Have Sex......

No doubt, I love sex. Especially with someone I love. But, I do not have sex with the one I love, I only MAKE LOVE to him.

I noticed that nowadays people do not call it MAKE LOVE because normally ah….they do not have the LOVE feelings on the person who they fuck. Or do not have the HEART to love anyone as how we used to be. They may be SEX with A tonight, then B tomorrow night…. And then C on the weekend … and so on……

I feel irritated when my love one named this intimate action which he did with me as… HAVING SEX. I feel so because I do not take him as SOMEONE that I “sleep and bye”.. he is the one I love and I call it MAKE LOVE. Unless he doesn’t love me and I know it well on what we looking in each other ---> Lust releasing.

I also noticed that teenagers nowadays taking this SEX activity as sport. They do it as normal as I go for my yoga class. I have a little guy friend who I know him when he is around 17 years old. I’m so much older than him, I’m elder than him for at least 5 years. He is so brave, he asked for my number and call me for chat every night… I’m too innocent to realised his motive until he confessed. He told me about all his girlfriends, himself told me that he did HAVE SEX with all of them. I asked him, how old they are? “emm…around my age or younger than me lohh..” GOSH… I almost fainted when I heard this.

Everything changed… our teenagers enjoying sex so much earlier than what we expected… Maybe I’m getting old already and that’s why I feel so shocked when I heart about this statistics. Mom, I only lost my virginity when I was 23 year old… such an old virgin that time. I do not blame them of being so corrupted and so curios on trying this looks so fun and Sexcited things. But, what can us, the adult, to educate them on this issue??

Chinese are too shy on talk about this to their teenage sons or daughters. However, I do think it is a must to let them know about this NATURE things of being an animal... OPS!!!!.... human. Actually, I’m worrying on my 3 teenage cousins… They are 13, 12 and 11 years old. I also worrying that they will have sex like playing sports. Or they do not know how to protect themselves from some PERVERTS who wanted to molest them or have some motives on them. You know lah, there are so many sickoz everywhere.

My aunt and uncle barely have time to chat with them. They are more close to me, my sister and my mom. I can’t expect my mom to tell them about this even though she did educated me about this when my PERIOD came the 1st time. Ya, I have a great mom who gave me sex education.

That’s why, I feel hesitate to talk about this to my cousins too. Moreover, I’m not their parents. Headache…… Anyone got SUPERB good idea for me??

2 days to go......

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm cumming...baby... I'm cumming......

陈奕迅的爱心

今天早上，看到了一篇感人的报导。
****************************************
奕聲勝千言激勵患癌歌迷活下去
updated:2006-08-06 19:15:42 MYT
（吉隆坡訊）陳奕迅專程來馬探望患上未期癌症的忠實粉絲張曉隆，希望可以激勵對方的生存意志，勇敢活下去！Eason週日（6日）4時許在助手及銀河娛樂工作人員的陪同下，抵達馬大醫院東翼6樓病房探望躺在病榻上已有7個月的張曉隆，不但緊握對方的手聊天給予鼓勵，還即場清唱了多首首本名曲，包括《Shall We Talk》、《貝多芬與我》、《你的背包》等曲，猶如在病房內辦了一場迷你清唱會，張曉隆儘管無法言語，卻以眼神來表達自己見到偶像的興奮情緒，疲累的精神也在見到Eason後，變得抖擻起來，讓一旁的家人也為之開心，Eason見到張曉隆睜大雙眼，搞笑的說：“嘩！我一唱歌你就這麼精神，莫非我要一直坐在這裡唱歌給你聽，讓你一直精神下去咯？”

鬼馬逗大家展露笑顏

由於此趟來馬的行程是臨時安排，讓上週六（5日）晚剛在香港完成一場與楊千嬅等人同台的演出的Eason，匆忙間也不知該帶甚麼給對方，結果他送上專程帶來的演唱會CD及DVD，並在CD上寫上“加油”的字眼，原本沉重的氣氛，也因為Eason的出現而變得有生氣起來，尤其是當Eason唱到忘詞時的表情，大家凝重的神情，都被鬼馬的Eason逗得展露難得的笑顏。張曉隆的家人貼心的在他的病床前擺放了幾張Eason的CD，其中一張是以陳奕迅女兒照片為封面的EP《Life Continues》，Eason拿起封套時，看著病床上的張曉隆笑說：“你看到這張照片很開心對不對？我也是啊！”之後就在封套上畫下一張笑臉，希望張曉隆無論是看到封套的哪一頁，都一樣開心。

勾手指約定26日再見

一心要完成兒子見到偶像心願的張丁麟，對Eason果然能專程來馬探望兒子的舉動，深深感動，一再道謝，讓Eason不好意思的直說：“這是大家有緣！”張父表示兒子之前便興緻勃勃的說8月26日一定要去捧Eason的場，儘管現今情況看來不太允許，但他希望兒子仍有機會親自到武吉加里爾觀看這場精彩的演唱會，並在計劃如何把兒子帶到現場，為了激勵張曉隆勇敢活下去的意志力，Eason還與他勾手指約定，8月26日一定要再見，他還一時把演唱會日期記錯8月28日，並笑言28日那場就特別唱給張家的親朋戚友好了。之後Eason還在演唱會海報上寫下“撐住呀！26號見！”並即時貼在牆上，為張曉隆打氣。　

陳奕迅看到人間溫暖

近幾年陳奕迅面對了許多的生離死別，此次來馬探望了張曉隆，讓他不禁又增添幾分感慨，雖然已坦然面對這些人生必經之路，接受了每個人都有離去的一天，但他認為，人生在世，如果能開開心心的離去，其實是一種福報，“我覺得曉隆很幸福，因為有這麼多人疼愛著他……現代人都變得很冷漠，其實這一趟我也有收穫，就是看到了人間溫暖的一面！”他表示，張曉隆很勇敢，希望大家都能一直勇敢的走下去！

取消原訂工作

27歲的張曉隆是陳奕迅的忠實粉絲，患上末期癌症的他，最欣賞的歌手是Eason，他的父親張丁麟在Eason於6月24日來馬為演唱會宣傳造勢時，透過《星洲娛樂》的報道得知兒子的偶像來馬的消息，即刻聯絡《星洲日報》娛樂組，詢問能否安排兒子與偶像會面，給病危的兒子一個驚喜，讓兒子在有生之年，一償心願，並且激發他的生存意志。由於張先生來電之際，Eason已經返回香港，若要安排Eason探望張曉隆，唯有等到Eason 8月26日來馬開唱之時，然而張丁麟卻坦言，其子或許無法支撐到那一天，“醫生說他的情況很嚴重，隨時都有離開的可能！”但言語間卻透露了希望Eason能提前來馬探望其子一面。《星洲娛樂》同仁深切感受到張丁麟希望完成兒子心願的心情，於是抱著助人為快樂之本，嘗試向Eason演唱會的主辦單位銀河娛樂董事經理的特別助理Eric，提出安排Eason來馬為張曉隆加油打氣的不情之請，對方答應與Eason聯絡，但卻不能保證一定能成事。原本《星洲娛樂》與張丁麟並沒有抱著太大希望，畢竟Eason是知名歌手，工作行程一早已經安排好。沒想到銀河娛樂與人在香港的Eason取得聯系，Eason在得知張曉隆的情況後，二話不說的馬上就要經理人取消原訂的工作，挪出8月5日的空檔，專程來馬與張曉隆見面，完成他的心願。

（星洲日報／娛樂‧2006/08/06）

###################

EASON 的心意，万众都感受的到。我看到热了眼眶。想不到他愿意放下工作， 特地飞回来，只为鼓励一个他不认识的歌迷。 好感动。真的好感动。人生苦短，我们都不知到何时是结束。如果，我们的一小时能令一个垂死的人开怀大笑，何乐以不为呢？我没有如此魅力，但是爱心，我还是有点。

Speaking loud......

Speaking loud is not equal to YELLING......

There is one actress in Hong Kong, her attitude is a bit boyish. Good looking girl, very slim, big eyes, short hair. She is now married to her more than 10 years bf. She is on of those happy go lucky person, very funny and cute. My sister and myself kinda like her. She speak loudly.. and many people mistaken it that she always yell at people or scold people. So, when reporter interviewed her regarding this, she normally say like this “I do speak loudly, but this doesn’t means that I’m yelling or scolding someone. And this do not means that I’ve no manners. This is me, and I do speak loud.”

We, Chinese educated people will speak loud sometimes. We are not so SOFT SPOKEN PERSON as some other people. But this doesn’t means that we are yelling at someone, angry at someone or bossy on someone. If someone cannot understand this behavior of us that we think it’s nothing, there will be some problem.

Not all Chinese educated people will speak loud as me. There are some soft spoken people too. But that’s not me. I speak slight louder do not means I’m yelling, bossing or etc. I talk to the close one like that, do not means I do not respect them. I laugh out loud, I speak out loud, I moan out loud too…. Why never complain when I moan out loud but when I speak a bit louder? Why never say that I’m bossy you around when I asked you NOT TO STOP, or PUSH HARDER but when I tell you that you have forgot something?

I'm never the little pussy cat that MEOW around your leg, but I never try to boss on the people around me. Reminding is not bossy. If so, I've been bossing by everyone in my life everyday then.

Difference background, difference understanding. Difficult to communicate when someone mistaken something and put the ASSUMPTION on you. There come communication break down.

If the bridge broke down, there has no way to communicate.

Friday......

Friday = WEEKEND!!!!!!

Yeh!!!! I love weekend. But I still can't wake up late tomorrow as I got something to settle in da morning or else... I have to keep paying for don't know what. Terrible!!! Terminated the account since June, but I still receiving bills from them...Somemore WARN me to make my payment or else will TERMINATE my account!! Please eh!!! I already terminated it god damn long time ago lah!!!! SUX!!!

My work really too relax...I need some work for me to occupied my working hours...

My work ---> Online, Chat, Work abit, Eat, Drink, Surfing, Play Games.... sometimes, nap.

Terrible ehhhhhh......

Still, Friday is the day I love most.... :P Feel da most relax among 5 working days......

YEAH!!! FRIDAY LIAO!!!!!

Old Dream......

I used to like a guy very much when I was in secondary school. His name is W.C.C [aka Nelson that time].

He is my senior, 3 years elder than me. That year, was my 1st year. I met him on the assembly hall, the morning assembly. He was the PREFECT that guards our class. I was chit chatting with my friends that time when I have my first glance at him. He was walking around and warm us not to chit chat. There he came to us and warn us.

The first impression he gave me is…. CUTE. Short hair, fair skin, pinky cheek, wear glasses, medium size… looks smart and kind. After all, I always have this fetish on GOOD BOY LOOKS….. :P

My attention is on him ever since. I did whatever I can to know about his background, his address, his phone number… and I even try to know his gang of friends. Crazy. We see each other everyday…. He noticed me….. But he doesn’t know that I like him so much till the day my friend went and told him this. I still can remember how he blushed when he looked at me that moment.

We feel so uneasy after that incident, most of our friends tease us whenever they saw us walking by or sitting near by… however, he trying to avoid me. It’s kinda hard for both of us to take it easy that time.

