Saturday, October 29, 2005

Little Man.......

Nic is always the sweetest guy I ever know in my life. Today, we went for movie - Koma 2. Due to Nic's sense of direction, he need his sister to send him to MV. So, end up we had our dinner with his family. Chatted alots with his family, by the way, they are easy going family as my family. So, as a good girl friend, of course I have to communicate well with his family, especially his father.

We left his family and heading to cinema. On the way to cinema, we passed by a stall... I stopped and browsing on the cutey things in da stall. I eyed on a LITTLE MAN [a mobile phone accessory], with a sabre sticking out... and the sabre will BLINK BLINK when there is any signal going through your mobile phone. They have it in white, black and glow in da dark. It's kinda expensive for such a small thing. Nic is beside me that time, we are playing with it.

He asked "Do you like it?"
"It's very cute ehhhh....."
"You want to have it???"
"You buy for me ha?"
He smile, "Yes." .... "What color you like?"
"White!"
"Then I got myself a black one."
"Couple mobile's accessory eh... hahahahahaha... "
"ya lohhhh...."

Immediately, we hang it on our mobile phone. Playing around with it by calling each other's mobile phone. Hahahaha..so childish eh!!!

I'm still playing with the LITTLE MAN when we are in da cinema. He was eating popcorn while watching me playing with the LITTLE MAN... suddenly, he take some popcorn and put near my lips, indicating me to have some popcorn. I ate it. Was shocked on his action. Luckily we are da best buddy, if not, I'm sure suspect on his motives. Hahahahaha....

Having him around is like having someone who appreciate you very much, who pampered you very much, who know you very well, who share everything with you and who enjoy every of your silly jokes. Such a good friend he is. My family like him very much too, coz he is a real sweet guy. Knew him for more than 7 years.... we still keep in touch eventhough he is not in M'sia for 5 years. I appreciated this friendship!! I cherish him.

Thanks for the LITTLE MAN, Nicholas. I like it very much :)

Monday, October 24, 2005

It's Over.....

When a relationship end, it only left us pain. Everyone has to go through this in order to grow up. What else can we do beside dealing hard with the pain we have? Nothing, but to get well soon.

Breaking up is not easy... no fun at all. No matter how long time we have spend with the person, the pain is unbearable. It's because, we love them with our heart. 100% with our heart. We take time to heal... not fully healed.. but partly is good enough. Some people take long long time to feel better... I took 2 years. But I still feel insecure on relationship. Life still go on, I never give up on relationship.

When I broke up with Eugene. I was down for more than a month. I didn't eat... I didn't sleep... All I have in my mind was... Eugene. Why he treated me like that? Why he leave me? What I did wrongly and made him leave me? I keep asking myself all sorts of questions. Without any answer.

My daily activities was, lied on my bed, staring on the ceiling, asked myself many many questions, answer the questions I asked, crying, sleeping. I can't even concerntrated on work, I will cry when I'm on work. I will rush to the washroom suddenly, because... my tears are dropping off my eyes. Then I took few days leave. Stay at home.. do nothing.

One day, my mom asked me for lunch. I told her that I don't want to eat. She walked away. So, I back to my daily activities, lying on bed. Again, my mom walked into my room, she talked to me. She trying to comfort me.. I cried. She asked me not to be sad because of that bastard, he is not that good afterall. I can't stop crying... then I found that my mom cry with me. Instantly, I feel more sad, coz I made my mom cry. She cry because she feel my pain. She walked off and leave me alone. I told myself to be strong, to stand up with my own feet. I can't hurt my family because he hurt me badly.

Move on. I started my new life. I changed a new job, new environment. I'm glad that I have good friends around.. and best family members. They spend alots of time with me, just to help me to move on. I can't say that my hurt is fully healed. I still can feel the pain when someone touched on it. But, Life goes on, we can't live in the shadow forever.

They told me that I'm another person after the incident. Not worse, but much better. I'm glad that I'm able to do so. If not because of my friends and my family, I'm still a rubbish who asking myself what I did wrongly.

Who never been hurt in love? Take your time to get heal... but not too long time. Life is short. Life is beautiful. I always believe in love, life will not be so wonderful without love.

Love is all around, it's just the matter whether you want to grab it or not.
Believe me, you are healed if you are brave enough to open your heart again.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sad songs.....

