Darkest Secret.....

SSSShhhh.... I'm telling you my little secret here... Don't tell anyone ohh... This is really my darkest secret in my whole life. Anyway....since it's a secret... cannot tell lah!! hahhahaha...

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Thanks God......

At last, Finally, Thanks God... that my pretty face and pretty eyes are back to me again!!! Hahahhaahaha.... I have guts to walk out from my house to Bank, to my friend's place, to Mid Valley... :P My face no longer "bengkak" like a pig, My eyes no longer "ONE LINE EYES"... ahahahaaha... I'm so happy! So worry when I found that I allegic to medicine again... because I never know when only it will recover. But normally.. it only take one or two days... but still...worry case lah! :) I'm happy now... coz I'm back to my pretty face now...kakakakakakak



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Prince Charming......

Today, I watched TV show, can't remember what show is that. This girl is actually talking about "What kind of man that you looking for in your life?" Her answer is..."Whenever someone asked me about this, I would just answer- Someone who really love me sincerely ohhh.... But what I really looking for my prince charming??? Handsome? Tall? Intelligent? Smart? Richie? I do not know. I have no idea at all."

This made me think on my prince charming too... What am I looking into a man who able to steal my lonely heart? Eeeemmmm... such a complicated question...

1. Sense of Humour [Not referring to those nonsense humour]
2. Taller than me [ >170cm]
3. Chubby [please]
4. Smart
5. Ambition [But never forget to date with me]
6. Educated [At least... above some DIPLOMA]
7. Financially stable [At least able to bring me to some restaurant twice a month/ coffee bean once a week/ Able to feed my stomach even I'm not working for 2 months]
8. Cheerful person [Won't sigh infront of me due to his boss or his mom or his sister/ able to cheer me up when I'm down]
9. Not so good looking, not so ugly too [But not to the extend of PAT LEONG GAM!]
10. Wear spec [I always love specky guys]
11. Love me sincerely [And my family too as they are very important to me]
12. Respect me [And my family]
13. Trust me [Trustworthy is always the most important in a relationship]
14. Giv me freedom [Of coz, I will give him his freedom too, but not to clubbing till morning]
15. No gamble [Not even 4D, Magnum and etc. Never mentioned about.. CASINO and HORSE RACING GAME]
16. If possible, no smoking. [Impossible for nowadays. So.. it should be OK if he is smoking. But not a heavy one]
17. Romatic [Have to consider of his own financial status 1st]
18. Sweet Talker [To me only!]
19. Understanding [Especially when I'm merajuk for nothing]
20. Not selfish [To me, my family and his family]
21. Good sex maker!!!! [Girls.. this is very important!!! You have to spend your life with him even he is not a good sex maker... Why don't we test him 1st before we go serious with him? This is for whole life time!! Think hard on it!!!]

Oww... kinda long list! hahahahahaa... Nevermind, don't think there has someone who able to filled up da list. :P Just for my fancy purpose!!!

Gosh... Where is my pretty eyes?!?!?!?

Gosh!!!! I have allegic on medicine gave by the doctor... and my eyes swallon like shit!!! both eyes!!! The below is a better look after I have went to the doctor for 2 injections and new medicine. Before that were... one line eyes... You won't able to tell whether I'm opened my eyes or not!! Pity jaymee.... being such an ugly lady now... hahahahahahhahaha...I slept from 8pm until 12am due to one of the injection, then Mr. Lim sms me and asked me to go online as his lovely wife not around tonight. Mr. Simon Lim asked me to meet up, I rejected him due to my ugly face now!!!! Took this photo for him to refer, and he said it's OK for him. Won't scared him off, but IT scared me off! hahahahahha... I rather sit at home and wait tilll my pretty eyes back to me again!! Sighh....Allegic... Gout... killing me hardly!!!!



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Let go of the past....

Today, I read on my weekly horoscope review. Virgo- You have to let go of your unhappiness on your previous relationship in order to start another wonderful relationship. Oww.... exactly of what I have to do in my life currently. I know well that I should let go of the past and start a brand new life without him in my heart.