I was so crazy for him. I joined the VOLLEY BALL TEAM just because he is part of the team. I did not play well in the team because my purpose is not on that white ball. We did see each other on the practice days…. But we never talk to each other.

It has been 3 years that we know each other existence. There came his last year in the school. And he spoken to me in the last year, he even sat beside me. I thought things might change to this UGLY DUCKLING. I dream too much…. Everything still the same till the day he walked out from the school.

I wrote him letters…. No reply. I keep writing him letters for another 2 years. No reply from him still. I heard my friends mentioned about him on and off. And then, he is totally out of my life. I no longer heard about him from anyone. But, I never forget about this guy that I like so much in my secondary school life. He was the reason I go to school, the reason I study hard. He was the one who able to bring my emotion up and down easily.

After so many years….. My friend told me that they met him in a friend’s wedding dinner. I was happy to hear about him again after so many years. After all, he was the one I’ve been so crazy with.

He is married. I feel happy for him… He is such a nice guy even though he doesn’t like me.

If I ever have the chance to bumped into him…. I will walk to him and say HI no matter he still recognize me or not. Bet that he won’t able to remember such a silly girl that ever like him so much. Or maybe I will be too shy to walk over……

Wish you everything good in your life. Nelson.

Sick......

Our society is sick... very serious somemore.....

Too many sickozzz.....

Maybe I'm one of them too..... Maybe one day, I will do something that out of my expectation, out of anyone's expectation......

You got pressure, I got pressure... Who to blame on this???

A developing country always has lots of sickozzz around ..... due to the pressure of life.

Humanity? Morality? Justice? Is there any left out there??

I still have some with me, but what about you? Do you still have them in you? Even a doctor can let a life goes like that. What a pity life to live in..... As always, I feel so vulnerable. Our life means nothing to anyone. No one care whether you are alive or not, they only care on whether they get what they wanted from you. A bright future ended just like that.

Our life is less than a cent nowadays. It's really sad to see our society being so sick.... with no cure.

Please!!!! Just take what you wanted from me, leave me a chance to live happily for the rest of my life.

Count down......

9 days to go.

Then I will be in Bangkok, enjoying my holidays!! Can't wait.

***********************

It's August 2006. We only left a quarter to go for Year 2006. Time flies.

What I've done in Year 2006???

Let's review on my 2006 New Year Resolution......
1. Slim down [ Every year also have the same wish... but never able to fulfill this wish of mine.. sad eh..]
2. Travel [ Done!! I'm going to Bangkok!]
3. Get a good pay and easy job [Done!! I'm now enjoying my god damn free and good pay job.. Kakakaka...]
4. Get myself financially stable [ Emmm... still working on it... I'm such a bithcy big spender!!! Banks like me, and I'm bringing myself to the HELL!!!! ]

Anyway, already cut off alots, I seldom shopping nowadays.... My "shopping" here means... really SHOP.... buy lots of things... I seldom do so nowadays... sometimes, feel kinda lost... as SHOPPING always filled up my empty soul, lonely heart... No shopping = No life... Sighhhhh.... Sad!!!!!

Nevermind ya, I'm goin to Bangkok eh... I saved my monies for Bangkok eh... :P But, have to control... I'm broke.. always broke.. but still can enjoy life...

Maybe I'm the STRAWBERRY GROUP as what newspaper said... It means, LOOKS NICE FRM OUTLOOKS, BUT INSIDE... GOT NOTHING. :D Ya, I think I'm the STRAWBERRY. I looks delicious... Hahahahahahah.

I'm lucky that I got this small house.... at least, I won't have to stay at the road side when I'm 100% broke!!!

Ha!! good news, my next year's trip is confirmed... TAIWAN!!!! A country that I always wanted to pay a visit. Can't resist their food [especially their damn creative restaurants], their entertainment, their fashion, their cutey things... such a beautiful country.

So, I already can work out on my 2007's Resolution.....
1. Slim down [as always]
2. Travel [Confirmed]
3. Work hard and get higher pay [Hopefully....]
4. Financially Stable [Abit hard..]
5. Get Married [Lagi difficult to achieve................ LOLZ...]

我。。。不完美

我非常的不明白，为什么人不可以犯错？一点小错误也需要如此的夸张吗？

如果，某人根本不回应，或根本不做些东西。。生气是无可避免的。但是，人总会犯错，只不过忘记了一点小东西，有什么问题？况且，某人已经将东西送到我家大门，还有什么东西要吵？？某人甚至尝试找回剩下的东西，送回给我们，还要如何？

对于一个不是在班工室里工作的蓝领---某人，“RECORD” 这种东西真的是天方夜谈！！为何不可体谅别人，为何要在鸡蛋里挑骨头？难道体谅别人就是损失吗？某人已做他所可以的，为何还要吵？为何要为难别人？难道这样才是你所谓的“最好”吗？？你的最好未必是别人的能力所能到达的。难道就不能在别人的立场想一想吗？难道体谅就是纵容吗？

就算损失了一点，需要如此计较吗？？既然到最后我依然得到我要的东西，那么损失那么一点点，有什么问题？难道要每一点都计较，才叫作划算吗？

人，总不能如此计较。计较的多，人生便不会开心。我在感情上，是非常计较。但是，在平常事上，我并不会算的如此精细。计较的少，烦恼少一些。不是说不去争取些什么，而是，看开一点，体谅一点。有什么问题嘛？？？

接受事实，这世界从来不曾完美。我不完美。我坏脾气，我没有耐性，我有洁癖，我唠叨，我胖，我丑。。。我不曾说我是完美。你是完美的吗？？你从未犯错吗？？你非常精明吗？？如果你是如此完美，我愿给你割一刀。

既然住在现实世界，那便接受现实。人，总会犯错，无论他是如何如何的自认精明。

I need some sparksss....

My life been kinda systematic... I need something to SPARKS UP my daily life......

Being too free and relax on my working life. I even can nap when my bosses are not around.... Or leave office early if I know that they are not coming back to office. But, one good thing is, I got more time to spend with someone and also my family, my friends.

I can get enough sleep everyday unless myself do not want to sleep early.... :P

I can attend my yoga class as planned....

I no longer need my friends to wait for me even we planned our date because I have to work late....

I can go shopping as I wish.... but currently I cut down my spending.... because I'm saving my bullets to BANGKOK!!!! Kakakakakakkaa...... I didn't shop even it's MEGASALES!!!! PITY ME!!!!!!!! But nevermind lah... I can shop when I go Bangkok... But I wondering, can I fit in their size? Their size is SUPERB SMALL!! Sigh...who asked me being so BIG???? Don't care lah!!!

Feel so excited... 16days to go.... :P Then I will be in Bangkok and enjoy my holidays!!! I want massage, I want Tomyam, I want sharkfins, I want Mango Rice, I want ChatuChak, I want shopping, I want Lime Juice, I want ............. Can't wait!!!! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya, this is the sparks.....

爱呢？？？

在一個很忙碌的早上，大約是8:30，一個大約八十歲的老人家，想找一個醫生幫他拆線。他很趕；但醫生正在幫人做手術，所以，他一直在等，不停地看錶。當時這個護士自己不是太忙，看著老人家好像很趕似的，自己又沒什麼好做，好吧！讓我來幫他拆線吧！我叫那個伯伯先坐下，然後，我再把傷口上的布一層一層地拆下，一邊拆一邊和那個伯伯閒聊。
護士小姐特然好奇地問：「為什麼你這麼趕？」「是呀！因為我約了人9:00，真不好意思，麻煩了你！」
護士好奇的想：八十多歲的老人家應該不用上班的了，什麼事情讓他那麼趕呢？
老人家說：「是呀…是呀…我要趕去老人療養院陪我的老婆吃早餐。」
護士小姐就更加好奇：「啊呀！原來入了療養院啊！沒有什麼嘛？」老人家答：「啊！沒事了，柏金遜症罷了，都好一段日子的了。」
護士小姐幫他拆好了線，看一看錶：「哎呀！你會遲到，怕不怕你的太太會擔心你呀？」
老人說：「不會，這五年來她都不認得我了，我去不去，其實她都不知道。」
護士小姐很好奇地問：「下！她已經不認得你五年之久啦！？你還每朝早去？」
老人笑笑口，拍拍護士的手說：「她不認得我，但我認得她，那就可以了。」跟著他就慢慢轉身走了。
護士看著他的背影，眼淚慢慢地落下來了。她自己想：這就是我需要的愛情。
真正的愛情不只是身體上，不只是講浪漫氣氛；真正的愛情是接受，接受以前的對方，現在的對方和將來的對方。無論他以前是怎樣，現在或將來是怎樣，快樂的人不一定要最好的，快樂的人是把他所有的都看成最好的。

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4

好感动啊。。。眼泪就快掉下来了。还是忍著了。这样的爱，是我追求的吗？

我好自私的，如果让我选，我会选自己先死。那么，我便可以拥有他永远的爱。至少，在我的世界里，他对我的爱是永远的。

爱，已经无法天长地久了。现在的人啊。。。不再那么的用心去爱了。

我想，我也是一样。我是一个非常需要爱的人。。没有爱，我会死的。但是，越来越害怕爱了。无它，只因为我找不到一个与我一样不顾一切去爱的人。现在的人，顾虑太多，考虑太深。。。

对我而言，爱就爱。不尝试过，那会知道结果会如何？不尝试过，如何知道他是否是你所爱，所追求？爱，就如冒险嘛。。没有危险，没有收获。

朋友说我是个清兵，因为我心口上有个勇字。哈哈哈哈。。。好贴切的形容词嘛。我的勇气只是用在爱情路上。其他的，我可是从不冒险的，保守的很。尤其在钱方面。。。：P
清兵也有清兵的苦。上战了无数次，得到的依然是零成绩。有时真的非常沮丧。。好想孤芳自赏一世便算了。但是，寂寞的心又不肯放过我这条狗命。没有办法，只好继续做清兵，继续上战。。。。只为了爱。

好无奈的爱。

Perfect Boyfriend......

26 Things That A Perfect Guy Would Do...

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
6. Play with your hair.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
9 . Offer you plenty of massages.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.
13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts .
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Help others out.
20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
21. Always gives you a peck on the! cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.
22. Sing, even if he can't.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at you.
25. Call for no reason.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Are you the perfect BF that every girl dreaming on?

For me, a good bf is not only as what listed as above. I might be demanding but there is also some other important qualities have to take into account.

Kind hearted… is one of them.

Let’s see, if your PERFECT BF… walking along the street, there come a kitten wondering around and come near to his foot. Instead of walk away from the kitten, he kick off the kitten because the kitten blocking his way. Will you still love him even he is a PERFECT BF as he do everything as listed?

Let’s see, your PERFECT BF hate babies, kids… do you think… he is the one for you to spend your lifetime?

Let’s see, your PERFECT BF do not have sympathy towards those very unlucky people around the world… they even laugh when they saw the folk’s skin being pull off from their body lively… they very enjoy on watching how human kill those animals that soon to be extinct. How will you feel on this person?

Of course, the list above is important to maintain a relationship’s heat. But other qualities in a person shouldn’t be ignore.

