Fucker!

A fucker snatched my handbag in Puchong Jaya! Fuck!!

My new handbag, my lovely purse, my mobile phone, my cash, my ATM card, my Credit Cards... all gone! And I even fell on the floor because he pull me off.. my arm got blue black because he really pulling me hard. I'm glad that he pulled on my handbag instead of my mom's. She is too old to take this.

FUCKER!!!! Again!! I have to curse another bastard!!

** details then.

Happy Anniversary... to my blog!!!!

:) Time flies.... It has been a year since I started this blog site. Never expect that I will keep this for such a long time. I started to blog because of fun, and boredom of my life. Nothing much to do that time, and online always. So, blogging is the best way for me to kill my time.

This blog site recorded my life... my boring and lonely life. But now, it represent the happy life I'm having. I can see the total change of my emotional in this year. Especially, after I met my honey. Love really can change a person.... hahaha...no doubt. Maybe I'm more relax because I have not much free time for my mind to think on nonsense. My workloads is killing me... hardly. The relationship I'm having is killing me softly.... hahahahaha...

Happy Anniversary!!!

I might have no readers... But, expressing myself here made me feel more released and good.
:)

Relationship......

How do we classified what we are having is whether a relationship, flirtyship or companionship?

Maybe you can classify me as a player after I broke off with my ex because I never really wanted to be in a steady relationship, I never wanted to see anyone permanently. I might put this blame on the hurt he gave me and made me not trusted any man at all.

Now, I wanted to see someone so eagerly even though I only see him and spend some good time with him just about few hours ago. And I always can't wait to see him again and again and again. I won't even feel bored even though we just met and we chat online right after we are home.

Sometimes I do feel it's abit too much on wanted to see someone so much and so often. I've been used to be alone, used to see different ppl at different day, used to meet alots of different people. And, I used to be handle my loneliness quite well. Now, I can't handle it anymore. I wish that he will be my site every seconds... I wish to see him whenever I'm alone... I wish to have him around me whenever I miss him...

Can we classify this as a relationship when we wanted to see someone so badly? when we missing someone so dreadfully? When we wanted to spend so much time with someone?

Relationship... come with, commitment.
We responsible on what we did to the person.
We responsible on what we said to the person.
We will think on tomorrow.
We will think on the person's feelings.
We will think on how to make the person feeling good or happy.
We care... on everything, anything that related to the person.

It's not easy to be into a relationship again. But, I'm glad that I am in a relationship now. It's great to have someone that you care, that you love and in return, that person care and love you too. I have no idea how much that person love me, how much he cares of me.. he is just too reserve to tell me that. But I know that he does care, he does love me.. coz, I saw it in his eyes. Yes, you may say that maybe I'm too sensitive and this is what I created in my own mind... Maybe it is.

I don't care. I do not care about anything when I'm in love.

I only know that I love you.

That's what I need to know.

Dying......

I have been very busy on sorting out where can get cheap and good furnitures. I think I have done most of the furnitures purchases.

Bed room set, matress, wall shelf, TV cabinet, sofa, book shelf, my sister's bed, my mom's bed, dining table, shoes shelf, lights, Toiletries, choose paints' color... bla bla bla... Everything looks simple but troublesome. Never thought that it is so troublesome and mind distracting. When come to this, my mind will full of imagination of how my new house will looks like... Harmony, a friend told me his opinion. Ya, we are doin everything in matching and harmony. One lead to another... everything also related. Once the color doesn't match with others, ignore! :P

Even my own room also I trying hard to match everything. Looks like my new bedroom will be a simple style. Just keep everything in the cupboard and no mess.

It's troublesome yet heartache. Use money like water... this means, I'm using money like nobody business now. Like I can get money without any hard work, just spend whatever I want, and I need. Wah... the feelings is great, but it's painful when you sit down and calculate on how much you have to pay when the furnitures delivered to your new house.

Scary figures...

It's not fun to have a new house, when you have to renovate it, when you have to buy most of your furnitures... and when you are moving in.

Moving into another house is not an easy job too... think of it, you have to pack your clothes [the amount of my clothes are... uncountable and unbelieveable], you have to pack your books [the books I have... lost count], you have to pack all your shoes [again, i can't imagine that], then... there come your VCD & ACD!!!! argh... Darling, I have not take into account of some of my... SOFT TOYS!!!! and also.. some tiny tiny rubbish that I feel hard to throw away.... :P

And I also have to pack on behalf on my lovely sister because she is not around. I'm dying... I can't imagine that... I can't imagine how many days I need to pack all these. I can't imagine how many days I need to move everything into the new house. Dying...... Not yet counted on my mom's belongings and... some general things.

