折翼的天使

"女人是天使，当她爱上一个人时，就会折断翅膀来到人间，所以男人不要伤害身边的女人，因为她已经没有翅膀再飞回天堂。”

好感动。女人愿意为心爱得男人做任何事情，任何事！当我第一次的被他严重伤害的那一刻，真的感觉身在地狱。心，被撕裂。痛不欲生。以为自己不会再有能力的再爱一次。因为我妈妈，我要自己站起来。我告诉自己，不能倒下去，不能为一个伤害你的人而伤害自己的家人。我是站起来了。。我学会独立了。。我学会保护自己。。我学会硬心肠。。我学会伤害男人。。但是，我飞不回天堂。我的翅膀，早已为他那份曾经的爱而折断了。

我恨他，当他背叛我的爱。但是，恨。。。带不了我回天堂。我唯有学会自己生存于地狱。我开始要自己学会原谅，虽然不容易。。但是，我还是学会了。。用了两年的时间，我走出来了。

折翼的天使，需要很大的勇气用自己的力气再次站起来。请别伤害那全心全意爱你的天使。。。因为，她真的没有能力再飞回天堂了。。。

问心无愧。。。

“岂能尽如人意，但求无愧于心！”

并无人能完全的令身边的人万分满意。我，不会去满足全部人对我的期望。我只能做我所能。就算你能满足所有人对你的期望又如何？难道他们会颁一个“非常好人” 奖给你吗？？得到后又如何？我会变成亿万富翁吗？我会成为天使吗？我会更开心吗？我会得到我所要吗？你可以满足几多个人的期望。这会不会带给你快乐？他们的意愿是不是你所要的？你能确保他们不会再次要求吗？你能满足他们几多次？

你完全满足他人期望， 并不代表你是好人。不满足他人意愿，也不代表我是 坏人。我没有遗弃父母，我没有杀人放火，我没有作奸犯科，我没有出卖至亲。。。我，只是依我自己的心做人。

世上忆万人口，谁能尽如人意？只求问心无愧，安枕无忧。。。

我，只求家人平安，健康，快乐。。。
我，只求自己平安，健康，快乐。。。
我，只求问心无愧。。。

No arguement......

Most of the people around us think that a relationship without arguement is always the best, because they think that it indicated that both of the couple are perfectly match and therefore they are happy with each other, so they do not argue with each other. As a ordinary lady around this world, I did think so. However, a chat with my married friend has changed my mind on this perception.

A relationship without arguement is dead. There have no perfectly match couple in this world, we are human, everyone is different from each other. The only way to avoid arguement within 2 couple is... do not communicate. If there has no flow of communication between couple, there relationship is dead. So, if "A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT ARGUEMENT" is what you want in your life, please do not communicate with the one you love.

We were talking about the topic of "ALWAYS ARGUE IN A RELATIONSHIP"... I told her that this is very confusing action as not that you do not love that person, but arguement always there. She paused for awhile after listened on what I said and told..."I rather have arguement with him, at least, we are COMMUNICATING." It give me a knock on my heart, my mind. I feel pain in my heart because I can feel her pain in her words. I feel a knock on my mind because it made me realised a relationship will never be so peaceful with no arguement as we are 2 different people.

I'm fussy...
I might say something against what you want to listen from me...
I might be stubborn on my own thought...
I might argue like hell with you on something I do not like...
I might always ask for something I want but not what you wanted...
I might be mad on something you have done...
I might be demanding...
I might be crazy fella...
I might just say anything that hurt your feelings...

But..........

At least, my heart is open for communicate..... with the one I care, I love.

If, A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT ARGUEMENT is what you ever want, please do not communicate with me and let my heart die off slowly... I will let my love rest in peace.

Perfectionist......

I'm a VIRGO... and I am very VIRGO....

I'm a perfectionist, sarcastic, terribly high self esteem, think negatively, details, always plan ahead, an analyst, systematic, quiet, tidy, clean, got sense of humour [if I know you well], shy, no sense of secure, sentimental, sensitive, fast temper, attention seeker, caring, symphaty and lovely.

I'm terrible when I'm in a relationship. It's all because I always want attention, I always want to feel love as I got no sense of secure in no matter what, I always think negatively.. therefore, I need someone who able to assure me with his LOVE... alotsssssss of LOVE.

I'm so perfectionist till I want it to be perfect in a relationship too. When you are not giving it, I will ask for it... I want to see my future with the one I love... I want to know where am I going with this person, this relationship.. I'm not demanding, I'm not hard to pleased... Just assure me with your LOVE... Just let me know that you will not walk away and leave me alone... Just show me that you will go anywhere with me... I need you to calm my unrest heart...What I want is only your LOVE...

