 5kg more and 5kg more and 5kg more..... Ops...too greedy. :P

Rephrase:

God, please let me lose weight very soon till my body figure is 36-24-36!!!! [SHOUT TO GOD]
[Ah!! that's much better!! Kekekeke....]

Help!!!!!!!

Arghhhhh....anyone to rescue me from.... WEDDING DINNERS?????

The game is getting more and more excited!!!! Last night I received a sms from my ex-colleague.. mentioned that she would like to invite me to her wedding dinner on December... HELP ME!!!

So, the list will be as below : -

Sept06 - 1
Oct06 - 2
Nov06 - 1
Dec06 - 2
Jan07 - 1
Feb07 - 0
Mar07 - 1

Total : 8 WEDDING DINNERSSSSS

Where am I going to have so much EXTRA MONIES to spend on - dress/ hair/ makeup/ angpao/ parking/ petrol???

I'm dying!!! I think I need to go to coffee bean and ASK for DONATION!!! At least, I still can enjoy a piece of cheesecake without take out money from my own wallet!!!! WHY????? Why everyone so rush to marry this year???? cannot marry nexy year?? next next year??? why all can't wait to marry in this year?!?!?!!?!?

Please!!! anyone, please marry me!! I want to BOMB ppl too!!!!!!

I NEED DONATION!!!!!!

我是肤浅的。。。。。。

女人总是肤浅的动物。尤其是在恋爱中的女人。

我是女人，我也是无可置疑的肤浅。我爱听甜言蜜语，当我爱人对我说我爱你，我的心可以好像融化的雪糕一样。。。甜甜软软。

平常人是无法看出我的肤浅，只有我的好朋友与我的爱人看的到。

在爱情中的我是非常没有安全感，尤其当我们之间有障碍的时候，当我们无法解决某些事情的时候。我的爱，是非常需要别人肯定的。因为我无法肯定自己。我在乎他对我的爱是否与我一样。当我感觉到一丝丝的不对劲，我便立即慌乱，想抓着任何东西，肯定自己。所以，我也被看成情绪化，坏脾气。这全因为我的“不安全” 。

我不明白为什么我会如此没有安全感。可能，我总觉得男人都一样花心，没有良心的吧。并不是因为我的前男友的背叛而造成我的不安全感，我从小便是如此。我总是想别人重视我，在乎我。我想，这是与我小时候的经历有关。

在我小的时候，我是非常胖的。当你还是六岁时，这是可爱。当你是十六岁时，这是可悲。我总是带着胖胖的身躯过我的生活，没有一个男孩真正的看过我一眼。当时的自卑感觉，可想而知。我是个非常自卑的女孩。

虽然，我依旧胖胖的，但是我的高度令我看起来并没有那么丑。我该感谢我爸妈把我生的那么高大，至少没有什么人说我胖了。只有“高大” 两个字。而且，人长大了，会打扮了，了解什么适合自己。。当然变好看了。我没有那么自卑了，但是，我非常没有安全感。我总是千方百计的想得到别人的肯定。

所以，当我真正的与我前男友交往，我内心是非常感激及幸福的。我想，我终于找到一个真正爱我的人了。可想而知，我是多么的珍惜这一份感情。但是我的不安全感，的确令他有点烦恼。但是，我也真的无法控制我的不安全感。我也想控制它，但是我总是作不到。然而，我前男友的背叛，令我更加无法肯定自己，无法令自己安心，无法令自己更有安全感。

我是烦恼的。因为我无法控制自己的胡思乱想，无法控制自己的心。我真的尝试过，但又如何？别人根本看不到。有一个朋友告诉我有关脑电波的运用，好有趣，也很有道理。我看，我也需要运用我的脑电波来平复自己的不安全感。

我的自卑感从未离开过。我非常清楚，但是我毫无办法。我不知道如何帮助自己。只有别人的肯定可以令我稍微有一点安心。但是，这份安心可以维持多久呢？我也不知道。

我看，只有非常了解及有耐心的男人可以肯定我这颗不安全感的心。

I'm Froggy......

My name is Froggy...... hug me!!!
I have a pair of greeny eyes.. ya, I have a pair of GREEN EYES...
I have a jovial smile like my lady master... very attractive and pretty... :P
I'm very lady.. I always dress in PINK....
But, I'm a very poisoned frog, look at my colour... "DO NOT MAKE ME MAD! I WILL BITE YOU!!". Do not make my lady master mad [her madness = my madness], because I'm her guardian of angel.. I will bite anyone that made her unhappy...

Remember it, or you will regret!!

**********
Lovely Froggy....

Pink, one of my fav colour.

This Froggy very power eh... She can do ARM BALANCING YOGA POSE... very good on it somemore... She is poison froggy... "DO NOT MAKE ME MAD! I WILL BITE!!"

She will guard me from today [05.11.2006] onwards... not to let me feel hurt or sad. Or else... she will bite you!!!!

My little cute lovely cactus.......

I have this little cute lovely cactus in my office... it was bought from Ikea together with other 5 of them. I love this one the most as it is so beautiful. I gave the others to my mom and only brought this back to office. Not that I don't like the others, but I love this the most.