It would be good if my BF can fill in all the above…. But I will request more than that, someone that has inner beauty. Love everyone around him, but love me the most!!!! :P

It's your BIG DAY!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

Happy Birthday Jeannie!!!!

VIRGO......

处女座8/23～9/22

处女座对爱向来态度小心，你是要爱就要有结果的人，不然你不会轻易地让自己沾惹上爱。

你把爱情看成是自我成长的一部份，你按部就班来调整放爱的速度，运用理性来看待爱情。

在两人相处当中，你不停地寻找爱的蛛丝马迹，确认自己在爱中所具备的筹码。

一旦扮演的角色确立，你就会安于“本分”，在爱中经营。

处女座想爱人还是被爱？

对处女座来说，“爱人与被爱”的角色并不会一直是那么地明显，两人关系会随着彼此互动而有所变动。

你喜欢“爱人”也渴望“被爱”，总是仔细地规划双方未来前景，希望爱情能够带领你进入人生的桃花源。

######################

Exactly the real me!!!

VIRGO *8/23～9/22*

When you decided to committed into a relationship, you would expecting RESULT. Or else, you will rather stay single or flirt around. [Kakakakaka….]

You taking love as part of the life, you love accordingly… adjusting the speed and judge rational. [ Emmm… I’m very emotional one wor….]

You always seeking for attention, seeking for the proves of love from your lover. You do this because you wanted to ensure that you are the one for him. [ya worrr…. I always want to know whether he truly love me or not, care of me not… bla bla bla… poor honey, have to be torture by me… Kakakkakaka …]

Once you very sure about your character in the relationship, you will be STABLE & STEADY. Running the relationship smoothly. [YES!!! But still I’m doubting on my character and situation and his feelings on me…]

You always plan carefully on the FUTURE of both of yours whenever you are in a relationship. Wish that love will bring you to another wonderful stage of your life. [Needless to tell lohh…….. this is exactly Miss Lonely Heart]

*************************************

I'm such a fussy person in love.

If you do really understand me well, you will see the reason why I'm being so picky and fussy on the one I love.

Because I can't stand that there has any mistakes in my relationship.
Because I want to know how much he loves me.
Because I want him to be a better man.

And because I used to train up my ex to be a better man with better radar, neat dressing, clean nails, nice hair, good looking, polite spoken person.... A bitch came & steal him away when I went to Europe and happy happy. But, since he is so easy to be stolen... no point to have him anymore.

This lead me feel so insecure on relationship. You can always heard me scold about those irresponsible men, fuckers, bastards... Hahahahaha... I know I need the sense of security damn damn damn desperately. The more I seek for it, the more upset I am. Because, I couldn't find what I really want.

Anyhow, I'm trying to be a better person.

Try to believe in love.

Because, you need to believe in love in order to find your true love.

I believe in love, but I always kick them off too.

Promises to myself......

I was so emotional lately...

Terrible!!!!
Like a crazy dog!!!! bite on anyone that come to me. Sooooooooooooooooo emotional imbalance!!!!!

OK!!! From now on.... I want to make some promises to myself... to make my life better!!!!

1. Control on my temper
2. Appreciate everything, do not take for granted
3. Learn to look at people's good things
4. Learn not to look at people's bad things
5. Take things easy
6. Do not mad on small things
7. Listen patiently
8. Try to understand
9. Take a deep breath before I scold people
10. CONTROL!!!! CONTROL!!!!! CONTROL MY TEMPER!!!!!

Eeeeemmmm..... not easy for me....

Im born in the year of Dragon. According to the chinese calendar, the dragons that born in August... are FIRE DRAGON. Maybe that's why I'm so HOT!!! My ex, he is a WOODEN RABBIT... hahahaha... sure kena FIRE by my 99 lohhhhhhhh.... FIRE & WOOD...how to be together peacefully? That's why, the relationship gone case.

What's the match for FIRE???? I think it would be GOLD.

I need a GOLD who able to handle my FIRE.... Any GOLD there????

Terrible man!!!!!

Let's see the most heartless terrible bastard in Malaysia.

與男友拍拖8年懷孕女郎催婚被打updated:2006-07-06 20:30:12 MYT
（八打靈再也訊）一名有了身孕的女子，向拍拖8年的男友催婚，豈料卻換來男友一頓毒打！從事拖車行業的男友，聽到她肚裡有了孩子後，不但拒婚更叫她把孩子打掉；結果她不依，惹怒男友用雨傘毆打她。這名25歲的女子不堪男友如此對待，憤而報警。據說，她於週日到男友位於蒲種宏願花園的住家，告訴男友她懷孕了並催促他娶她過門，沒想到卻換來不快的後果。她向警方申訴，除了被男友用雨傘猛打了5下，也遭他摑了數巴掌。她較後被安排到醫院檢查，所幸腹中骨肉沒有受到傷害。 （星洲日報‧2006/07/06）

Petaling Jaya. This lady, in a relationship with this bastard for 8 years. She discovered that herself is pregnant and requested the bastard to set a date for marriage. The bastard rejected to marry her and also asked her to abort the baby. She reluctant to abort the baby and the bastard hit her with umbrella, slap her. This 25 years old lady went to make police report on him. Luckily, the baby is fine.

GOOD ONE! Should report on such a bastard!!!!!!! Make him to jail!!! Irresponsible!!! fucking irresponsible!!!!

So happy for fucking his gf for 8 years eh??? when she is pregnant, not tat he doesn't want to bear the responsible but he beat her???? If she doesn't pregnant also it's his responsible to take care of her future as she already spend her 8 years with you. If you do not love her, do not fuck her for 8 years then only treat her like this. And also, don't fuck if you do not want to bear the responsibility!!!!

She sure very pain.. not on her body, but her heart. Poor ladies, we are so blind and sleep with the bastard.

Such a fucker!!! I would bite off the dick if my bf treating me so!!!!! So syok to fuck around?? Let's see how you fuck with no dick!!!!
[Remind me to buy a big n sharp scissor]

Sometimes, I really wonder why we, women... always blind with love. Yes, included me... I'm totally blind when I'm in love.

And why they are so many irresponsible and crazy men???? Where are all those good men????

崩溃

我终于崩溃了。无法控制的哭个不停。

昨晚，在与他讲电话时，竟然崩溃了。

一直藏在心中的委屈，终于再也不想躲了。

哭了好久。。好久。。。感觉快要气绝身亡。

不断的哭。。。好像可以把全部委屈都哭掉。

哭完以后又如何？？问题依旧没有解决。

心。。。好像死了一般。。。

情绪上的不平衡，得不到发泄。

不断的找人倾诉，不断的想。。。不断的听。。。

感觉自己快要爆炸了。

或许，我真的需要冷静一下。。。出去走走

但是我可以去那里呢？？

我想，我应该学会如何不太爱人。。。

这样我才不会感到如此的痛。。。

不懂

我不懂得与你沟通了。

我以为理所当然的，是你所谓的无理取闹。
我以为我应该知道的，是你所谓的压力。

我要的不多。我只是想你爱我，一如我义无反顾的爱你。
我想的不多。我只想你在乎我，一如我紧张兮兮的疼爱你。

原来，爱是不能负荷过重。我的心很重，因为我握着这一份爱。爱得让自己失去了快乐，还是要爱着你。

与你在一起的日子是快乐的。我们的谈话是愉快的。我们的互动是有默契的。

但是，我们的观点不同，我们要的也不一样。

我所要的，是你的负担。

我尽力的做一个好女友。。。看来，我失败了。

我真的不懂的与你沟通了。

我看不到你的在乎，你的爱。是我盲了吗？？

我们都不再努力维持这份我们的爱情了。

我们都无所谓了。我们都不愿去懂了。

这一份爱，我小心翼翼的保护着。到最后，还是死了。

死于心死。死于我们都不会好好的爱对方。

我给了100% 的爱，但是还是不够。不是你要更多爱，是你承受不了我的爱。

有时候，我甚至问我自己，为什么我如此深爱你？是什么令我如此无法自拔？

我想，我应该有自虐狂。。。我享受你伤害我。。。我不停的哭，倾诉。。。想有一个人可以告诉我该怎么做，告诉我如何离开你。但是，在我心中，我还是爱你。所以，我一次一次的留再你身边，享受你对我的不在乎。

我疯了。我爱到疯了。

所有人告诉我，你应该如何如何对自己好一点。我听进去了，但是我没有做。

只因为，我很爱你。

但是，我的爱并没有得到你的爱护。它反而是你的负担。

我的心，成了你最讨厌的地方。你不再探望我的心了，你不再想拥有我的爱了。

很爱你，又如何？

离开，或许是我可以给你的。我的离开，对你来说应该是快乐的。

对不起，我不晓得如何爱你。我愿意带着这份痛走开。

愿你找到令你开心的她。

不肖一顾

如果他可以不肖你的喜怒哀乐，他。。。值得爱吗？

如果他可以不肖一顾你当时的感受，他。。。值得爱吗？

当你爱得人可以不肖与你的感受，你的爱。。。那么，你又何必如此委屈呢？

珍惜又如何？就算我爱他如珍宝，那又如何？

我的爱，他并不在乎。我的情绪只是他的负担。

我的心已负荷不了。

我无法接受我爱的人如此冷漠对待我的感受。

或许，是时候了。我期望的天长地久，已无望。

****************************************************************

歌曲：我会好好的
歌手：王心凌

我会好好的
花还香香的
时间一直去
回忆真美丽
我是想着你 一直想着你
你在我心底变成了秘密
不要说你爱我 你想我
如果你的心里没有这么做
只是勉强的敷衍我
我知道了会很难受
我要你默默走 不回头
我会清楚明白你要的是什么
无须勉强的安慰我
说奇怪的理由
到现在还是深深的 深深的爱着你
是爱情的 友情的 都可以
那是我心中的幸福
我知道它苦苦的
----
要给你远方的祝福
我知道它苦苦的

痛......

記憶中，失戀時好像也是這樣子。

在過度哭泣落淚的心力消耗後，就會陷入沈沈的睡眠，睡眠裡失去了時間與記憶，破洞受傷的心在停滯的魂魄裡，一點一點的自我填補。自己的身體裡彷彿有一個自動保護系統，累了、受傷了、沒有答案了，那就睡吧！不停的睡、不停的睡、不停的睡。睡幾十個小時，睡幾天幾月幾年。一直到呼吸又漸漸開始順暢，某一些手腳指尖的冰冷又開始回溫，不願意記憶的都自動撒去，剩下的都僅剩是美好，才終於又恢復了正常的睡眠，繼續過著心不再疼痛日子。

就這樣；自己最後，原來潛意識裡，還是最懂得愛自己的人。

至少；當我們的心不夠愛自己時，我們的身體，還是會不忍那種自殤，發出警告，燒一場沈沈的燒，然後睡一場失去一切只為了找回一切的深眠。以後；如果可以，我希望我能學會，像身體懂得愛惜自己一般，心也學會深愛自己。

[摘自伊能静的《疗伤的沉睡》]

**************************************************************

对啊，失恋都是如此。

连身体都会比我们的心更爱我们。 有种心酸的感觉。泪在我眼中满满的。

每当我不开心，我就去睡觉。虽然，我并不会因此而开心一点，但至少在那一段时间， 我可以忘却那切心的痛。暂时的忘记那种痛。

多爱自己吧！！！！

别再让自己委屈。别再为什么人而不开心。让自己活得开心一点吧！！！

爱，真的是可以很痛的！！！！

Hopeless......