Last night, I met up wit sean33, not a handsome or good looking man, but a friendly one. We planned to go to pub, but given up on it as we couldn't find any parking around that area. We end up having coffee in Coffee Bean- Mont Kiara. He is in his stage of divorce. I'm not sure about the fact behind his divorce as he told me that this is brought up by his wife and he doesn't know the reason as well. I'm not sure he is a richie or not, but he driving a RED VOVOL SPORT CAR. I did't noticed it when I'm walking towards to his car and sit in. i only noticed his driving sterring is VOVOL.. and I thought he changed his original driving sterring...hahaahaha.. such a stupid woman! and I never noticed I sitting on a leather seat...hahahaha... when I walked down from the car only I noticed it's a leather seat..and when I looked back at his car only I noticed it's a real VOVOL!!! hahahahahha...... But really feel abit HIGH on sitting in it. 1st time in my life! :P

We spend for about 2 hours in coffee bean for chatting. Friendly person and can chat on everything... we talked about work, about life and about our love life.. both of us been hurt badly, and he asked me why I haven't get myself a bf since I'm already at this age. I said it's not that easy. He asked me whether I'm still in hurt? I didn't answer and said I don't know.

After he send me home, we chatted online until 4am... kinda gila. But he is so caring as he is actually tired but still accompany me to chat online because I sms him and told him that I can't sleep due to the coffee. Such a sweet man, wondering why his wife wanted to divorce. He said I can be a KILLER CHICK if I'm able to slim down abit... same as what SIMON LEE told me. I think I have to slim down more. I must!

Time to slim down! Time to let go of the past!!!! Let's have a BRAND NEW JAYMEE

Please give me some time to do so!! Wish me success!! :)

Lemon Grass.......

柠檬草的味道
歌手:蔡依林 专辑:城堡

他们猜我们後来有没有再见 离席了才会晓得怀念
[They were gueesing whether we still meeting each other;
After seperate only we will remember what missing is]
突然我记起你的脸 那触动依然像昨天
[I remember your face suddenly;
Everything is just like yesterday]
对自己我终於也证实某一点
[It prove something to myself]

是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草 心酸里又有芳香的味道
[Is memory smell like lemon grass;
smell sweet in the sour]
曾以为你是全世界 但那天已经好遥远
[You were my world; but that's already too far from me]
绕一圈我才发现我有更远地平线
[I only realised I have my own world after a big round]

我们都没错 只是不适合 我要的我现在才懂得
[It's not our fault; It's just that we are not compatible]
快乐是我的不是你给的 寂寞要自己负责
[The happiness is mine, not given by you;
I have to bear on my own loneliness]

毕竟用尽了力气也未必如愿 总是要过去以後才了解
[Things won't turn up as you wish even you have used up your energy;
This only be understood after it is past]
突然我记起你的脸 爱不爱不过一念之间
[Suddenly I remember your face;
Love or not is only a thought]
绕一圈今天的我能和昨天面对面
[I can only face myself after a big round]

我们都没错 只是不适合 亲爱的我当时不懂得
[It's not our fault; It's just that we are not compatible;
I don't know about it that time, my dear]
选择是我的 不是你给的 明天自己负责
[The choice is mine, not given by you;
I have to be responsible for my tomorrow]

给昨天的我一个拥抱 曾经她不知如何是好
[Give a hug to the yesterday; she used to be miserable]
若我们再见我会微笑
[I will smile if we meet again]
谢谢你谢谢你
[Thank you, Thank you]
我嚐过爱的好
[I been tasted the good of love]

我们都没错 只是不适合 我要的我现在才懂得
[It's not our fault; It's just that we are not compatible;
I know what I want now]
快乐是我的不是你给的 寂寞要自己负责
[The happiness is mine, not given by you;
I have to bear on my own loneliness]
我要的我现在才懂得 选择是我的不是你给的
[I know what I want now;
The choices is mine, not given by you]
幸福要自己负责 错过的请你把握
[Happiness is my own responsibility;
Please on hold on something that you have missed out]

The most touching song that I ever heard in my life. Maybe it's because it described my feelings 100%. I won't blame that he betrayed me, I do not suit him. I won't blame him on what he did to me, I only feel that maybe I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough to keep him. I'm not good enough to have him in my life. I'm not good enough for him to appreciate my love to him. No one can be blame when a relationship is broken. Both parties have the responsibilities on it, but, what's his responsibilities?