Another tired day. Went for karaoke with Nicholas. Sang for 3 hours. Almost lost our voice to sing.

Too much of sad songs... made me feel a little bit down. The more I sing, the more I feeling down. The more I sing, the more I think of someone. The more I think of someone, the more I don't feel like singing. But I still keep on singing.... as much as I can.

Don't know why, today we sang tons of sad songs. It's like very songs also related to myself. Hahahahah.. over sensitive. We are so tired after karaoke, but still we shop around in The Curve since Nicholas never been there. I'm like almost die due to tiredness. I don't know why am I so tired. I woke up by 11am. Should had enough sleep... But I'm still tired.

I'm abit quiet today, I think nicholas noticed that. He didn't ask me anything, he only sing together with me. Nicholas always an undestanding friend, he know when to do the right things. Very lovely friend he is. He told me that he got a bag of presents for me... but.... he left it in his house in Melbourne. Aiseehhh... teruk nyaaaaa.. Hahhahahaa... But I'm not really looking forwards on the presents he going to give me. Coz, a good friend's companion is worth more than the presents.

No, I don't means that you hurt me. It's normal for a person to feeling abit down when she just woke up from her sweet dream. It's because that she has to face the cruel truth finally. Wake up lohhh... nothing to be worry... Life still go on... :)

Nothing is impossible with a willing heart. Nothing is impossible.....

It's not easy......

Nothing is easy.

I never feel as what I'm feeling now since the day I know what love is. So complicated and difficult to love a person. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for him to open his heart. This is already enough for me to stay away. Am I giving up on him? Maybe YES ... Maybe NO. Because I already feeling the pain. I'm not good enough. I don't know what else to do in order to let him think that I'm good enough for him to take me into his heart. Nothing I can do. Not even a single thing.

Loving a person who do not want you to walk into his heart is never easy. I tried to spend more time with him, talk as much as I can with him, try to let him know more about me. The more I see him, talk to him, spend time with him, the more I unable to control my feelings. It's not easy to hide, it's not easy to control. I have to take him as a NORMAL FRIEND no matter how reluctant am I.

Please, push me away and tell me to get off if I'm not what you want at all.

Maybe it's time for me to let go. So that he won't feel that I'm pressuring him eventhough I did not. Maybe I shouldn't be so care on him. So that he can back to his lone ranger life without my mind bothering sms and questions. Maybe I should walk away. So that he won't be as lost as now. Maybe I should stop thinking of him, although I know it's not easy.

Nothing is easy. It won't be easy for a person to stop loving someone she really care.
Nothing is easy. It won't be easy for a person to throw off a person who already stepped into her heart.

I hope, I won't take long time to feel better.
I hope, I won't take long time to take him off my heart.
I hope, I won't take long time to walk away from him.

In fact, I do really hope I do not have to do the above.
It's pain. I really can feel the pain.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Busy day..........

Today is a busy day for me. Slept by 3am this morning, woke up by 8am. Have to send Nicholas back to Cheras. He though of give his lovely daddy a suprise. Ya, he did not inform any of his family on his return. I'm the only one who he informed. After the mission, I back to meet up with my mom to investigate on the fixing job done by the developer. Everything seems OK, beside some little things that still need to do some touch up again.

After that, went to Giodarno Warehouse sales with my mom. It was so crowded, everyone is like being crazy on the sales. They are carrying a box all around, it is full with clothes and pants. Of course, the warehouse sales does it good job by reducing the price to the lowest like RM5- RM10 per shirt and RM29 per pants. The only failure is... the clothes lying on the racks are sux. Too plain to spend my money on it. I unable to get any from the sales. My mom able to get a not bad looking cloth. Thought of getting myself the Mini Polo-T, but it don't worth for the price. It's not RM5- RM10 for the Mini Polo-T, it costs RM29. So, I decided to put it back on the rack :)

I already bought 4 clothes within 30 minutes on Thursday. Sales are around now due to the Raya and Deepavali. My mom asked me am I celebrating new year or what? Hahahhah.... It has been 2 months that I did not do any shopping. I feel depressed when I look at my cupboard as it looks like so dull without new COMERS for 2 months. :P By the way, I'm a shopping freak still.