Allowed me to talk some nonsense again ya......

I heard something yesterday..." Nowadays, I do not read newspaper, just to make my days feel better." So sad!!!!!!

Ya, everyday there are crimes, eg. murders, snatch cases, kidnaps, rapes, robs.... bla bla bla. There are coma patients lying in hospital because the snatch thieves, girls died because the rapists, people died because they argued with someone, kids been kidnaped because of money.... What a sad and hopeless world we living in.

After the 2 scary n hateful incidence happened on myself, now, I'm very KIA SI [scared of die].... Whenever I go, I will make sure myself alert on the STRANGERS... Whoever walk near to me... I will hold on my handbag tightly and try to remember his ugly face. Or I will keep a distance with him since I do not know him that well. Whenever I'm walking alone along the road side.... I will keep looking back to check whether got some bastard walking behind me or not? Or maybe some suspecting motorcycles or cars. Whenever I go to take my car, I will look around and see got someone hiding at the corner?? Whenever I'm waiting for lift, I will check is there anyone hiding somewhere as well.

I made myself so alert and so nervous and so scared. No choice, coz I do not want to be rob, snatch, rape and I do not want to die yet. Sigh, see lah!!! how hopeless this country is... Our great policemen hardly go after the snatch thiefs, rapers, robbers, killers...When come to big cases, they said they already did their best... unable to trace, no evidence. However, they [DBKL] can always trace where the pirated CD sellers are!!!!!

I do understand that they have their difficulties too, especially the victims can't recognise or remember anything about the bastards. Try to be logic, what can you remember when you are in deep shit or great fear?? Sigh......

I feel so hopeless... so vulnerable... so helpless. Home no longer the safe place as well. Movies give us all the idea or we lost our heart? The kind heart in us.

Maybe I should be more COLD as well... so that I won't be hurt so easily.

To protect ourselves is not the reason for being inhumanity. Why god give human FEELINGS & THINKING but never give it to other animals ???

--> Because HE wants us to love. When human do not love anymore...... That's what we see everyday.

Sadly to inform GOD that his project has failed. Human start losing their heart, they no longer have the ability to love anymore.

GOD, install more love and care in us again. Perhaps... It will help.

Mobile Phones......

Obviously… an adult with no mobile phones will be consider or taking as an alien in this “hi tech community”. This is not only happened in our lovely country, but others too. But, I do believe that still have some adults that doesn’t own any mobile phone… eg. Some of the aunties, uncles, grandpa, grandma…. Because eh, got once… when I walking around at my fav shopping mall… suddenly I heard…”TENG TENG TENG TENG… Mr .SSS paging for Ms.XXX and Ms.XXX. Kindly proceed to the information counter. I burst out into laughter when I heard this. I even asked “HA?!?!?!? Still got ppl paging someone in the shopping mall?? They do not have mobile phone???” Ya, obviously this gentleman lost his girlfriends….I think, they also left their handbags with him too. :P

Another day, when I went shopping…. I saw a bunch of kids, around 13-14 years old… everyone of them holding their HANDPHONE… “proudly”, Bluetooth-ing each other the latest themes, ring tones, wallpapers or maybe some porn movies…. OKOK!!! I think too much on the Porn!!! But who knows??? They might recorded their own sex scene and share among friends… “LOOK!!!! HOW BIG MY DICK IS! AND MY GIRL LOVE IT MUCH!! LISTEN LAH!!! HOW LOUD SHE MOAN OUT!!!!”

My goodness!!!

By looking at the video clip on the students’ crimes… It’s sad… disappointed. I wonder where is the humanity that we used to have in us? When my school time, we do not fight with our schoolmates. Maybe we will have some misunderstanding, but still… nothing will lead to FIGHT between us. We will only ignore someone, do not talk to someone, talk bad bout someone, stare at someone, ask our friends do not make friend with someone… I think ah …..This is too childish for the kids nowadays.

Now, the theory is “Anything that you are not happy with…. Use VIOLENCE to settle it”. Since when our kids are so violence? Since when our kids are so imhumanity? Since when our kids do not know how to love their friends anymore?

My cousin who is now 13, always dying for a mobile phone. His parents never got him one and he is planning to save some pocket money and buy himself a SONY ERICSSON K700i… Emmmm…. Nothing I can say but sigh….

Sighhhhh……..

Days......

Superman......

I watched SUPERMAN...

This movie of our new superman no longer emphasized on how powerful our Superman is... in facts, it telling us that Superman also has his feelings, weakness and... our Superman needs love too.

I can feel his broken heart when he knows that his gf already married with a kid after years he has been away/ left without say goodbye. I can feel his pain, loneliness when he thought that she doesn't love him anymore. I can feel how helpless he is when he actually can't help so much on the crimes and wars. But still, our Superman fight as he can, for the justice.

Even thought this new superman like to show off abit infront of the media.. but he still stand up after he fell, fight back fiercely after been beaten down. Protect the one he loves, he cares, and also those that he doesn't knows without judging on their motive.

Every woman has their own superman in their heart. My superman might be different from others... and this new superman is the one I always wanted in my life. He needs not to be so strong, but he will do his best to protect me and stand for justice. Love me with all his heart... allowed me to be sacarstic when he made me angry and still talk to me softly and love me...

This is not a HERO movie.... this is a romantic movie of our.... SUPERMAN.... No matter how strong a man or woman is, their still need love deep into their heart.

Everything is possible with LOVE around.

*******************************************************

Fire Flies Trip- Kuala Selangor

Been there for once about...... 10 yrs ago. I still can remember how amazing it was. Tons of fire flies on trees, making them looks like Xmas Trees with lights. Amazing.

Now, I'm back for the fire flies again...... Still amazing but lesser. The development of our country actually affected on the wild lifes.... no matter on insects or animals or plants.... Sadly to admit this... We only can own one between two.... Well developed country or natural.

Still.... there are many fire flies around... the trees still looks like Xmas trees, just that not so bright.. not so disappointed as already expected it won't be the same. I can't remember how much they charge for the boat ride 10 yrs ago, but now they charge for RM10 per person for the 30mins boat ride. The boats now are run by motor, no longer roll by human eh......and also much better than the SAMPAN they had for 10 yrs ago.

We also went for SEAFOOD dinner..... which I'm dying for long time... I got CRABS!!!!! WOW!!! so happy!!!! But then.. I have to be very care on my diet for weeks after this high protein dinner.... I'm always worry that my GOUT will attack e again... I don't wanna be attacked again, I don't wanna feel the pain on my leg..... It kills!!! However eh.... the dinner is kinda cheap... we ordered 5 dishes [4 persons]... costs us RM70 only... and we are so full!!!! It's all SEAFOOD, except the PINEAPPLE FRIED RICE, a tasteless failure from the chef.. Hahahahaha... I think he forgot to put in AJINOMOTO and SALT.... Got no taste at all!!!!!

We also went to Klang's Bkt Raja in the afternoon... the only big big shopping mall @ Klang. Was there because we had our BAK KUT TEH [Herbal soup with pork in a pottery] lunch at Klang and also ate some durian... I did some shopping there.. and I got a nice mini cardigan, a pair of shoe and 2 packs of black chocolate :P So happy... So satisfied...

I had a very heavy meals day.... feel kinda guilty... But I did enjoy myself so much!!!! Such a nice and good day trip!!! It has been long time that feel so relax and enjoy. Now, I'm looking forward to my Bangkok trip!!!! I need vacation!!! I need it badly!!!!

Why ah????????????????????????

Arghh… this man really damn damn damn damn damn terrible!!!!

Mr. A, never give up. He contacted me again, when I do not reply his sms, he went online @ msn messenger and talk to me. I asked him what he wants? He said nothing, and asked me why can’t we be friends as what we use to be last time. I said, because we are no longer in LAST TIME. Bla bla bla …………….. I really getting more and more impatient with this terrible man. When I do not reply him on msn, he called to my mobile phone !!!!!!!!!!!

KILL ME PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I picked up the call and asked him what he wants now. He said nothing, just wants to chat with me nicely. I told him that I got nothing to talk to him and I’m not interested to know anything of him also. Then he asked me some nonsense questions, eg. Will you give me a chance if I’m broke off with my gf? Immediately, my FIRE goes up to my head. I told him to get lost and do not call me, sms me, msn me anymore. But this stubborn fella still never give up, keep msg me in msn messenger.. talking and asking me all the rubbish.. I did not reply him. He still can keep typing happily…and thought tat I’m taking him as my GOOD FRIEND.

Sometimes, I really think ah…. Maybe this Mr.A, got some mentally problem. According to what he type in the msn chat box…. The information I got as below:-

-Having some problems with current gf
-Thinking of breaking up with her as their thinking are difference in a way.
-Miss me.
-Love the moments we spend.
-Asked me to give him another chance.
-Asked me why I can’t take him as friend.
-Asked me for coffee on Friday night.
-Told me that he saw me latest photo on my FRIENDSTER, “you slimmed down”.
-And… I scolded him like hell……

Even though I scolded him on phone, msn and sms…. This terrible Mr. A still never give up or feel pissed on me. Maybe he think that I’m such a great and nice spare tyre for him. He thought that I’m still dumb as last time… who being god damn stupid and believe on what he said to me. When he thought of breaking off with his gf, there he though of me..

---> HA!!! WHEN I BROKE OFF WITH MY GF, I STILL GOT THIS STUPID GIRL THAT WILL FILL UP MY LONELY TIME!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!!

O….ya…. Such a good idea!!!! Immediately can get a new gf right after he dumped someone who treating him sincerely..who wanted to have baby for them, who trying to build a home sweet home with him…fuck off lah Mr. A!!!!!

First, I’m not a spare tyre.
Second, I might be stupid last time, but not this time.
Third, No matter you’ve broken up with your gf or not, there has nothing to do with me and nothing that I will do for you.
Forth, I will not meet you no matter how bored or free I am.

Why eh!?!?!?!!? Why is it so hard to get rid of this man????

Arghh….. INSANE!!!!!! INSANE!!!!!!!!!

I am..........

------------SEPTEMBER BABY ---------------
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.

*******************************************

I'm not so active or dynamic, sometimes, I'm like a snake.
I'm decisive and haste.
I seldom feel regret as I'm fearless.
Strong mentality and love debate but never want to lose.
I'm dying for attention, especially from the one I love.
Diplomatic, on certain things.
Consoling, no doubt.
Friendly, definately.
Solves people's problems, but can never solve my own's.
Brave in love, Fearless on being hurt. But when hurt, take long time to be recovered.
Adventurous in love, not others.
Loving and Caring, depends on how you appreciate me.
Suave, yes, I'm suave when I'm not mad. You won't like me when I'm mad.
Generous, 80%.
Many friends, but not all are my best friends.
Enjoy to make love, who do not enjoy this?
Emotional, ask my bfsss.. I'm sure they know it well. OK, I am!
Stubborn, wanna knock on my head??
Hasty, pushy too...
Good Memory, especially on bad sides.
Motivate, have to do this to lift myself.
Love to travel, only when I got extra money.
Sexy in a way that only their lover can see, Ya.... I definately agree with this as I'm not sexy in general.

