I do not share.......

I do not share my bf with any other girls.

Have this phobia since something happened between my ex and myself. There is a SHE who is so flirty, everyone know it. SHE is a mutual friend of my ex and me. I never think that there will be something between her and my ex because she has a bf, and my ex was with me. They can chat well, laugh at each other jokes... we went for coffee always too. This is a socalled friendship for me.. I though so. How precious it is to have a good friend that both of us can mix with, can hang around with.

Until I found out there has too many PATATO in the sms mailbox. I wondering who is that and immediately I know who it is from the sms. Yes, SHE is the one. Their sms is so imtimate... calling each other the nickname that I never heard when I'm around... telling each other their thinking, their feelings... joking around with sms flying to each other's mobile phone. PATATO... TOMATO.... so fucking matching nickname. My anger came to me immediately... without any advice, I confront my ex on who is this PATATO. He didn't answer my question as he knew that I already know who is it. He didn't admit that there is something happened between them. He didn't tell me why they calling each other PATATO & TOMATO.

He never tell me a single thing but keep his mouth shut. I trying to take it easily since he is behaving infront of me.... They still keep in touch as far as I know. I feel so fucked up. Why he flirt with my gf?

Ever since, whenever I feel that my bf is kinda close with any of my gf, no matter she is prettier or uglier... my alarm will alert me immediately, instantly. I can't help, but this is how I behaving now. I maybe over reacted... But, seeing they chat happily and jokes around made me feel uneasy, insecure.

This uneasiness.. affected my emotion. Yes, GOD always said, love is share, generous, no jealous.. is this that easy to do so? Selfishness is born in everyone, just the matter they show it or not. Some might be selfish on money, some maybe on knowledge, some people on love... bla bla bla. For me, I'm very selfish on relationship. I'm very protective. I'm very jealous. I do not want anyone to be close to him beside me. I do not want he treating any girl nice than me. I do not hope that he laugh out loud on others' jokes than mine. I do not wish that his attention is on others than me.

Ya. I'm very selfish on having my bf all by myself. I only want him all by myself.

Blame me for my selfishness on love. I won't argue on this.

Yes, I'm god damn selfish!!!!!! because I love him.