After the disappointed warehouse sales, I back home for a rest before I heading to Mid Valley. Going to meet up with 2 old friends. It has been a while that I didn't keep in touch with them. Feeling excited to see them again. We went for lunch @ Mdm Kwan, chat alots. Still able to chat like before. Feeling great! We went shopping as one of them would like to shop for some clothes and handbag. But... it end up that myself bought another cloth from ZARA, and non of them got anything. The one I got from ZARA is kinda sweet, lady-like, it's purple color.... I like it very much. You know, it's just feel great to shopping! :P

We left by 5pm, I feel so tired. Back home, changed, throw myself on the bed, and sleep! Too tired to think, too exhausted. Wake up by 730pm, bath, dinner with the left over WAN TAN MEE, read newspaper and now sitting here.

Later, I have to meet up with another friend who came back from Beijing. She is leaving tomorrow. Can't miss this chance to meet her. Seriously, I'm tired. Coffee again, my fav spot. :)

Arghh...what a tired and busy day.... but it is a happy day toooo... :)

Friday, October 21, 2005

Misc.......

So frustrated. I have no idea on what he has in his mind. What he expect from me.

"I do care of you, I really like you very much. If I do not care, I won't bother who you are seeing. I won't ask so much about him. I won't want to know how's everything between you and him."
"I care and that's why I want you to be happy. Of course I won't be happy to see you have someone, but I want you to be happy."
"What's in your mind now? Would you want to give me some time? I always want to go further with you, just that I still need some time to get myself ready to be commit into a relationship."

"Will you give me some time? Will you give me the chance?"

This is sooooooooooooooooo....... *&#%**^#%#&^%. I'm speechless. I do not know what else to tell about Mr. A.

***********
Anyway... got 2 good news. I found my diamond earing!! Kakakakakkaka

Nicholas is coming back!! I'm going to pick him up at KL Sentral. He will stay a night at my place. Guess that it will be a sleepless night. Can't stop chatting. Looking forward to meet up with this old friend of mine! :) Miss him so much!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Appreciation.......

Sometimes, we will only appreciate something when we lost it.

I lost my dad, he left us 3 years ago. I only realised how much I care of him after he left us. I never know that I do care so much. Maybe this is one of the human nature. We always take things for granted. Never appreciate when we have it. We will only feel bad or regret after we lost it. To my dad, I admitted that I did not spend time with him when he need us the most. I regret on what I have done. As my principle, I never regret on what I have done. This is the only things I feel most regret and guilty. I miss my dad, always. I know it's meaningless, my fault. I don't even have the chance to say sorry. The pain will be with me forever...... till the day my soul gathered with my dad.

When Mr. A knew that I'm sort of seeing someone, he start doing something to grab back my attention. Human nature. He asked me all those questions that started with " If....... " This is irritating. I told him not to ask those questions which do not have the possibility to happened. He asked me why? I said "it's because I do not like to answer it. No point to think on something that will not happened." He keep asking me about SOMEONE. I didn't tell him much. What for?

Why wanted to grab back the attention?? Just to show that you still able to do so? Why telling me this and that when I no longer care? Why never care of me when I'm around? Where are you when I'm down? Can't you remember what have you told me before? Human are forgetful. I'm a forgetful person too... But I still can remember what he has told me.

I never appreciate my dad when he is here. I can't even grab his attention again. I always remind myself... "Appreciate whatever you have now... Life is short but beautiful." Appreciated everything you have. This is what I'm trying to do... everyday, every hours, every minutes, every seconds.... I wish I'm doing it well. I do not want another pain come to me again.. I will try not to let it happened again....

I appreciated you... everyone of you...

Monday, October 17, 2005

It's sweet......

I always think that is sweet when you have someone special in your heart. It maybe bitter abit but still...... it's sweet afterall.

It's sweet when you have someone to miss.
It's sweet when you know someone is missing you too.
It's sweet when someone tell you everything he did in a day.
It's sweet when you know someone will sms you always.
It's sweet to have someone special.
It's sweet to be someone's special too.

I have no idea how special I have in his heart. Maybe I'm just at the lowest level. But, I'm already very happy because he told me that he miss me. This is the first time that you asked me do I miss you? Of course I do miss you, Honey.