I wonder, is there any muscular gentlemen willing to help me on this? Hahahahhaaha...
Not muscula also OK lah, as long as can help me move all my "rubbish" to my new hse and then tidy up for me. :P

I also applied for the new phoneline. Have to terminate the current line once we moved. Another troublesome issue. I hate to deal with government department. I wish TELEKOM's services is better instead of their outlet's design only.

Horrible...

Flowers & Chocolates

Tadahhhhh.... my Valentine's Day's Gifts.

The heart shape chocolates are from Mr.L. I still have the chocolates with me, unable to finished them by myself.

The flowers and bear is from my Honey. It send to my office. When my colleague told me that there is a bunch of flower for me at the reception. I do not believe it and asked them not to fool me. Still, I went to the reception and saw a bunch of flower, with a cutey bear on it. I walked over with my unbelieveable eyes.... Hahhahaa... I saw my name on the DELIVERY NOTE. Of course, the first person I thought is my Honey. Then, I took the flower, my heart beat so fast because of excitement. The first time I got a bunch of flower from my bf. All my ex-bfz are too stingy to send me flower on Valentine's Day even though I always wish them to send to me on this special day. Now, I got it.

It was a real suprise. I called him once I back to my seat and I'm too nervous to talk actually. Don't know why being so, but I was really excited and nervous. Kakakakakakak... After this, there come lots of INTERVIEWERzzzz to interview me... As you know, my department is full with ladies and there come the INTERVIEWERzzzz.

And the gang knows about the flowers... they all making noises.. another interview session came during lunch time. Not all of them know about my Honey beside Ms. E.

OK..it sound good that I got both chocolates and flowers on this Valentine's Day. Is there any difference after we got chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day? Aiyaaa... no difference lah. Life still go on, life still sux sometimes. And somemore, still need to work like a dog! But, I leave ealier that day, don't give a shit on the pending works lah. Valentine's Day more important. Hahahhaa....

But too bad that my Valentine's Night ended up like shit. But nevermind lah... it's over. I only pass my Honey his Valentine's Day gift yesterday night. I'm not that terrible and wanna keep the gift for next year... :P It's a wallet, leather of course. Price... heartache pricing. Hhahahahaha..... nm lah..once a year only.

My Honey love it so much. I'm glad that he loves it so much. I was so worry because got once, I bought him a shirt, I think he doesn't like it lah. So, it's kinda pressure when choosing him a gift this time. Was thinking so hard on what to buy him. It's always the most torturing moment when come to this gift searching for a guy.

Normally, girls hardly affort on what a guy wants for their Birthday, Valentine's Day, Anniversary Day, Christmas Day, New Year... This is always because what they want are something expensive, for example- gadgets, Hi-Fi, Cars, god damn expensive watches... bla bla bla. Tie? no way lah, my Honey do not need it. Working shirt is too... dull. Actually, a wallet is kinda boring too... but this is what I have in my mind as I noticed that his wallet is kinda old.

Hak!!! Luckily I bought the wallet.

Patience & Tolerance

Yes, tonight is the best test we ever had. Patience & tolerance.


Patience
- Behaving quite well since the moment stucked in the traffic jam from 6pm till 8pm. Still can sing song while driving slow.. in fact, very slow on the road.
- Waiting for him to reach home plus sms him and trying my best to calm him down.
- Call him once a while just to make sure he is on his way back home and not wondering around as the bloody traffic policemen blocked most of the main road to my place. Worrying that he might lost at somewhere else instead of on his way going back home.


Tolerance
- Agreed to cancelled the dinner because I understand how tired he can be after stucked in the traffic jam for such a long hour.
- Did not feel angry because I have to eat MAGGI MEE at home on Valentine's Day.
- Tried my best to make him feel better when he is still stucked in the traffic.
- Thinking of the best way to spend some time with him on this Valentine's Day that only left few hours.
- Offering him a lift for a cup of coffee after the bloody traffic jam.
- Plan my own night after he rejected my offer.


These are what I did on tonight's sudden change on our plan. Am I not patience and tolerate enough? I believe that I have done what I should.

If this is a test for our new relationship, I think this is more than enough for us. And things have to be settle not only on patience or tolerance but some other issue too. We did have a long talk after I'm back home from a cup of coffee with a friend. This friend of mine is a SHE. He send me a sms when I'm still having my coffee outside. By asking me wanted to go online or not, he knows that I'm not at home. Feels hurt because I can't go online with him coz I'm having my coffee with my friend.

So, after my patience and tolerance... I got this hurt thing from him. How do we judge on PATIENCE & TOLERANCE??

I have no idea. This is really a good test for every couples. I wonder how many couples end up like us. Dinner cancelled, eat maggi mee at home, argue. Ridiculous.

Relationship is always the most vulnerable thing in da world. Everyone can break it up easily if there has no trust, no faith, no strong believe in what both of you having. It's not easy to hold it strongly, human is just too easy to be attacked by anything. Maybe, only some words or some sour faces will break it off.

