I feel lame......

I feel lame, very lame.

I have to do all these, just to make someone realised something and make decision. It's not what I suppose to do. I forced to pressured someone. It's not what I want.

I do not want to waste time and go no where.

I feel so lonely recently... desperately lonely. Been neglected. My friends all into their family life and I've been neglected. They have their own happy moments, they have their new life, they have their own topics. I found no way to fit in anymore. But this is not the reason I asked for something. That's always what I looking for in my life.

I wonder, why no one treated me seriously, why no one ever think for me. Why I have to fight so hard to get something I wanted in my life? Why I can't just sit there and enjoy the on-coming luck. Maybe my karma is really bad.

I do not have my luck in love as anyone around me. I do not have the happy relationship as anyone around me. I always have to fight badly for what I really want. I have to go through many obstracles to see a better scenery. Some people may say, "that a good thing, you are a tough and better person now." Ya... but do you know how many tears I dropped to be in this stage??

Why I have to asked instead of someone take the initiative to do something? Why? I'm not saying that my life is bad... I got a good mama, good sister, few good girl friends, few good guy friends, got a socalled good job, good superior.... what else I asked for?

If you do know me well, you should know that I'm such a sensitive and sentimental person. I can cry for a simple dialogue on the movie... you can touched my heart by just give me a small card... you can make me melt by just knowing what I like actually... I'm easy to be in love, and easy to be hurt.

I do feel lame by doing all these..... but I know I have to do it.