We had a very sweet night. I love it so much, not only the environment, but your companion too. It was too sweet to bring me to sleep. I didn't sleep well. Because, I miss you too much. I feel kinda empty, because you are so far from me now. This made me miss you more.

You landed yet? You taken your dinner? You must be very tired and exhausted. Such a long journey. Killing eh. Take a shower, have a good sleep... Tomorrow will be another tough day for you. May you have a wonderful trip, may everything goes well for you...

I miss you...... I miss you very much.....

Thursday, October 13, 2005

It's OK.......

It's OK..... I don't mind to wait till the day you open up your heart and let me stay in. I will always wait for the day to come. But I have no idea when will I give up on this waiting game. Maybe we do not have fate and that's why.

It's OK..... That you are such a reserved person and never really tell me how you feel exactly. But I do hope you will be more open to me. At least, let me know all your happiness and unhappiness. Share your everything with me.

I only want you to be happy. I will only happy if you are. You won't know how pain my heart is when I see that you are so lost. I rather take back everything and sit alone in da corner. At least, I know you will be more happier without me around.

Think that I should keep myself away from you. So I won't distract your life. So I can free my thought from you. I never feel disappointed on what we have. I love the moments we spend together. I just feel sad when I see how lost you are.

I shall put everything back into my heart. Let's everything as your wish.

*I throw off the photo stickers that I used to stick around my room, because he no longer mean anything to me*

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Password......

We keep something valuable in a safe and locked it with a key or password.

The most valuable thing I ever have is my love. I locked them in my heart. There are few rooms in my heart, one for my family, one for my friends and one for my lover. For my family, I never locked my heart from them. For my friends, I always open up my heart for them. But, as the room for lover, it has been locked for 2 years. I did try to open it for someone... but unsuccessful. Not because that I forgot the password, but there has not enough for me to open it up again.

This time, I opened it accidently. Without my knowledge, I have let someone occupied the room. I'm shocked when I realised that HE is already in da room. Then, I start feeling uneasy to have him there. I unable to kick him off the room. I can't get him off from my thought. Aaawwww.... I feel more and more insecure as I do not know what to do. I don't know what he thinks, I don't know what he wants. I promised myself not to push or pressure him, but.... I failed. I started asking him everything.. anything... just to assure myself, just to comfort myself. Sigh.... I'm selfish. I'm so lost till I do not know how to handle it anymore.

I'm sorry if I do make you feel pressure. Not that I'm not happy with how it goes. I'm just too lost to assure myself your feelings on me. I'm very worried too... worried that you might leave me alone one day... worried that you no longer care of me like now... worried that got another girl steal your heart away. I.... just feeling so lost.

I need your action to assure me. Show me that you do care of me, show me that you do need me, show me that you do love me. Words can never make me calm.

This room do not have KING SIZE BED, it also never furnished with air-con. It's just a very simple place for you to rest. If you don't mind that it is just a simple room, you are always the password holder for it.

I do hope that you don't mind.

Now, you are holding the password to my heart. If you wanna give up on it. Kindly inform me much ealier with loud and clear. Make me clear on my situation. Give me back the password, and I will lock it up again. Not for anyone to occupy it till the day I met someone who really care to take care of my vulnerable love.

I do hope you won't give it back to me.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Exactly.......

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进 何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
只能陪你到这里 毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情 还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我 还是你
我很不服气
也开始怀疑眼前的人 是不是同一个真实的你
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽 停在这里

A new song from a Taiwanese female singer. A love song, referring to a guy and a girl that being very close but never to the stage of lover. The girl likes the guy, but the the guy never want to proceed on. So, the girl choosed to walk away. Telling the guy that's all she able to do for him, she unable to go further as that's already exceed the responsible of being friend. She feel disappointed and upset on the guy. Have no idea on what's in his mind. Losing her patient, waiting is no longer meaningful. The girl do not know what elso to do, keep on waiting or leave? At last, she choosed to leave as she realised that the guy is not treating her fair enough. It's not what she wants, but she has to leave for her own good. *End*

This song bring up the issue of most of the girls facing nowadays. I'm having this problem for twice. Guys are getting more and more complicated. They think too much when deciding to proceed on or not. The masculine guts no longer exist between men???? I wonder where goes the guts of men. Maybe I'm still staying in the old memories that man used to be a brave species. Protecting women, children. Decision making. Bearing all the hard works, responsibles. I can't see any male species around me with such qualities. I'm not saying that these qualities do not exist anymore. But, at least, I hardly found someone who come with this package. Hahahahaa...

