My Xmas Gift......

:) I got few xmas gifts from my friends and my honey.

Honey- He got me da FLIP FLAP!!! Which I have been looking up n down for it. Been eyed on it when I first saw it in the Jaya Jusco. That time, was hoping my ex get it for me, but he claimed that's too expensive for a toy! Disappointed... I walked away with sad mood. My honey knew that I like this very much and been looking up and down for it. I never expect that I will got this from him. I was planning to get it when I got my bonus. :) Tadahhhhh...my honey is so sweet and he got me this toy that I fancy always!! Muakss... Thanks Honey!! I really like it and it means alot.

Nic- This best friend of mine... send me a xmas gift from Australia. Such a suprise when I saw a big box lying on my table with few Australia stamps on it. I knew it's from Nic. But I do not know what's that. Photomosaics Puzzle. Such a challenging puzzle. :P I like it, it's cute!! :) Thanks.. Nic!!!

Ms. E- I bought her a small mobile phone accessories. Told her not to get me anything as I do not need anything. But, there is a gift on my office table this morning. It's a gift from her. A very cute and funny glass. There has 2 cows, cow A said "Yours is mine, OK??? Mine is always mine!!!" cow B said.."oOOoooHhHHhH....." hahahahaha... then the other site of the glass... written... GOOD FRIEND, NEVER BE CALCULATIVE. Very cute. Lovely.

I also got myself few xmas gifts... hahahaa...ya.. FEW!

1. Mobile phone accessory... which is almost the same with what I gave to Ms. E
2. Shirt from MNG... Sales is ON!!! irresistable. My honey already warned me not to shopping
too much. :P

Actually, wanted to get myself the STARY watch from SWATCH... But it cost around Rm200.00. Better save some money for my coming Bangkok Trip and my new house. Ya, I'm going to Bangkok again, with my honey :) This trip will be his and my birthday trip. Good idea eh!! :) Can't wait!!

Deeply in holiday mood... everyone being so. But still, have to work like a dog. Anyway, hope everything will be better after this Year End Closing shit!!! Hate it... but still have to take it!! Life... always sux but beautiful.

Spend a very good night with my honey last night. We did not do anything gila.. we did not go to anywhere that is very beautiful.. we did not have any wonderful food.. but everything is just so beautiful with him around. Having him around is already the best thing for me, even though just sitting at home and watching some boring series.

Life is always beautiful... stresss... challenging... unpredictable... Still, we are here to love and to be love.... :)

I love everyone around me. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my colleagues, I love my honey!!

King Kong.......

King Kong..... heart touching movie. At first, I thought it was boring... then come to funny... as King Kong suddenly turned into Jurassic Park... then, it became so romantic, so touching. It is a very good movie that last for 3 hours. Amazing, breath taking and funny. Hahahaha... King Kong is so MAN!!!! He has all the man's ego. Hahahahaha.... He even knows KUNG FU!! He can fight so beautiful. He is muscular, tall, dark, brave, protective, romantic, and kiddy... These are what we wished our man has. Always fight for us, stand by us, understand our feelings, nothing is important but us, have fun with us, bring us some romantic moments.... Aaawww... this King Kong is so humanized. I bet that every lady in da cinema will wish that the man beside her has all the characteristics.

Very touching movie.. I almost cry. :P

Worth for it.... really a very nice movie. I remember I watched King Kong once when I was very young. I still remember King Kong holding the girl in his palm and climbing up to the tower.. I wondering why the King Kong always want the girl. I think I know the reason after tonight.

Now, the movie came to us again, with more interesting storyline. Support King Kong!! :)
He is so..... MAN!!!

Dinner......

22 Dec'05- Da first time my honey stepped into my house. Having dinner at my house on this meaningful festival for Chinese.

Nothing much about this dinner, but I'm very glad that he feel comfortable with my family. I'm glad that he came over for the dinner. We spend our homely moments on watching TV together and played with the kids. It's great to have him hugging me while watching TV. It's great to rest at home with him around. I hope he did enjoy himself.

I gave him da christmas gift. He gave me a kiss. But when he wanna kiss on my cheek, he hit my glasses. And I was trying to adjust back my glasses while his lips pressed on my cheek and lips. Was shocked. But feel sweet. :)

One thing that I can't deny is.... I'm falling very deeply. I started to miss him just right after he drove away from my house. Terrible!!!!

Christmas is coming!!!! :) I bought Ms. E a small gift, just as an appreciation for her caring heart. CH is very sweet, he bought every girl in da gang a flower. Put on our table while we are not around. Such a lovely guy.

I'm deeply in holiday mood!!!! But so many things to rush on work. Die laahhh....

Little Man...... 2

Tonight, went out with my honey for late dinner and coffee @ Plaza Mont Kiara. We had our good time after few days that we didn't see each other. I love his companion alots. When we were walking towards his car and heading home, my little man dropped off from my mobile phone. I felt something dropped off but I was too careless to noticed that the Little Man is missing that time. I thought I'm over sensitive or what. So, I ignored it and walked to da car and....go home!!!

I realised that my little man lost once I put my mobile phone on the table. Immediately I sms him about it and he told me that it's not in his car. I called him and he offered to come back and we go back to the place and search for it. I feel so touched because I never expect him to do so. I though to call him and tell him that I'm going back there to search. I feel very touched. He made a big U turn back... just to take me to search for this small little mobile phone accessory.

When we reached the walking path we walked along, he was searching along the drain and I was searching along the walking path. Ha!! I found it lying on the site of the drain but not in the drain. I'm lucky!! I'm lucky that it is still in one good piece and no one took it away from me. I'm lucky that I have him who willing to turn back just for such a small issue! I appreciated it very much.

I'm so worry on the little man is not because it is a gift from Nic, OK, partly it is because it's a gift from Nic. But it's mainly because I like it very much. And now, the Little Man means more than anything to me. More than anything....

Thanks, Honey. I appreciated it very much. It's only a small item and you willing to make it for me. Muakssss..... I feel so happy not because that I found the Little Man [partly of course], but because of what you did to me.

P.S I LOVE YOU.

Annual Dinner

16th Dec 2005- My company's Annual Dinner. Located @ Holiday Inn, Glenmarie. The interior design for this hotel is unique. It's more towards Thai's style than our local style.

We left office by 5pm, to one of our colleague's house for cleaning up ourselves. There are 3 of us going to the mentioned colleague's house at Subang. We went to bath one by one and dressep up. Then, we started to make up abit, put some colors on our faces. After one and a half an hour, TADAHHH!!! we are done. When we walked down to the living hall, CH was sitting there waiting for us [He has been waiting for one and a half hour actually... Hahahhahaa..] He claimed..."It's amazing what girls can do in the one and a half hour...." Ok, time to make the move... we heading to the hotel... CH dropped us down at the lobby and he went to park his car. Such a caring guy. So, we waited for him at the lobby.

We are on time and there has few table are already filled by our colleagues. We choosed the best view table and settle down. We started to take photos like mad people. But, we are lucky that we are not the only mad people around the ballroom. Hahahahaha.... So, due to the lack of MALE SPECIES in our company. CH is da only guy at our table. James unable to attend this dinner as he flew for his HONEYMOON!!!! But, even he is da only GUY for our table... He still wanted me to serve him food.. but he did serve me too... And he has to represented our table whenever there need our participation. Hahahaha..poor thing. CH keep complaining to me that he looks like a pimp as got a table of girls surrounding him. Hahahaha... actually, he looks gay as James said. :P But definately he is not a GAY. We all start bullying him and said that we should declare him as our SISTER!! Ya, sister!! he is able to fulfil this role. Hahahahahha.....

The food is not so good beside the Fried Rice. The whole dinner time is kinda boring beside the time when there is a lady to teach us... LATINO! We all went out for the LATINO LESSON, standing infront of the stage, following the LATINO steps with the crowd. Kinda funny, but embrassing when you unable to follow at all. Somemore, we have to shake our bumm bumm... hahahhaha.. I can't stop laughing.

After that, CH said that he wanted to introduce a GOOD LOOKING GUY to all of us. So, we all went to Sunway Pyramid. At first, we planned to go for clubbing, but there they change their mind for a drink at the Magician Restaurant located @ Sunway Pyramid. Very interesting restaurant, the Magician will come to your table and show you magic. Very very amazing!!! The magician keep coming to our table and show us magic. What to do, we got too many pretty girls here. I love this restaurant! Ms. E ordered a drinks named- FIRST LOVE and myself ordered - P.S I LOVE YOU. So lovely... so romantic!!! Kakakakakaka.....

Ha!! there come the VERY GOOD LOOKING GUY. Ya, I can't deny that he is good looking and tall. But, not my style. Too good looking as CH. We all pushing him to Ms. C as she is deperately to have a bf. But she said that HE is too good looking for her... Hahahaha...poor thing.. no one want to take the GOOD LOOKING GUY.

We left the restaurant around 130am. And I'm home around 2++am. Exhausted. Went to bath and sleep directly. Anyway, beside the boring programme.. the night was great!!! :) It's great because I got bunch of funny and nice colleagues.

I'm very glad to know you all! :)

A Lonely Christmas......

I already foresee that I will have a lonely Christmas this year. Don't know why I feel so, but my 6th sense told me that. And it's proven that my 6th sense is kinda accurate. Hahahahaha... I will have a lonely Christmas without him around me.

I did not plan anything for myself and never think on it. Since it's confirmed that I will be alone for this coming Christmas, I better get some plans for myself. If not, I will feel lonely and sad at home then.

Jeannie & David planning to go to Penang and Hadyai within the 3 days. I'm not interested as I do feel that is kinda rush for such trip. Moreover, they are going with another couple. Arghhh... Don't want lah. If not mistaken, Kenneth is going to Penang too. He will be there to look for his best guy friend. Sighh.... It's impossible for me to tag along. Then, Ms. E is going to PD and stay overnight with her friends. I do not know them... so, again... not so fun to go there even Ms. E did invited me. Then, my other friends got their own plan, all left me out.. Mr. CH is a christian, sure won't be free lah.... Ms. C, Ms. N all got plans, Ms. OY going to Seremban to meet up her bf... Ms. HH already got her bf to accompany her... I feel so.. sighhhh...

All thought that I will have someone to spend this lovely occation with me. But no one know that I will be alone for this Christmas. Sound sad..... Maybe I should blame on my activeness on meeting up with friends. So, everyone thought that I will never be alone on this lovely occation.
Think that, I can't escape from being alone in this White Christmas- 2005.