The hurt will never be cure. Jeannie asked me to let it go, he is an history since long time ago. But, I still living in history. I did try my best to let him go. But I unable tot make it easily. I did try hard to let him go.. leaving me an empty space in my heart, so that I can fit another guy into my heart. But the space is still occupied by him. I cried da whole afternoon while listening to this song. SHIT!! Such a stupic old woman!

I'm stupid!!!!!!!!!

Laziness......

Goshhh.... I'm getting more and more lazy.... I sleept at 3-4am everynight.. I woke up by 11am everyday... GOSH!!!! I can't believe that my life will be so lazy!! Then, I will brush my teeth, wash my lovely angel- like face and take my brunch... while I'm reading newspaper.. watching those 2 aliens running around me and screaming or crying for don't know what reasons. Then I will help my mama watching on the two aliens because she need to prepare the foods for tonight's dinner. When it comes to 1pm ++, I will rush the aliens into the room like rushing lambz back into their yard... hahahahaha.... preparing them for their nap! OK!! bed is done, door is closed, both of them are rolling on the bed, and I will set myself comfortable on the other bed and...sleep! AGAIN!! yes!!! :P After mama get her things done, she will come in and take her nap, it's time for me to wake up and get lost. hahahahhaha.... Sometimes, I will go online within this hour, if I'm not too tired ya.. If not, I will back to my room and continue my sweet dream! :P oooOoOoOooO... I'm piggy! I know.. hahahahaha..

There are always more possibilities happened for my days. Maybe I will go for interview, shopping, coffee or lepak in Adxus! hahahahahaha... Life without job is god damn boring! Lifeless, Meaningless, Hopeless, Useless!!

Argument…

Again, my best friend- Jeannie and her lovely hubby, had an argument. Last night, I went coffee bean with both of them. They seem lovely and happy. Who knows, there come a huge argument between them again. It has been some times that they did not argue. I’m glad that they were good. But things never as what we see.

This made me thought of when I’m still with Eugene. We seem like a pair of lovely couple as well, but argument always happened within us. Nothing serious but repeated. Never settled but repeated. Maybe this is the normal procedure for couples in the world. Last night, I was waiting for them alone in coffee bean for almost an hour as David has something to rush in the office. He left his office only when I’m already in coffee bean. I never have the feelings of BENGANG as what I used to have last time. I was so surprise on this. I was surprise on my patient. I’m not a patient person overall. Or should I say that I never be patient for Eugene? Maybe I do overact on his little bad habits. Maybe I should tolerate and accept his little bad habits. But I never do so.

It’s been 2 years. 2 years… I never be in love with anyone after the break off with Eugene. Been have few guys around, but no one able to makes me fall in love. Do I have problems? Or is Eugene still in my heart? My stubborn made him left me. I know, I know why he chooses to leave me for that BITCH. The DJ said.. When a cup of tea is already cold, do not try to reheat the tea. Re-pour another cup of tea will taste much better than the cold tea. What she trying to bring up is… in a relationship, when a heart is cold and fed-up on the other party, do not beg for patch up. As your situation will be lower and no more value. Restart the relationship with a more humble heart and more appreciation heart will be the best as a new bowl of hot tea. Better taste and hot.

I already lost the chance to restart everything with the one I really love. I throw it away because I’m stubborn. Regret won’t bring him back to me. Regret won’t bring me back to the past. I have to live better, live happier. No worry, I still love my life, love my family, love my friends. Most important is, I love myself! :)

Partner....