**********************************************

Dying Heart.

Maybe love really not enough to support when 2 person are not compatible. Or is it too early to tell whether these 2 person are compatible or not? Sometimes we are, sometimes we are not.

I have no idea on whethere we are meant together or not. No doubt that I do love him so much till the extend that I do not believe that myself able to love someone as how I used to. But, love is not enough to support each other if one party think that the other party is DEMANDING.

I have no idea on how come a gf's MANJA/ MERAJUK has become DEMANDING. Is there any girl out there never ever MANJA/ MERAJUK to their bf?? Please leave your email or contact number in the comment box, I think I need some lessons.

Ya, I asked him to go & look for a girl that will never MANJA/ MERAJUK to their bf. I even wish him luck. Overdo? I'm a person that need attention from my bf always. Sometimes I will MERAJUK/ MANJA... but what's the purpose is.. to get my bf sweet talk to me abit. If want some sweet talk from my bf is also demanding... I'm totally speechless.

My heart is dying. I thought everything will be OK.... A well pampered guy hardly know how to take good care of their gf as they are used to be taking good care by their family. I'm independent, do not means that I do not need someone to take care of me. Maybe, he need someone who never distract him, I need someone who taking good care of me. We are not match on what we need.

Love always not enough when 2 person are not walking on the same track.

Damn mad......

Tell me.....

where to find a girl friend that will never MERAJUK to their boy friend one????

--> even the most tamed girl friend will MERAJUK once a while!!!!!

where to find a boy friend that will say YES when his girl friend said want to go after other guy????

--> I got one here!!!!! Anyone want to take over?????

Is MERAJUK a test??????

--> This is only a test when the stupid fella have no sense of romantic.

Which girl friend/ boy friend will not complain a single word [speak put or in heart] during this FUCKING WORLD CUP PERIOD??????

--> show me!!! bring her/ him to me!!!! I really want to learn from him/ her!!!!!!!


IM GOD DAMN MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ps: Bring me the "fucking tamed never merajuk gal", and I want to be a match maker!!!!

What do you want??????

Question: What do you want in your life??????

Man: Career, Monies, Cars, Girls, Reputation, Power [Which one you choose?]
Woman: Love, Family, Kids, Monies [Which one you prefer?]

Men and Women want different things. We want different things at different age. We need different things on different situation.

Men see things in BIG PICTURE, Women see things in details......

Men on QUANTITY, Women on QUALITY......

Men look into LOGICALLY, Women look into SENSUALITY......

What I want currently????

1. Stable job
2. Active social life
3. Sweet and Lovely relationship
4. Happy family
5. No-worry financial status

That's what I want. Basically, I do have a stable job [hope so], active friends circle, kinda OK family, abit worry financial status and..... more to discover relationship.

Due to the lady gen in my body... I tends to be more concerntrate on SENSUAL aspects. And I am god damn DETAILS, QUALITY & SENSUALITY. And that's why... small things does matter to me always...and forever.

Now, I only need someone who love me, able to protect me, stand by me always, take good care of me, support me, guide me, cherish me..... and also... let me be his dependent.

Ya, I need someone who PAMPERED me alots. I'm only a little woman anyhow.

I need love... lots of love.

I know........ I know......

Been nagged like hell after I told a friend on mine on my car broken down experience.

Why is this so???

Because I'm so powerful and never thought of my own safety.
Because I never ask someone to accompany me even though I know that I'm alone.

After the exciting story telling, my friend asked:-
F: You were alone?
Me: Yes ah [proudly]
F: You never call any guy to come over and give you company? or help you?
Me: No lah!! what for? they are not mechanical... can't even help!!! [again..proudly]
F: You were alone when the mechanical came?
Me: Ya loh... but got 2 guards came n check, then got another guard come n watching us after the 2 guards left [sound happy & proud]
F: You never think of your own safety ha????
Me: Got ah... but when I saw the guard only I realised this [shyly]
F: You know how dangerous or not? You know you should ask your bf come over and be with
you or not?? Or maybe he should come to you without asking you cause it's absolutely damn
dangerous for a girl to be with a stranger!!!! Why your bf never come????
Me: Eeeemm.... I thought... He come also no use mah!! He can't even fix the car.... [feel bad]
F: So!?!?!!?! you don't even realised you are in such a danger situation lah???
Me: I don't..... [ :( ]
F: What if the mechanical kidnap you????????????
Me: ........................
F: What if something happened????????
Me: ........................
F: Ha????? you know that how lucky you are or not????????
Me: I know......
F: You got read newspaper or not??????
Me: I got lah... just never thought of it mahhh.......
F: That's why still got so many cases happened around us!!!
Me: .......................
F: Your bf should be there even you asked him not to come. You know this or not???? Where he
was that time????
Me: .......................
F: What lah you???????
Me: Ok lah....... I will ask many ppl come and keep me company when my car broke down next
time lahhh.......
F: You still hoping there is another time ha??????
Me: ........................


Made me feel so bad. :(

So sweet......

A white rose, my fav...with 5 lollipops, one given to the lovely one. :)

What a suprise, I got a rose and today is nothing special. I got these lollipops... because he knows that I love lollipops. So sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love them very much and this is really a big suprise for me. Today, I feel like a princess, because I've been pampered with flower, sweets, sushi and movie.

Thanks for the night... Thanks for everything!!!!!!! Muakssssssss

Rescue me......

Yesterday, my car broke down when I wanted to go home from office. I’m so clever and thought that the batteries of my remote is weak. And I thought it’s just a simple thing. Then only found out that the car battery is weak. Been waiting for more than an hour for rescue. I bought a VCD from the stall below my office and watch it while waiting for someone to rescue me.

The mechanical went to the wrong places… he went to 2 places and yet not my office. Hahahhaha… finally he able to found and rescued me. He is a friendly mechanical, an Indian but good looking.

I brought him to my little car, there he start to check and change the battery. Within 5 minutes, there come 2 security guards, asked me what’s happened. I told them that my car is broken down and need to change battery only, maybe. They asked me whether need to send to workshop or not. I told them that I have no idea and have to check on it first. Then they make a report back to their management office. Awww… such a responsible management service of my office lot. Impressive!!!

The security guards walked away and there come another guard to guard me when the mechanical doing his work. I think they do this for security purpose as I’m all alone by myself with the mechanical. What if the Mechanical drag me into the car and kidnap me to somewhere then rape me and murder me like CANNIE ONG???

When I’m standing beside my car and wondering why the guard comes and staying here. Suddenly I thought of this, and suddenly I feel so scared and hate so much on my careless attitude on my self’s safety. Luckily the security guards here are so caution on our safety.

Then, everything is OK after the battery changed. It costs me RM180. HEARTACHE!!! I really have to tied up my stomach and not to eat lunch.

But, I’m very impressed on the security management.

So cold......

It’s very cold recently due to the rainy days. I’m someone who can’t stand of cold, but I love cold weather. I love to go to cold weather countries.

When I feel cold, I will think of someone- my honey. He is not like me, he is much stronger than me. He doesn’t feel cold even I’m already shivering beside him. When I feel cold, it reminded me how my honey wrap his arms around me and trying me warm me up. It feels so good to hide under his hug, to have his arms around me.

Whenever we go for movie, I always shivering beside him due to the full blast air cond. I think, all the cinemas sure got some discounts from TNB for being such a BIG SPENDER. My honey will always asked me whether I’m cold or not, or without asking, he will wrap me in and rub rub my arm.. just to warm me up. He is so sweet, right? It’s so warm having him hugging me so close.

Now, I can see goose bumps on my arms… IT’S GOD DAMN COLD IN DA OFFICE!!!!!!!!! How I wish my honey is beside me now. Or…. Maybe I should be more realistic… BRING YOUR SWEATER LAH!!!!!

Sperms......

What can a sperm do? To made a woman pregnant. Exactly lah!!! What’s sperms function beside that??

After the sperm joined with the ovum, what is the responsibility of the sperms’ owner? Do they hold on any responsibility after they shoot out their sperms into a woman’s womb?? OK, I think most of the men [who in a relationship] never do it purposely unless the couple is married.

The owner might not want to take the responsibility on the accident that his sperm already made someone pregnant because :-

1. I’m not ready
2. I do not love you
3. I do not have money
4. I do not want a baby now
5. I can’t give you happiness
6. I’m a bastard
7. and etc……

Looking at the selfishness of the sperms’ owner, suddenly I feel so vulnerable of being the owner of a womb. Because eh… we can’t control on the sperm to swim around even that the sperm’s owner haven’t reach his ORGASM. Sperms might just sneak out and swim towards the ovum. What can this ovum do to avoid the sperms from swimming towards her? Nothing. Ovum can’t walk, can’t run, can’t shout out… Poor ovum.

So what can the ovum’s owner do?? Abortion?? Which means kill the baby. Carry the baby by herself?? Which is so difficult to bear everything alone. Sell the baby?? Which is illegal. Every decision made is related to a life, a new life that you carrying in you. Can you really make the right decision?

So, in fact, after the sperms’ owner shoot out the sperms. We [WOMEN] have to bear the following result.

Let’s say, after the man shoot out the sperms..and a sperm poke into our ovum…so, woman is PREGNANT lohhhh!!! Let’s say that we [WOMEN] decided to have the baby because the man doesn’t want to bear this shit. We have to suffer from morning symptoms, depression maybe, growing fat, hormones changing, everyday we have to carry an at least 10kg heavy water bag in us, walking inconveniently, backbone aching, eat nutritiously, then suffer from pain…. To deliver this little angel of our life. After this, we have to milk them, pampers them, teach them, guide them ……
And all the above are, WOMEN’s WORK! Ya, Men only responsible to shoot out his SPERMS…and that’s all.

The above can’t apply on a FAMILY, who married with kids. Father is great, they take the responsibilities to raise all of their kids no matter how hard he has to work.

SO, in order to avoid making someone’s life miserable… make sure you are ready for anything that might happened after the SEXCITEMENT.

Planning.......

How can you see yourself going to spend your coming years with someone? When I know that I do love him, When I feel that I’m ready to settle down, When I know that I willing to spend my life with him.

I’m a person who always try to make myself well organized. No matter it’s a date or even a dinner with friends, I would be glad if they can inform me or plan it week ahead. So, I know my schedule. I know what I should do, and I know how to plan for the others things or plans.

Ya, I do not like SUPRISES, UNCERTAINCIES.. I know life is not as what we planned. But, at least we know what we are doing in the coming days, at least we know where we are going. I do not feel good on last minutes things or plan. It brings me no sense of secure. 100% no sense of secure.