As usual, I will only water it once a week... When I wanted to water it on this Monday, I saw something so cute... My cactus growing up!!! Can you see it's new leaf??? So lovely... so fresh... like a new born baby... :)

So cute........

Life is easy..... NOT!!

First, let's talk about the WEDDING 3 @ Restaurant Kam Lun Tai, Seri Petaling.
I didn't attend the dinner. Why?? Because I lost my way.... end up I went for coffee with my best friend and her hubby @ Coffee Bean, Mont Kiara with hungry stomach and frustrated mood. But it's still OK as I always laugh alots when meet with this couple.

When we are enjoying our coffee, cheese cake, chat... there come an indian lady with a small little girl who age around 7.. They are actually asking for DONATION. My best friend and myself choosed to ignored her as we been cheated, but her hubby was very kind and gave her RM5. They keep asking around the area till the staff came out and asked them go. But, they ignore the staff and keep asking around for DONATION.

So, we continue our happy happy chat... Suddenly, I saw the little indian girl holding a small box of cake from COFFEE BEAN!!!!! She get a seat, opened it up & eat!!!! Gosh!!!! DONATION gone for Coffee Bean's cake!! RM10 per one cake, ok?!??!??!?! Damn it. Immediately I told my friend's hubby that he DONATED a cake for her. Then, we thought, may be the little girl "merajuk" her mom to buy her a cake. Suprisingly!!! The MOM bought another cake!!!! Walaueh!!! What a world!!!

Really thought we all blind or what??? This is abit too much, right?? If really want to eat cake, go to Starbucks that just a bit further down lah!!!! Don't lah show it to us that you are actually con our money!!! Sux!!

That's why lah, we all are getting more and more unwilling to help those who ask for DONATION... SEE!! This is the reason!

******

Life...... sux!!! My working life...... MORE SUX!!!!!! I still have to fuck off even I have proven that myself have did nothing so wrong till affecting the whole company operation. For my MD, I'm such a stupid and irritating staff. I never able to make him happy but worry and headache. Am I that worse???

Finally, here is the chance for us to get rid of each other. Yes, I'm leaving this company in 2 weeks time. Not because that I did something very wrong, not that I'm a job hopper, not because that I wanted to...... What can I do when my boss wanted me to take all the blames and be responsible on it, even I proved that it's not all my fault??

So, I'm looking for a new job desperately now. I will be jobless 2 weeks from now which I can't afford to.

Sometimes, I just wondering.... why we need to live so hard?? why we need to go through all these rubbish?? why can't I just have a steady job till I retire?? why??????? I just hate myself!!! I really do!!!!!!!

Sigh......

It's terrible feelings to back to work after 6 days rotting at home.

My eyes bag bigger than ever... the dark circle on my eyes looks like shit!!!

Sometimes, god really want to plays a fool with you. HE let you to found someone or something that you really happy with or in love with... then test or challenge you with something by making it worse. The worse thing is that you do not even own the chance to handle it but only let it torture you emotionally.

Torture emotionally, can lead to crazy... It's like having a bomb in my head, tik tik tik tik tik.... Having bad headache, blur mind.

Sigh.... I hate being torture.

Hymen......

From the research of mine about hymen… the below are what I have found…

“The hymen is a layer of tissue, just like the tissue around the opening of your vagina that partially conceals the vaginal orifice. You may or may not have one, most females do. The hymen is not an indicator of virginity; a girl is a virgin until she has been penetrated by a penis. During the early stages of fetal development there is no opening into the vagina at all. The thin layer of tissue that conceals the vagina at this time usually divides incompletely prior to birth, forming the hymen. The size and shape of this opening (or openings) varies greatly from person to person. Sometimes this formation of an opening does not occur, resulting in an imperforated hymen (it lacks the more common opening). Some females have no hymen at birth at all, since the tissue divided completely while they were still in the womb.
Many girls and teens tear or otherwise dilate their hymen while participating in sports like bicycling, horseback riding, gymnastics or inserting tampons, or while masturbating. A girl may not even know this has occurred, since there may be little or no blood or pain involved when this happens. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate prior to puberty. The presence or absence of a hymen in no way indicates whether or not a female is a virgin. * You are a virgin until you have sexual intercourse.* Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a penis to enter without tearing, or they tear only partially, and there is NO bleeding at all. When adequately lubricated the vagina is fairly 'flexible' and will stretch without discomfort for most women. Sometimes, a woman has sex for years with no real 'tearing' at all, only stretching of the hymen and then at another time the same woman might tear from 'rough sex' or sex with a different partner with a larger penis. Remnants of the hymen are usually still present until a woman delivers a baby vaginally.”

Why I talk about hymen?? Because I noticed that some male chauvinist pigs still being very care about this not functioning layer of tissue and taking it as an indicator for purity of a girl.

As for myself, I broke my hymen on cycling when I was very young. So, does this means that I’m no longer an innocent girl just because I did not bloody bleed on my first sex encounter?? Such a bloody fucking nonsense… This is such an irritating idea created by those male chauvinist pigs.

