Ugly Duck......

I was very ugly when I was 6-18 years old. I used to heard many people praised me that I'm beautiful, cute and sweet when I was a small kid. My mom loves to dress me up nicely with lacey dress, do my hair with beautiful hair clips... whenever we stepping out of our home. I'm still having this habit.. dress up nicely whenever I stepping out of my home. I can't tolerate that I go out from my home wear shorts and t-shirt.

I no longer heard people praise me beautiful but fat. My self esteem is always low due to this. I'm very sensitive to the word of "FAT" ever since. Due to my low self esteem, I did not like to buy any nice clothes, I did not like to put any make up, I did not like to make myself outstanding and be the lime light. I always worry that people might found something wrong on me... on me dressing, on my face. I just do not like myself. I don't even dare to have eye to eye contact with anyone, not even my family. I was so shy... shy to face myself as everyone told me that I'm fat... very fat.

However, my first work changed me. I become more brave to face the public, to talk to people. At lease, I dare to talk to strangers. I become more open and talkative but I still have no confidence on my outlook. Then, I knew my ex, he brought the biggest changes in me. He made me feel confidence on myself, he made me know that I'm actually looks good, he made me believe that I'm actually a sweet and lovely lady, he showed me that love actually does exist in my life and he loves me. But still I don't really dress up or make myself looks pretty and sexy or lovely.

I devoted all my love on him. He was my world, he was my sun.. I'm the little globe that surrounded him, and I'd do whatever he wants.. beside leave all my friends behind. Still, men are untrustable... he betrayed my love. I'd been hurt badly.. bleeded for 2 years.

Due to what he has done to me, I'd learn how to love myself more. At the early stage of our break off, I spend almost rm1000 to buy a Swatch, shoes, handbags, clothes and others... I was a shopping freak ever since because it does make me feel good. I'm sick, I know.

Now, everyone told me that I did changed a lot.. they told me that I looks great and much better than before when I was with my ex. Some of them even happy that we broke off actually. Even my mom feel glad on what I'm now.. she keep criticising the OLD ME... damn bad!!

I'm happy on my own changes... Not because I'm much beautiful and confidence now but it's that I know that I do love myself now. Live beautifully, happily, confidencely... is the best way to revenge your ex.

I'm sick. I know