Guys' memories......

According to a research that I read from a Magazine.. It stated that the male's brain is occupied with sexual thinking the most.

From my observation, if you really want to stay in a guy's memory for long time, at lease for a year or two.... the first thing you have to know is, how to have good sex. This is the most effective way to keep you in the guy's memory after both of your broke up. Most of them can't remember what you ever tell him, what you ever did for him, what have both of you went through... but they can remember god damn well on how you respond on bed. They can remember well how you used to suck him, how you used to ride him, how you moan... bla bla bla... They can even tell you the tiny actions you had on bed...but not how much you love him.

Amazing! right??? Proven again that men do think with their penis. Anyway, this is what I observed from friends and also few of the men. This is irritating that a man that you ever like only remember how he fuck you and how you response to him. Fucking irritating. It's like you are nothing but only a bitch that go on bed with him. HEY!! WE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!!!!

Women will not remember how fucking long or thick her ex's penis is. But we remember how our man treat us, how caring he was, how lovely he used to be... penis & sex always come to the last.. Unless, the lady is only taking the guy as a fuck buddy or one night stand partner, else penis/ lasting period/ fucking skills will not be what we concern at.

It's very sad that we are only a sex object in the man's memory after the relationship end. I think most of our [women's] can't even remember our face but only the sex we ever had with them.

Terrible, but that's the facts.

Wedding #8

20.01.2007 @ Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club. One of my best friend's wedding again. Seems like most of my best friends already married and left me alone, wondering around. Lisa, who I know for around 10 years. We know each other from MIRC... met each other in a channel's gathering. Both of us were ugly that time but we are a beauty now... Hahahahaha.... We are very good friend ever since. We always share our love stories, we always go for our food trips, we always bring our bf for each other to approve, we always go for coffee.... we shared many many things. It's amazing that we able to be good friends for more than 10 years and we know each other from MIRC.

Seldom got girls developed such a long term friendship from MIRC. I do appreciate her friendship very much. Beside Jeannie, Lisa is the one I always go to whenever I'm sad or unhappy or wanna cry. Lisa know many of my secrets... LOLZ... I'm very happy for her... Her hubby is a good man and he really care of her...

She is pretty on that day for sure. I do not feel lonely even though I'm kinda individual item in her wedding as I'm not really close with her friends or family. Why do I said so, because I can always sense that she looks at me and search for my opinion on how's everything goes, how she looks in her gown... :) So sweet....

We used to take each other as lover when both of us were single. However, we met less when she started relationship with her hubby, and I always tell her that..."Chia took away my Lisa from me!!!!!!!" I always acted jealous on Chia [her hubby] and do not want to meet Chia... LOLZ.... But, she knows that I actually feel happy for her... :)

Yes, I'm happy for you, Lisa. Happy Marriage.

**most of my best friends are married... who going to "wondering" around with me then?? I feel so empty, so lonely.

Ugly Duck......

I was very ugly when I was 6-18 years old. I used to heard many people praised me that I'm beautiful, cute and sweet when I was a small kid. My mom loves to dress me up nicely with lacey dress, do my hair with beautiful hair clips... whenever we stepping out of our home. I'm still having this habit.. dress up nicely whenever I stepping out of my home. I can't tolerate that I go out from my home wear shorts and t-shirt.

I no longer heard people praise me beautiful but fat. My self esteem is always low due to this. I'm very sensitive to the word of "FAT" ever since. Due to my low self esteem, I did not like to buy any nice clothes, I did not like to put any make up, I did not like to make myself outstanding and be the lime light. I always worry that people might found something wrong on me... on me dressing, on my face. I just do not like myself. I don't even dare to have eye to eye contact with anyone, not even my family. I was so shy... shy to face myself as everyone told me that I'm fat... very fat.

However, my first work changed me. I become more brave to face the public, to talk to people. At lease, I dare to talk to strangers. I become more open and talkative but I still have no confidence on my outlook. Then, I knew my ex, he brought the biggest changes in me. He made me feel confidence on myself, he made me know that I'm actually looks good, he made me believe that I'm actually a sweet and lovely lady, he showed me that love actually does exist in my life and he loves me. But still I don't really dress up or make myself looks pretty and sexy or lovely.