Maybe human is getting more and more self centered. Female too of course. We are more concern on our own happiness than anything. I do understand that we have to make sure that we are happy before anyone else. I'm not asking you to force yourself to love someone you don't even like. Love won't happend if both parties do not have the sparks of love in her/ him.

I have no idea on what's in guys' thinking. They give you all his companion, treating you nicely, being close with you, flirting around with you, did all the things which should be done by a bf.. and then claims that he only taking you are a normal friend. Do you really treating all of your female friends the same? This is so confusing. Love is simple. Just as simple as ABC. They are only some optional questions with YES or NO for you to choose.

1. Do you like her? A. YES B. NO
2. Do you feel comfortable with her? A. YES B. NO
3. Do you wanna spend more time with her? A. YES B.NO
4. Do you miss her always when she is not around? A. YES B. NO
5. Do you think that she is compatible with you? A. YES B. NO
6. Is she the one you wanted to share everything? A. YES B. NO
7. Do you willing to know her better? A. YES B. NO
8. Do you willing to proceed on with her if there has a chance?
A. YES B. NO

** If the answer of YES exceed 5 - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? WAIT FOR OTHER GUY TO GET HER HEART BEFORE YOU?
** If the answer of YES is between 3 to 5 - DO NOT TREATING HER TOO NICE AND MADE HER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU WHILE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE INTENTION TO PROCEED FURTHER.
** If the answer of YES below 3 - GET YOUR ARSE OFF!! DO NOT CONFUSED HER.

Not difficult at all. YES or NO, the only answer. Just answer, YES or NO. We do not accept the answer of, 'I DON'T KNOW'/ 'I HAVE NO IDEA'/ 'I'M NOT READY'/ 'GIVE ME SOME TIME'.... do not give us all these nonsense, do not piss us off with these nonsense :)

Will you say this when there is a 36C-24-35 angel- like sweet lady telling you that she is in love with you? Nonsense. Girls are not stupid, we are stupid only when we are in love. We will wait and do all those silly things just for someone we love. We have our great senses on whether a guy care of us or not. But we choosed to act stupid, because we already in love with that dumb guy. Hahahahahaha....

Courage, the item that lack in men of today. Or they think too much for being in love or not? What's the problem of being in love? Love won't kill you. Do not want to hurt her feelings? You already did that by telling her so. If you have no special feelings on her, kindly stay a distance. Do not confused us. Do not give us hopes. Do not tell us all the nonsense as above. No wonder my gf told me that, it's getting difficult to find a mascular man [in term of the way they behave, their thinking..]. It's new centuries, everything changed..... women changed to be more independent, strong, decision making, responsible.... and... our lovely men changed too. Changed to unknown, unpredictable, complicated, sensitive, emotional, over worried.. :)

Anyway, this world still need couples to produce more human. Men are not that worthless afterall, some of them are lovely and sweet too. Men with some women's characteristics are the most lovely one as they know how we think. But, they only can be treated as our best buddy as they will never be in love with us. Hahahahaha....

Women and men still looking for their true love as usual. This will never change because Adam left his rib bone in Eve.

Update.......

Let's have some update of Lunch...... :P

Today, Ms. E send us an email to informed us that James is going to join us for lunch! Such an exciting news and everyone start giving me all sorts of words to encourage me! And I'm also playing around with them and told them that I'm very nervous lah.. this lah..that lahh.... Suddenly, Ms. OY send us a mail... "hey, have you girls noticed that our email did not send to Ms. HH but Mr. CH?????" Walaueh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is really problem!!!! shocking!!!!! embrassing!!!!!! Immediately I checked on all the email addresses!!! Shit!!!!!!!! All our emails send to Mr. CH!!! Mr. CH is a guy who sitting next to James. His email address is included accidently by Ms. E while she send out the email to us. This is............ unbelievable!!!!