If one day, I'm quiet, I do not ask anything, I do not bother to know anything about you... It's the day I'm walking away. I will not spend more than 3 months with someone who I think is worthless... I will just walk away if I found that you do not appreciate me, loves me or care of me. I'm terribly STICKY yet cold hearted. Stay or go??? Decide and tell....

All I lack of is only my sense of secure.

Appreciate me......

歌曲：我怀念的
歌手：孙燕姿 专辑：逆光

我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你
已不想挽回什么

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是
争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手最暖的胸口
谁记得 谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅
抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥

谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的
我还有想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手最暖的胸口

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得

太爱了
所以我
没有哭
没有说

My new fav song from Stephanie Sun... Such a wonderful song. If, you lost the passion to love him after arguement, it indicated that you no longer love him as much as you were and you are tired of these. Maybe it only happened at this moment, maybe it's been a long time.... love is fading off. When he has forgot what you have done... it's always the best to walk away before you get hurt badly.

My mom told me... "The one you love most will be the one who hurt you the most.. Because you care on everything, anything about him/ her.." I think it's true. My mom told me that my dad loves me the most... but I never sense that he loves me... I always argue with him, hardly talk to him, I don't even ever try to understand him.. I think I did hurt him much... I still miss him always... I only know that I do love him much after he left us. The only thing I ever feel regret in my life is that I never appreciate my dad.. I'm sorry.

Show me that you do appreciate me much, show me that you will protect my heart with yours, show me the future, tell me that you do appreciate me, tell me that you see what I've done, tell me that everything will be OK..... What I miss is when we can talk about anything, what I miss is when we dream together, what I miss is I still have to urge to love you even you've hurt me badly.... I remember the night, I remember the song, I remember the breeze caress my face, I remember the moment when you hand hold mine, I remember your heartbeat when I placed my head on your chest.... I remember everything...

I do remember.......

If......

If I have the power of Self-Recovering, I will heal my heart everytimes it been hurt.

If I have the power of Foresee Future, I will want to know where in my life I will be in the
coming 5 years.

If I have the power of Memory Erasing, I will erase all the unhappiness I have in my life.

If I have the power of Convincing, I will make you tell me everything in your mind.

However, I do not have all these powers... I don't know what to do with my insecurity, with my feelings of lost...

Very lost......

Tired......

I'm very tired.... not only on physically but also mentally... Didn't sleep well these few days. But this is not the main cause that made me feel tired... Too many to think, too many to handle, too many to listen, too many to do.... SIGHHHH......

Beside feeling tired, I also feel bored... again, no passion for anything, everything. I need something to re-install PASSION into my life... My life is hopeless... I can't have hope on anything, anyone... Because, I always get disappointment. Why we have HOPE on something, on someone? I have no idea.. but I know that I always HOPE HOPE HOPE... and always end up with... NO NO NO. After so many disappointment and hurtful facts, I started to feel tired... and I no longer want to put any HOPE on anything, anyone.

Sometimes, I really wish that there is someone to tell me what to do so that I won't feel disappointed and hurt anymore or maybe tell me how to have a HAPPY LIFE, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP, HAPPY FAMILY, HAPPY CAREER.... I know it is impossible. We have to work for everything we wanted in our life. However, passion will be faded off by disappointment. Time always tell the truth... but how long it takes to tell? We'll never know. I used to believe that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU DO HAVE THE HEART... Maybe I'm too naive.

I know that I'm not the only one in this world, I can't have anything just because I WANT IT. I'm very tired.... Can I just leave my head in a box and bury it under a big tree? I don't want to think, I don't want to bother anything around me, I don't want to HOPE, I don't want to know anything... just don't give a damn. I'm exhausted.

I'm still exhausted even though I'm just back from Redang not long ago. This is a mentally issue. Sooner later I will go crazy. I think I need alcohol.. give me 2 cans of beer, please. It's short term but at lease I feel better on that moments. I hope I will feel better after 2 cans of beer. Then, I can have a better sleep.. with beer in my cells.

I'm very tiredd..... extremely tired.... even a break couldn't help me.... HELP ME!!!

I want to get drunk!!!!

I want to get drunk!!!!!! deadly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very lost

Yeahhhhhh......

Happy Happy floating on da sea... this is not swimming pool... it is the clear and warm sea of Redang Island... Beautiful ehhhh!!!