Hard Case......

If it will be the reason that I lose you, I rather you never exist in my life…ever.

I’m used to have you around
I’m used to complain about my work to you
I’m used to email to you everyday during working hours
I’m used to share everything with you
I’m used to laugh together with you
I’m used to chat online with you
I’m used to go movie with you
I’m used to warm myself with you body heat when it’s too cold in the cinema
I’m used to have dinner with you
I’m used to shopping with you
I’m used to share a cup of coffee and a piece of cheesecake with you
I’m used to hold you hand
I’m used to hug you
I’m used to kiss you
I’m used to miss you
I’m used to love you with all my heart

If there is a day, you left me….. I wonder what will happen to me and my heart.

What am I if I never met you? Will there be anyone that made me fall in love as you do? I wonder….

Maybe, I think too much.. I worry too much. But, I can’t help myself. I start feeling very insecure. I’m afraid that you will leave me just because that she doesn’t like me. I understand how important she is to you, which I unable to compete, and that’s why I feel so helpless and vulnerable.

Why is it so? I do not understand. I thought parents will be happy to know when their children found their gf/ bf. Of course, they must be above 21 which is the legal age to be independent. Then only their parents might feel happy that their children found someone they like and feel happy to be with. I have no idea on it now.

I do not know about others. For my family, I always know that my mom and my sis will feel happy for me if I found someone. They will be very busybody asking me everything about him… asking me how’s everything goes… chat with me about our happy moments… talk with me if I’m having some problems with him… They will try to communicate with him, get along with him well. I never come to any hard case as this.

Sigh…… Maybe I’m not loveable enough. Maybe I’m not pretty enough. Maybe I’m too terrible to be with him.

Ya…… Maybe I’m that terrible.