Today, were chatting with a friend in MSN. We talked about PARTNER. Partner, as per my defination, is someone who filled up your loneliness but without the feelings of care and love on you/ without emotional attachment. Boy-Friend, is someone who fillep up your loneliness with feelings of care and love/ with emotional attachment. For a metro girl as me, I should choose PARTNER, but.. I did not.

PARTNER is someone who I will used to chitchat, go for movie, go for coffee or to the extreme.. go to bed with. I won't want to have any emotional attachment with them. Or maybe I will fall in love with them accidently [this happened when I was young], but not now anymore. I found that I need a steady Boy-Friend more than any partner nowadays. It's all because that PARTNER unable to filled up my mentally loneliness.

Time to settle down with all those rubbish? I'm not sure about this. I'm just too tired to be alone. I just need a shoulder to lie on... I need a hug when I had a bad day.. I need a pair of ear when I feel like talking or complaining.. I need a kiss when I need it to comfort my lonely heart.. I need a companion when I wanted to go for a movie.. I need a big warm hand to hold on mine when crossing the buzy traffic.. I need.... I need....

PARTNER unable to give me all the above.

Maybe... I do need a Boy-Friend.... and maybe not...

Interview.....

I have went through the most weird interview in my life.

Date: 08.06.2005 [Wednesday]
Time: 4:00pm
Location: Lot 23, 2nd Floor, Mid Valley Boulevard. --> Did I spell this correctly? :P

I reached Mid Valley City on 3:10pm... Been looking for the most precious parking for almost half an hour!!!! I have tried all my skills to scan for parking... but none! Been round and round in the parking from P1 to P2, from A to F.... for... half an hour.. and found nothing! Finally, I stalked on an uncle whole walking from F to D then only reach his CAR! I wondering whether he forgot where he parked his car or he purposely take it as his exercising session. He looks calm in the whole walking journey.. Not even a single panic emotion show on his face. Ok... Back to my story.. FINALLY!! I got this parking from this uncle. I walked down, pay the parking fees. It's already 3:45pm...I walked towards to the office directly, with my calming heart.

I were now sitting in the meeting room to wait for the Ms.Wong who called me up for the interview. I saw her in a minutes time, and she asked me to follow her. Then she asked me to go back to the meeting room and wait as the Receptionist told her that the BIG BOSS will come over. Fine.. I go back into the room again. Ms.Wong walked over to the BIG BOSS's room and she is back again to me and asked me to follow her. Emmm... OK. It's OK for this. As I walk into the BIG BOSS's room, he looks at me once and I said HI to him. He din't even introduce himself and never let me introduce myself. Fine... He asked me to sit down... OK..I sit.

I were sitting there for about 2 minutes for him to read through my resume. He were saying.."eeemmm.....eeemmm...eeemmm.." when he reading through my resume. Then he asked me, "Do you know what our company doing?" I answered, "yes." Then he raised his head and look at me, "You went to our website?" I said, "yes." and smile. He asked, "Have you watched any concerts?". I said, "the most current one will be Faye Wong and Miriam Yeung". He said, "Faye Wong's was in last year." I said, "yes." He still keeping his eyes on my resume and flipping it. The sound of "emmmm...eeemmm....emmmm.." still coming out from his mouth always... I wondering. Then he raised his head again, asked "how many company you have been handle in the previous company?". I said, "total of 2 retail branches." "How many person in your department?" "I'm the only one." He looked at me suprisingly, "Only you? No difficulties on handling them at the same time?" "No Problems." "How many person in your company?" "Total of 2 branches, we have about 12 staffs." He back to my resume again.. flipping them again... He raised his head for the final..."We will give you a call if there has anything." I stand up, "Thank You" Not even a hand shaking. I'm wondering what's wrong with him, or am I too ugly and scared him off?

I'm pissed off, I been looking for the precious parking for half and hour, and the interview only took me 5 minutes. And I did not even been asked for something work related. Arghhhh... What an interview is this? I never been through such an interview.