I devoted all my love on him. He was my world, he was my sun.. I'm the little globe that surrounded him, and I'd do whatever he wants.. beside leave all my friends behind. Still, men are untrustable... he betrayed my love. I'd been hurt badly.. bleeded for 2 years.

Due to what he has done to me, I'd learn how to love myself more. At the early stage of our break off, I spend almost rm1000 to buy a Swatch, shoes, handbags, clothes and others... I was a shopping freak ever since because it does make me feel good. I'm sick, I know.

Now, everyone told me that I did changed a lot.. they told me that I looks great and much better than before when I was with my ex. Some of them even happy that we broke off actually. Even my mom feel glad on what I'm now.. she keep criticising the OLD ME... damn bad!!

I'm happy on my own changes... Not because I'm much beautiful and confidence now but it's that I know that I do love myself now. Live beautifully, happily, confidencely... is the best way to revenge your ex.

I'm sick. I know

Timing......

Timing is very important for 2 person to be couple or further on in a relationship. Right time, wrong person... Wrong time, right person..both only bring us sadness, disappoinment...

Let's say...

A- Lady, been through many bad experience in relationships. Reach the age to get marry.
B- Man, still fresh in relationship stuff. Reached the age to be settle down. Everything seems new and still want to explore more about GIRLS in this world.

When these 2 person get together... do you think they will end up married and spend the rest of their life together??? My answer is ---> No. Because the man does not want to marry as relationship is still a new thing for him. A is only something like new toy... bring him excitement, made him to be more understand on lady... let him experiencing how's a real relationship does goes...

When A wanted to settle down, wanted to rest and has her own family... B might not the one for her as he is still happy happy exploring the world of Relationship. Or maybe B does not really into the relationship as much as A thought. Of course A will feel disappointed but B feel nothing at all. For B, why want to marry so early?? I not yet have enough fun of this!!! For A, I'm tired to wondering around... I love him and my biological clock is ticking... Why don't we get marry?

2 difference thinking, because 2 difference timing. The ending will be A very disappointed on B and thought that B actually does not love her. And they break off.

Women, very easy species. Once they confirmed that this is the man that she love, there has no others thinking in their mind but to settle down with them. But men, they will never concern on how his lady feel, but what he wanted. They will only marry when he feel that he wanted to settle down.

From most of the cases I heard, I realised that most of the marriage happened because the girl wanted to get marry or the girl's family give pressure or the guy is overage for marriage. Some guys might still single when they are 40.. please refer to the movie "40 Years Old Virgin"... The actor is indirectly wanted to marry anyway. Who does not want to have someone special in their life??

It's sad when you know that the Timing is actually not matched. Timing.... always the reason for those lovely couple to ended their story. If you are a guy, and you do love or appreciate someone who is loving you so much...and both of you are at the age to be settle down... do not only think on yourself. Disappointment may kills the relationship... timing too.

How would you feel when there come a day that you propose to her... she told you..."you are actually missed the right time..". Nothing will come back to you once you have missed it... especially FEELINGS.

Couples that been together for too long time always break-up... Why??? because they missed the right time for the right words from either party.

Up & down.....

Happy happy.... Because I fulfilled one of the so called wish in Year 2007... have an overseas trip in Year 2007... It's not Taiwan that I planned.. but BALI... :) Feeling excited... Should thanks to that "Red Plane" being so kind and generous, always offer us the FREE AIR TICKETS to overseas and local places... if not because of them, I don't think I will have the chance to go overseas so often.... YOU ARE THE BEST!!! :P [must sapu abit, if not, no more free tickets for us.. the kiasu people... :P]

Been in the new job for more than a month... It's OK so far, but the lady boss is kinda fussy and I think she wants me to be 100% obey on her. Too bad that I am a dragon, arrogant dragon. This is what I hate to be. Means, a little bit of conflicts happened btw us. Work, always full with shits. Leave it or deal with it!!