I used to spend my Christmas with someone, either go for a small party, friends gathering or a romantic dinner. After we broke off, I spend my Christmas with my friends, Jeannie and David or my sister. But, my sister is not in KL and Jeannie and David already got plan... I think, I will be alone for this Christmas. Arghh...already feel down when think on it.

I'm a person who can feel loneliness easily..... especially on special occations. I can be a very cheerful person always, but not when I'm lonely on special occations. Eeeemmmmm.... I better ask around then.. if not, I will be left out... Poor thing. Maybe I should plan for me New Year eve as well.

I have to handle my loneliness well since I love him.

I still have to be alone even I got him.

But.... nevermind lahhhh...

White Christmas.......

"White Christmas" is the Christmas song that I love most... and now, Mid Valley is having their White Christmas there... So beautiful.... I love it so much.... I can't take my eyes off from it...

我好想他.........

我觉得非常失落。是他太保守于表达自己还是我要求太多？总是感觉不到他对我的热情，他对我的思念。他也不太热衷于和我见面，与我在一起。

是我要求太高吗？一个星期只见一两次面，对于一对刚开始拍拖的恋人来说，合理吗？我总是非常想念他，好想见他，好想亲近他，好想天天与他在一起。但是，对他而言，这好像是不太合逻辑。不是说我没有给他私人时间，或没有给他时间陪伴家人。我只不过想他在周末陪伴我，很过分吗？

对于我的失落，他感受的到，但是他依旧自我。我告诉他我想见他，他告诉我他要与他妈去他姐家过夜。好啊！！我会自己找节目。我有一堆朋友。我不会闷死在家。他说今晚我们出去，我说我没有空。他说，下个星期去‘依家’，我说我会很忙于工作。月头了，我真的会非常忙碌。我不是故意说来激怒他。星期一忙到星期三，星期四有宴会。星期五，好像有什么东西做，但是又不记得。周末？他又会告诉我说他想休息于家中，然后又不知会去那里。

一肚子的闷气，不知道要向谁申诉。

我好想他，但是他不想见我。

我。。。

我。。。

非常敏感的女人。
胡思乱想的女人。
不知所谓的女人。
一塌糊涂的女人。
心乱如麻的女人。
不自由主的女人。
感情丰富的女人。
年纪不小的女人。
无企图心的女人。
异常专一的女人。
喜爱逛街的女人。
讨厌沉闷的女人。
不甘寂寞的女人。
喜欢咖啡的女人。
享受生活的女人。
讨人喜欢的女人。
开朗可爱的女人。
笑容满脸的女人。
不爱工作的女人。
朋友一堆的女人。
珍惜朋友的女人。
非常依赖的女人。
容易伤感的女人。
泪线发达的女人。

总之来说，我还是一个可爱的女人。无论他对我的爱有没有像我般的浓厚。我依旧是我。我管不着。他说他想我。如果想我，为何不打电话给我？为何不见面？为何可以任由我自由的飞？

如果有一天，我能展翅高飞
那是因为你的爱
如果有一天，我不想再飞翔于高空
那是因为我想在你怀中栖息
如果有一天，我不能飞翔如以往
那是因为你的爱已不再伴我傲翔了


如果有一天，我不再在乎你给我的讯息。。。那是因为你对我来说已不重要了。

无题

今天的我，实在太寂寞。与同事们去喝咖啡。两个寂寞的女人，一个无聊的男人。天南地北的谈天说地。我们聊自由恋爱，内在美，男人心，女人心，外在的吸引力。。。。还有寂寞的心。两性的话题永远不过时。我们陪伴着对方，消磨着多余的精力与时间。话题和笑声不间断。一个不错的咖啡时光。

是我想太多了吗？还是他独行惯了？当我非常想他陪伴我，他却告诉我说他想在家休息。我说，好啊，那么你在家休息吧。我也想阔达一些，我尝试去习惯他的独行。但是，我总是觉得是我在演独角戏。如果，有一段日子，我不约会他，他会开口约我吗？？我想不会吧。。。他应该乐得清静。怎么说，我也是个女的，我也想享受一下被宠爱的感觉。一种被重视的虚荣。

两个刚开始谈恋爱的人，不是应该朝思暮想的吗？？为什么我的他却是不见也无所谓？他的独行，令我不自由主的沮丧。是我想太多了吗？快要十一点了，没有电话，没有短讯。。。什么也没有。他一点也不想我吗？一点也不想知道我去了那里吗？一点也不在乎吗？是我想太多了吗？是我想太多了吗？

我没有安全感，我没有方向感。他爱我吗？？我不知道。。。我只知道我爱他。。我好在乎他。我在乎他的喜怒哀乐。。我在乎他的感受，我在乎他对我的看法。。我在乎他对我的态度。。。我全都在乎。但是，他在乎我吗？？我常常告诉自己不要问太多，因为他会感觉我在压逼他。于是，我什么都不问，尤其是他对我的感情。他从未告诉我他爱我与否。他从未告诉我他对我的感觉。行动，真的能代表一切吗？？如果行动真的能代表一切，那么，他那不热切的想念是否代表他不太爱我呢？？那么，为什么开始呢？？

是我想太多了吗？是我想太多了吗？是我想太多了吗？

还是没有短讯，没有电话。。。。什么也没有。我。。。好伤感。我应该给多一点时间大家吗？？是他还未适应吗？？还是我的要求太高？？我想，我不会要求太高吧。适当的关心，关怀，见面。。。没有什么不妥吧。

我好想你，但是你想我吗？？？？？为什么我感觉不到你对我的想念？

Do I really care?????

No, I do not care about that.

Man... Complicated human being.

This Kuantan Man. Know him years ago. Whenever he came to KL for business trip, his calls will come to me too. Sometimes, I will meet up with him and sometimes I won't. But, it has been a long long time that we lost touch. He always expected me to meet up with him regardless what time he call me... It's just because.. he is in love with me.

Never been care on his admire. He is so confidence that I will in love with him. So, after a long time of lost touch, he contacted me and told me that he will be transfer to KL by his company. And he told me, "So, there has no obtracle between us anymore." I was like.... HA???? PARDON ME???? He asked "so, will you give me a chance to get you back again?" I was like... HA??!?!!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?!!? I told him, "No, I got bf already." He said, "I know that if I'm really go after you with 100% effort, you will leave him for me." I said, "No, I won't. I only care of him now but no others included you." Then he still gila gila over there.... GOSH!!!!!

So, I just told him to get lost lah!!!! Such a crazy man!!!!

HomeDec Expo 2005

Held on 23-27 Nov 2005 @ Mid Valley.

Found the ideal kitchen cabinet and built in wardrobe there. Paid deposit and committed. Quite a completed home decoration expo. They even have the POOL TABLE which my honey dying for it :P Not expensive, it only costs around RM4000. The POOL TABLE can converted into dining table, but the material of the "dining table" is kinda disappointed. Someone said, "Aiya... the table can change one mah..." Ya.. it can be change because his main concern is not the dining table anyway. :P You can also found... home type sauna, jaguzzi, mini swimming pool... fancy fancy things over there expo.

Actually, never thought of a build in wardrobe as it is always much expensive than a normal wardrobe. But, my lovely mama insisted me to get a built in wardrobe as it will looks more neat and tidy for my future room. As for her knowledge, my clothes and all my soft toys are able to fill up such a big wardrobe. :P

I admitted that only my clothes can filled it up already.... Kakakakkakaa... Like what my honey said, the number of my shoes collection is increasing.. Hahahahaha.... I'm thinking on where to keep my shoes actually. Headache.

Mentioned about headache, I'm having a it frequently. Sighh.... Doctor said it might due to my stress from work. Arghh...this it torturing and I don't like it.

Christmas.....

Christmas is just around the corner.... Can't wait for it to come.

How should I celebrate christmas this year????

- Celebrate with bunch of friends by having a small pork luck party
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by having a BBQ
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by having dinner at some restaurant
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by going for any good movie that on screen
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by going to my fav cafe
- Celebrate with bunch of friends by......
- Celebrate with my love one by going for a good dinner
- Celebrate with my love one by going for a good movie
- Celebrate with my love one by only spending some quiet time at home together
- Celebrate with my love one by going for holiday somewhere in Malaysia
- Celebrate with y love one by going for coffee
- Celebrate with my love one by......

No idea.

Such a wonderful day......

Finally, he is back to KL for a short period. It was so excited to know that we will spend some time together today. We went for HOMEDEC EXPO @ Mid Valley around 330pm. Been looking for parking for almost 30minutes, he never give up on it. So, we able to make it for the HOMEDEC EXPO. Not so crowded, but still alots of people. It's very sweet to walking around hand in hand with him :P

After the expo, we need to rush to 1U for Harry Potter. We are lucky that we didn't spend another half an hour just on looking for parking again. I made a big mistake... I got the wrong reservation number and we end up on EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE. It's a great movie anyway. No regret on going for this movie. I promised that I will treat him for Harry Potter due to the mistake I have made.

We went for our dinner @ Good Evening Bangkok. Glad that he love the food over there. Anyway, it's a very good place to enjoy Thai Food. I heard that their chef is origin from Thailand, and most of their staffs too. I always think of Bangkok when I'm there. He is so lovely that he served me the rice before himself. Considering on my diet of seafood.. he only ordered chicken even I do not mind that he took all the seafood and I only take something that I can have. :) So caring eh.

He is so tired because he didn't has enough sleep last night, yawning all da while. But, he still spending his time with me ... I'm so touched. I though he will suggest to go home after our final try on Harry Potter's movie tickets. He didn't. I appreciate it very much. :) And of course, I had a very very great time with him. By just walking around hand in hand with him is already such a wonderful time for me :) Everything looks so beautiful even it's actually something ugly... Hahahaha... abit over describe.....

There has something funny but scary happened in da cinema while we are half way of the movie. Here it is.... when I'm drowning myself into the real story of Emily Rose being possessed by the demons, suddenly, there came a GUY with proper business attire... standing beside me... doing all kinds of weird and odd movements beside me.. Everyone are so into the movie and I noticed that no one look at the direction that I'm staring at, included him. I started to feel... eerie.... I'm very scared that time... Thinking hard with my mind on WHAT IS THIS GUY??? He acted so weird... standing so long time beside me... I'm deeply in horror, but I couldn't scream out or what, because I might scared those who watching the movie in the cineme. And I do not want to scared him too. I keep staring at him ... till he finally make his way to slip into the seating roll... and move over to his seat. GOSH!!!! I was so released.... I hide my face on his shoulder and whispered to him that I'm so scared!!!! Then only he realised that I was scared by the guy with his weird actions. I almost cry because of it. Hahahahahhahaa.... This is so funny... both of us laughed out loud for about 2 minutes in da cinema while everyone are in such a horror mood. I think they think that we are crazy, laughing at that time is really ODD! LOLZ!!!!