I’m at my age to settle down, to have a so called family with the man I love. Therefore, when I’m in a relationship.. I will DREAM of this as I’m 100% dedicated my love in every of my relationship. Maybe you may call me stupid, and that’s why I hurt so much whenever the relationship ended.

When I can’t see what my situation is, where am I going, I started to feel frustrated and impatient. I will look for the answer to my questions. There come someone claimed that I’m pressuring him. For a person like me, this is a very important issue. I will ask whatever questions to reassure myself.

For a person who never think of future, never ever like to plan, this is a very demanding request for them. They like to do whatever they like according to their mood. This style is not for me, a virgo.

Virgo is stubborn, well organized, keep their promises, can’t stand of dirtiness, many theories to tell, sarcastic, many to ask, always debate on something that she think that’s right, a listener, an observer, an analyzer. You may see them as good or bad things to have. For men, these are not a good thing to have in a lady. Because, for a BIG MAN… the best GF/ WIFE might be as below:-

*do not ask questions, just do whatever I asked
*do not talk back, just listen
*show your excitement when I’m expecting it
*do not show me any unhappiness, only show me your smile
*do not argue with me on every single thing
*do not expect anything from me
*do not demand

Too bad that I’m totally out of the requirements. No doubt that being such a lady will gain lots of LOVE from their husband at first. A woman with no thinking, is that what you really want??

If the requests is for future, if the request is for our own good. What’s the problem of working it out? Looks like men still being self centered and women is becoming more and more self centered. Both with own thinking, no tolerate. So, no future.

No future is because one thinks one party is pressuring, not satisfied, and another think the other is not planning on their future. So, again, no future.

Is that so horrible to plan for our future if we are in a relationship and we are at the age of settle down? What’s so scary to be settled down when you really love a person? Plan, is not requesting you to get it done in 1 months time. Plan, is plan… it might take 2 years or so, for this case I’m referring---> Marriage. Plan, at least a blue print, to show us where are we going, where is this relationship leading us to.

Walking around without a map is scaring my shit out. I’m blind and no direction. I couldn’t see where am I going, am I going to the destination that I thought I’m heading to??

By planning the future, at least I know…. Roughly knows, where I’m going with the one I love.

Baby......

An ex colleague of mine is pregnant. She is 4 months now and her due date is on this coming October. Feel so excited for her.

She told me about the baby, that's so amazing!!! She told me that the baby doesn't like noisy places, the little one will kick her when the place is too noisy for him/ her. Hahahahaha..so cute!! Baby is complaining!!!

And she will get hungry easily, but she is not picky on food, anything that can filled up her stomach will do. She is a very small size girl actually, I wonder how big her stomach is. It has been a long time that I didn't see her.

I'm wondering, how it feel when you have a baby in you. She told me that you will feel very happy whenever the baby kicking you or you feel that he/she is moving. You will talk to the baby, you love oredi started when he/she is just a foetus. You already start taking good care of her/ him when he/she is only a foetus.

Then you have to experience the most killing pain to bring him/her to this world. Then love the baby will all your heart... Not easy. But it will be the most wonderful thing to have a baby of your own... Just like a little girl own a barbie doll, she won't let anyone to touch the doll at all. Just like when I had my 1st barbie doll, for me, it is the most precious thing in the world. :)

A baby is different, we will love our baby forever till we die. We will watch him/ her drinking milk, smile, cry, angry, growing strong, start crawling, start speaking, start walking, start going to school, start being naughty, start being bad, start being mature, start having their own social life, start to have their own world, start a relationship, end a relationship, start a career, start a marriage, start to have family, start to have their kids.... then, we are old.

Ya, life... No matter what happened, our baby is still our baby. Our love will not faded away but change in a way. Because, we can't own our babies. We guide and bless our babies to have their best life.

Life cycle, deal with it.

Gifts from ex-es......

Let me see what are the gifts that I had from my ex-bfz.

Emmm.....

1. A watch
2. 76 roses
3. Chocolate
4. Shirts
5. Ericsson Mobile Phone
6. 1/2 of Nokia Mobile Phone
7. Small Diamond Necklace
8. Small Diamond Ring
9. Many Soft toys
10. Many Cards
11. Mug
12. Perfume
13. Cakes
14. Trips
15. Gold Necklace
16. Pearl Pendant



Do you value your relationship with gifts? Sometimes, it does. How much he willing to spend on you reflected how deep is his love to you. Hahahahahaha.... Seriously, it doesn't take much on how we value the relationship. But, it does show how generous your love one is.

It's very upset if he doesn't even willing to pay for your groceries of rm10.00.... aaawww.... terrible!!!! If one day, this couple are married, what will they do on the household expenses? NORMALLY... the man will bear almost 80% of the expenses, but what if you married a not so generous man???? Do you think that he will request to share EQUALLY.... 50-50???? This is bothering eh??? That's why!!!! There has no equality between the sexes war!!!

Ya, world is unfair. Always unfair. Forever unfair. Do not complain. Men are born to protect the children and women [since centuries ago]. So, that's your duty, your responsibility. But women are strong nowadays, and this cause men able to run away easily from their duty/ responsibility. So, they became, irresponsible, lazy, undecided mind, confusing, soft.... [Aiyaa... Still got good men around I know].

But still, woman need a strong man. Women keep looking for the right man, strong man.. no matter in mentally or physically.. It's not an easy job. Men choose not to grow up [because they can just walk away from their responsibilities], women have no choice but to stay single or keep looking.

Pity us, the women in the world. Good men always been taken. The not so good men also been taken. Then what is left for us?

Being generous is not being a WATER FISH. Generous is meant for something reasonable. Not asking you to buy her a property, a car or even a 5 carats diamond before married. After married..... I have no idea. Hahahahahaha... For me, I won't ask him to buy me a house, unless I'm his mistress. hahahaha.... But, a property with both parties' name is possibly.

Generous in Love will be the better!!! Not to everyone..but me only!!! :P Once being generous in love, will be generous in everything ..... :P

Be strong......

I have just finished a book- GOOD IN BED by Jennifer Weiner.

It's a very good one. I love it.

What do you think on a bigger size woman? Ugly? Unacceptable? Low self- esteem? Not loveable?

It's not easy to be a bigger size woman, because they always have to love themself more than other people love them. And in order to love their ownselves, they have to put more effort on it. This is due to the common judgement on them. Most of the NORMAL PEOPLE will never see a bigger size woman as pretty, confidence, efficient, lovely, sexy, acceptable... nothing to praise but critisize. I wonder are we really that worthless?

This book is about how a bigger size woman going through her life, her relationship and her career. I like the character very much. She is strong, kind, funny, good in bed, lovely, insecure..but she also abit negative and sarcastic. Think that no one wanted to be sarcastic, but we have no choice because we have to face too many critizises....

Actually the character sound abit like me, we do care alots on how people view on our body size, we do care on how we present ourself, we always ALERT on all the new diet products, we always doubt on ourselves, we always feel insecure no matter in what senses, we are funny, we are sarcastic..... Hahahahha....

Yes, it's not easy to be a bigger size woman, we have to bear everything by ourself, just because that we are not so lovely compare with those slim chicks. Does this means that we do not worth for anyone to love us? What wrong with a fat body??? Just to fullfill the man's ego?? For them to show off??

Ya, fat is not healthy... but to have a body like this is not what we can choose. If we can choose, who wanna be fat? Frankly to tell, I believe that every bigger size woman are fighting hard on have a SLIM BODY. People only like SLIM BODY, they neglected us, they reluctant to look at us, don't even mentioned to know us in person. So, do they really think that they have the right to judge us???

Ok, back to the book. The character's name is Cannie. Cannie is a bigger size woman, she has low self esteem because her daddy doesnt love her, he told his friends that Cannie is ugly, so fat.. He left them and married another woman, which affected Cannie's characters very much. Cannie had an ex bf, which he claimed that he never love her but still make love with her. FUCK!!!! BASTARD!!! Cannie got pregnant after they broke off, she wrote him a letter to inform him but he is such a coward and bastard!!! He doesnt even call or reply her letter and he got a new gf. Cannie had the baby by all her own.. Cannie carry on her pregnancy without the bastard but with many love from her family, her friends and also her diet planning doctor.

Cannie is lucky as she got the doctor who fall in love with her even she is big size. He care of her so much... I feel so touched on his love on her. He remember every single things that she told him, He do everything that she needs, He taking good care of her.... How I wish I have someone who really support me, help me no matter what, without any complains.

Being a single mama is not easy. Pressure, gossip, financial stability, mentally stability.... have to be very strong to handle everything by ownself.

Awwww... I just wish I will have someone who is like the DOCTOR. He is such a perfect man for me.

Love me, do not care how fat am I as he love me as me.
Taking good care of me, do not care he has to be a GULI or DRIVER.
Listen to me, do not care how much complains I have.
Support me, do not care what decision I have made.
Stand by me, do not care how hard it is.
Be lovely, always keep in touch with me, remember my hates n likes.

I know, it's only someone in the novel. Always come in prefect package. Hahahhaa...

It's not easy to be a bigger woman, I understand that, I have been though all this.

The society made us to be this sarcastic in order to protect ourself. Shall we blame on the society? or shall we blame on our body size?

* Not all the people look down at bigger size women. I know!!!! :) I know it well.

It has been a while.....

Phew... It has been a while that I did not update this blog eh... Nothing much happened on myself, kinda buzy after I have started my new job.

Need some time to put myself comfortable in this new job, new roles and new environment. And also need to get use to the NEW BOSSES. So far, everything seems OK. My new boss is a very particular and details person, he wants every single details written on the documents... Just give me some time to handle him well... Hahahhahaa...

Been rushing here and there alots, kinda tired of running around. But the working time is flexible and my workloads not heavy and I can take my time to do my work. No one rush me like hell, no deadline to meet for my essential roles. Feel so relax.

My bosses are very kind person, my lady boss will bring me muffins, buy me snacks, bring me shopping, buy me lunches, bring me soup, buy me soft drinks.... Been knowing this lady boss of mine for years, we worked in the same company years ago but we still keep in touch even we left the company for so many years. She is a very kind lady, good and caring friend. She taught me alots on works, not only on how to handle the works, but also how to handle your life... She has a very positive working attitude, very optimistic value on life. But can't deny that she having a good and comfortable life since she born... but her humble attitude made her a person that has many friends around. Of course, sometimes she will LC abit... but still bearable.. Hahahaha

Still, it's very fun to work with her even though I have to work overtime sometime. Nowadays, what I did most in the office is, day dreaming. Hahahahaha.... I got too much free time to day dream.. not always, but sometimes.

And, I'm blogging from office. :P

Upset......

It's very upset that you found that someone who you taking her as your friend is actually looking down at you. And you found that she actually think that you are much lower class than her, ugly than her, not qualified to get a bf than her..... so disappointed.

I'm not sure what I heard is real or not, but from what I saw, I do feel that she is very suprise to know that I got a bf. She keep asking on how I know my bf, where I know my bf, How's the progress.... I though she is over-care on my personal relationship with this guy. Now only I know that is because she never expect me will get a bf much ealier than her.