I feel so embrassed... it's because I sound like so desperate in the emails while everyone of them giving me those encourage words to get close to James. This is so....... arghhhhh..... Ms. E called me and told me that she included the email accidently and it's actually means to Ms. HH instead of Mr. CH.. as their surname is same. I said I know, but this is really... maluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... Ms. E feel so guilty and she told Ms. HH about it. Since Ms. HH is same department with Mr. CH... therefore, Ms. HH talk to Mr. CH and ask him just to keep it with himself. My goshhhh... I feel so.... speechless.

Anyway, James did join us for lunch. He is such a friendly guy.. talkative.. and the way he talk or express himself is very funny.. got sense of humour.. an initiative guy. He share his Hong Kong trip with us, tell us about Disney Land in HK, talk nonsense with us as well... laugh with us... a good person to chat with. Never expect the first lunch will be with so much laughter. He gave us a very good impression. From our conversation, we all found that he doesn't has girl friend.

After lunch, there come emails again. They all keep telling me that James sure has no girl friend. GANBATEH!!!!!!!! FIGHT FOR IT!!!!! hahahahaha....all crazy women!!! Sound like I'm really in love with James. I told them, don't be crazy lah... Later he though I'm in love with him, then die lahhh.....

He is not handsome, tan skin color, a little bit curly hair, tall, average body size, specky, clean, neat, polite.. they all not interested in James because they said he is not handsome enough. Hahaha.. that's why no one wanna fight with me. As in my requirement list... I never like a handsome man.... In fact, I love normal looking guy who has a kind and understanding heart. No point to have good looking face and muscular body but with bad heart or bad attitude, right? For me, handsome guys are eyes candy... That's for your eyes only, honey. :) Maybe I have no confidence in myself... Hahahahaha.. I don't really like to stand beside a handsome/ good looking guy, I will feel insecure.. :P Low self- esteem eh.... terrible...

Time to sleep.. Been working like a dog lately... :P Tired.....

Thursday, October 06, 2005

A little more wishes... will bring wonder.....

Finally I finished THE DA VINCCI CODE. Such an amazing book, interesting... and will used up most of your brain juice to think over on all the clues. But the ending is not as I expected and not clear enough to explained everything. It seems like Mr. Brown just end it because it's the right time to end it. Terrible ending... I don't like it. Left a miserable girl there after the story end. Hahahahaa...that's me lah!!

As I have mentioned ealier, there have few guys joined our company. One left for don't know what reason, one is not friendly enough, another one.. highly recommended by myself. He is James. So, everyone knows that I like James as I always say he is my target [joking lah of course]... but seems like everyone taking it seriously.

Today, we were talking about the single guys in our company during our lunch time. They critisize on one of the manager as the man is slightly... undescribeable... hahahaha... Actually this manager is Ms. E's boss eh!! Hahahahaha... Ops.. back to James. Then, they are planning on how to get close to James, how to invite James to join us for our lunch or our BBQ night. Of course, I gave some suggestions since they are so excited on this topic. Hahahah... we back to office after lunch.

I suddenly got an email from Ms. E regarding tomorrow's lunch. It's abit early to discuss for tomorrow's lunch, right? But still, I read on the email... JAMES IS GOING TO JOIN US FOR LUNCH TOMORROW!!! Goshhhh... shocked me!!! This shocking news bring back our soul from somewhere, emails start flying around.. like the moment when Harry Potter first received offer letters from Hogwarts. Scary..... and the worse part is, everyone is giving me MORAL SUPPORT! Suggesting what should I wear tomorrow as it will be our casual day. They are so..... desperate... to match me up with James!!! It's so malu...... all putting me on this situation.. scared!!!

I don't feel like going for lunch with them now... I don't want to see James... I'm afraid.. I will be the victim tomorrow... Pity me!!!!! I'm now the target!!

Hi All, Can I 'airplane' you all for tomorrow's lunch???? :P

A little more wishes.. will bring wonder... But I never make any wish..... why is this happened???? Goshhh... this is scary!!!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Another Misc.......

Different human with different thinking, opinion, point of view...
Different sex with different judgement too....

Someone might judge based on their own feelings, point of view, thinking or experience. Of course, we always refer to our own when come to judgement. We always based on our own feelings to judge whether it's fair enough for someone. Things always not seeing through by both sides but only his/ her own side. This is normal, I do this sometimes. Ops... should say.. Always! Hahahahaha....