Both of us still laughing on the incident when we walking out of the cinema. So funny!!! Be frank, I never be so scared in my life before. Hahahahahaha.... I thought that I'm so lucky to met SOMETHING at that moment. Luckily, I got him beside me... telling me that "It's OK.." Simple words, but the effect is instantly... calmed me down. My almost dripping off tears turned into laughters.... silly!!! I'm really silly!!! It's great to have you around me.

It's almost 12midnight when we stepped out of the cinema. Home is da only destination now. And I know that he must be god damn tired... Hhahahahaha... Goodbye kiss, goodnight kiss... Do not have any... I'm too hesitate to give any even I'm so near to him that time... Hahahahahaha.... I'm shy... I'm so shy on it....

Thanks for the night. It was a great one. I did enjoy much. I'm very happy. I love your companion. I love to be hand in hand with you. I love everything we did together.

I........

MyKad......

MyKad... Malaysia's new Identity Card System that come with Chip!! Ya... sound high tech ya. :P

This system actually implemented long time ago, but no one willing to go and apply for it even though it's free as we all understand the frustration by waiting in the government departments. Kekekekek... Ya, normally we have to wait for long time in the government department even it's just for something simple. So, in order to force all the Malaysian to change the ID, our lovely government set us a deadline... 31st Dec 2005 plus a fee charged on the application after the due date.

So, you can imagine how many people will rush for the application since it's so close to year end now. Due to my impatience and laziness and my common attitude as Malaysian, I never think of go for the new ID application till yesterday. So, I went there by 9am... took my number... 3302. I have to wait for about 250 people then only my turn. Gosh... almost fainted when I saw my number.

But, I have no choice but to wait over there. I been counting on the number everytime the bell rang. I watched the people over there, walking here and there, some reading newspaper, some reading books, some playing sms, some chatting, some wondering around [just like me]. I'm stupid enough that I didn't bring any drinks, any book nor newspaper. I'm god damn bored!!!! After 2 hours of waiting, I'm sleepy. But I can't sleep over there, I'm a girl lah!!!! How can I do that in public? So, I try not to feel sleepy... I look here and there... I watch the kids running here and there...

Actually, the procedure is very fast.. It's impressive actually. We do not need much documents for it but only our current ID will do. And they also have the priviledge for elder people, this is a good one. I saw many elder people who on wheelchair came and apply for their new ID.

After 4 hours waiting, I'm done with it. I'm so exhausted and tired. I went home by around 130pm, took my lunch and sleep! So tired... the most tired thing is... WAIT & DO NOTHING. Wasted my precious time on it. But, no matter how, I still have to waste my time on the waiting as our government would like to improve the system. As a citizen, we have to support the government even though they did alots of mistakes always. Kakakakakakaka....

I'm a good citizen, I have done it before the deadline. :P

Shoe......

TAAADDAAAHHHHHH.... here it is!!! so cute eh!!! got net one ehhhh... Hahahahaha....

Busy days......

Been very busy lately. On work of course. Work like a dog just for a peanut earning for me to survive my life. Sometimes, I do wonder, why we all work so hard? We work for living? or our work working on our life? Work ---> stress ---> lifeless ---> boring life ---> ME! It's so depressed. Unsettled shits.... all given to me... Shits from centuries ago, now are all bear on my shoulder... If I'm unable to settle it, I'm useless!!! If I'm able to do so, I'm brilliant!!!! But the problem is, I unable to settle it and I do not want to be classed as an useless item in da department!

I heard that I'm confirmed as a permanent staff from the management, however, I haven't received any letter from my department head. I heard that the letter is already hand over to my department head, why she still hasn't pass it to me? What does this means? She wanted to prolong my probation period or she forgot to pass it to me? Depressing, right?

Ms. N left us finally. She feel so sad on this. She doesn't like to work in her team, but she love to hang around with us. We got her a farewell dinner and a gift. We took many silly photos. Too silly to show anyone... Hahahahahhaa... For internal viewing purpose only :P We did have our good time, we laughed alots, we did many silly things and we also ate alots and drink alots. Even though we feel sad that Ms. N is leaving us, but she is leaving for her good. The party will still come to the end no matter how great it is. So, Ms. N... ALL DA BEST!!

Very busy lately, but still able to squeezed out a little bit free time to go for coffee. I will die if I do not do so. Being so stressed... I looks tired. I do not have much spare time to spend with my friends, I'm so lost touch with my friends. When comes to weekend, normally, I will have something to do or already promised to meet up with friends. When some other friends call, I can only say SORRY to them. I feel sad and feel bad on it. I need more personal time, I want my life to be enjoyable... not being like this.

Went for HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE... Interesting, but many changes on every characters. Not a bad movie anyhow. But, Dumbledore shouted too much, he used to be a calm and cool character. In this movie, he became a fierce and angry headmaster. Maybe he is same as me.. too much stress. Hahahahahaha.... Many interesting creatures. Harry Potter's life is getting more and more complicated and dangerous yet exciting too. Voldemort is back, with such an ugly face. I almost laugh out loud when I saw his real face. :P So ugly!!!!!

Before the movie, brought the boys for shopping. I bought a shoe for myself, yes, again. :P cute and lovely shoe for only RM19. Recently, I have this thought when I think of shoe. Normally, we all will feel the heat when we wearing a covered shoe, and the shoe will became smelly like a dead fish due to the sweat from our toes. And that's why I seldom wanted to wear a covered shoe. Ah!! here come the thought of mine..... to avoid this problem, we should either have shoes either come with good AIR CIRCULATION TECHNOLOGY or MADE WITH NET [with beautiful or sweet design of course]!!! So, I make up my mind to look for a shoe tat MADE BY NET [partially]... guess what? I found it today and I bought it!! Will show later. Da shoe designer can read my mind. :P It's cute. In white. Very comfortable.

I went to apply MYKAD this morning. 300 persons! Gosh... [update tomorrow. :) ]

Awww...It's late. I have to sleep. So tired after a busy day.

I'm an adult......

Normally, we are very excited when we got something new. Eg. new car, new job, new friends, new toys, new clothes, new accessories, new hair style, new looks, new house and new relationship.

Who doesn't feel excited on having something new, right?

My house is done, and we can move in anytime we wanted. But, we wanted it to be a nice and comfortable home to be live in. So, we are now planning for renovation. It's not easy. My mom fell sick after rushing here and there for the renovation quotations and ideas. And myself need to go and do research for the new furnitures for our home sweet home. I think, I do need to go for FURNITURES RESEARCH for the coming weekends. I need to do the measurements, need to check for pricing, need to do matching. I also need to be the interior designer for our home. I need more ideas.... I need more inspiration.

I have a very brief idea on how the living room to be, how the bathrooms to be and how my lovely bedroom would be. But I have no idea on where to start. Last time, when we moved into this current home of us, I do not have to worry on anything as my dad was the one who handle everything. Now, I started to understand how difficult it is to be a decision maker for a family.

Maybe, we all used to be pampered well by my dad. Beside money, nothing we need to worry when he is around. He will settled all the mess and tiny problems for our family. Arghhh... It's so wonderful that you do not have any responsibilities. But, this is what we have to go through. We can't escape from our responsibilities, we have to deal with it, handle it well. It's all because, we are adult now.

It's not fun to be an adult. We have to bear so many responsibilities, have to go through so many things that we do not like, have to be mature even we are not..... I miss my childhood, I was so silly, so innocent, so cute, so free, so lovely..... with so many adults pampered me. I love to be pampered, loved, cared.... I'm the eldest in the family, I used to have all the attention from my parents, my relatives...However, the attention I used to have faded away as I'm growing up. I need to stand by myself, take care of myself, settle problems by myself.... All by myself.

I'm an adult now, I need to do everything all by myself. You have to be independent!

Umbrella.......

This lovely and cute CHICKEN LITTLE's UMBRELLA is bought by you to me. It's not expensive. It's cute and big enough for 2 person. For chinese, it's not good to give an umbrella to someone you care of. The hidden meaning behind it due to the pronounciation of the umbrella in mandarin. "SAN" which sound same as 'seperate' in mandarin, chinese believed that by giving your love an umbrella, will lead to seperation. I never have an umbrella as a gift from anyone. But I have it this time, from you.

I put it in the car. That night, I was heading home after work. The rain was a very heavy one, I'm not feeling so well that night. All symptoms of falling sick comes to me... Feeling abit down due to the pressure from work. When I reached home, the rain still as heavy as before. I took the umbrella, opened it.. and get myself under it... walk to the staircase with it protecting me from the rain drops.

Suddenly, I feel so sweet.. because I thought of you and this umbrella. The umbrella protecting me from the heavy rain even you are so far away from me. Umbrella will not lead to seperation, but indicating that --> NO MATTER WHAT'S HAPPENED, I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM EVERYTHING. OoOOoOO.... how sweet it is. I still can walk carefully and slow in the rain, because...... the umbrella is above me, and you are in my heart.

I love this idea... protecting me from rain, sun and whatever that comes to me. Do you mind to have me in your arms? You mind to be my umbrella? Let me rest in you, let me hide in you.... let me share everything with you.

I will be your pillow... let you rest you body on me...let you rest your mind on me... share your dreams... share your thought... share your every moments... sweet or tough... I will share everything with you.

I'm your pillow.... till the day you throw me off.

The Night......

That is a wonderful night for me. For me, romantic is just spending some quiet, peaceful and happy moments with someone you love. You gave it to me. It has been 2 years that I never feel so romantic by just sitting there.

Feeling the cool breeze…watching the beautiful fountain, watching the crowd… creating our own drama’s conversation… feeling your breaths near my hair… hearing every word from you just right beside my ear… feeling your body being so near to me… I’m just like in my sweet dream, which I will choose to stay forever. It is so sweet, so wonderful.

My tears never drop from my eyes whenever I feel extremely happy. But, today….. my tears dripping off when I read on your blog. I don’t know why… My tears just dripping off without giving me any chance to say NO. I’m not sure… I have no idea…. “A GIRL” referring to who. But, by knowing that you willing to stay and plant your root in Malaysia, is already a very great news to me.

Thanks for allowing me to get closer to your heart. I appreciate it… I know it’s hard for you to do so. Thanks…. Thank you very much!!!!

Thank You......

Thank you for spending so much time with me.
Thank you for made me laugh so much.
Thank you for brighten up my days.
Thank you for the best holidays I ever have within these 2 years.

It's da most intelligent decision I have made --> Not going for horror movie. Hahahahahhaa... Spending time with you will be much more better than watching horror movie with no one to lean on. I rather buy a DVD, watch it with you when you return from overseas again.