I guessed that I will not have the chance to get this job even I kinda like the company's business nature. O.... my angel/ guardian angel.. why you never bless me!?!?!?!? Why you never wish me luck on this dream job of mine?? Sean told me, "You best boss is yet to come. Be patient." I think I do not have the luck in my career. I always have the bad boss... sighh...

Bad luck in love, in career... what else you want to curse me on?

Promises....

There is a child called to the radio station and complained about her parents never keep their promises. Her parents actually promised to bring her to somewhere, but they failed to do so but giving her all kind of excuses. She is very unhappy about her parents' attitude on this issue. The DJ said something very meaningful..."You may not to promised on anything, but once you have promised on something, make sure you are able to fulfill it. Or at least some comfortable words or action to comfort the other party."

As you know my principle... as the above statement --> "You can choose not to promise me anything, once you have promised me something, please kindly make sure that you are able to do it." I may be very stubborn on this, but for myself, I won't promised on anything just to comfort someone at that moment but infact I won't be able to make it. But, all the while, my principle has been taken as UNREASONABLE FUCKING NONSENSE by someone for almost 4 years. And this hurt me so much as I can't bear the disappointment brought by him to me always. He always said that he will changed, but I never see any changes in him. Not only this, but there have many of other promises. He said he will love me forever [nonsense! i know, but I still believe in him so much], he said he will marry me [I never take this as nonsense, as I do want to spend my life with him that moment] Sometimes, I do think, maybe break off is the best way for both of us. I'm sure that he won't found anyone that is better than me, he won't have someone who being so care than me, he won't have someone who think on his future so much than me. I do have my fault in this relationship too, I admitted this.

Sigh... time flies... and it has been 2 years. The hurt will never be cure till the day my Mr.Right appear infront of me. I know it well, I'm waiting for the day to come. Wish me luck!!

Loneliness...

I'm very lonely. Yes... I am! I'm a person who can feel the loneliness easily. I always need companion to have some chat, some sms, some outing, the best will be.. some Coffee. Sigh... But I do not have anyone beside me who able to accompany me for the above. I need some new friends [who are free to entertain me always], I need a new boy friend [who really care and love me], I need a new job [which is flexible and easy, high pay, relax]. I need something new come into my life. I do try my best to looking for some new blood into me life, into me boring routine life, but it seems that's not easy to have a good new blood to get into my life. Am I too choosy? Am I too fussy? I do not know.

Is it very difficult to have something new into a boring life? I need something new! I can't always depends on my old friends, on my old life. I need some changes in my life! I need something to occupied my life! sighh... I'm too free I think! Yes, I'm too free currently!!

Mothers in the world and.... My Mom!!

Today, I went for my accupunture.. cucuk jarum eh.. did I spell it correctly?? When I walked into the room, I saw 2 ladies sitting on the bed and waiting for the doctor. One is a mother and the other one is the daughter. I were thinking, who are the one for cucuk? I bet must be the mom, who knows!! It turn out to be the daughter. When the daughter having the session, the caring mother walk out of the room. After the session, she walked in and help her daughter to get up from the bed and lead her out from the room. While they walked pass me, I noticed the daughter having some problem on walking. Mother lead her carefully and walk slowly by following her daughter walking speed. I felt so touched on what I have seen!!! I have thought of my own mother.... :)

Without my lovely mother, there would not have me in this world! The incidence made me feel HOW WONDER THE LOVE OF A MOTHER!!! Whenever their lovely sons/ daughters felt sick or unhappy, they are the most hurt person in the world!! My mama also care of us so much. When I got problem of my future baby's home... she is the one who looking for all kind of medicine that can help me on that. When I admitted into hospital, she is the one who rushing here and there for me, just to bring me a proper meal and some snacks.. :P When I cry, she feel the most pain from my heart, When I'm happy, she feel the most happiness from me. She always know what I love most and hate most. I love my mom so much!! From young age, I never let anyone talk bad about my mama... I will scold them whoever talked bad about her! :)

My mom is the greatest gift from god to me!! I love my mama!!! I love her very much!!! I will tell her this story tomorrow and let her know how i appreciate her love on me!! I LOVE U!! MAMA!!!!!