Ya, no doubt that she is slimmer than me, looks prettier as she is a beautician, richer than me as she affort to buy LV bags, always go overseas to travel, shopping.... But, she is so jealous on me that I'm able to have guys surrounded me and go after me. She think that I'm not as qualified as her to have a bf.

Awww.... this is so disappointed. Luckily the other friend of mine told her that... "you do not have what MissLonelyHeart has. You know what she has in her? She has her own style, principal, knowledge, humble....How can you think like that?"

I'm so glad that my friend stand by me. Everyone has their own personalities, their worth.... I never look down at any friend of mine, and think that they are low class, not qualified to stay equal to myself.

Sigh.... it's so upset to know that she actually think like that.

But, proudly to say, I'm more happening among guys than her. That made me feel happy now after I found out of her thinking...... :P

Love isn't enough......

Now only I realised, love isn't enough for 2 persons to hold tightly on each other.

Love come with a package, depends on what you wanted it to be, it's flexible but niche. Not easy to found the package that suit you, proz & conz... Serious, it's not easy.

I couldn't find my package even though I thought I found it. We were so happy together, everything seems so right, just the he love to tell nonsense sometimes. But, it's not a problem for me anyhow as myself love to tell nonsense too.... :P

Love isn't enough when someone that you do care against the relationship that you having. Emmm..too strong to use the word of AGAINST.... maybe... dislike??? disapprove??? unhappy??

I always hope that my man will protect me no matter what, love me no matter what, let me manja no matter what, sweet talk to me no matter how nasty I am, hug me no matter what mood I'm, kiss me softly whenever he feel like, stand by me no matter what's happened... protect me with 100% of his ability... his will...his love.

I love my man 100%, as always. I do not care how much he loves me and I do not want to know it, as long as he does love me. My love might be pressure... but I love with my true heart. Maybe, this is not what he wants. My 100% love is just too heavy for him to bear.

But still, my love isn't enough for me to have faith in him. I tried, but I feel more and more down when I unable to see any changes. My faith gone as we argues... on the same issues...again and again.

I love him so much... so pain to ended everything just like this, just because of this. Is there any better way to make someone happy and stay in a free & easy relationship? I can't think of any... Can you??

Still, I do not understand this type of love. If, this is the best way that someone will feel more happy, let it be.

One happy and two suffered people... does it really worth? Maybe it does.

Can you feel the pain??????

Barely sleep... mind working hard which make me so awake in the midnite, maybe because of the Nescafe Mocha. Don't know what my mind is thinking... so exhausted.

Sinking myself on my bed for the whole afternoon.. looking on the ceiling, reading book, day dreaming, cry.

Pity.

Such a pity.

So tired. So pain. So silly. So stupid.

Tomorrow is another day... I shall be better. I shall.

Dearie, have a good day. Stand up and start a new life. Smile and walk forward... Everything will be OK... You will be OK!!!

I don't understand......

I almost forgot that I did bought her a small gift until I search something in my drawer today. A pair of pearl earing. I did not know whether she got the earing holes or not, but still I got this and thought of giving it to her on this Mother Day even though she is not my mom.

Maybe she won't like the gift due to some personal reason. Think that there has nothing to do with me whether she is happy with this gift or not, because I'm no longer related to her, to her son. I'm a single item on my ownself.

Since I already got my mom a small diamond ring, instead of leaving the earing aside, I sms-ed him to collect it from me before Mother Day. But, his reply is that he is buzy. O... ya... without me, he is enjoying his happy life. I almost forgot this and still thought he will be available anytime. So stupid.

Nevermind, since no one really care of the gift. I shall put it aside till someone is free to collect it.

Now, focus on work, shopping, coffee, movie, friends.... and save more moniesssssss

No choice, think that I will have to be alone till my old life, no body love me, no body care of me, no body bother me.... so, money will be my best friend...

Life in old folks house... at least got tons of old people accompany me. Just that I will die alone... with no one crying on my bed side.

Life never be what you wanted it to be... especially my life. I thought love will be enough, but when someone interfere, that's it. No turn. and that's it. Never been into this case, hard case. Nevermind, everything is settled. Everyone is happy beside me, so just let it be.

No one do not love their mom. I do, and everyone does. I'm the one who spoiled his relationship with his mom.. all my fault to appear into his life. I'm the bigger bitch in his life.

I do not understand this mama's love.

Wish you happy.......

Finally.... it's ended.

No matter how much I tolerate with that issue, still I'm very demanding and unreasonable. I'm the spoiler of his life. I'm not worth for his effort even though he typed, I LOVE YOU.

After 6 months and 7 days, everything ended.

I'm back to my single life again.

Maybe he will be more happy without me around, disturbing his happy family moments.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, demanding so much that he able to give.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, asking for what he think it's difficult for him to complete.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, pushing him to get what he should has.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, talking so much to bother him.
Maybe he will be more happy without me around, giving so much love that pressure him.

I accepted his decision, not because I do not love him. Since I making his life so difficult, I choose to leave even it's pain like hell.

I can't change anyone, and I don't expect anyone to change... my only choice is to change myself.

I know that you will be reading this, thanks for your time for the 6 months and 7 days. Thanks for help me moving my house, thanks for sending me home when I got no transport. I truly wish you happy. I hope you will have your happy life on the decision you made.

WISH YOU HAPPY!!!!!!

Sigh.......

万分的令人失望。我从未遇见如此怕母亲的男人。我只要求他来我家陪伴我一晚，我并没有要求他天天的陪伴我，然而我的要求只带给他麻烦，恐惧，烦恼。

答应晚上给予我答案，当我问他如何，他的答复是给他多一天的时间。无名火便侵我而来。我生气是因为他的胆小，无能！我特意在很多天之前问他，只为让他可以准备好去问他那仁慈的母亲。多么没用的家伙！！他说他非常担心，不知如何开口。什么嘛？？？？去女友家过夜有什么问题？？？？为什么如此无能？？？

他要我给他时间解决他母亲的问题，我给。我不过问。我等，我看会有什么变化。哈！！什么都没有。依然要十二点前回家。去旅行，会看到黑脸。去女友家晚了回家，也会看到黑脸在客厅中等你。什么东西嘛？？？？几岁人了？？还要被母亲如此管制？？？他已三十一岁了，干什么东西啊？？？

我看不到他会为他的自由争取些什么。我也看不到他会为这段感情作些什么。我看不到与他母亲相处，我会如何快乐。我看不到他如何如何的爱我。我看不到他的牺牲，努力。我看不到我们的未来。

我只看到他的懦弱，无能，胆小，吝啬，不会照顾女友，废话连天。。。


原来我也很悲，我爱上了一个如此差劲的男人。

Seasons of Love......

Love has season too.

When the right person at right time, everything will be perfect. Right person at wrong time will be terrible. However, love may faded too. Just like the lovely 4 seasons.... love has its own seasons too....

Spring- Love sparkling; everything seems so wonderful and lovely
Summer- Love on heat; I need you every single minute!!!
Autumn- Love stablising; Balancing between love and reality
Winter- Love cooling; Should we continue???

Of course, I don't think there has any couple that wanted to go to the stage of Winter. Relationship is just like our life too, lots of UPs & DOWNs... Happy & Unhappiness...

If you have someone who loving you so much, appreciate him/ her. The season won't always stay at the same stage... the love may faded away.. he/ she may not love you anymore. When it come to that stage, there has nothing you can do but let go and hide somewhere to heal your pain.

Grab the one you love before he/ she go into the Winter. Effort that we put in a relationship may drag the season last longer than it suppose to be. Ya, love need to be feed with your heart and your faith.

Feed your love and make them become more stronger. Not easy, but I will try my best.

From Office.....

Extremely bored.............

Feel so sleepy.......

I wanna go home......

FGSDZ Temple......

Went to FGSDZ Temple around Chinese New Year with my Honey. Realised we took lots of nice photos and just wanna share it abit... :)

My baby......

My thinking always run here and there when I'm too free.

That day, suddenly that I though of... WHAT IF I'M PREGNANT NOW???

It's good to have a baby now. Cause, I was thinking, since I'm so old, if I only get married after 35, I do not want to carry a baby lohhhh.... So old!!!! Let's say I deliver my baby when I'm 36....When my baby is 10 years old, I'm already 46 perhaps. Aiyo...when I'm 56...my baby will be only 20.... so young!!! Who will take care of my baby????

So lerrrr, I have this terrible thinking [for old folks]... If I'm so lucky that I have a baby now, I will bring my baby to this world even his/ her daddy doesn't want to marry me. I only want the baby. I will carry him till the day I deliver him/ her to this crucial world. Then I will bring him/ her up to be a wonderful and smart and clever and good manners kid, send him/ her to kindergarden, primary school, secondary school, college and university.

It's hard to bring up a kid by all alone. But, I think if I'm really that lucky to have a baby in me now, I would want to have him/ her by myself. Do not have a father???? Ya, his/ her father doesn't want him/ her, so what??? He/ She got a good mommy --> ME. Kakakakakaka....

Of course, if the PERSON wanted to get marry then will be the best ending lah... but Life is always out of expectation. Things will never go to your way, it will always come on reversal... So, If I'm carrying a baby now.. ABORTION will not be the solution for me. If my baby choose to leave me, then I have no choice but sad.

I wish, If I do have a baby, he/ she will stick with me till he/ she is able to be independent. Till the day his/ her WINGS are strong enough to fly away and feed him/ herself. Then, I will smile and wave wave to them... and... give them all my best wishes.

I only wish, my baby will come back once a while to visit this old woman in the old folk house.. never forget me.

:P Sound like I'm pregnant now. Hahahahhahaa....

Too bad that my tummy is full with FATS... not filled with a baby.

Sex with Friend......

Have you ever have sex with your friend??

I never have such experience. I wonder how it feel?

Friends, someone who standing beside you, support you when you are down, laughing on nonsense with you, lend their ears to you when you need to speak out, discuss your problems with you when you want to talk about it. Friends, who always be our mental support.. someone we cherish alots as our family members.

Having sex with friend... is same as having sex with our family members. Aaaawwww.... terrible.

But, I do have the experience that friends asked me to be his sex buddy. Ya, FRIENDS... not only one. I wonder what they see in me and made them to have this guts to asked me that question. Of course, they did not ask in a very direct way. I'm not LULU [not stupid], I can read between lines. I made myself very clear, and told them off.

Friend is friend, I never over stepped the line. Unless, both of you have mutual understanding that both of you will go into sex buddy relationship instead of friendship. I can't imagine, one day, I see my friend's penis, caressing him and let him to put his thing in me... WAHHH!!!!! scary.

Sex with friends, will only happen to me when I'm dreadfully desperate in sex or when I'm 100% drunk or I'm on estacy.

Imagine..... having sex with a friend, no chemistry, no sparks, no love.... only friend. I don't know how to face my friend after I have sex with him.... I feel too shame to have him as my friend anymore.

Friends, is for us to cherish, but not to have sex. Settle myself with a dildo/ vibrator will make me feel much better than have sex with a friend.

Step forward......

Do you find that's very easy or difficult to be in love?

To be fall in love ---> Closed your eyes, Open your heart. Feel it, Sense it and Grab it.