Thanks for the romantic night. Maybe you might found it nothing, but for me, it's already very good.

I'm so nervous when you sitting so near to me...
I'm so stoned when you talking to me near my ear...
It's my biggest guts that I decided to make the move to hold on you hand.....

Muaks.... another memorable nights for me. I got so many memorable nights eh.... :P Hope there has more comes to me. More and more... Kakakaakaka.....

I will miss you.

天啊。。。。。。

我从来没有想过他会亲我。天啊。。。。。 他今天亲了我的脸。 虽然只是脸， 但是对我来说， 可是一份惊喜。 我很开心， 也很吃惊。

我不知道该如何形容我的心情。 太难形容了。

Tarot Cards......

I always wanted to go for tarot cards reading, but I do not know what should I ask, therefore, I never go for any of it. My cousin bought a set of tarot cards. It has been quite some time that he left it on my table. I never have the intention to touch on it. Last night, I unable to sleep after back from supper. I saw the tarot cards laying there, I picked it up and start reading on the booklet. And, decided to do my own tarot cards reading.

From the cards explaination, I found that the reading regarding my past and current is really really as what I was and what I am. But when come to future, I have no idea on it. Future mah..... Who knows???? Right???

From the tarot reading, it indicating that the current one is someone who match with me in terms of mentally, creative, and a stable relationship. The only obstracle between us is --> Lost, sad and seperation, might let the chance slipped away due to he is still living in his previous hurt and sadness and never step forward. The future is not what I wanted it to be. My future will be miserable, lost and don't know which to choose.

I can tell that's kinda accurate. I can confirmed on my past and my current, but not the future. I hope my future on relationship wouldn't end up as what it told me. I hope I'm able to help him to step forward, not because of myself but for his own good.

Past is past, over is over. We can never go back and we can't live in the past. No matter how hurt, how pain, how wonderful, how sweet it was, we still have to live our live. We live in current, not in our past.

Maybe not everyone as adventurous in love as me. I took 2 years to handle my hurt. I can't say that I'm doing it well, but I did my best to deal with it. If you took too long time to let go, you are too stubborn to hold on your past. Learn to let go and look forward. It is not easy. But we all have to learn it.

Let's don't look back on what has hurt you badly, look forward... Maybe there is someone waiting for you... waiting for you to reopen your heart. You will never know. I will never know who is waiting for me at the gate too. I'm looking forward to meet him... on the one sweet day.

Mini party.......

Finally, our party held on 2nd Nov 2005. This is a mini one, only 8 of us. We made sandwiches [2 different types], , fried nuggets [2 different types], fried sausages [2 different types], fruits salad, drinks and we also bought KFC [2 buckets- total 18 pcs]. Abit too many food for only 8 of us with 2 guys included. We unable to finished all the food. CH and James bring all the food home for their supper. :P

The guys sitting at the sofa, and the girls preparing the food. Sound familiar eh. But, CH did trying to help, he made the drinks and he helped me to cut the fruits. James helped on preparing sandwiches, but the sandwiches he made is too dull to eat... hahahhahaha... coz he didn't put enough butter on the bread and it's too dry to bite. We all do not want to eat the Ham sandwich he made, CH ate the most because he doesn't like to eat tuna.

It was fun, real fun. We chatted alots, took many photos. We surrounding the table while eating and we chatted and laughted alots. CH was sitting beside me while we having our dinner, he can't stop kacau me. He is very playful and fun. We were laughing too much and unable to take more food, too much air in our stomach. CH still eating while we all stop eating and James trying his best to take more food. Hahahahahaa...pity them.

We play games after dinner. The name of the game is.. HEART ATTACK. Hahahahaa... Due to my slow response.... I'm always da loser, as I not really sure how the game goes actually. The winner is allowed to ask the loser 1 question. Since I'm always the loser, I have to answer many questions. Hahahahahhaa... CH asked me what type of guys I like, Ms. N asked me about my bra size, more & more & more..... When I told them my bra zise, non of them believe!!!! What eh????? That's the real size mah!!!! They said "IMPOSSIBLE!" discussing that I should be C or D instead of B!!!! I wish so... hahahahhaahha......

Everyone also injurded abit on their hand while playing this game. It's like the card game named "SNAP" but different way of playing it. Kinda fun, but I'm too slow to respond always. :P Got once, CH lose and I'm da winner. Then I asked him back on the same question he asked me ---> What type of girl you like. He hesitate to answer eh!!!! But we all forced him to answer. Kakakakkaaka.... Ms. N asked James whether he is still a virgin or not. LOLZ!!!! James was so shy to answer and complaining that we shouldn't ask this type of question.

After this, we suggest to play some games that is more gentle, and not so violence as this. So, we played 007 and Hero. They are kiddy's games actually, but we had so much fun from the games. CH sitting beside me again, we still playing non stop. After the games, we all start feeling tired after a day of hard work and too much laughter. I feel sleepy too.

Ms. OY, CH and me sitting on the sofa and chatted abit, then some of them suggested to go into Ms. C's room and enjoy the air-con. So, we went to da room in a bunch. And the ghost stories session started. I was sitting near the empty space which facing to the door. Kinda scary as I'm alone there. I start feeling eerie.... I started to think on something else, I started to worry on whether is there anything near the empty space or not.... CH looked at me with his
"VERY SLEEPY" looks.... He is more sleepy than I was. Finally, James called the session off as we are all tired.

We left the place by 1030pm. I'm home around 11pm+. It was a great mini party.

Tired, but fun.

Looking forwards to the BBQ Gathering. I bet that will be fun too. :)

I love it......

Happy Deepavali.

I had a great day. I didn't go to any interesting places. I went to Ikea, with You.

Thanks for your company. I'm very happy even though we did not have any interesting plan. But, I love to be like this, with you. The time we spend together is not exciting but lovely. I love the peaceful feelings you gave me. Thanks for walking around with me for 6 hours.

We are so close when we are sharing a drink, reading the catalogue together. I can reach you by only turn my head to my right. What will you do if I kiss you? Give me a slap? hahahhahaha... who knows.

I can't stop my feelings. I almost can't control it..... Please do not be suprise if there comes a day, I did something that I shouldn't do.

I love the moments we spend together. Love it very much.

Little Man.......

Nic is always the sweetest guy I ever know in my life. Today, we went for movie - Koma 2. Due to Nic's sense of direction, he need his sister to send him to MV. So, end up we had our dinner with his family. Chatted alots with his family, by the way, they are easy going family as my family. So, as a good girl friend, of course I have to communicate well with his family, especially his father.

We left his family and heading to cinema. On the way to cinema, we passed by a stall... I stopped and browsing on the cutey things in da stall. I eyed on a LITTLE MAN [a mobile phone accessory], with a sabre sticking out... and the sabre will BLINK BLINK when there is any signal going through your mobile phone. They have it in white, black and glow in da dark. It's kinda expensive for such a small thing. Nic is beside me that time, we are playing with it.

He asked "Do you like it?"
"It's very cute ehhhh....."
"You want to have it???"
"You buy for me ha?"
He smile, "Yes." .... "What color you like?"
"White!"
"Then I got myself a black one."
"Couple mobile's accessory eh... hahahahahaha... "
"ya lohhhh...."

Immediately, we hang it on our mobile phone. Playing around with it by calling each other's mobile phone. Hahahaha..so childish eh!!!

I'm still playing with the LITTLE MAN when we are in da cinema. He was eating popcorn while watching me playing with the LITTLE MAN... suddenly, he take some popcorn and put near my lips, indicating me to have some popcorn. I ate it. Was shocked on his action. Luckily we are da best buddy, if not, I'm sure suspect on his motives. Hahahahaha....

Having him around is like having someone who appreciate you very much, who pampered you very much, who know you very well, who share everything with you and who enjoy every of your silly jokes. Such a good friend he is. My family like him very much too, coz he is a real sweet guy. Knew him for more than 7 years.... we still keep in touch eventhough he is not in M'sia for 5 years. I appreciated this friendship!! I cherish him.

Thanks for the LITTLE MAN, Nicholas. I like it very much :)

It's Over.....

When a relationship end, it only left us pain. Everyone has to go through this in order to grow up. What else can we do beside dealing hard with the pain we have? Nothing, but to get well soon.

Breaking up is not easy... no fun at all. No matter how long time we have spend with the person, the pain is unbearable. It's because, we love them with our heart. 100% with our heart. We take time to heal... not fully healed.. but partly is good enough. Some people take long long time to feel better... I took 2 years. But I still feel insecure on relationship. Life still go on, I never give up on relationship.

When I broke up with Eugene. I was down for more than a month. I didn't eat... I didn't sleep... All I have in my mind was... Eugene. Why he treated me like that? Why he leave me? What I did wrongly and made him leave me? I keep asking myself all sorts of questions. Without any answer.

My daily activities was, lied on my bed, staring on the ceiling, asked myself many many questions, answer the questions I asked, crying, sleeping. I can't even concerntrated on work, I will cry when I'm on work. I will rush to the washroom suddenly, because... my tears are dropping off my eyes. Then I took few days leave. Stay at home.. do nothing.

One day, my mom asked me for lunch. I told her that I don't want to eat. She walked away. So, I back to my daily activities, lying on bed. Again, my mom walked into my room, she talked to me. She trying to comfort me.. I cried. She asked me not to be sad because of that bastard, he is not that good afterall. I can't stop crying... then I found that my mom cry with me. Instantly, I feel more sad, coz I made my mom cry. She cry because she feel my pain. She walked off and leave me alone. I told myself to be strong, to stand up with my own feet. I can't hurt my family because he hurt me badly.

Move on. I started my new life. I changed a new job, new environment. I'm glad that I have good friends around.. and best family members. They spend alots of time with me, just to help me to move on. I can't say that my hurt is fully healed. I still can feel the pain when someone touched on it. But, Life goes on, we can't live in the shadow forever.

They told me that I'm another person after the incident. Not worse, but much better. I'm glad that I'm able to do so. If not because of my friends and my family, I'm still a rubbish who asking myself what I did wrongly.

Who never been hurt in love? Take your time to get heal... but not too long time. Life is short. Life is beautiful. I always believe in love, life will not be so wonderful without love.

Love is all around, it's just the matter whether you want to grab it or not.
Believe me, you are healed if you are brave enough to open your heart again.

Sad songs.....

Another tired day. Went for karaoke with Nicholas. Sang for 3 hours. Almost lost our voice to sing.

Too much of sad songs... made me feel a little bit down. The more I sing, the more I feeling down. The more I sing, the more I think of someone. The more I think of someone, the more I don't feel like singing. But I still keep on singing.... as much as I can.

