It's not easy......

Nothing is easy.

I never feel as what I'm feeling now since the day I know what love is. So complicated and difficult to love a person. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for him to open his heart. This is already enough for me to stay away. Am I giving up on him? Maybe YES ... Maybe NO. Because I already feeling the pain. I'm not good enough. I don't know what else to do in order to let him think that I'm good enough for him to take me into his heart. Nothing I can do. Not even a single thing.

Loving a person who do not want you to walk into his heart is never easy. I tried to spend more time with him, talk as much as I can with him, try to let him know more about me. The more I see him, talk to him, spend time with him, the more I unable to control my feelings. It's not easy to hide, it's not easy to control. I have to take him as a NORMAL FRIEND no matter how reluctant am I.

Please, push me away and tell me to get off if I'm not what you want at all.

Maybe it's time for me to let go. So that he won't feel that I'm pressuring him eventhough I did not. Maybe I shouldn't be so care on him. So that he can back to his lone ranger life without my mind bothering sms and questions. Maybe I should walk away. So that he won't be as lost as now. Maybe I should stop thinking of him, although I know it's not easy.

Nothing is easy. It won't be easy for a person to stop loving someone she really care.
Nothing is easy. It won't be easy for a person to throw off a person who already stepped into her heart.

I hope, I won't take long time to feel better.
I hope, I won't take long time to take him off my heart.
I hope, I won't take long time to walk away from him.

In fact, I do really hope I do not have to do the above.
It's pain. I really can feel the pain.