A Valentine's Day which ended like this... is sux!
A test that tested on our relationship... is wonderful!
A night that we bring up every issues... is great!
2 vulnerable hearts, wondering what can we do to make things better.
2 insecure person, do not understand why things turned out like this.
2 unrested mind, do not know can sleep well or not.......

Ya, my Valentine's Day still sux.

I will make it for you if you hold strong on your fight.
I will continue tomorrow as yesterday with you.

Suxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!

Never been in such a terrible traffic jam before. Valentine's Day, end up eat instant noodles at home! Somemore I don't know what he angry at, this is what we unable to control. I'm offering to drive to his house and just to company him or let him company me plus pass him the gift. NO! is his answer.. Yes! No again.

Fine. Then I can save the gift and keep it till next year Valentine's Day.

I'm not angry on the traffic, I'm not angry that we have to cancelled our dinner, I'm not angry that you do not want to go out again after stucked in the jam for more than 2 hours, I'm not angry that I have to drive to your place just to see you for an hour or two, I'm not angry that I have to calm you down from your unknown anger... but I'm very angry that you don't even consider my offer and turn me down in this day.

Ya, you do think that maybe I won't feel tired from the traffic jam. Maybe I won't feel so hungry as you. Maybe I'm not stucked in the jam for so long time as you. So, I have no reason to feel angry on anything but you do? Please do bear in mind that I do stucked in the jam as long time as you do, please do remember that I'm a human and I do feel hungry so much as you do. And if I do not mind to drive to your place just for the sake of seeing you.. do not turn me down just because you are angry for something that you cannot control.

Suppose to be a beautiful night but end up so sux!

Anyway, thanks for your flowers. I do like it very much. And it's a real suprise for me.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Hey!!! Happy Valentines Day to me!!!

Got an early Valentine's Day gift from Mr. L. Very sweet of him. Lovely gift. Thanks, Mr. L

Moody......

Feeling bored... really bored... damn bored.....

No body accompany me to go "mamak". No mood to talk to anyone after back home. It has been long time that I feel so moody..... I need a breath after such a hard work day. But there has no one to accompany me for a cup of coffee, milo or even a piece of ROTI CANAI!

Kenneth only call me back after an hour... I already filled up my hungry stomach with rubbish. I told him I do not want to go anywhere now.

Whenever I asked him to come out from his house after work, he sure say NO to me. Then, many reasons given to me. I thought I will get used to it.. but the disappointment still there. Yes, I'm abit angry on you turning me down everytime.

Then, told me that he is too lazy to wake up in da morning and send me to work. Fine, I drive to work by myself. Again, play solitaire always when chatting with me on MSN. Made me more angry.

I try to be understanding. But I'm too moody to take it tonight.

I'm not happy, never feel happy after that incidence. I feel insecure, I feeling hurt, I feeling lost, I feeling not good, I feeling upset, I feeling like shit!!!

I think, if SHE told you that she doesn't like me at all... You will choose to leave instead of stand beside me. You didn't assure me on anything.. but told me that if that's the case, we might have to slow down everything. This is depressing enough. How am I going to feel happy on this answer that been told by you.

Maybe I think too much.. Maybe I'm sux. Ya, I'm sux!

I don't know what am I saying now. When I feel unhappy, then he feel unhappy too. And end up, he got more angry than me. I'm the one who suppose to feel angry, OK?

I'm only a simple girl, I also need my bf to PUJUK me, accompany me, make me laugh, pampered me, make me feel special...... of course, I will do the same to him too. If I'm not willing to do so, I won't take him as my bf.

Depressed. Ya, depressed. There has no one that I can't get along with..... this is so bothering. Ya, I'm talking nonsense again.

Maybe I will feel better if he said YES to me. Maybe I will feel better if Kenneth bring me to mamak ealier. Maybe I will feel better if he keep his promise to send me to work tomorrow. Maybe I will feel better if he did not play SOLITAIRE while chatting with me. Maybe I will feel better if there has anyone just spend some of their precious time to company me. Maybe I will feel better if I'm not so stress from work again. Maybe I will feel better if I bought the blouse I saw today. Maybe I shouldn't keep thinking on what to buy him on V day. Maybe I should buy myself some good food for dinner. Maybe I should get myself a cup of Ice Blended Mocha. Maybe I should play Bejewelled2 too. Maybe....... Maybe......

Ya, maybe I should go sleep after so many nonsense...

Wonder can I sleep well......


Ya...Maybe.... Maybe.....

Hard Case......

If it will be the reason that I lose you, I rather you never exist in my life…ever.