Don't know why, today we sang tons of sad songs. It's like very songs also related to myself. Hahahahah.. over sensitive. We are so tired after karaoke, but still we shop around in The Curve since Nicholas never been there. I'm like almost die due to tiredness. I don't know why am I so tired. I woke up by 11am. Should had enough sleep... But I'm still tired.

I'm abit quiet today, I think nicholas noticed that. He didn't ask me anything, he only sing together with me. Nicholas always an undestanding friend, he know when to do the right things. Very lovely friend he is. He told me that he got a bag of presents for me... but.... he left it in his house in Melbourne. Aiseehhh... teruk nyaaaaa.. Hahhahahaa... But I'm not really looking forwards on the presents he going to give me. Coz, a good friend's companion is worth more than the presents.

No, I don't means that you hurt me. It's normal for a person to feeling abit down when she just woke up from her sweet dream. It's because that she has to face the cruel truth finally. Wake up lohhh... nothing to be worry... Life still go on... :)

Nothing is impossible with a willing heart. Nothing is impossible.....

It's not easy......

Nothing is easy.

I never feel as what I'm feeling now since the day I know what love is. So complicated and difficult to love a person. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for him to open his heart. This is already enough for me to stay away. Am I giving up on him? Maybe YES ... Maybe NO. Because I already feeling the pain. I'm not good enough. I don't know what else to do in order to let him think that I'm good enough for him to take me into his heart. Nothing I can do. Not even a single thing.

Loving a person who do not want you to walk into his heart is never easy. I tried to spend more time with him, talk as much as I can with him, try to let him know more about me. The more I see him, talk to him, spend time with him, the more I unable to control my feelings. It's not easy to hide, it's not easy to control. I have to take him as a NORMAL FRIEND no matter how reluctant am I.

Please, push me away and tell me to get off if I'm not what you want at all.

Maybe it's time for me to let go. So that he won't feel that I'm pressuring him eventhough I did not. Maybe I shouldn't be so care on him. So that he can back to his lone ranger life without my mind bothering sms and questions. Maybe I should walk away. So that he won't be as lost as now. Maybe I should stop thinking of him, although I know it's not easy.

Nothing is easy. It won't be easy for a person to stop loving someone she really care.
Nothing is easy. It won't be easy for a person to throw off a person who already stepped into her heart.

I hope, I won't take long time to feel better.
I hope, I won't take long time to take him off my heart.
I hope, I won't take long time to walk away from him.

In fact, I do really hope I do not have to do the above.
It's pain. I really can feel the pain.

Busy day..........

Today is a busy day for me. Slept by 3am this morning, woke up by 8am. Have to send Nicholas back to Cheras. He though of give his lovely daddy a suprise. Ya, he did not inform any of his family on his return. I'm the only one who he informed. After the mission, I back to meet up with my mom to investigate on the fixing job done by the developer. Everything seems OK, beside some little things that still need to do some touch up again.

After that, went to Giodarno Warehouse sales with my mom. It was so crowded, everyone is like being crazy on the sales. They are carrying a box all around, it is full with clothes and pants. Of course, the warehouse sales does it good job by reducing the price to the lowest like RM5- RM10 per shirt and RM29 per pants. The only failure is... the clothes lying on the racks are sux. Too plain to spend my money on it. I unable to get any from the sales. My mom able to get a not bad looking cloth. Thought of getting myself the Mini Polo-T, but it don't worth for the price. It's not RM5- RM10 for the Mini Polo-T, it costs RM29. So, I decided to put it back on the rack :)

I already bought 4 clothes within 30 minutes on Thursday. Sales are around now due to the Raya and Deepavali. My mom asked me am I celebrating new year or what? Hahahhah.... It has been 2 months that I did not do any shopping. I feel depressed when I look at my cupboard as it looks like so dull without new COMERS for 2 months. :P By the way, I'm a shopping freak still.

After the disappointed warehouse sales, I back home for a rest before I heading to Mid Valley. Going to meet up with 2 old friends. It has been a while that I didn't keep in touch with them. Feeling excited to see them again. We went for lunch @ Mdm Kwan, chat alots. Still able to chat like before. Feeling great! We went shopping as one of them would like to shop for some clothes and handbag. But... it end up that myself bought another cloth from ZARA, and non of them got anything. The one I got from ZARA is kinda sweet, lady-like, it's purple color.... I like it very much. You know, it's just feel great to shopping! :P

We left by 5pm, I feel so tired. Back home, changed, throw myself on the bed, and sleep! Too tired to think, too exhausted. Wake up by 730pm, bath, dinner with the left over WAN TAN MEE, read newspaper and now sitting here.

Later, I have to meet up with another friend who came back from Beijing. She is leaving tomorrow. Can't miss this chance to meet her. Seriously, I'm tired. Coffee again, my fav spot. :)

Arghh...what a tired and busy day.... but it is a happy day toooo... :)

Misc.......

So frustrated. I have no idea on what he has in his mind. What he expect from me.

"I do care of you, I really like you very much. If I do not care, I won't bother who you are seeing. I won't ask so much about him. I won't want to know how's everything between you and him."
"I care and that's why I want you to be happy. Of course I won't be happy to see you have someone, but I want you to be happy."
"What's in your mind now? Would you want to give me some time? I always want to go further with you, just that I still need some time to get myself ready to be commit into a relationship."

"Will you give me some time? Will you give me the chance?"

This is sooooooooooooooooo....... *&#%**^#%#&^%. I'm speechless. I do not know what else to tell about Mr. A.

***********
Anyway... got 2 good news. I found my diamond earing!! Kakakakakkaka

Nicholas is coming back!! I'm going to pick him up at KL Sentral. He will stay a night at my place. Guess that it will be a sleepless night. Can't stop chatting. Looking forward to meet up with this old friend of mine! :) Miss him so much!!!

Appreciation.......

Sometimes, we will only appreciate something when we lost it.

I lost my dad, he left us 3 years ago. I only realised how much I care of him after he left us. I never know that I do care so much. Maybe this is one of the human nature. We always take things for granted. Never appreciate when we have it. We will only feel bad or regret after we lost it. To my dad, I admitted that I did not spend time with him when he need us the most. I regret on what I have done. As my principle, I never regret on what I have done. This is the only things I feel most regret and guilty. I miss my dad, always. I know it's meaningless, my fault. I don't even have the chance to say sorry. The pain will be with me forever...... till the day my soul gathered with my dad.

When Mr. A knew that I'm sort of seeing someone, he start doing something to grab back my attention. Human nature. He asked me all those questions that started with " If....... " This is irritating. I told him not to ask those questions which do not have the possibility to happened. He asked me why? I said "it's because I do not like to answer it. No point to think on something that will not happened." He keep asking me about SOMEONE. I didn't tell him much. What for?

Why wanted to grab back the attention?? Just to show that you still able to do so? Why telling me this and that when I no longer care? Why never care of me when I'm around? Where are you when I'm down? Can't you remember what have you told me before? Human are forgetful. I'm a forgetful person too... But I still can remember what he has told me.

I never appreciate my dad when he is here. I can't even grab his attention again. I always remind myself... "Appreciate whatever you have now... Life is short but beautiful." Appreciated everything you have. This is what I'm trying to do... everyday, every hours, every minutes, every seconds.... I wish I'm doing it well. I do not want another pain come to me again.. I will try not to let it happened again....

I appreciated you... everyone of you...

It's sweet......

I always think that is sweet when you have someone special in your heart. It maybe bitter abit but still...... it's sweet afterall.

It's sweet when you have someone to miss.
It's sweet when you know someone is missing you too.
It's sweet when someone tell you everything he did in a day.
It's sweet when you know someone will sms you always.
It's sweet to have someone special.
It's sweet to be someone's special too.

I have no idea how special I have in his heart. Maybe I'm just at the lowest level. But, I'm already very happy because he told me that he miss me. This is the first time that you asked me do I miss you? Of course I do miss you, Honey.

We had a very sweet night. I love it so much, not only the environment, but your companion too. It was too sweet to bring me to sleep. I didn't sleep well. Because, I miss you too much. I feel kinda empty, because you are so far from me now. This made me miss you more.

You landed yet? You taken your dinner? You must be very tired and exhausted. Such a long journey. Killing eh. Take a shower, have a good sleep... Tomorrow will be another tough day for you. May you have a wonderful trip, may everything goes well for you...

I miss you...... I miss you very much.....

It's OK.......

It's OK..... I don't mind to wait till the day you open up your heart and let me stay in. I will always wait for the day to come. But I have no idea when will I give up on this waiting game. Maybe we do not have fate and that's why.

It's OK..... That you are such a reserved person and never really tell me how you feel exactly. But I do hope you will be more open to me. At least, let me know all your happiness and unhappiness. Share your everything with me.

I only want you to be happy. I will only happy if you are. You won't know how pain my heart is when I see that you are so lost. I rather take back everything and sit alone in da corner. At least, I know you will be more happier without me around.

Think that I should keep myself away from you. So I won't distract your life. So I can free my thought from you. I never feel disappointed on what we have. I love the moments we spend together. I just feel sad when I see how lost you are.

I shall put everything back into my heart. Let's everything as your wish.

*I throw off the photo stickers that I used to stick around my room, because he no longer mean anything to me*

Password......

We keep something valuable in a safe and locked it with a key or password.

The most valuable thing I ever have is my love. I locked them in my heart. There are few rooms in my heart, one for my family, one for my friends and one for my lover. For my family, I never locked my heart from them. For my friends, I always open up my heart for them. But, as the room for lover, it has been locked for 2 years. I did try to open it for someone... but unsuccessful. Not because that I forgot the password, but there has not enough for me to open it up again.

This time, I opened it accidently. Without my knowledge, I have let someone occupied the room. I'm shocked when I realised that HE is already in da room. Then, I start feeling uneasy to have him there. I unable to kick him off the room. I can't get him off from my thought. Aaawwww.... I feel more and more insecure as I do not know what to do. I don't know what he thinks, I don't know what he wants. I promised myself not to push or pressure him, but.... I failed. I started asking him everything.. anything... just to assure myself, just to comfort myself. Sigh.... I'm selfish. I'm so lost till I do not know how to handle it anymore.

I'm sorry if I do make you feel pressure. Not that I'm not happy with how it goes. I'm just too lost to assure myself your feelings on me. I'm very worried too... worried that you might leave me alone one day... worried that you no longer care of me like now... worried that got another girl steal your heart away. I.... just feeling so lost.

I need your action to assure me. Show me that you do care of me, show me that you do need me, show me that you do love me. Words can never make me calm.

