Upset......

It's very upset that you found that someone who you taking her as your friend is actually looking down at you. And you found that she actually think that you are much lower class than her, ugly than her, not qualified to get a bf than her..... so disappointed.

I'm not sure what I heard is real or not, but from what I saw, I do feel that she is very suprise to know that I got a bf. She keep asking on how I know my bf, where I know my bf, How's the progress.... I though she is over-care on my personal relationship with this guy. Now only I know that is because she never expect me will get a bf much ealier than her.

Ya, no doubt that she is slimmer than me, looks prettier as she is a beautician, richer than me as she affort to buy LV bags, always go overseas to travel, shopping.... But, she is so jealous on me that I'm able to have guys surrounded me and go after me. She think that I'm not as qualified as her to have a bf.

Awww.... this is so disappointed. Luckily the other friend of mine told her that... "you do not have what MissLonelyHeart has. You know what she has in her? She has her own style, principal, knowledge, humble....How can you think like that?"

I'm so glad that my friend stand by me. Everyone has their own personalities, their worth.... I never look down at any friend of mine, and think that they are low class, not qualified to stay equal to myself.

Sigh.... it's so upset to know that she actually think like that.

But, proudly to say, I'm more happening among guys than her. That made me feel happy now after I found out of her thinking...... :P

Love isn't enough......

Now only I realised, love isn't enough for 2 persons to hold tightly on each other.

Love come with a package, depends on what you wanted it to be, it's flexible but niche. Not easy to found the package that suit you, proz & conz... Serious, it's not easy.

I couldn't find my package even though I thought I found it. We were so happy together, everything seems so right, just the he love to tell nonsense sometimes. But, it's not a problem for me anyhow as myself love to tell nonsense too.... :P

Love isn't enough when someone that you do care against the relationship that you having. Emmm..too strong to use the word of AGAINST.... maybe... dislike??? disapprove??? unhappy??

I always hope that my man will protect me no matter what, love me no matter what, let me manja no matter what, sweet talk to me no matter how nasty I am, hug me no matter what mood I'm, kiss me softly whenever he feel like, stand by me no matter what's happened... protect me with 100% of his ability... his will...his love.

I love my man 100%, as always. I do not care how much he loves me and I do not want to know it, as long as he does love me. My love might be pressure... but I love with my true heart. Maybe, this is not what he wants. My 100% love is just too heavy for him to bear.

But still, my love isn't enough for me to have faith in him. I tried, but I feel more and more down when I unable to see any changes. My faith gone as we argues... on the same issues...again and again.

I love him so much... so pain to ended everything just like this, just because of this. Is there any better way to make someone happy and stay in a free & easy relationship? I can't think of any... Can you??

Still, I do not understand this type of love. If, this is the best way that someone will feel more happy, let it be.

One happy and two suffered people... does it really worth? Maybe it does.

Can you feel the pain??????

Barely sleep... mind working hard which make me so awake in the midnite, maybe because of the Nescafe Mocha. Don't know what my mind is thinking... so exhausted.

Sinking myself on my bed for the whole afternoon.. looking on the ceiling, reading book, day dreaming, cry.

Pity.

Such a pity.

So tired. So pain. So silly. So stupid.

Tomorrow is another day... I shall be better. I shall.

Dearie, have a good day. Stand up and start a new life. Smile and walk forward... Everything will be OK... You will be OK!!!

I don't understand......

I almost forgot that I did bought her a small gift until I search something in my drawer today. A pair of pearl earing. I did not know whether she got the earing holes or not, but still I got this and thought of giving it to her on this Mother Day even though she is not my mom.

Maybe she won't like the gift due to some personal reason. Think that there has nothing to do with me whether she is happy with this gift or not, because I'm no longer related to her, to her son. I'm a single item on my ownself.

Since I already got my mom a small diamond ring, instead of leaving the earing aside, I sms-ed him to collect it from me before Mother Day. But, his reply is that he is buzy. O... ya... without me, he is enjoying his happy life. I almost forgot this and still thought he will be available anytime. So stupid.

Nevermind, since no one really care of the gift. I shall put it aside till someone is free to collect it.