It's not easy for certain people to close their eyes and open their heart, because their are too afraid of something. Something that they do not want to tell, something that they do not want to know. Ya, running away from their hurts or maybe weaknesses. Instead of healing themself correctly, they choose to run away and hide.

No one can help you walk away from your hurts beside your ownself.

Walk away from what have stopped you for go further. Life is step forward, not backward. Our parents never teach us to step backward when we are at the stage to learn walking. They teach us to step forward... forward... and forward. So it goes the same for our life... go forward.

Do not step backward or stop. Of course, we may take a rest when we are tired... but not for long period. I've been resting... It's hard to start a new life, take a step to walk again... especially when you have to walk alone. Once you step out, everything will be easier.... Maybe, it's easier for me as I have tons of support from my lovely family [my mom and my sister]. They are the biggest support for me when I'm down.

In a relationship, you may rest for a while... but there has no step backward. How to reverse your feelings when you already in love? You may fast forward... even pause is impossible. :) Maybe I'm too idiot on reverse or pause my feelings.. for me, it's impossible.

I only know how to go forward and forward in a relationship. Going from stage to stage.. nothing is too fast for me when I'm in love. I'm just follow my heart, and that's why I'm very easy to be hurt... because I'm too easy to show others my heart. Some may use my weakness to get something they wanted from me. I'm not rich, so no one ever run away my money.... :P Mr. Peter always warn me to SHUT OFF my heart. But, it's a mission impossible for me as I'm too careless on taking good care of my heart from getting hurt.

Due to all the hurts, I became a sensitive person. I know my sensitivity bother my Honey quite alots. I know it's unfair to him that I always being so alert on some nonsense. I'm working hard on not to be so sensitive or jealous. I'm trying hard.

Step forward together with me. I only want to be with you. I want no others but you. I might be nag alots, manja alots, bising alots... but, believe me that I love you only.

I do not care about the level, as long as you love me.

Love Making......

Making love with someone we love will always be the best sex we ever have, because the sex is not only sex but also love expression. For me, sex with love is always much better than the sex without love. For example, one night stand. Yes, we can feel released, lust released after the one night stand but we still feel lonely deep inside us.

The feeling of making love with the one we love is totally different. We won't feel lonely after the love making but we will feel so well, feel so satisfied, feel so happy, feel so great.

Love is just amazing. Love able to filled up your loneliness, love able to make everything looks beautiful... love able to adjust your mood without your knowledge. Love able to bring you wonderful, amazing sex.

No wonder people said that Love brings miracle.

Finally....

Finally, I ended my service with Company S. Today is my last day with this company, but I still have to work until 930pm. Where got ppl work till so late on their last day with the company? I truthfully feel that, my decision for leaving this company is the best decision that I ever make in my life.

However, I did have my good time within the period I served in this company. At least, I knew a bunch of nice and funny people that really cheer up my boring working life. They are great and wonderful person.. What made me feel sad is leaving them even though most of them already left the company. I wondering who will be the next to leave....argh..I'm so bad.

Ya, I got another good offer and I can take a breath for 2 weeks, flying freely as a bird. Actually, I do not think I will have time to enjoy my free time as I will be so bz on my house moving planning and also wanted to catch up my yoga class. Missed out so many classes that I suppose to attend due to my work loads. For example, I suppose to go for HOT YOGA [which I like most] tonight, but just because of something that SOMEONE able to handle [but she reluctant to help] and I have to stay until everything is done and she is happy with it.

Phewww... I can really take a breath, at least for now. Relax myself, enjoy myself for the 2 weeks without stress. My new job will be quite challenging as well... No one will pay you high salary without any hardwork from you.

I miss my colleagues already. They got me a card... they wrote something inside... Very touching. I will miss you all tooo.... Thanks for all the companion on lunch time, thanks for the laughter, thanks for listening when I'm so unhappy... Thanks for everything. Knowing you all is the best thing that happened to me in Company S.

My career will go into another stage. More towards decision making.. more independent. Stepping into a new environment always make us feel nervous. Take a deep breath, take a step.. and start. I'm sure I can handle it well....

I love you all... Thanks for everything

Money......

How we value money?

I do not have a way to measure money. I only know that with money, I can give my mom better, worry-less life and myself a good life.

Maybe I do over value the money at this point. I'm selfish and I do think that I need that money.

She angry on me because I do not accept the offer and I wanted more money. Ya, I'm a very selfish person. I am selfish, as I want a better life for myself and my mom. Our life is getting better and I want more.

My fault to choose the higher pay and let her down.

Sorry is meaningless if you already did something that hurt someone's feelings. I know SORRY won't make her feel happy unless I give up the higher pay offer and work with her. But, money meant alots to me. I need it.. and I want it.

I need it badly... and I wanna grab it since I have the chance.

I do feel bad and guilty to the company. I do......

Decision......

I'm now in the stage of making the hardest decision that I ever have in my life.. I'm not getting marry lah! No one proposed to me yet.. and I don't think there has any will do that to me now... Hahahaha... Can't see any potential guy will propose to me, but it will be a very lovely thing if there has anyone that come and propose to me.

Ops.. back to the decision making...

Im leaving my current company soon, actually I already accepted a job offer from the same industry. There shouldn't have any problem at all, and I'm well preparing myself to join the new company. Suddenly, my ex boss called me up and offer me a high pay, less job, no hassle, relax job. Wow.. tempting. Been working with this ex boss of mine for 2 years, we can work well together, why she became my EX BOSS? It's because the company we been worked for...winding up..hahahaha...ya.. BANKRUPT...'JAP LAP' [In cantonese]!!! So, that's how we become EX... :)

The pay she offered me is 100% tempting because I don't know how many years I have to spend at that company, then only I will have that pay. So, now my decision is going no where.. I have talk to the Accountant and she seems like no interest on the person I'm introducing to her even the person is kinda suit to the post she offered me. I do understand that I already signed the letter and I have to keep my promise. I'm a person that very hold to my own promises and that's why I'm so into this difficult situation.

For my ex boss side.. she really wish that I can assist her by taking this wonderful offer of her. It's really wonderful. Irresistable offer. And, what is the best thing is, she knows my background so well and understand my situation. She is a very understanding lady and working with her is a pleasure.

But, I feel god damn guilty if I just walk over like that. My Honey suggestion is, go and work at the company but inform them that you will resign on the 1st day of working and leave the company in one month time. I feel that's not really nice to do it that way but that's the only way. I think I will just do what my Honey suggested me as it's at least.. logic and da best way.

I do feel bad on this. I do not look for other job after I got that job offer, my ex boss doesn't even know that I actually resigned from my company. This is just coincidence. I got 2 good job at once and I have to squeeze my mind to terribly and think on it. Decision making is not easy, have to considere both sides.. and have to take care of their feelings.

Money is a big issue for me as I have so many commitments. And the money my ex boss offer is taking consideration on my situation. See.. how could I reject her with such a good intention?? Sighh.... I feel so pressure as both sides also keep calling me and waiting for my answer only. I feel damn damn damn damn guilty to that company.

Be frank, my heart already fly to the HIGHER PAY job... but my ethic telling me that I can't just walk off like that. So, what should I do???? I signed the letter at the 1st place, I'm well preparing myself to join them... I'm looking forward to work with the team... suddenly.. there come a god damn tempting offer.. how to choose? which one should I go for?

Job A- International Company, Friendly working environment, Friendly and kind and nice Department Head, Got some friends in the company, offered pay is normal, 13th month salary, yearly salary review....

Job B- Local Company, dealing with Government business, Very friendly and caring Head, Much higher salary, relax working environment, not much job, have to assist on some P.A work, No hassle work, Don't know got 13th mths or not...

My Opinion....
JobA- for career exposure
JobB- for money

I need money desperately.. but I wan career exposure. This is why.. I'm so shaking.

I need to give them an answer tomorrow.

My best solution- Offer them that I will work with them for a month.. and I will go to my Ex Boss's company.

Sigh... I know.. I know someone will definately angry on me.
I'm sorry, but I need to survive and have a better life.. with better pay.

Only money can guarantee me on this now.

No Longer......

I used to put all the photos everywhere, anywhere that I able to slot them in. :P So, now..... I'm moving to my new house soon, I decided to sort them out and bought 4 big albums with 300 pockets each. Such a large volume for photos... and they able to feed the albums fully.. with many extra that I will put them in a box. Scary!!!!! :)

By sorting out all the photos, reminded me my childhood, my dad...my school friends, my college friends, my colleagues... all the good and bad time we spend together. And, when come to photos, I can never missed out the photos with my ex. I look through all of our photos... and suprisingly.. I feel nothing. No longer I feel heartache..upset.. disappointment.. missing. This is a very good thing to know. I no longer have any feeling towards him.

However, when my mom saw his photos in the album.. she asked me, "why still put his photos in the album?" I asked, "what's the problem?" She said, "He shouldn't be seen anymore." I said,"why not? I don't see any problem of that." Then she said nothing and walk out from my room.

I know that my mom do not want me to have any hard feelings when I saw his photos. Maybe she doesn't know that My Honey already cure me from this. I no longer have any feelings on him, I don't even mind to talk about him infront of anyone.

The feelings of released is so great. I never know that I'm cure until I saw his photos. I throw away all the cards he gave me, the watch that he bought me.... the diamond ring.. still here. Hahahhaa... Diamond lah. I never wear the diamond ring or the ring i bought from Scotland anymore since we broke off. They are still with me.. in the drawer.. rotting.

The rings that I bought from Scotland is most memorable as they are a pair and they came from Scotland. The diamond ring is my birthday gift on our second year. The memories still fresh as yesterday, but things changed, feelings changed, we changed. After all, we still had some good memories, and that's why I decided to let his face show in my albums.

I should say THANKS to him for bringing me the wonderful 4 years. Thanks him for being so kind to me for 4 years. Thanks him for his companion for 4 years. Thanks him for his care, his love, his companion.

I used to hate him alots.. curse him alots. Now, I'm released. I no longer have any feelings to him... But the phobia still in me.

Now, I shall slowly walking away from my phobia... which is so unfair to my Honey.

I love my Honey. I do.

Headache......

This LOVELY job really bring me headache always.

I'm still in the office, staring at the monitor, staring at the worksheet..do nothing.. Not that I'm sneaking.. but I have no idea on how to tally the figure. No clue at all. This job is too challenging for me. Maybe I'm too stupid to handle this job. Totally out of the mood for work now, my heart already fly to nasi lemak, movies, shopping... :P

Argh... I know that I'm lame. I should be concentrate on my work as now is CLOSING PERIOD!!! But, it's very difficult for me to do it now as I'm having a headache and I also have no mood to work now!!! I'm lazy I know.... Kakakakaka.....

My headache getting serious now. And I got this headache more often than ever. I hate headache.. headache made me wanna walk out from this office and buy myself a cup of coffee....ICE BLENDED MOCHA!! :) yumm..yumm...

I must leave this HELL in half an hour time... I wanna go shopping!!! I wanna eat McD's french fries!!! I wanna go bookshop!!! I wanna walk out from this HELL......

I'm too stress... think so... I think so....


**someone, pampered me pleasee.......