This room do not have KING SIZE BED, it also never furnished with air-con. It's just a very simple place for you to rest. If you don't mind that it is just a simple room, you are always the password holder for it.

I do hope that you don't mind.

Now, you are holding the password to my heart. If you wanna give up on it. Kindly inform me much ealier with loud and clear. Make me clear on my situation. Give me back the password, and I will lock it up again. Not for anyone to occupy it till the day I met someone who really care to take care of my vulnerable love.

I do hope you won't give it back to me.

Exactly.......

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进 何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
只能陪你到这里 毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情 还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我 还是你
我很不服气
也开始怀疑眼前的人 是不是同一个真实的你
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽 停在这里

A new song from a Taiwanese female singer. A love song, referring to a guy and a girl that being very close but never to the stage of lover. The girl likes the guy, but the the guy never want to proceed on. So, the girl choosed to walk away. Telling the guy that's all she able to do for him, she unable to go further as that's already exceed the responsible of being friend. She feel disappointed and upset on the guy. Have no idea on what's in his mind. Losing her patient, waiting is no longer meaningful. The girl do not know what elso to do, keep on waiting or leave? At last, she choosed to leave as she realised that the guy is not treating her fair enough. It's not what she wants, but she has to leave for her own good. *End*

This song bring up the issue of most of the girls facing nowadays. I'm having this problem for twice. Guys are getting more and more complicated. They think too much when deciding to proceed on or not. The masculine guts no longer exist between men???? I wonder where goes the guts of men. Maybe I'm still staying in the old memories that man used to be a brave species. Protecting women, children. Decision making. Bearing all the hard works, responsibles. I can't see any male species around me with such qualities. I'm not saying that these qualities do not exist anymore. But, at least, I hardly found someone who come with this package. Hahahahaa...

Maybe human is getting more and more self centered. Female too of course. We are more concern on our own happiness than anything. I do understand that we have to make sure that we are happy before anyone else. I'm not asking you to force yourself to love someone you don't even like. Love won't happend if both parties do not have the sparks of love in her/ him.

I have no idea on what's in guys' thinking. They give you all his companion, treating you nicely, being close with you, flirting around with you, did all the things which should be done by a bf.. and then claims that he only taking you are a normal friend. Do you really treating all of your female friends the same? This is so confusing. Love is simple. Just as simple as ABC. They are only some optional questions with YES or NO for you to choose.

1. Do you like her? A. YES B. NO
2. Do you feel comfortable with her? A. YES B. NO
3. Do you wanna spend more time with her? A. YES B.NO
4. Do you miss her always when she is not around? A. YES B. NO
5. Do you think that she is compatible with you? A. YES B. NO
6. Is she the one you wanted to share everything? A. YES B. NO
7. Do you willing to know her better? A. YES B. NO
8. Do you willing to proceed on with her if there has a chance?
A. YES B. NO

** If the answer of YES exceed 5 - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? WAIT FOR OTHER GUY TO GET HER HEART BEFORE YOU?
** If the answer of YES is between 3 to 5 - DO NOT TREATING HER TOO NICE AND MADE HER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU WHILE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE INTENTION TO PROCEED FURTHER.
** If the answer of YES below 3 - GET YOUR ARSE OFF!! DO NOT CONFUSED HER.

Not difficult at all. YES or NO, the only answer. Just answer, YES or NO. We do not accept the answer of, 'I DON'T KNOW'/ 'I HAVE NO IDEA'/ 'I'M NOT READY'/ 'GIVE ME SOME TIME'.... do not give us all these nonsense, do not piss us off with these nonsense :)

Will you say this when there is a 36C-24-35 angel- like sweet lady telling you that she is in love with you? Nonsense. Girls are not stupid, we are stupid only when we are in love. We will wait and do all those silly things just for someone we love. We have our great senses on whether a guy care of us or not. But we choosed to act stupid, because we already in love with that dumb guy. Hahahahahaha....

Courage, the item that lack in men of today. Or they think too much for being in love or not? What's the problem of being in love? Love won't kill you. Do not want to hurt her feelings? You already did that by telling her so. If you have no special feelings on her, kindly stay a distance. Do not confused us. Do not give us hopes. Do not tell us all the nonsense as above. No wonder my gf told me that, it's getting difficult to find a mascular man [in term of the way they behave, their thinking..]. It's new centuries, everything changed..... women changed to be more independent, strong, decision making, responsible.... and... our lovely men changed too. Changed to unknown, unpredictable, complicated, sensitive, emotional, over worried.. :)

Anyway, this world still need couples to produce more human. Men are not that worthless afterall, some of them are lovely and sweet too. Men with some women's characteristics are the most lovely one as they know how we think. But, they only can be treated as our best buddy as they will never be in love with us. Hahahahaha....

Women and men still looking for their true love as usual. This will never change because Adam left his rib bone in Eve.

Update.......

Let's have some update of Lunch...... :P

Today, Ms. E send us an email to informed us that James is going to join us for lunch! Such an exciting news and everyone start giving me all sorts of words to encourage me! And I'm also playing around with them and told them that I'm very nervous lah.. this lah..that lahh.... Suddenly, Ms. OY send us a mail... "hey, have you girls noticed that our email did not send to Ms. HH but Mr. CH?????" Walaueh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is really problem!!!! shocking!!!!! embrassing!!!!!! Immediately I checked on all the email addresses!!! Shit!!!!!!!! All our emails send to Mr. CH!!! Mr. CH is a guy who sitting next to James. His email address is included accidently by Ms. E while she send out the email to us. This is............ unbelievable!!!!

I feel so embrassed... it's because I sound like so desperate in the emails while everyone of them giving me those encourage words to get close to James. This is so....... arghhhhh..... Ms. E called me and told me that she included the email accidently and it's actually means to Ms. HH instead of Mr. CH.. as their surname is same. I said I know, but this is really... maluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... Ms. E feel so guilty and she told Ms. HH about it. Since Ms. HH is same department with Mr. CH... therefore, Ms. HH talk to Mr. CH and ask him just to keep it with himself. My goshhhh... I feel so.... speechless.

Anyway, James did join us for lunch. He is such a friendly guy.. talkative.. and the way he talk or express himself is very funny.. got sense of humour.. an initiative guy. He share his Hong Kong trip with us, tell us about Disney Land in HK, talk nonsense with us as well... laugh with us... a good person to chat with. Never expect the first lunch will be with so much laughter. He gave us a very good impression. From our conversation, we all found that he doesn't has girl friend.

After lunch, there come emails again. They all keep telling me that James sure has no girl friend. GANBATEH!!!!!!!! FIGHT FOR IT!!!!! hahahahaha....all crazy women!!! Sound like I'm really in love with James. I told them, don't be crazy lah... Later he though I'm in love with him, then die lahhh.....

He is not handsome, tan skin color, a little bit curly hair, tall, average body size, specky, clean, neat, polite.. they all not interested in James because they said he is not handsome enough. Hahaha.. that's why no one wanna fight with me. As in my requirement list... I never like a handsome man.... In fact, I love normal looking guy who has a kind and understanding heart. No point to have good looking face and muscular body but with bad heart or bad attitude, right? For me, handsome guys are eyes candy... That's for your eyes only, honey. :) Maybe I have no confidence in myself... Hahahahaha.. I don't really like to stand beside a handsome/ good looking guy, I will feel insecure.. :P Low self- esteem eh.... terrible...

Time to sleep.. Been working like a dog lately... :P Tired.....

A little more wishes... will bring wonder.....

Finally I finished THE DA VINCCI CODE. Such an amazing book, interesting... and will used up most of your brain juice to think over on all the clues. But the ending is not as I expected and not clear enough to explained everything. It seems like Mr. Brown just end it because it's the right time to end it. Terrible ending... I don't like it. Left a miserable girl there after the story end. Hahahahaa...that's me lah!!

As I have mentioned ealier, there have few guys joined our company. One left for don't know what reason, one is not friendly enough, another one.. highly recommended by myself. He is James. So, everyone knows that I like James as I always say he is my target [joking lah of course]... but seems like everyone taking it seriously.

Today, we were talking about the single guys in our company during our lunch time. They critisize on one of the manager as the man is slightly... undescribeable... hahahaha... Actually this manager is Ms. E's boss eh!! Hahahahaha... Ops.. back to James. Then, they are planning on how to get close to James, how to invite James to join us for our lunch or our BBQ night. Of course, I gave some suggestions since they are so excited on this topic. Hahahah... we back to office after lunch.

I suddenly got an email from Ms. E regarding tomorrow's lunch. It's abit early to discuss for tomorrow's lunch, right? But still, I read on the email... JAMES IS GOING TO JOIN US FOR LUNCH TOMORROW!!! Goshhhh... shocked me!!! This shocking news bring back our soul from somewhere, emails start flying around.. like the moment when Harry Potter first received offer letters from Hogwarts. Scary..... and the worse part is, everyone is giving me MORAL SUPPORT! Suggesting what should I wear tomorrow as it will be our casual day. They are so..... desperate... to match me up with James!!! It's so malu...... all putting me on this situation.. scared!!!

I don't feel like going for lunch with them now... I don't want to see James... I'm afraid.. I will be the victim tomorrow... Pity me!!!!! I'm now the target!!

Hi All, Can I 'airplane' you all for tomorrow's lunch???? :P

A little more wishes.. will bring wonder... But I never make any wish..... why is this happened???? Goshhh... this is scary!!!

Another Misc.......

Different human with different thinking, opinion, point of view...
Different sex with different judgement too....

Someone might judge based on their own feelings, point of view, thinking or experience. Of course, we always refer to our own when come to judgement. We always based on our own feelings to judge whether it's fair enough for someone. Things always not seeing through by both sides but only his/ her own side. This is normal, I do this sometimes. Ops... should say.. Always! Hahahahaha....

Same sex always tends to have the same view of point, maybe a little bit different but overall, they are still the same opinion. That's why my girl friends and I always fire guys together [not always lah, only when we are playful enough]. At the end, they will surrender not because we are so strong in dispute, but it's because they are gentlemen. hahahahahahaha..... and we will feel happy then. Girls... as you know, always tends to be the winners. :P And I'm just a lonely girl here. Being a winner will always brighten up my days. Hahahahahhaaha....

But, when things came to myself, I will think over it again and again when I'm calm enough. And that's why, I only realised on my faults after everything. But, over is over, I never want to feel regret and I won't bring it up again. You may claim that I did not settle the issue but ignoring it. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I just don't want to make thing worse. I know this is not a good attitude. You can consider me as a pushy person in relationship, when I do not want to push or rush, it always means that I care of it very much. Because, I do understand that nobody love to be push or rush on.

