Emptiness in Soul....

I have read a friend's blog, know him for more than 5 years but never be close with him. We always bumped into each other in shopping mall. Not a bad looking guy, in fact, he is quite good looking. Tall as well, 180cm. Opss... Out of topic. He is bloggin on his emptiness after he broke off with his ex. His life is just like mine, shop alone, home alone, no one to share, no one to feel close with... Always being cheerful infront of friends and family. When alone in our room, we might think on someone, tear dropping, sighing, wondering, feeling lost... I can understand his feelings 100%, I really can. Sighh......

Feeling empty deep inside me... this is what I always feel. But I never tell anyone, I'm still the cheerful person as they know. In fact, they told me that I looks prettier and happier than when I were with Eugene. But, what's the point to be prettier and happier if there has no one to share your happiness and sadness with you? Whenever I feel happy or sad, I do not know who to call up... I do not know who to tell. That's why I'm so dependant on Jeannie. She is the only one for me. She is the only one who care on my happiness and sadness. But, she can't with me always, she has her life, she has her hubby to take care, she has her family... My lovely sister @ far far away... I unable to heal myself... I unable to do that. I can't help myself on recovering from the hurt.

Got once, I thought I'm fully recover. I live my life to da max.. I went meet new friends, go out with them, work, leisure.. till myself very tired, go home and sleep. I thought I'm very happy without Eugene nag around me. Till one night, I were at home, looking for a companion. No one have time to entertain me. I feel so lost, so lonely, so empty.... I went online, chat around, talk nonsense.. to chase away my loneliness. But, It can't help. I burst into tears and cried for the whole night. I miss him so much. I'm so pain till I can't take it casually. I have to hold on my heart and keep on crying till I feel hard to breath. I told myself, after this, you have to stand up!! Too shame to say, I'm still sitting on the ground with the pain in me.

Mr. Uncle asked me, Why I put all the blame on myself? Why I hurt myself always? Why am I love him so much? I do not know how to answer Mr. Uncle. 2 years... Time to stand up and have a brand new life without Eugene.

Cry, won't get him back to me. Move on, honey!!!!! MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!