My sister is back for 3 days just to attend her best friend's wedding. Feel good to see her again.. Always love to chit chat with her as we been depends to each other since we were born.

I know that I've been missing for awhile... been busy abit on working, been busy on yoga classes, been busy with celebrating holidays, been busy with SOMEONE... :)

I got a sad news from a friend lately, our friend's wife passed away due to some accident while she delivering the baby... the baby still in the ICU, in dangerous.. He is 100% collapsed... Hope the baby will be strong enough to survive for his poor daddy...

Delivering baby, is same as stepping your leg into the door of HELL... Not only that we have to suffer the days when the baby in our womb, we also have to be so careful on everything to make sure the baby is ok and we are fine... we also have to take the risk when delivering baby, eg. some ACCIDENTS that doctor can do nothing to save the mom or the baby. Due to the love we have to our husband, family... we risks our life on bringing a new life into our life.

I used to have this decision that I do not want a baby even I'm married. I do not know why I have that in my mind, but for me, I do think that I do not have that patience to carry a baby, educate a kid... of course I do love kids but I do not have the patience on them. Like, I do love my cousins much, I always bought them snackss... but I can't stand when they making noise around me, asking me many questions or doing something that I do not like. And I think it's also because that I do not have a healthy body as the normal ladies around... I'm slightly weak.

But, because that I know SOMEONE likes kids very much, I started to tell myself "Maybe can give it a try. Look at the babies, they are damn cute and lovely!" But, not everyone know/ appreciate what you have actually done. It's always the best to be who you wanted yourself to be than anything. After I heard about this incident happened on my friend's wife, there come a thought in my mind..."do we really have to risk our life for this thing?" I don't know, I have no answer for this. But, one side on my brain telling me..."ya, not worth it to risk your life. No point as no one will appreciate but take it as granted." The other side of my brain said..."Of course it is worth more than billions dollars... he/she is from you and your love one." Let's fight!!!

Women, will do anything because of love. Because of love, they will earn money with their body, involved in illegal activities, risk their own life... all because, they are in love with the man!!! Sighhh... What should we say about women in love???

Blind & Deaf, is what I am. I will only awake if the person I love diappointed me badly. Yes, I do feel very disappointed.. and I decided to be firm on what I wanted as last time.

Life is not what you can expect.... Enjoy your everyday to the max.... as we will never know what will happend on us the next second...

一厢情愿

一厢情愿是很鄙微的。当你发现你自以为是的事情并不如你所想的，那种伤感是非常难以形容的。而在你伤痛的同时，另外的那一个人却在沾沾自喜。因为，他知道他在你心中的位置是多么的重要。现在的你，已经站在一个很低，很鄙微的位置了。那种感觉就像是。。站在云端上享受那种飘飘然的感觉，突然感到脚下一空。。。重重的跌了一交，痛的不知如何再站起来。

一厢情愿的以为会天长地久，那知道那只是我的错觉。我曾经以为我会与我的前男友会永远，谁知道他早已打算离开了。自己的过于自信蒙蔽了我的感觉，让我感觉不到他的不开心，感觉不到他的离意。笑我笨吧，我无所谓。反正，在感情路上我并不是一位智者。

一厢情愿的爱，得到的只是痛。没有人叫你爱的如此深啊。你为何自讨苦吃？活该！！以为经过了那么多的跌碰，我会聪明一点。。但是，我依然如此白痴。


我以为看到的幸福，原来只是我的一厢情愿。

Heartbroken dream......

Have you ever cry in your dream till so heartbroken and woke up? And can’t stop crying in the middle of the night?

I did it last night.

I was having this heartbroken dream. I dreamed that SOMEONE used a knife stabbed into my chest, opened up my chest and let my heart drop out from my chest. I’m bleeding badly, SOMEONE just walked away like nobody business. I take back my heart from the floor, put it back into my bloody chest.. I walked towards SOMEONE and asked "Why you do this to me?? Why??". My heart is pain, not because it’s out of my chest.. it’s because SOMEONE did this to me. Of course SOMEONE did not answer me… SOMEONE just walked away… I’m still holding on my chest, try not to let me heart fall off again, walking weakly with very hurt and extremely sad feelings. I was crying in my dream but I can feel my tears are actually falling from my eyes in real life.