So, the idea is, men can fuck around with no worry because they do not have the fucking hymen to prove that he is virgin or not, but ladies have to behave and only be fuck by one and only man who is her husband. Hell!!! Damn unfair!!!

Ladies!! Enjoy your life, follow your feelings. I’m not saying that we should fuck around, but at least we have to take charge of our body, our feelings, our will. Our life is not depends on someone, not control by someone. If someone do not respect us, do not need to give a fuck to them. We have our right to fight for what we really want in our life. We have the right to choose who to break our hymen. Our happiness is not depends on a fucking layer of tissue.

A man who does love you with his heart will not judge you based on a fucking piece of tissue. I strongly believe in this. Man who love you, will not care about the hymen. Unless himself is a virgin too!! I won't want a virgin boy at this age of mine, coz it will be too boring as I never a good teacher! Hahhahahaha...

Pigs!! Do you know that hymen can be re-build if we really want to do so???

Yeah!!!

Total lose - 5kg

Yeah!!!!!!! more to go!!! Let me be a slim and sexy princess!!!! :P

Paiseh......

I looks like a LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS!!!!

I know lah... Many people said that I always praise myself and I "tak tau malu"... :P Aiya, like that only can make ourself more happier, more confidence mah!!! :P

Anyway, I'm still a LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS... Kakakakkakaka...

Wedding 2 - My best friend's wedding..

My best friend's wedding [Jeannie] @ Concord Hotel, KL @ 20.10.2006.

Being her best friend, I'm busy on the day before and the day itself. Went to her house at the night before till 1am, sleep around 2am and wake up by 630am the next morning. Feeling dizzy and yawn non stop... :P But still able to make myself awake till 230am... POWERFUL! Feel like my wedding... of course, I'm not so nervous and tensed as Jeannie.

Was helping her on game preparing, bringing her belongings to the broom's house, send her relatives home, rush for make-up, do my hair and reach early to the Hotel to help on the reception counter and some arrangement. It's a very good experience for me as then I know that how troublesome it is to have a wedding dinner!! I was so exhausted after the dinner... I can't really walk properly after the dinner and ang pao counting session, not because I'm too drunk but too exhausted. I have to hug SOMEONE tight so that I able to walk to the car... Hahahhaha....

The food is normal as those chinese restaurants but good for hotels... :P And their price are reasonable too while the hotel itself is already very presentable. If there is a chance for me to have a wedding, this hotel will be in my list.

I was dressing up like a PEACOCK... not that colourful but as beautiful... Kakakakak... :P Normally I do not dress up so much for wedding dinner, but this is a very special case. Everyone shocked to look at my changes... Especially those friends who knows me long enough to know what's my actual style is... I love the changes as I turn out so beautiful and like a princess. I just love how I looks that night.. :)

That's the night, after a year of planning and so much preparation... it ended with beautiful memories. Wish that this is exactly what Jeannie's wanted for her wedding. It's a lovely night anyway... Not only that I withness the result of their love, but also the wonderful companion SOMEONE gave me.... :)

HAPPY MARRIAGE!! JEANNIE!!! FASTER GET ME A GOD-DAUGHTER!!!!


** shall post some photos of the event or myself later

My Live Crystal Stone.......

YEAH!!!! Finally I found a live crystal stone that is beautiful and cheap!!! This photo is bad! Did not show the beautiful-ness of my crystal stone.

Found this beautiful purple-ish live crystal stone @ Endah Parade on last Saturday. Just simply walk around without any motive and SOMEONE saw this crystal shop and therefore we walked in to have a look. They got many live crystal stone on the racks, beautiful and attractive. What attracted me the most is their pricing. So, I spend some time browsing on all the crystal stones.... I can't take my eyes off them... They are so beautiful.

This crystal I bought is 4.5 inches * 3.5 inches. Not so big, not so small... just the right size that I want. Ya, big means nothing... POWERFUL is the main point!!! :P Ngam Ngam Hoo is da best!!! YEAH!!! after I got this beautiful plus powerful live crystal stone, I can charge my crystal bracelets anytime as I wish!!!!! then I will be surrounded with good luck!!!!! O...Ya... It only costs me RM69.00... Cheap ehhh...

Actually I also eyed on another Yellow Live Crystal Stone... But due to insufficient funds, decided not to get that first.. Maybe next time when I got some EXTRA MONIES.

I can already feel the luck around me.... Hahahahha.... Let's get the YELLOW LIVE CRYSTAL soon!!! so that MONIES will comesss to me tooooooooo..... :P Imagine, a lovely beautiful girl with happiness and monies... WAH!!!! envy worrrrr... No worry!! I will be one of them soon! :P

Endah Parade got many crystal shops!!!!! Love it!!! Beside crystal shops, it got nothing to catch my attention. Endah Parade, my crystal paradise!!! :P Ha! beside crystal shops, they also got many many many many foot massage shops, feng shui shops.. abit weird ohh... I never see a mall with so many of shops like these.. But who cares???? It's a paradise for me as long as they got a lots of crystal shops!!! Kakakakaka.....

I shall go sleep with my luck around me.... YEAH!!!!!