I’m used to have you around
I’m used to complain about my work to you
I’m used to email to you everyday during working hours
I’m used to share everything with you
I’m used to laugh together with you
I’m used to chat online with you
I’m used to go movie with you
I’m used to warm myself with you body heat when it’s too cold in the cinema
I’m used to have dinner with you
I’m used to shopping with you
I’m used to share a cup of coffee and a piece of cheesecake with you
I’m used to hold you hand
I’m used to hug you
I’m used to kiss you
I’m used to miss you
I’m used to love you with all my heart

If there is a day, you left me….. I wonder what will happen to me and my heart.

What am I if I never met you? Will there be anyone that made me fall in love as you do? I wonder….

Maybe, I think too much.. I worry too much. But, I can’t help myself. I start feeling very insecure. I’m afraid that you will leave me just because that she doesn’t like me. I understand how important she is to you, which I unable to compete, and that’s why I feel so helpless and vulnerable.

Why is it so? I do not understand. I thought parents will be happy to know when their children found their gf/ bf. Of course, they must be above 21 which is the legal age to be independent. Then only their parents might feel happy that their children found someone they like and feel happy to be with. I have no idea on it now.

I do not know about others. For my family, I always know that my mom and my sis will feel happy for me if I found someone. They will be very busybody asking me everything about him… asking me how’s everything goes… chat with me about our happy moments… talk with me if I’m having some problems with him… They will try to communicate with him, get along with him well. I never come to any hard case as this.

Sigh…… Maybe I’m not loveable enough. Maybe I’m not pretty enough. Maybe I’m too terrible to be with him.

Ya…… Maybe I’m that terrible.

Sigh ..........

I'm not a loveable lady maybe. I do not know how to handle this. I never face this problem before.

Every time I pray.. I pray that everything will goes well for this relationship. But, seems that it doesn't work that well. I feel so upset because I made her angry on my Honey and myself. I do not know what can I do anymore.

Maybe, she doesn't like me at all.
Maybe, she think that I not suit for her son.
Maybe, she think that I'm not good enough for her son.
Maybe, she think that I'm worse to be a good gf.
Maybe, she think that I'm a slut.

Sighh...... I have no idea on how to handle this at all. I've been brought up by a mama who giving us the maximum freedom. We are more like close friends as we always talk about anything... my career, my love life, my friends, my problems. Maybe this made me being too casual when coming to this bf's mother thing.

I do not know how to deal with an old fashioned mama. This is really a challenge for me. I do feel upset... really upset that she mad at me.

Sighh....

Leave me alone please......

Although I have requested Mr. A not to contact me anymore, but seems like it's not working. Mr. A, sms me last night when I'm watching "FEARLESS" starring by Jet Li. Asking me alots of nonsenses about my relationship with my Honey. I did not answer him but his sms keep bomb-ing my mobile phone.

Finally, I can't take it and asked him what he really want from me?? He told me that he still have feelings on me. I told him to treat his gf with loyalty as I got a bf now and he got a gf too. I told him that he shouldn't has such thinking anymore. But he is too stubborn to listen on what I'm telling him. He keep telling me that he did try but he unable to take me out of his mind. This is very annoying.

He sms me again on 2am, asking whether I'm asleep or what. Gosh!!!! If I'm asleep also be awaken by your sms lah!!!!! Terrible! Again, I asked him what he wants, he told me that he unable to sleep, asked me whether he can come over and look for me. I told him that I wanted to sleep, not convenient for a guy to look for a girl at this midnight hour. He did not listen and he came to my place without my permission. Entertained him outside my hse, chatted with him for 5 minutes then he said he is going home and back to sleep. Fine with me, of course. He left after driving from Kepong for 5 minutes chat.

Within the 5 minutes chat, he did try to hold my hand but I did not allowed. I can see his disappointment in his eyes. But this is not under my care, what I care most is my Honey now. I really feel pity for Mr. A's gf... I do not know why he treating her like that. I do not understand what's his problem now. This is what he choosed from the beginning. Now, he come back to me and tell me that he unable to let go of me? This is damn damn damn ridiculous.

Been bothering by those annoying guys recently. I really don't know what's happened to all this guys. How come they are so stubborn to understand this statement --> I'M NOT AVAILABLE, I GOT A BF NOW. I do not mind to have more friends around, but they are so clearly indicating that they do not want me as a friend. They want something more than friends.

I'm not that pretty, I'm not that attractive and I'm not sexy too. Why they never really leave me alone with my Honey? I got enough of this... Please leave me alone... pleaseeeeee.....

Annoying.......

Mr. D... please take note that you are very annoying. How many times that I need to tell you that I wouldn't going out with you then only you will stop bugging me???

Again, I do not understand men... How many times I need to turn them down only they will understand what I told them? "I already got a bf......" Isn't it very loud & clear???

Arghhh... so frustrated!