I always understand one thing- do not waste your time on someone who do not appreciate you. I always tell myself this, my friends told me this and my lovely sister gave me this advice too. But, I always be the most stubborn fella for them. My sister always describe me as a stone... stubborn as a cow. Never listen to anyone when I've decided on anything, unless I feel the pain. Stupid attitude I have. I do not give up even I felt the pain. Can you see how stubborn I am? I will only let go when my heart unable to bear the pain. What extend it will be? I don't know. Maybe......Till the day I feel 100% of disappointment, 100% of pain, 100% of sadness, 100% of hopeless. When this day come to me, I'm 1000% heart broken.

One of my friend gave me a nick- SOLDIER. I wonder why he gave me such nick. He explained to me..."It's because I found that you are very brave in love. You never care what's the ending will be, as long as you love him. You do not care what will you gain or lose, as long as you love him." Hahahahaha.... He see me in such a way. I am.

No matter you love me or not. I'm still who I am. I still live my life with or without you.

Being fair to me or not. I have no idea. I do think that is being unfair to me since the early stage. No matter what it is. I did my part.

Too many nonsense tonight. All nonsense.

**********

Today was a busy day for me. I'm kinda lost today, kinda quiet. I was dreaming while I'm driving to work this morning. Mati enjin for many times, so malu. Luckily still able to concerntrate on work... If not, sure kena fire! :P Ms. N and Ms. E told me many jokes and made me laugh so much during our lunch time. Maybe they sensed something. Ms. N send me an email and asked me "do you feel much better after our happy lunch time?", Ms. E send me an email and told me "Everything will be alright, because YOU HAVE US!" Aawwww.... I feel so touched!! It's really great to have them around. Friends, always the most important person in my life after my family.

I have my mom, my sister. I have Jeannie, David, Kenneth, PL... and now.. I have Ms. E, Ms. N, Ms. C and Ms. HH.... What else can I complain at? Nothing... God is treating me not bad afterall. At least HE gave me a lovely family, many sweet friends... although HE always test me in relationship.

I should cherish what I have. I should cherish everything. I should be glad. :)

Life is still beautiful afterall..... :)

I lost it..............:(

I'm very very very down... I'm very very very very sad... I'm very very very very very depressed........

I couldn't find my earing... I lost my earing...... :(

Arghhhhhh....... heartache!!!!

I been kinda down the whole day, not only due to Monday's blue but also because I miss my diamond earing... :( I been kinda quiet today, Ms. E asked me what's happened. Of course that I didn't tell her that I lost my earing. I just said I'm OK. :) It's so kind of her for being so caring.

anyway... monday is always blue in color....

F!!! I lost my diamond!!!!!

F!!!!!!! I lost my diamond earing!!!! It slipped from my fingers and drop no where!!!! I don't know where it is.... I try to look at the whole room.... I couldn't find its' shadow!!!! I unable to find my diamond earing!!!!!! shit!!!!! I'm so depressed now!!!!! This pair of earing has been with me for 5 years!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I lost my diamond earing!!!! shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Miss You......

No joke. I do miss you very much. Hate on feelings so.

Don't feel like going out because I miss you.
I don't feel lonely even I stay home the whole day, because I miss you.
I feel so great, because I miss you.
I feel happy because you said YOU MISS ME.

Maybe you just have this "friendly miss" in you. I don't care. As long as you do miss me. You can't stop me missing you in a special way. So, you have no choice but to accept the fact that I do miss you very much!!!

I miss you when I'm awake in da morning.
I miss you when I'm having my brunch.
I miss you when I'm surfing on the net.
I miss you when I'm going for my nap.
I miss you when I'm in my sweet dream.
I miss you when I'm taking my bath.
I miss you when I'm having my dinner.
I miss you when I'm watching TV programmes.
I miss you when I'm reading "THE DA VINCCI CODE".
I miss you when I'm listening to the Japanese song.
I miss you when I'm online.
I miss you when I'm chatting with you in MSN Messenger.
I miss you when you are disconnected.
I miss you when you went to bed.
I miss you when I go to my bed.
I miss you again... in my dream.

I dream of you lately. I dream of you twice. The contains can't be tell :P It's very innocent one. Don't have bad thinking! and do not currupted my dreams! :)

I made the Japanese song a ringing tone. I make it specially as your ringing tone. When the ringing tone rang... I know it's you, even that you seldom call my mobile.

**********
Artist: Hirai Ken
Title: Hitomi wo Tojite (I Close My Eyes)
Lyrics: Hirai Ken
Music: Hirai Ken

every morning I awake
to your skin, cast off, lying next to me
that back, I once felt warmth from, cold.
stop with the wry smile
open the heavy curtains the blinding morning light,
everyday I try to keep up with it
you showed me that day, your face in tears
the setting sun that shines on the tears
the warmth on my shoulder
everytime I wish you gone
my heart and body remember you.

Your love forever
I close my eyes and imagine you, that's enough.
even if the season leaves my heart behind.

I wonder if one day I'll no longer feel anything for you
I think I'd rather fall asleep with the pain I have now
eventhough the light we searched for,
wishing upon the starry sky we gazed at that night,
disappears in a the blink of an eye,
my heart and body shine on with you.

I wish forever
I close my eyes and imagine you.
That's all I can do. even if the world were to leave me behind.

Your love forever
I close my eyes and imagine you, that's enough.
even if the season leaves me behind,
and tries to change it's color.
I'll search for you in my memory. That's enough.
Because you gave me the strength to get over my loss.
you gave it to me.

**********

This is the translation of the Japanese song I'm so in love now. So meaningful.


You gave it to me, the feelings I lost long time ago.
You gave it to me, the passion I though I will never gain back.
You gave it to me, the courage to be in love again.

I know that you do not love me.
I know that you do not care of me as much as I do.
I know that you do not miss me as the way I miss you.
I know....
But I just can't stop thinking of you.
Can't help... But falling blindly.

It might hurt. No one know it better than myself.
Can't help....... I can't help......

It's Weekend..............

I do not have anything special in my mind now. It's weekend again. This is a quiet weekend for me as I do not have any plan for myself. Maybe will rot at home for this weekend. No money = No entertainment; No entertainment = No fun; No fun = No life.... OoOooOOoOoO... SO SAD!!!

Ha~~ Good also!!! So that I can read my book, so that I do not have to treat Mr. Uncle LECKA LECKA... Kakakakakkaaka... :P Went to have coffee with Jeannie & Kenneth. Just the 3 of us. David is too busy to join us for coffee. I keep telling Kenneth that I want to eat cheese cake... Kakakakka... He keep mumbling that I always want him to treat me, keep saying me that he treating me too good and complaining to me that I seldom treat him, I seldom drive him around.. . :P But then he still buy me da cheese cake.. and ORDERED me to go get a table for us. Kakakakkaa... Jeannie said "You are the only one who he listen to." "Of course loh... I'm his best friend mah!! Don't feel jealous lah..." I told Jeannie.

We had our good time over there. We laughed to the max... 3 hours! Non Stop! It's crazy... hahahaha... Kenneth laughted out too loud and he got all the attention from the Coffee-Beaners... Hahahhaa...embrassing eh!!!! But we still can't stop laughing...

Emm~~ I miss you, Mr. Uncle. I have no idea whether you will miss me or not. Maybe you don't and never feel so. No matter what, you must remember to buy me souvenir ya..... Don't forget it! Kakakakakka... Just small small souvenir will do. I'm not greedy lah...

*yawn* Tired.. Tired... Tired.... Time to go to bed lah..... Sweet Dream, Honey

Enjoy your trip..... Mr. Uncle

Aiya..... it's a business trip. Have to work over there.. not holidays... Kakakakaka... But still, try to enjoy yourself also lah, honey. If not, you will feel suffer eh... Better try to be enjoy abit, it will make you feel better... Hahahhahaha...

Went dinner with Mr. Uncle. He said want to have a good dinner at the night before he leave for the TORTURING TRIP. His treat of course! :P Emmm.. had a yummy dinner at Chilis. We had 3some... opssss!!! No lah, it is TRIPLE PLAY. Hahahahaha.. what a name eh. He ordered pasta. Ok lah, not bad... afterall Chilis food never been terrible...right?

My right eye twitching since after lunch time. Old folks said "Eye twitching for right is good, left is bad." Emmmm... I'm wondering what is the good thing that going to happened on me? I'm so bad luck, what will happend to me? Let's see ya.... Kakakakakaka...

Today, I work till headache... Checking on all those reports making my eyes blur and mind tired. Nothing much happened today. Work, Lunch, Work, Dinner, Home, Bath, Online, Sleep. Boring life eh.... Nevermind lah, boring but still happy life. :)

Enjoy your life, cherish your moments!!! :) Life is beautiful... as always!!!

BBQ......

It has been a long long time that I didn't go for any BBQ party. When Ms. N suggested to have a small gathering, my first though is... BBQ!!! And yes!!! We are going to have a BBQ party soon. Kakakakkaa... we are so excited. This is the first colleagues gathering after I left Invisage. First party with colleagues from Synovate.

I told Ms. N that I can't wait till the day come. I miss the excitement of BBQ although the cleaning process after BBQ might be abit tough. But, we got so many pretty girls, sure can settle with no sweat! :)

Looking forward.... for our first BBQ Party... :) Yeahhh... Yeahhhh... Can BBQ soon... Kakakakka....

Miss Lonely Heart.......

caption


I'm still the Miss Lonely Heart as I used to be. I'm still the happy person as I used to be. I'm still the best friend of my friends. Most important is, I'm still as pretty as I used to be always.... kakakakaka.... :)

No worry... I'm fine, I'm OK... I'm not down just because I found out someone do not love me as I do :) I'm getting good in self-healing. I'm a bad luck lady in love.

Nevermind loh.. I shall love myself if no one love me. I know my sister love me much. I know my mama sayang me lots. I know Kenneth will always lend me his shoulder when I wanted to cry! Kakakakaka...

I'm consider in good life if compare with those children in Africa. At least, I'm well feed till I'm so fat... I'm well pampared by my parents... I got new house that I'm going to move into... I got a small car to drive around... I got my family... I got friends... I got my career even it's not a very impressive one... :) I'm such a lucky person even though he doesn't love me.

Quak!!!! I'm so pretty eh... :P

caption 

You won't understand....

You said you might be understand how I feel right now. I can tell you that you will never understand how I feel. Old folks said.."you will never know how the pain is if the needle never poke on ur flesh". You won't understand even you claimed that you do.