I’m feeling extremely sad and hurt till I woke up from my dream and cry out loud. The feelings are just too strong for me to handle. I can’t stop crying and crying in the middle of the night. It was 3am.

Maybe I should learn to be selfish whenever in a relationship. I should only care on what I really want instead of what SOMEONE wanted. My "giving too much love" behavior always caused me get hurt easily. Maybe being a god damn selfish person will bring me a better life.
Ya, I should not give a damn on what SOMEONE wanted actually but be very firm on what myself wanted. No one will appreciate what you have given up. No one will give a fuck to care how much courage you took to change the decision you’ve made long time ago.

Maybe I should not blame anyone that being selfish. Myself should be smart enough to know how’s this world is. I’m always optimistic and take it easy on whatever that comes to me. I even always advice people to be a little bit selfish when comes to the reality world. But in a relationship, I’m always the dumm dumm. Because once I’m in love, I’m in love.

I can give anything that I have, I will give up whatever SOMEONE doesn’t like, I will just give myself into a relationship. Yes, I’m very stupid. A friend always reminded me not to be so stupid but I can’t help. I do not know how to control my love.

Teach me a way to be selfish. Teach me a way to not give a damn on anybody. Teach me to be cold hearted. Teach me to protect my heart. Teach me not to cry because of SOMEONE again. Teach me not to be so innocent in love.

I think, I need to attend a PLAY GIRL COURSE.

***********

1110am - This dream is affecting me badly. I'm 100% moodless. I need someone to talk but there has no one.

What I hate most......

-Unreachable/ Not respond to his/her mobile phone. Eg. Not replying sms, not answering phone calls. I wondering what’s the purpose of having mobile phone if you are not bringing your mobile phone with you always.

- Dirty and untidy. I’m very freak on cleanliness and tidiness. Do not messed my things, or put back on where it is originally after used. I do not love to go anywhere that I can’t have my clean and comfortable body. I feel 100% uncomfortable on all the outdoor activities. I always call myself as a “CITY MONSTER” because I know that I can’t left the city. My only hobby is drink coffee, shopping, watch movie, sleep and listening to songs and maybe yoga?? I got no hobbies on outdoor activities… Ya, I’m a freak. The sun is poisoned… stay away from the sun..

- Being push to doing something that I wanted to do. I will not do the things that you wanted me to do but I will do it by myself if there has no one to push me or nag/ asked me. The more you push or asked, the more I won’t do it, no matter how much I want it actually. Yes, I’m a fucking irritating bitch. If I knew that you actually wanted me to do something so much, the more I won’t give it to you. But, I’m demanding.. I want anything that I want. Double standard eh? I’m barbaric!!!!

- I hate when you are not listening or paying attention when I’m talking. Who doesn’t hate this?? Right? I wonder is there anyone that can tolerate with someone that not paying attention whenever you are talking to him/ her. This is rude!!

- Always failed on his/ her promises or failed to show up on an arrangement that been set much earlier. I always get mad when people called off a meeting on last minute, unless you do have a very god damn good reason to convince me. I strongly believe that, we all know our own plan in further instead of knowing it on the minute you suppose to meet with your friends. And, by planning your own schedule properly will not lead you to cancel your meeting on last minute. I’m a person who holds on my own promises very very strongly. When I said, YES, you can take my words.

- Late for appointment. Always. Give me the most convinceable reasons. Please inform me that you will be late for the appointment/ meeting before the time of meeting up. I can understand if the traffic is bad but do not use this as an excuse always. Know why I always leave my house much earlier?? Because I always spare time for the bad traffic.

- Betray. How do we judge on betray?? Very personal judgments it is. I got no money, not pretty, not famous.. I wonder what I have for my friends to betray on. In a relationship, I gave all my love and my heart to only one… a betrayer will drown me to the deep sea.

Too much to tell….. That’s all for today… I’m tired on reminding myself on whoever made me disappointed. Life, is hard to predict. But still, life goes on. Have a wonderful Yr 2007!!