Heartbroken dream......

Have you ever cry in your dream till so heartbroken and woke up? And can’t stop crying in the middle of the night?

I did it last night.

I was having this heartbroken dream. I dreamed that SOMEONE used a knife stabbed into my chest, opened up my chest and let my heart drop out from my chest. I’m bleeding badly, SOMEONE just walked away like nobody business. I take back my heart from the floor, put it back into my bloody chest.. I walked towards SOMEONE and asked "Why you do this to me?? Why??". My heart is pain, not because it’s out of my chest.. it’s because SOMEONE did this to me. Of course SOMEONE did not answer me… SOMEONE just walked away… I’m still holding on my chest, try not to let me heart fall off again, walking weakly with very hurt and extremely sad feelings. I was crying in my dream but I can feel my tears are actually falling from my eyes in real life.

I’m feeling extremely sad and hurt till I woke up from my dream and cry out loud. The feelings are just too strong for me to handle. I can’t stop crying and crying in the middle of the night. It was 3am.

Maybe I should learn to be selfish whenever in a relationship. I should only care on what I really want instead of what SOMEONE wanted. My "giving too much love" behavior always caused me get hurt easily. Maybe being a god damn selfish person will bring me a better life.
Ya, I should not give a damn on what SOMEONE wanted actually but be very firm on what myself wanted. No one will appreciate what you have given up. No one will give a fuck to care how much courage you took to change the decision you’ve made long time ago.

Maybe I should not blame anyone that being selfish. Myself should be smart enough to know how’s this world is. I’m always optimistic and take it easy on whatever that comes to me. I even always advice people to be a little bit selfish when comes to the reality world. But in a relationship, I’m always the dumm dumm. Because once I’m in love, I’m in love.

I can give anything that I have, I will give up whatever SOMEONE doesn’t like, I will just give myself into a relationship. Yes, I’m very stupid. A friend always reminded me not to be so stupid but I can’t help. I do not know how to control my love.

Teach me a way to be selfish. Teach me a way to not give a damn on anybody. Teach me to be cold hearted. Teach me to protect my heart. Teach me not to cry because of SOMEONE again. Teach me not to be so innocent in love.

I think, I need to attend a PLAY GIRL COURSE.

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1110am - This dream is affecting me badly. I'm 100% moodless. I need someone to talk but there has no one.