Same sex always tends to have the same view of point, maybe a little bit different but overall, they are still the same opinion. That's why my girl friends and I always fire guys together [not always lah, only when we are playful enough]. At the end, they will surrender not because we are so strong in dispute, but it's because they are gentlemen. hahahahahahaha..... and we will feel happy then. Girls... as you know, always tends to be the winners. :P And I'm just a lonely girl here. Being a winner will always brighten up my days. Hahahahahhaaha....

But, when things came to myself, I will think over it again and again when I'm calm enough. And that's why, I only realised on my faults after everything. But, over is over, I never want to feel regret and I won't bring it up again. You may claim that I did not settle the issue but ignoring it. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I just don't want to make thing worse. I know this is not a good attitude. You can consider me as a pushy person in relationship, when I do not want to push or rush, it always means that I care of it very much. Because, I do understand that nobody love to be push or rush on.

I always understand one thing- do not waste your time on someone who do not appreciate you. I always tell myself this, my friends told me this and my lovely sister gave me this advice too. But, I always be the most stubborn fella for them. My sister always describe me as a stone... stubborn as a cow. Never listen to anyone when I've decided on anything, unless I feel the pain. Stupid attitude I have. I do not give up even I felt the pain. Can you see how stubborn I am? I will only let go when my heart unable to bear the pain. What extend it will be? I don't know. Maybe......Till the day I feel 100% of disappointment, 100% of pain, 100% of sadness, 100% of hopeless. When this day come to me, I'm 1000% heart broken.

One of my friend gave me a nick- SOLDIER. I wonder why he gave me such nick. He explained to me..."It's because I found that you are very brave in love. You never care what's the ending will be, as long as you love him. You do not care what will you gain or lose, as long as you love him." Hahahahaha.... He see me in such a way. I am.

No matter you love me or not. I'm still who I am. I still live my life with or without you.

Being fair to me or not. I have no idea. I do think that is being unfair to me since the early stage. No matter what it is. I did my part.

Too many nonsense tonight. All nonsense.

**********

Today was a busy day for me. I'm kinda lost today, kinda quiet. I was dreaming while I'm driving to work this morning. Mati enjin for many times, so malu. Luckily still able to concerntrate on work... If not, sure kena fire! :P Ms. N and Ms. E told me many jokes and made me laugh so much during our lunch time. Maybe they sensed something. Ms. N send me an email and asked me "do you feel much better after our happy lunch time?", Ms. E send me an email and told me "Everything will be alright, because YOU HAVE US!" Aawwww.... I feel so touched!! It's really great to have them around. Friends, always the most important person in my life after my family.

I have my mom, my sister. I have Jeannie, David, Kenneth, PL... and now.. I have Ms. E, Ms. N, Ms. C and Ms. HH.... What else can I complain at? Nothing... God is treating me not bad afterall. At least HE gave me a lovely family, many sweet friends... although HE always test me in relationship.

I should cherish what I have. I should cherish everything. I should be glad. :)

Life is still beautiful afterall..... :)

Monday, October 03, 2005

I lost it..............:(

I'm very very very down... I'm very very very very sad... I'm very very very very very depressed........

I couldn't find my earing... I lost my earing...... :(

Arghhhhhh....... heartache!!!!

I been kinda down the whole day, not only due to Monday's blue but also because I miss my diamond earing... :( I been kinda quiet today, Ms. E asked me what's happened. Of course that I didn't tell her that I lost my earing. I just said I'm OK. :) It's so kind of her for being so caring.

anyway... monday is always blue in color....

Sunday, October 02, 2005

F!!! I lost my diamond!!!!!

F!!!!!!! I lost my diamond earing!!!! It slipped from my fingers and drop no where!!!! I don't know where it is.... I try to look at the whole room.... I couldn't find its' shadow!!!! I unable to find my diamond earing!!!!!! shit!!!!! I'm so depressed now!!!!! This pair of earing has been with me for 5 years!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I lost my diamond earing!!!! shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Miss You......

No joke. I do miss you very much. Hate on feelings so.

Don't feel like going out because I miss you.
I don't feel lonely even I stay home the whole day, because I miss you.
I feel so great, because I miss you.
I feel happy because you said YOU MISS ME.

Maybe you just have this "friendly miss" in you. I don't care. As long as you do miss me. You can't stop me missing you in a special way. So, you have no choice but to accept the fact that I do miss you very much!!!