Now, focus on work, shopping, coffee, movie, friends.... and save more moniesssssss

No choice, think that I will have to be alone till my old life, no body love me, no body care of me, no body bother me.... so, money will be my best friend...

Life in old folks house... at least got tons of old people accompany me. Just that I will die alone... with no one crying on my bed side.

Life never be what you wanted it to be... especially my life. I thought love will be enough, but when someone interfere, that's it. No turn. and that's it. Never been into this case, hard case. Nevermind, everything is settled. Everyone is happy beside me, so just let it be.

No one do not love their mom. I do, and everyone does. I'm the one who spoiled his relationship with his mom.. all my fault to appear into his life. I'm the bigger bitch in his life.

I do not understand this mama's love.

Wish you happy.......

Finally.... it's ended.

No matter how much I tolerate with that issue, still I'm very demanding and unreasonable. I'm the spoiler of his life. I'm not worth for his effort even though he typed, I LOVE YOU.

After 6 months and 7 days, everything ended.

I'm back to my single life again.

Maybe he will be more happy without me around, disturbing his happy family moments.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, demanding so much that he able to give.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, asking for what he think it's difficult for him to complete.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, pushing him to get what he should has.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, talking so much to bother him.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, giving so much love that pressure him.

I accepted his decision, not because I do not love him. Since I making his life so difficult, I choose to leave even it's pain like hell.

I can't change anyone, and I don't expect anyone to change... my only choice is to change myself.

I know that you will be reading this, thanks for your time for the 6 months and 7 days. Thanks for help me moving my house, thanks for sending me home when I got no transport. I truly wish you happy. I hope you will have your happy life on the decision you made.

WISH YOU HAPPY!!!!!!

Sigh.......

万分的令人失望。我从未遇见如此怕母亲的男人。我只要求他来我家陪伴我一晚，我并没有要求他天天的陪伴我，然而我的要求只带给他麻烦，恐惧，烦恼。

答应晚上给予我答案，当我问他如何，他的答复是给他多一天的时间。无名火便侵我而来。我生气是因为他的胆小，无能！我特意在很多天之前问他，只为让他可以准备好去问他那仁慈的母亲。多么没用的家伙！！他说他非常担心，不知如何开口。什么嘛？？？？去女友家过夜有什么问题？？？？为什么如此无能？？？

他要我给他时间解决他母亲的问题，我给。我不过问。我等，我看会有什么变化。哈！！什么都没有。依然要十二点前回家。去旅行，会看到黑脸。去女友家晚了回家，也会看到黑脸在客厅中等你。什么东西嘛？？？？几岁人了？？还要被母亲如此管制？？？他已三十一岁了，干什么东西啊？？？

我看不到他会为他的自由争取些什么。我也看不到他会为这段感情作些什么。我看不到与他母亲相处，我会如何快乐。我看不到他如何如何的爱我。我看不到他的牺牲，努力。我看不到我们的未来。

我只看到他的懦弱，无能，胆小，吝啬，不会照顾女友，废话连天。。。


原来我也很悲，我爱上了一个如此差劲的男人。

Seasons of Love......

Love has season too.

When the right person at right time, everything will be perfect. Right person at wrong time will be terrible. However, love may faded too. Just like the lovely 4 seasons.... love has its own seasons too....

Spring- Love sparkling; everything seems so wonderful and lovely
Summer- Love on heat; I need you every single minute!!!
Autumn- Love stablising; Balancing between love and reality
Winter- Love cooling; Should we continue???

Of course, I don't think there has any couple that wanted to go to the stage of Winter. Relationship is just like our life too, lots of UPs & DOWNs... Happy & Unhappiness...

If you have someone who loving you so much, appreciate him/ her. The season won't always stay at the same stage... the love may faded away.. he/ she may not love you anymore. When it come to that stage, there has nothing you can do but let go and hide somewhere to heal your pain.

Grab the one you love before he/ she go into the Winter. Effort that we put in a relationship may drag the season last longer than it suppose to be. Ya, love need to be feed with your heart and your faith.

Feed your love and make them become more stronger. Not easy, but I will try my best.

From Office.....

Extremely bored.............

Feel so sleepy.......

I wanna go home......