Do you know how it feel when you found that you start missing someone?
Do you know how it feel when you found that you wanna spend every minutes with someone?
Do you know how it feel when you found that you getting care of someone?
Do you know how it feel when you start missing someone almost every seconds?
Do you know how it feel when you are falling in love with someone who don't really care of you?
Do you know how it feel when you wanted to see someone so much but you can't?
Do you know how it feel when you have to hide your feelings infront of someone you love?
Do you know how it feel when you can't even hold his hand even you wanted to do so?
Do you know how it feel when you try your best to protect this FRIENDSHIP while you hope that it will change to a relationship dreadfully?
Do you know how it feel????
Do you know how I feel????
Do you understand????
Do you know how pain am I now????


You don't. Keith, you don't understand. You will never understand.

*****

I'm such a silly. I'm such a stupid. I know I always be.
Do not being so care of me if you do not love me.
I'm already in love. I can't help. But I am.

Good also. I do not have to spare a space from my heart anymore. I no need to waste my credits on sms. I no need to go online so often and don't know what doing there. I can save lots of time, I do not need to miss you anymore.

My fault, I mistaken on everything.

I think......

This blog will be in Mandarin. Because, I only can express "what I wanna blog now" well with mandarin.

我想。。。。。我已爱上他了。 昨夜，我满脑子都是他。 我不是只是在昨夜非常的想念他。 我时常都非常的挂念他的一切。 他并不英俊， 他并不特别， 但是， 与他在一起的感觉却是万分的舒服。

我甚至梦见了他。我梦见他到我家， 我们看电视剧， 他抱着我，我心中非常高兴，好温暖， 好温馨。 我好想这一切都是真的。我真的好想。已经好久没有如此挂念一个人。 已经好久没有如此感觉。 好久没有感觉温暖， 挂念 ，疼惜， 不舍。。。

我不知道他对我对我有何感觉。我好想问，但是我又害怕他给于我的答案会令我伤心。我不知我该如何。我知道我该问个明白。 我好矛盾，我怕听到他的答案但是我又非常希望听到他告诉我他对我的感觉。

今天一早，他SMS我。别对我好如果你只是当我是一个普通朋友。 我承受不了打击。我好怕他会对我说他要的不是我。 就像 Mr.A 一样的伤害我。我怕我挺不住。

我不由自主的爱上了你 ， 我控制不了我的感情。 我无时无刻的想你。 我不知你是否和我一样的无法控制。。你从未说你喜欢我。我却透露了我非常喜欢你。 我感觉好无助。 我不知该如何是好 。

奇， 我好想你。 我好想见你。

Distance.......

There has one well said among those readers or non readers of this lady writer from Hong Kong - "The most far distance in this world is not due to we located seperately in north and south, but, you do not know that I LOVE YOU when I'm standing beside you. " 世界上最遥远的距离不是你我天隔一方， 而是你不知道我爱你。I never doubt on this statement. It's a statement right now. Telling us the fact, the truth.

Distance is always the most cruel test for couples. It test on how strong your love is, it test on how good you can handle your loneliness, it test on how patient you are, it test on how loyal you are in this relationship, it test on every possible things that you can ever imagine. I used to have a distance bf from Australia. I cried on the phone when I miss him. I called to Australia just to listen to his voice. Luckily, we already have email that time. We are so in love when he is in Australia. Everything became so romantic due to the distance. I always post him some small gifts, cards and letters. He was so touched when he got all these from me. He did the same too. Wrote me love letters through email or post. Everything is so beautiful, even you have to wait for an unknown future. But everything changed when he is back from Australia. The feelings is no longer like what we had. We are more like stranger than lover. We became so distance even we are socalled couple. This is so upset and we decided to break off. Both of us hurt. Distance.. it can make everything to be beautiful. When we face to face, we couldn't find the beautiful feelings and feel disappointed. And everything end up looks so ugly.

Ever since then, I never be in any distance relationship till this 'short term bf of mine' decided to back to his hometown and help up his family in the business. To be frank, I'm not a strong person, I can't handle my loneliness well. I need companion always. His decision made me re-think on the relationship and I no longer feel the same even he did make his effort to visit me whenever he has time. My feelings towards him faded away as time goes by. I broke off with him. He rushed to my office the next morning after I told him my decision. Not that I do not feel touched, but I really can't take distance relationship as others. Distance, will bring your feelings away too.

Got once, Eugene was send to Penang Branch for couple of month. We missed each other so much, we talked in the phone almost every night, we sms each other like crazy. Our phone bill is high like our Twin Tower. I feel lonely but I still manage to take it as I planned to fly over to spend our holidays in Penang. We took leave and enjoy our holidays so much. Of course, short term seperation is always good for couple. We are more in love when we see each other again after months of seperation. That was a very good holidays we had.

Now, I have to test myself with this distance thing. I need to know how much I will miss him when he is away. I need to make it clear with myself. Someone told me that this is always the best time to tell yourself how much he meant to you. Needless to tell, I already feel down when it's getting near for him to leave KL. I know... I know we have this INTERNET, EMAILS, MSN MESSENGER... bla bla bla... But it still not the same when you know that he is not in the same city as you. Don't ask me why I feel so. That's what I feel.

I already start missing him. I already feeling down. I already feel like seeing him more before he leave. Helpless... I feel helpless when come to this. No need to wait till after he leave, I can tell you that I will definately, surely, 100% miss him very much. I hate when someone I care leave me alone......

New colleagues......

Yesterday, Ms. N told me that we got a new colleague [B] at another department. Ms. N told me that the new colleague is very very handsome. I was like.. "how handsome he is eh????" I never believe on what Ms. N told me till the moment I bumped into this handsome colleague at the pantry. Of course, I can sensed that he is new in the company as I never see his face even I got tons of colleagues who I never met. Kakakakkaka... The fact is, HE IS REALLY HANDSOME! :P He smiled to me when our eyes met. Being a well educated girl as me, of course, I replied him with my sweetest smile lah! And it's definately that I hide my excitement behind my sweet smile. :P Immediately I back to my seat, I email to Ms. N and our gang.."My godness, he is really handsome!" and the responds is instantly... emails flying in and out of out mailbox... Hahahahaha... And another thing I know is, Ms. N told us that he is actually graduated from U.K. Goshh.. I wonder where she got all these information. CNN of the gang. But it's good to have a CNN in the gang, so that we know what's going on in the company. Anyway, for [B], only me and Ms. N ever see his face, the others got no fate with him yet. :P

Not that we are desperate, it's due to the fact that we do lack of guys in our company. For example, Finance department [which I'm based at], 100% girls, Can't even smell a boy around. Hahahaha.... There are 80% female in our company. For the remaining of 20% male species, 10% are old men, 40% are matured men [all attached or married], 50% are kiddo. Can't blame us on being so excited for the new handsome colleague. :P [Eh! I'm so good in doin analysis after I joined this marketing research company... hahahahha]

Then, Ms. N told us that today will come another new staff [C], which is a handsome guy too. Again, I never believe on what she told me. We were so excited to meet him since today's morning. But, our Ms. E is so lucky that she is in HR Department and she able to has the first glance at him in da early morning as she is the one who lead him to his department!! We are so JEALOUS. Hahahhahaha.... There come many questions throwed to Ms. E on this new colleague. Again, emails flying in and out like nobody business.

And we found out that this [C] is working in the same department as our Ms. H. We are so envy!!! and now, the responsibility is falls on Ms. H. She forced to be our spy on [C]. Kakakakka... Ms. N is really powerful and she has worked out a questionnaire for Ms. H to ask [C]. Ms. N is really a good researcher, so effective and so creative... hahahhahaa.... We are all making noise as Ms. H is going for the welcome lunch for [C] with her department colleagues. We went for our lunch in group again, busy on wondering how [C] looks like as non of us have a glance of him beside Ms. E.

According to Ms. E, [C] looks matured, tall and gentlement. Ms. E brough [C] to have a tour around the office and introduce him to everyone. It must be a wonderful tour she ever have, we said. Hahahahahaha... And finally I able to have a look at him. He looks good, tall, fair, short hair, decent looking, well dressed up, clean, tidy, looks friendly, good manners. He make the effort on trying to remember everyone's name, as we all know it's impossible to do so. We have over 150 permanent staffs in the office, I will give him a bow if he able to do that! :P

When Ms. E finally ended her tour with [C], the emails flying again. My conclusion to these incidents is- HANDSOME GUY REALLY CAN SPICE UP OUR MOOD! Hahahhahaha... Can't you see our mood is so high when we know that there are some handsome guys around? Handsome guys can also energizing us, it's straightly to our gang only. I'm not sure about others. Everyone being so awake when come to this topic. Girlssssss.... We have to behave. Hahahahahaha....

I can't stop smiling when I was reading all those silly emails from my colleagues. Actually I wanted to laugh out loud, but I can't. Office hours lahh... what you laughing at? Hahahahaha... behave... behave... So, Ms. H promised to join for lunch tomorrow and also will do her reporting on [C] and [B]. [B] is also same department as her. What a lucky lady she is ya....

I have all these silly and crazy colleagues. So fun to have them around... and that's why we never want to missed out our lunch time unless we have no choice. Too bad Ms. C is on MC, if not, I think the emails will be more like M16. LOLZ....

I never demand much from my career. Friendly colleagues, No office politics, Understanding Boss, OK pay, Good location, Handleable workloads, Handleable pressure, Good staffs' benefit, systematic system. That's all I need. And I have all of it in this new job of mine, I'm happy, I'm satisfied. My dream job.

So, I'm looking forward on tomorrow's lunch. Hahahhaahha... Let's see what Ms. H will tell us.

The man......

He never been down on the stage or in life. He fight to the max as he could. He fight for his family, he fight for his wife, he fight for his children, he fight for himself. No matter how tough their life is, he never want his family to suffer. No matter how hard he has to work, he never speak a word. No matter how disappointed he is, he never bring it back home. No matter how difficult the life is, he never let his family to bear the burden.

Maybe others might see his greatest in his powerful boxing skills. I see his greatest power in his love towards his family. What a man... I admire his spirit for fighting on what he wants, for his love- HIS FAMILY. What we are if we do not have love in us. What we are if we do not have our family who support us with no doubt? What we are if we never love anybody in our life?

The movie is so good!!!!! Amazing!!! I never expected it can be that good. So touched yet breath taking and exciting. Everything is possible for a willing heart. Wow... It's a very great movie.. shouldn't be missed out. I'm glad that we went for this movie together [with Mr. Uncle]. It has been a long time there doesn't has any good movie like this. The tickets really worth it, the pop corn worth for its price too... kakakakakaka... I love this movie and it's highly recommended to you, my friends - CINDERELLA MAN!