I miss you when I'm awake in da morning.
I miss you when I'm having my brunch.
I miss you when I'm surfing on the net.
I miss you when I'm going for my nap.
I miss you when I'm in my sweet dream.
I miss you when I'm taking my bath.
I miss you when I'm having my dinner.
I miss you when I'm watching TV programmes.
I miss you when I'm reading "THE DA VINCCI CODE".
I miss you when I'm listening to the Japanese song.
I miss you when I'm online.
I miss you when I'm chatting with you in MSN Messenger.
I miss you when you are disconnected.
I miss you when you went to bed.
I miss you when I go to my bed.
I miss you again... in my dream.

I dream of you lately. I dream of you twice. The contains can't be tell :P It's very innocent one. Don't have bad thinking! and do not currupted my dreams! :)

I made the Japanese song a ringing tone. I make it specially as your ringing tone. When the ringing tone rang... I know it's you, even that you seldom call my mobile.

**********
Artist: Hirai Ken
Title: Hitomi wo Tojite (I Close My Eyes)
Lyrics: Hirai Ken
Music: Hirai Ken

every morning I awake
to your skin, cast off, lying next to me
that back, I once felt warmth from, cold.
stop with the wry smile
open the heavy curtains the blinding morning light,
everyday I try to keep up with it
you showed me that day, your face in tears
the setting sun that shines on the tears
the warmth on my shoulder
everytime I wish you gone
my heart and body remember you.

Your love forever
I close my eyes and imagine you, that's enough.
even if the season leaves my heart behind.

I wonder if one day I'll no longer feel anything for you
I think I'd rather fall asleep with the pain I have now
eventhough the light we searched for,
wishing upon the starry sky we gazed at that night,
disappears in a the blink of an eye,
my heart and body shine on with you.

I wish forever
I close my eyes and imagine you.
That's all I can do. even if the world were to leave me behind.

Your love forever
I close my eyes and imagine you, that's enough.
even if the season leaves me behind,
and tries to change it's color.
I'll search for you in my memory. That's enough.
Because you gave me the strength to get over my loss.
you gave it to me.

**********

This is the translation of the Japanese song I'm so in love now. So meaningful.


You gave it to me, the feelings I lost long time ago.
You gave it to me, the passion I though I will never gain back.
You gave it to me, the courage to be in love again.

I know that you do not love me.
I know that you do not care of me as much as I do.
I know that you do not miss me as the way I miss you.
I know....
But I just can't stop thinking of you.
Can't help... But falling blindly.

It might hurt. No one know it better than myself.
Can't help....... I can't help......

Saturday, October 01, 2005

It's Weekend..............

I do not have anything special in my mind now. It's weekend again. This is a quiet weekend for me as I do not have any plan for myself. Maybe will rot at home for this weekend. No money = No entertainment; No entertainment = No fun; No fun = No life.... OoOooOOoOoO... SO SAD!!!

Ha~~ Good also!!! So that I can read my book, so that I do not have to treat Mr. Uncle LECKA LECKA... Kakakakakkaaka... :P Went to have coffee with Jeannie & Kenneth. Just the 3 of us. David is too busy to join us for coffee. I keep telling Kenneth that I want to eat cheese cake... Kakakakka... He keep mumbling that I always want him to treat me, keep saying me that he treating me too good and complaining to me that I seldom treat him, I seldom drive him around.. . :P But then he still buy me da cheese cake.. and ORDERED me to go get a table for us. Kakakakkaa... Jeannie said "You are the only one who he listen to." "Of course loh... I'm his best friend mah!! Don't feel jealous lah..." I told Jeannie.

We had our good time over there. We laughed to the max... 3 hours! Non Stop! It's crazy... hahahaha... Kenneth laughted out too loud and he got all the attention from the Coffee-Beaners... Hahahhaa...embrassing eh!!!! But we still can't stop laughing...

Emm~~ I miss you, Mr. Uncle. I have no idea whether you will miss me or not. Maybe you don't and never feel so. No matter what, you must remember to buy me souvenir ya..... Don't forget it! Kakakakakka... Just small small souvenir will do. I'm not greedy lah...

*yawn* Tired.. Tired... Tired.... Time to go to bed lah..... Sweet Dream, Honey